Forgiveness Prayer
(The following prayer covers most significant areas of forgiveness and will bring to mind others. Let the Holy Spirit move freely and guide your mind to persons or groups you need to forgive.)
LORD JESUS CHRIST, I ask today to forgive everyone in my life. I know that You will give me the strength to forgive and I thank You that You love me more than I love myself and want my happiness more than I desire it for myself.
Father, I forgive You for the times death has come into my family, hard times, financial difficulties, or what I thought were punishments sent by You and people said "It's God's will," and I became bitter and resentful towards You. Purify my heart and mind today.
Lord, I forgive MYSELF for my sins, faults and failings, and for all that is bad in myself or that I think is bad. For any delvings in superstition, using ouija boards, horoscopes, going to seances, using fortune telling or wearing lucky charms, I reject all that superstition and choose You alone as my Lord and Savior. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit.
I further forgive myself for taking Your name in vain, not worshipping You by attending church, for hurting my parents, getting drunk, fornication, adultery, homosexuality. You have forgiven me; today I forgive myself. Also, for abortion, stealing, lying, defrauding, hurting peoples' reputation, I forgive myself.
I truly forgive my MOTHER. I forgive her for all the times she hurt me, she resented me, she was angry with me and for all the times she punished me. I forgive her for the times she preferred my brothers and sisters to me. I forgive her for the times she told me I was dumb, ugly, stupid, the worst of the children or that I cost the family a lot of money. For the times she told me I was unwanted, an accident, a mistake or not what she expected, I forgive her.
I forgive my FATHER. I forgive him for any non-support, any lack of love, affection, or attention. I forgive him for any lack of time, for not giving me his companionship, for his drinking, arguing and fighting with my mother or the other children. For his severe punishments, for desertion, for being away from home, for divorcing my mother or for any running around, I do forgive him.
Lord, I extend forgiveness to my SISTERS AND BROTHERS. I forgive those who rejected me, lied about me, hated me, resented me, competed for my parents' love, those who hurt me, who physically harmed me. For those who were too severe on me, punished me or made my life unpleasant in any way, I do forgive them.
Lord, I forgive my SPOUSE for lack of love, affection, consideration, support, attention, communication; for faults, failings, weaknesses and those other acts or words that hurt or disturb me.
Jesus, I forgive my CHILDREN for their lack of respect, obedience, love, attention, support, warmth, understanding; for their bad habits, falling away from the church, any bad actions which disturb me.
My God, I forgive my IN-LAWS, my mother-in-law, father-in-law, son/daughter-in-law and other relatives by marriage, who treat my family with a lack of love. For all their words, thoughts, actions or omissions which injure and cause pain, I forgive them.
Please help me to forgive my RELATIVES, my grandmother and grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins who may have interfered in our family, been possessive of my parents, who may have caused confusion or turned one parent against another.
Jesus, help me to forgive my CO-WORKERS who are disagreeable or make life miserable for me. For those who push their work off on me, gossip about me, won't cooperate with me, try to take my job, I do forgive them.
My NEIGHBORS need to be forgiven, Lord. For all their noise, letting their property run down, not tying up their dogs, who run through my yard, not taking in their trash barrels, being prejudiced and running down the neighborhood, I do forgive them.
I now forgive all priests, ministers, nuns, my parish, parish organizations, my pastor, bishop, the Pope, and the church for their lack of support, affirmation, bad sermons, pettiness, lack of friendliness, not providing my family with the inspiration we needed, for any hurts they have inflicted on me or my family, even in the distant past, I forgive them today.
Lord, I forgive all those who are of different PERSUASIONS, those of opposite political views who have attacked me, ridiculed me, discriminated against me, made fun of me, economically hurt me.
I forgive those of different religious DENOMINATIONS who have tried to convert me, harassed me, attacked me, argued with me, forced their views on me.
Those who have harmed me ETHNICALLY, have discriminated against me, mocked me, made jokes about my race or nationality, hurt my family physically, emotionally or economically, I do forgive them today.
