Lord knows that the cycle of addiction is exhausting. It is understandable that after all of the lies, betrayal, and pain that come with addiction that we, as loved ones, would have a difficult time forgiving. It can seem unjustifiable. After everything the addict has subjected us to, why should they be forgiven?
Because . . . as I am learning . . . it is a vital step for my . . . and YOUR recovery. We know that the addict must learn to forgive him/herself in order to heal. But here's the news . . we must learn to forgive the addict in order to move past the fear, anger, and resentment that can keep us stuck. Is it easy? No . . . I struggle with this daily.
I found this helpful as I try to forgive . . . and heal . . . and move forward. Hope ya'll find this helpful, too . . . It is written by Maureen Fitzpatrick.
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My Dear Child,
I forgive you.
There is something you need to know that perhaps I havent said. I forgive you; and you need to forgive yourself.
In the beginning, I think we both felt the incredible weight of this disease, and the more angry and frustrated I got, the sicker you became. It took me a long time to understand the truth of why this was happening. I thought perhaps my yelling and screaming and fighting would cure you. I was battling for your life. I knew no other way.Even my sobbing couldnt move you. Please, know that whatever I did, I did because I thought it might help.
Child, I did blame you at first. I did believe the hype that addiction is a choice, until I was educated and saw the videos and the articles on how the brain is hijacked and taken over by the drug. And even then, I still blamed you. I wondered why you chose to try the drug in the first place? Why you stole and rampaged? Why you hurt everyone in your path? I didnt want to accept that you- my intelligent, sports-minded, creative child- could be an addict. I didnt want to hear the truth of the disease. I needed a scapegoat, and you, my child, were it. Did you make mistakes? Yesas has every other human being on earth. I forgive your mistakes. None of us are sinless.
I need you to understand that I KNOW you struggled with self esteem issues as a teen. I know that in order to cope you hung with the wrong friends, the ones who made you feel like you were a part of something. Then one small choice to use ended your childhood and started my hell. I was furious, beside myself! Why would you do such a thing? I thought I had raised you not to abuse drugs. I not only cursed you, but I blamed myself.
You must heal now too. And most of all you must hear my other necessary words. Listen closely. I AM SORRY.
I am sorry for my anger and my tears and my words that would sometimes spear you. I am sorry I was nave to this disease and to what you were truly going through. I thought you wanted to be an addict; you acted that way. Again, that was the disease talking. I know now that you hated your addicted life and still feel imprisoned by its hold. I am sorry most of all for the terrible pain you are still in and that you are being strangled by the hands of drugs.
Please, go look in the mirror and let the weight of guilt and shame lift up. Release it to the clouds; give it to God, or the wind, or a summer zephyr. Forgive yourself. I have, a long time ago; I just never said it. I want you to heal. I want you to free yourself of the blame and the remorse. One less burden will allow you to focus on the weight of the addiction and removing it. One less burden will allow you a chance to recover; for I only began to heal when I also forgave myself.
I forgive you. I am sorry. I love you. Go now and conquer. You can do it. You deserve it.
Love,
Mom
After I stop the tears from reading this and the huge lump in my throat. It's like you are in my mind and soul. It's what I felt about my addict son and still do.
Just recently I had a little' discussion' with his g/f who is also his sponsor.
He was going to a gambling place for fun where there is alcohol as you all know they go hand and hand. Drugs/gambling and alcohol. So I voiced my concerns why is he going there. Of course I got a big ear full for making her think the worse and to trust them. Trust in god. So after her snapping at me , I decided right then and there it's all in your court. Don't text me with good news or bad because all your doing is hurting me with your words. My son doesn't contact me, it's all through the g/f. It's like a no fly zone between us. He knows I love him and very concerned about his recovery, but he doesn't want me to give him the 20 questions like I did before.
After I got really annoyed with the snippy comments about his recovery. I said ok I won't asked the questions and you don't give me responses. I see them on FB it's good enough. He is alive , working, 4 months sober. Place to live and seeking help, can't asked for more. He is trying and that is the first ever.
Thank you for a reminder it's my time to forgive him and myself, because of a disease.
I often wonder if he had say' cancer or another disease would I still of blame myself?
Life is strange and we are only given one chance at it, we need to make the best of it because at any given time it could be over for any of us. I love you girl xxxxxx
Just recently I had a little' discussion' with his g/f who is also his sponsor.
He was going to a gambling place for fun where there is alcohol as you all know they go hand and hand. Drugs/gambling and alcohol. So I voiced my concerns why is he going there. Of course I got a big ear full for making her think the worse and to trust them. Trust in god. So after her snapping at me , I decided right then and there it's all in your court. Don't text me with good news or bad because all your doing is hurting me with your words. My son doesn't contact me, it's all through the g/f. It's like a no fly zone between us. He knows I love him and very concerned about his recovery, but he doesn't want me to give him the 20 questions like I did before.
After I got really annoyed with the snippy comments about his recovery. I said ok I won't asked the questions and you don't give me responses. I see them on FB it's good enough. He is alive , working, 4 months sober. Place to live and seeking help, can't asked for more. He is trying and that is the first ever.
Thank you for a reminder it's my time to forgive him and myself, because of a disease.
I often wonder if he had say' cancer or another disease would I still of blame myself?
Life is strange and we are only given one chance at it, we need to make the best of it because at any given time it could be over for any of us. I love you girl xxxxxx
