A few days ago, GP wrote of the 4th step and resements. One of the most powerful stories I have heard/read regarding resentments comes from a dear friend who has given me carte blance permission to share anything she has posted.
Over the past few days, I've read a lot here that brings me to think this topic is most apt. Below is the story my friend shared. She is now a recovered alcoholic.
In Pills Anonymous we have no formal text...YET...and rely heavily on the words written in the big book of AA and basic text of NA. We suggest that when reading the big book or attending open AA meetings, you think of pills when you hear/read alcohol and addiction where alcoholism is referenced.
I hope this story helps just one person as much as it has helped me and would love to hear other's experience, strength, and hope where the topic of resentment is concerned.
Namaste'
Sammy
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"K's" story
...as we forgive those who trespass against us.
MUCH easier said than done.
That's why we ask God to help us do it -- because we don't have it within ourselves to do something as spiritually mature like forgive someone who has harmed us.
And alcoholics don't have a corner on the "I can't forgive that person" market, either! Most human beings, when injured, are not able to readily forgive.
Whole sermons are preached on the subject. Whole books are written about how to forgive, when to forgive, why to forgive, and even IF to forgive.
Our concern with regard this topic, as it relates to recovery from
alcoholism, is RESENTMENTS -- the "number one offender." It's a big fat warning that most of us have underlined and highlighted with several different colors in our big books. But it remains a dangerous character defect that few of us ever fully conquer. "It destroys more alcoholics than anything else," our books tell us. "From it stem all forms of spiritual disease... ".
Yes, we hurt DEEPLY by what someone else has done to us. You bet we
do! But then WE HURT OURSELVES EVEN MORE by giving space in our
heads and in our hearts to a resentment. That space, by the way,
rightfully belongs to God, so when a resentment is harbored, God is
being shoved away.
Shortly after my beautiful baby daughter was born, a woman -- someone I trusted and knew -- took her away from me. I was never able to get
my baby back. I didn't get to raise her. I didn't get to change her
diapers, or go to her birthday parties, or spend Christmases with
her. I didn't get to go to her high school graduation, her baptism,
her school play performances, or her piano recitals. I didn't get to
wait up for her while she went out on her first date. And at her
wedding, I sat in the very back of the church, incognito, with all
the other invited guests, as that woman stood as The Parent of the
Bride.
I hated that woman. I drank over that hatred for 18 solid years.
That woman didn't destroy me. But my resentment against her did.
When I stopped drinking, the pain came crashing in all around me like
an avalanche. The injustice, and deceit... the guilt, the
regret... and I had nothing to drown any of it with. All I could do
was FEEL and HURT.
I had to deal with the resentment, because just like the book warned,
it was going to destroy me for good. What that woman did to me 18
years earlier wasn't the point any more -- the point now was what the
resentment was doing to me.
I had talked about this painful situation with friends, relatives,
and acquaintenances over the years. I had been in and out of
therapy. I had even written letters to this woman and called her on
the phone, baring my soul to her, pouring out my futile anger and
hatred as a means of "getting it all out." But the resentment
lingered. Nothing I did seemed to diminish or resolve it.
Then my first sponsor gave me the secret to BEGINNING the process of
handling our resentments once and for all. And mind you, this is
just the BEGINNING. There was so much more work to do, but this is
where we started:
Together, we prayed. "God, I don't have to tell you what this woman
has done to me, because you already know. I don't have to tell you
how much I hate her, because you already know that, too. But because
I want to be rid of my resentment towards her, I am asking for your
will to be done in her life."
With hope and encouragement,
"K"
D, always the voice of postive thinking and reason......
I love you, have a very happy Mother's Day.
Sammy,
thank you..................... There are so many gifts awaiting us when we are sober.and released from bondage of "self".
Happy Mother's Day, Ladies.
-Gentlepeace
thank you..................... There are so many gifts awaiting us when we are sober.and released from bondage of "self".
Happy Mother's Day, Ladies.
-Gentlepeace
Thanks for sharing Sammy...
I am one to hang onto a resentment long after everything was said & done...One of my sponsor's has made it simple for me, she told me, "pray for them, change me"...
Today, when I feel the resentment starting up, I start praying and I was told early on, that if I pray for the person every night for two weeks and pray that they get everything I want in life, that the miracle will happen and the resentment will be removed....
Prayer works...it helps keep me clean & sober on a daily basis....
xoxo
Stacey
I am one to hang onto a resentment long after everything was said & done...One of my sponsor's has made it simple for me, she told me, "pray for them, change me"...
Today, when I feel the resentment starting up, I start praying and I was told early on, that if I pray for the person every night for two weeks and pray that they get everything I want in life, that the miracle will happen and the resentment will be removed....
Prayer works...it helps keep me clean & sober on a daily basis....
xoxo
Stacey
Wise words from your sponsor Stacey. It's none of our business what others think and hanging on to resentments only hurts us, not them. Powerful lesson for me today.