Lord, I forgive all PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE who have hurt me in any way: doctors, nurses, lawyers, judges, politicians and civil servants. I forgive all service people: policemen, firemen, bus drivers, hospital workers and especially repairmen who have taken advantage of me in their work.
Lord, I forgive my EMPLOYER for not paying me enough money, for not appreciating my work, for being unkind and unreasonable with me, for being angry and unfriendly, for not promoting me, and for not complimenting me on my work.
Lord, I forgive my SCHOOLTEACHERS AND INSTRUCTORS of the past as well as the present. For those who punished me, humiliated me, insulted me, treated me unjustly, made fun of me, called my dumb or stupid, made me stay after school, I truly forgive them.
Lord, I forgive my FRIENDS who have let me down, lost contact with me, do not support me, were not available when I needed help, borrowed money and did not return it, gossiped about me.
Lord Jesus, I especially pray for the grace of forgiveness for that ONE PERSON in life who has HURT ME THE MOST. I ask to forgive anyone who I consider my greatest enemy, the one who is the hardest to forgive, the one I said I will never forgive.
Lord, I beg pardon of all these people for the hurt I have inflicted on them, especially my mother and father, and my marriage partner. I am especially sorry for the three greatest hurts I have inflicted on them.
Thank you, Jesus, that I am being freed of the evil of unforgiveness. Let your Holy Spirit fill me with light and let every dark area of my mind be enlightened.
AMEN.
REMEMBER...
Forgiveness is an act of the will, not a feeling. If we pray for a person, we can be assured that we have forgiven that person.
To help accept an individual and open ourselves to a particular person more, visualize him with the Lord Jesus and say to the Lord, "I love him because You love him."
FORGIVENESS IS A LIFE-LONG DAILY OBLIGATION.
Daily we need to forgive those who hurt or injure us.
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." (John 15:12)
Are Resentments Justified?
by Dr Wayne W. Dyer
You hear people say this all the time: "I have a right to be upset because of the way I've been treated. I have a right to be angry, hurt, depressed, sad, and resentful." Learning to avoid this kind of thinking is one of my top ten secrets for living a life of inner peace, success, and happiness. Anytime you're filled with resentment, you're turning the controls of your emotional life over to others to manipulate.
I became aware of how powerful this lesson was many years ago while sitting in on a meeting of 12 people who were in a recovery group for alcoholism and drug addiction. All 12 of those people were accustomed to blaming others for their weaknesses, using almost any excuse as a rationale for returning to their self-defeating ways. On a poster hanging in the room were these words: "In this group, there are no justified resentments."
Regardless of what anyone would say to another group member, no matter how confrontational or ugly the accusations, each person was reminded that there are no justified resentments. You may need to consider whom you resent before you can make your own choice about whether this is useful for you. Resentments give you an excuse to return to your old ways. This is what got you there in the first place!
Why Resentments Are There
You may be familiar with a popular television show called Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? If the contestant answers 15 multiple-choice questions, he or she wins a million dollars. Starting with a $100 question, the person in the "hot seat" answers five questions until reaching the $1,000 level. At this point, the person is guaranteed to leave with something. Then the questions increase in difficulty. If the contestant reaches $32,000, again, there is a guarantee of leaving with that amount. So, there are two crucial levels to attain: the $1,000 level, which is achieved by answering five relatively simple questions; and the $32,000 level, which involves five increasingly difficult questions.
I've just related details about this TV program to present the idea of the two levels that you must achieve in order to have a chance at the highest "million-dollar" level of awareness. The $1,000 level is one in which you learn to leave blame behind in your life. If you don't do so, you go home with nothing
Removing blame means never assigning responsibility to anyone for what you're experiencing. Why do this: If you take responsibility for having it, then at least you have a chance to also take responsibility for removing it or learning from it. If you're in some small (perhaps unknown) way responsible for that migraine headache or that depressed feeling, then you can go to work to remove it or discover what its message is for you.
If, on the other hand, someone or something else is responsible in your mind, then of course you'll have to wait until they change for you to get better. And that is unlikely to occur. So, at the $1,000 level, blame has to go. Otherwise you go home with nothing and are unable to participate at the higher levels.
You must be willing to pass a new test at the second critical level, the $32,000 question, which is the final obstacle you must face in order to move into the more exalted realm of self-actualization and higher consciousness, the million-dollar spiritual level. At this level, you must be willing to send the higher, faster energies of love, peace, joy, forgiveness, and kindness as your response to whatever comes your way. This is the start of the uncrowded extra mile where you have only love to give away.
Someone says something to you that you find offensive, and rather than opting for resentment, you are able to depersonalize what you've just heard and respond with kindness. You would rather be kind than right. You have no need to make others wrong or to retaliate when you've been wronged. You do this for yourself.
There is a Chinese proverb, "If you're going to pursue revenge, you'd better dig two graves." Your resentments will destroy you. They are low energies. And along the extra mile, you'll only meet others who have fully grasped this concept. The ones who haven't made it to this level are all back with the crowd who went out of the game long ago on an easier question, and most are still back there wondering why they keep going home with nothing! But I can assure you that they continue to blame others for their emptiness.
First, you have to get past blame. Then you have to learn to send love to all, rather than anger and resentment. The story is told of the enlightened master who always responded to outbursts of criticism, judgment, and ridicule with love, kindness, and peace. One of his devotees asked him how he could possibly be so kind and peaceful in the face of such disparaging invective. His response to the devotee was this question: "If someone offers you a gift, and you do not accept that gift, to whom does the gift belong?" The answer leads you to the extra mile. Ask yourself "Why would I allow something that belongs to someone else to be a source of my resentment?" As the title of a popular book says, "What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business."
Stop Looking for Occasions to Be Offended
When you live at or below ordinary levels of awareness, you spend a great deal of time and energy finding opportunities to be offended. A news report, an economic downturn, a rude stranger, a fashion miscue, someone cursing, a sneeze, a black cloud, any cloud, an absence of clouds -- just about anything will do if you're looking for an occasion to be offended. Along the extra mile, you'll never find anyone engaging in such absurdities. Become a person who refuses to be offended by any one, any thing, or any set of circumstances. If something takes place and you disapprove, by all means state what you feel from your heart; and if possible, work to eliminate it and then let it go.
Most people operate from the ego and really need to be right. So, When you encounter someone saying things that you find inappropriate, or when you know they're wrong, wrong, wrong, forget your need to be right and instead say, "You're right about that!" Those swords will end potential conflict and free you from being offended. Your desire is to be peaceful -- not to be right, hurt, angry, or resentful. If you have enough faith in your own beliefs, you'll find that it's impossible to be offended by the beliefs and conduct of others.
Not being offended is a way of saying, "I have control over how I'm going to feel, and I choose to feel peaceful regardless of what I observe going on." When you feel offended, you're practicing judgment. You judge someone else to be stupid, insensitive, rude, arrogant, inconsiderate, or foolish, and then you find yourself upset and offended by their conduct. What you may not realize is that when you judge another person, you do not define them. You define yourself as someone who needs to judge others.
Just as no one can define you with their judgments, neither do you have the privilege of defining others. When you stop judging and simply become an observer, you will know the inner peace I'm writing about here. With that sense of inner peace, you'll find yourself free of the negative energy of resentment, and you'll be able to live a life of contentment. A bonus is that you'll find that others are much more attracted to you. A peaceful person attracts peaceful energy.
Not being offended will mean eliminating all variations of the following sentence from your repertoire of available thoughts: "If only you were more like me, then I wouldn't have to be upset right now." You are the way you are, and so are those around you. Most likely they will never be just like you. So stop expecting those who are different to be what you think they should be. It's never going to happen.
It's your ego that demands that the world and all the people in it be as you think they should be. Your higher sacred self refuses to be anything but peaceful, and sees the world as it is, not as your ego would like it to be. When you respond with hatred to hate directed at you, you've become part of the problem, which is hatred, rather than part of the solution, which is love. Love is without resentment and readily offers forgiveness. Love and forgiveness will inspire you to work at what you are for, rather than what you are against. If you're against violence and hatred, you'll fight it with your own brand of violence and hatred. If you're for love and peace, you'll bring those energies to the presence of violence, and ultimately dissolve the hatred.
When Mother Teresa was asked to march against the war in Vietnam, she replied, "No, I won't but when you have a march for peace, I'll be there."
(continued on next post)
Take what you need and leave the rest.
Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes
Are Resentments Justified ?
(continued)
A Final Word about Forgiveness and Resentment
At the root of virtually all spiritual practices is the notion of forgiveness. This was what came out of Jesus of Nazareth while he was being tortured on a cross by a Roman soldier throwing a spear into his side. It is perhaps the most healing thing that you can do to remove the low energies of resentment and revenge from your life completely.
Think about every single person who has ever harmed you, cheated you, defrauded you, or said unkind things about you. Your experience of them is nothing more than a thought that you carry around with you. These thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred represent slow, debilitating energies that will disempower you. If you could release them, you would know more peace.
You practice forgiveness for two reasons. One is to let others know that you no longer wish to be in a state of hostility with that person; and two, to free yourself from the self-defeating energy of resentment. Resentment is like venom that continues to pour through your system, doing its poisonous damage long after being bitten by the snake. It's not the bite that kills you; it's the venom. You can remove venom by making a decision to let go of resentments. Send love in some form to those you feel have wronged you and notice how much better you feel, how much more peace you have. It was one act of profound forgiveness toward my own father, whom I never saw or talked to, that turned my life around from one of ordinary awareness, to one of higher consciousness, achievement, and success beyond anything I had ever dared to imagine.
Indeed, there are no justified resentments if you wish to walk along the extra mile and enjoy inner peace and success on every step of the path.
This article is excerpted from 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace, 2001, by Wayne W. Dyer. Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Hay House Inc. www.hayhouse.com
http://www.innerself.com/Behavior_M...n/dyer03273.htm
Take what you need and leave the rest.
Nothing changes if Nothing Changes
thank you to the two bob's for bringing this topic to the board. this is one of my favorite discussions! with resentments being the number one offender for this addict, i have sought ways of why i need to forgive and how do i forgive. of course we have the steps to deal with our resentments; however, i found that i needed a little a more help because to be quite frank with you, there were some resentments that have been extremely difficult for me to let go of. i would think i had forgiven only to find my resentments festering some months later. yikes! i didn't understand that or the process of forgiveness.
below i am posting some thoughts by a chap named larry james, adapted from the book, "how to really love the one you're with." i happened upon his website a few years ago in my pursuit to learn more about forgiveness. i thought i would share this you and hope it helps you as much as i have received from his writings on forgiveness.
let's open this topic up and hear what others have to share about resentments and forgiveness.
much love to all.
namaste'
sammy
____________________________
Forgiveness. . . What's it for?
LoveNote If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Forgiveness works! It is often difficult, AND it works!
We often think of forgiveness as something that someone who has done us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way of looking at something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. To not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die!
Someone once said, "To err is human, to forgive is Divine." Believe it!
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: "Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter?" If the answer is "No," then that's it! All is forgiven.
Forgiveness is an act of the imagination. It dares you to imagine a better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you can survive the pain and grow from it. Telling someone is a bonus! It is not necessary for forgiveness to begin the process that heals the hurt.
Choice is always present in forgiveness. You do not have to forgive AND there are consequences. Refusing to forgive by holding on to the anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal can make your own life miserable. A vindictive mind-set creates bitterness and lets the betrayer claim one more victim.
There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven. Nothing!
Some will argue that in the case of child abuse, the Holocaust, Saddam Hussain, etc, the abuser has no "right" to forgiveness -- such blessings can only be earned -- that forgiveness only leads to further victimization. Such acts are heinous and dispicable and with time (and in many cases, therapy) they can be forgiven. Every day you may have to forgive again. I believe that to withhold forgiveness is to choose to continue to remain the victim. Remember, you always have choice.
When you forgive you do it for you, not for the other. The person you have never forgiven. . . owns you! How about an affair? Just because you choose to forgive, does not mean you have to stay in the relationship. That is only and always your choice. The choice to forgive is only and always yours.
When you feel that forgiveness is necessary, do not forgive for your "their" sake. Do it for yourself! It would be great if they would come to you and ask forgiveness but you must accept the fact that some people will never do that. That is their choice. They do not NEED to be forgiven. They did what they did and that is it - except for the consequences, which THEY must live with.
The hurts won't heal until you forgive! Recovery from wrongdoing that produces genuine forgiveness takes time. For some, it may take years. Don't rush it. It helps to focus your energy on the healing, not the hurt!
HEALTHY love relationships are not possible without forgiveness! You cannot have a loving and rewarding relationship with anyone else, much less yourself, if you continue to hold on to things that happened in the past. Regardless of the situation, making peace with past love partners, your parents, children, your boss or anyone who you think may have "done you wrong" is the only way to improve your chances of a "healthy" relationship with yourself or anyone else for that matter!
It is not possible to truly be present and available to a new relationship until you heal the hurt and upsets of the past. Forgiving someone else is to agree within yourself to overlook the wrong they have committed against you and to move on with your life. It's the only way. It means cutting them some slack.
"What?" you say! "Cut them some slack after what THEY did to me? Never!"
Let go! Move on!
Non-forgiveness keeps you in the struggle. Being willing to forgive can bring a sense of peace and well-being. It lifts anxiety and delivers you from depression. It can enhance your self-esteem and give you hope.
LoveNote. . . The things that two people in love do to each other they remember. And if they stay together, it is not because they forget, it is because they forgive. - From the movie, Indecent Proposal
Forgive and forget is a myth. You may never forget AND you can choose to forgive. As life goes on and you remember, then is the time to once again remember that you have already forgiven. Mentally forgive again if necessary, then move forward. When we allow it, time can dull the vividness of the memory of the hurt; the memory will fade.
Forgiveness is a creative act that changes us from prisoners of the past to liberated people at peace with our memories. It is not forgetfulness, but it involves accepting the promise that the future can be more than dwelling on memories of past injury.
There is no future in the past. You can never live in the present and create a new and exciting future for yourself and your love partner if you always stay stuck in the past.
If you are at war with others you cannot be at peace with yourself. You CAN let go. . . and forgive! It takes no strength to let go. . . only courage. Life either expands or contracts in direct proportion to your courage to forgive. Your choice to forgive or not to forgive either moves you closer to what you desire or further away from it. There is no middle ground. Change is constant.
Want peace of mind? Forgive. The same energy you use to hold on (to not forgive), is the same energy you need to create a new and exciting relationship TOGETHER; a relationship anchored in unconditional love.
Forgiveness helps you move forward. No one benefits from forgiveness more than the one who forgives!
Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. The very word forgiveness is built on the root word give. Forgiveness releases your partner from your criticism and also releases you from being imprisoned by your own negative judgments. It is not surrender, but a conscious decision to cease to harbor resentment. In affect, it takes the poison our of your body. It cleanses your system of the poison that will surely fester and cause illness and continued misery if not released. You cannot take the poison and expect someone else to die. They will go on with their life and you will be the only one to continue to suffer.
Forgiveness is the key to your own happiness. Forgiving someone else takes moral courage. It ends the illusion of separation, and its power can change misery into happiness in an instant. Forgiveness means choosing to let go, move on, and favor the positive.
Forgiveness is a form of love within the context of a personal crisis. To forgive is, in a sense, to love one's enemy. When forgiveness is given because you think you should, it no longer is forgiveness but an act of self- interest.
Robert Enright, a developmental psychologist at the University of Wisconsin defines forgiveness as "giving up the resentment to which you are entitled and offering to the person who hurt you friendlier attitudes to which they are not entitled."
Mona Gustafson Affinito says, "Forgiveness means deciding not to punish a perceived injustice, taking action on that decision, and experiencing the emotional relief that follows."
Research has shown that people who are deeply and unjustly hurt by others can heal emotionally and, in some cases, physically by forgiving their offender. Forgiveness breaks the cycle of hatred, resentment, anger and pain that is often passed on to those around you.
Forgiveness. What it's for? It creates the freedom to create a new future beginning now!
LoveNote. . . One pardons to the degree that one loves. - Francios De La Rochefoucauld
LoveNote. . . Our capacity to make peace with another person and with the world depends very much on our capacity to make peace with ourselves. - Thich Nhat Hanh
LoveNote. . . Love is an act of endless forgiveness. - Peter Ustinov
LoveNote. . . Genuine forgiveness is participation, reunion overcoming the powers of estrangement. . . We cannot love unless we have accepted forgiveness, and the deeper our experience of forgiveness is, the greater is our love. - Paul Tillich
LoveNote. . . To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness. - Robert Muller
LoveNote. . . You know you have forgiven someone when he or she has harmless passage through your mind. - Rev. Karyl Huntley
LoveNote. . . Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past. - Alexa Young
below i am posting some thoughts by a chap named larry james, adapted from the book, "how to really love the one you're with." i happened upon his website a few years ago in my pursuit to learn more about forgiveness. i thought i would share this you and hope it helps you as much as i have received from his writings on forgiveness.
let's open this topic up and hear what others have to share about resentments and forgiveness.
much love to all.
namaste'
sammy
____________________________
Forgiveness. . . What's it for?
LoveNote If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Forgiveness works! It is often difficult, AND it works!
We often think of forgiveness as something that someone who has done us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way of looking at something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. To not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die!
Someone once said, "To err is human, to forgive is Divine." Believe it!
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: "Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter?" If the answer is "No," then that's it! All is forgiven.
Forgiveness is an act of the imagination. It dares you to imagine a better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you can survive the pain and grow from it. Telling someone is a bonus! It is not necessary for forgiveness to begin the process that heals the hurt.
Choice is always present in forgiveness. You do not have to forgive AND there are consequences. Refusing to forgive by holding on to the anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal can make your own life miserable. A vindictive mind-set creates bitterness and lets the betrayer claim one more victim.
There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven. Nothing!
Some will argue that in the case of child abuse, the Holocaust, Saddam Hussain, etc, the abuser has no "right" to forgiveness -- such blessings can only be earned -- that forgiveness only leads to further victimization. Such acts are heinous and dispicable and with time (and in many cases, therapy) they can be forgiven. Every day you may have to forgive again. I believe that to withhold forgiveness is to choose to continue to remain the victim. Remember, you always have choice.
When you forgive you do it for you, not for the other. The person you have never forgiven. . . owns you! How about an affair? Just because you choose to forgive, does not mean you have to stay in the relationship. That is only and always your choice. The choice to forgive is only and always yours.
When you feel that forgiveness is necessary, do not forgive for your "their" sake. Do it for yourself! It would be great if they would come to you and ask forgiveness but you must accept the fact that some people will never do that. That is their choice. They do not NEED to be forgiven. They did what they did and that is it - except for the consequences, which THEY must live with.
The hurts won't heal until you forgive! Recovery from wrongdoing that produces genuine forgiveness takes time. For some, it may take years. Don't rush it. It helps to focus your energy on the healing, not the hurt!
HEALTHY love relationships are not possible without forgiveness! You cannot have a loving and rewarding relationship with anyone else, much less yourself, if you continue to hold on to things that happened in the past. Regardless of the situation, making peace with past love partners, your parents, children, your boss or anyone who you think may have "done you wrong" is the only way to improve your chances of a "healthy" relationship with yourself or anyone else for that matter!
It is not possible to truly be present and available to a new relationship until you heal the hurt and upsets of the past. Forgiving someone else is to agree within yourself to overlook the wrong they have committed against you and to move on with your life. It's the only way. It means cutting them some slack.
"What?" you say! "Cut them some slack after what THEY did to me? Never!"
Let go! Move on!
Non-forgiveness keeps you in the struggle. Being willing to forgive can bring a sense of peace and well-being. It lifts anxiety and delivers you from depression. It can enhance your self-esteem and give you hope.
LoveNote. . . The things that two people in love do to each other they remember. And if they stay together, it is not because they forget, it is because they forgive. - From the movie, Indecent Proposal
Forgive and forget is a myth. You may never forget AND you can choose to forgive. As life goes on and you remember, then is the time to once again remember that you have already forgiven. Mentally forgive again if necessary, then move forward. When we allow it, time can dull the vividness of the memory of the hurt; the memory will fade.
Forgiveness is a creative act that changes us from prisoners of the past to liberated people at peace with our memories. It is not forgetfulness, but it involves accepting the promise that the future can be more than dwelling on memories of past injury.
There is no future in the past. You can never live in the present and create a new and exciting future for yourself and your love partner if you always stay stuck in the past.
If you are at war with others you cannot be at peace with yourself. You CAN let go. . . and forgive! It takes no strength to let go. . . only courage. Life either expands or contracts in direct proportion to your courage to forgive. Your choice to forgive or not to forgive either moves you closer to what you desire or further away from it. There is no middle ground. Change is constant.
Want peace of mind? Forgive. The same energy you use to hold on (to not forgive), is the same energy you need to create a new and exciting relationship TOGETHER; a relationship anchored in unconditional love.
Forgiveness helps you move forward. No one benefits from forgiveness more than the one who forgives!
Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. The very word forgiveness is built on the root word give. Forgiveness releases your partner from your criticism and also releases you from being imprisoned by your own negative judgments. It is not surrender, but a conscious decision to cease to harbor resentment. In affect, it takes the poison our of your body. It cleanses your system of the poison that will surely fester and cause illness and continued misery if not released. You cannot take the poison and expect someone else to die. They will go on with their life and you will be the only one to continue to suffer.
Forgiveness is the key to your own happiness. Forgiving someone else takes moral courage. It ends the illusion of separation, and its power can change misery into happiness in an instant. Forgiveness means choosing to let go, move on, and favor the positive.
Forgiveness is a form of love within the context of a personal crisis. To forgive is, in a sense, to love one's enemy. When forgiveness is given because you think you should, it no longer is forgiveness but an act of self- interest.
Robert Enright, a developmental psychologist at the University of Wisconsin defines forgiveness as "giving up the resentment to which you are entitled and offering to the person who hurt you friendlier attitudes to which they are not entitled."
Mona Gustafson Affinito says, "Forgiveness means deciding not to punish a perceived injustice, taking action on that decision, and experiencing the emotional relief that follows."
Research has shown that people who are deeply and unjustly hurt by others can heal emotionally and, in some cases, physically by forgiving their offender. Forgiveness breaks the cycle of hatred, resentment, anger and pain that is often passed on to those around you.
Forgiveness. What it's for? It creates the freedom to create a new future beginning now!
LoveNote. . . One pardons to the degree that one loves. - Francios De La Rochefoucauld
LoveNote. . . Our capacity to make peace with another person and with the world depends very much on our capacity to make peace with ourselves. - Thich Nhat Hanh
LoveNote. . . Love is an act of endless forgiveness. - Peter Ustinov
LoveNote. . . Genuine forgiveness is participation, reunion overcoming the powers of estrangement. . . We cannot love unless we have accepted forgiveness, and the deeper our experience of forgiveness is, the greater is our love. - Paul Tillich
LoveNote. . . To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness. - Robert Muller
LoveNote. . . You know you have forgiven someone when he or she has harmless passage through your mind. - Rev. Karyl Huntley
LoveNote. . . Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past. - Alexa Young
what do resentments and forgiveness have to do with recovery and kicking the addictions ? here's a post from the Big Book.
______________________________
littlebeach Posted: February 12, 2005, 4:30 PM
Posts: 2500
Joined: October 17, 2004
Here is some that Bob forgot...just put pills in the place of alcohol
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while But with the aloholic, whose hope is the mainteneacne and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinately grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol retuns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of mormal men, but for alcholoics these things are poison.
We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. (the list being your list of resentments...the fourth step.) We were prepared to look at it from and entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but How? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.
This was our course. We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from bing angry. They will be done."
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance at being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and everyone.
Happy Sobriety to you all...
Kerry
(personal note: thanks, kerry Bob B.)
______________________________
littlebeach Posted: February 12, 2005, 4:30 PM
Posts: 2500
Joined: October 17, 2004
Here is some that Bob forgot...just put pills in the place of alcohol
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while But with the aloholic, whose hope is the mainteneacne and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinately grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol retuns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of mormal men, but for alcholoics these things are poison.
We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. (the list being your list of resentments...the fourth step.) We were prepared to look at it from and entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but How? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.
This was our course. We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from bing angry. They will be done."
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance at being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and everyone.
Happy Sobriety to you all...
Kerry
(personal note: thanks, kerry Bob B.)
The Healing Poison,
by Dr. Yang Jwing-Ming
A long time ago, a girl named Li-Li married and
went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In
a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't
get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their
personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by
many of her mother-in-law's habits. Additionally,
she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her
mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. However, what made the situation even worse was that, according to
ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to
her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and
unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband
great distress. Finally, Li-Li could not stand her
mother-in-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and
she decided to do something about it.
Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold
herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he
would give her some poison so that she could solve
the problem for the last time. Mr. Huang thought
for a while, and finally said, Li-Li, I will help
you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey
what I tell you. Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I
will do whatever you tell me to do."
Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with
a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting
poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause
people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number
of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day
prepare some pork or chicken and put a little of these
herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that
nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to
act very friendly towards her. Don't argue with
her, obey her every wish, and treat her like
a queen." Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and
hurried home to start her plot of murdering her
mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, months went by, and every other
day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her
mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about
avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed
her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.
After six months had passed, the whole household had
changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so
much that she found that she almost never got mad
or upset. She hadn't had an argument in six months
with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder
and easier to get along with. The mother-in-law's
attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to
love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends
and relatives that Li-Li was the best
daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and
her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother
and daughter. Li-Li's husband was very happy to
see what was happening.
One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again.
She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the
poison from killing my mother-in-law! She's changed
into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own
mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I
gave her."
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head.
"Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave
you any poison. All of the herbs I gave you were
simply to improve her health. The only poison was in your
mind and your attitude toward her, but that has
been all washed away by the love which you gave
to her."
by Dr. Yang Jwing-Ming
A long time ago, a girl named Li-Li married and
went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In
a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't
get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their
personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by
many of her mother-in-law's habits. Additionally,
she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her
mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. However, what made the situation even worse was that, according to
ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to
her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and
unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband
great distress. Finally, Li-Li could not stand her
mother-in-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and
she decided to do something about it.
Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold
herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he
would give her some poison so that she could solve
the problem for the last time. Mr. Huang thought
for a while, and finally said, Li-Li, I will help
you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey
what I tell you. Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I
will do whatever you tell me to do."
Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with
a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting
poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause
people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number
of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day
prepare some pork or chicken and put a little of these
herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that
nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to
act very friendly towards her. Don't argue with
her, obey her every wish, and treat her like
a queen." Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and
hurried home to start her plot of murdering her
mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, months went by, and every other
day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her
mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about
avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed
her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.
After six months had passed, the whole household had
changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so
much that she found that she almost never got mad
or upset. She hadn't had an argument in six months
with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder
and easier to get along with. The mother-in-law's
attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to
love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends
and relatives that Li-Li was the best
daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and
her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother
and daughter. Li-Li's husband was very happy to
see what was happening.
One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again.
She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the
poison from killing my mother-in-law! She's changed
into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own
mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I
gave her."
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head.
"Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave
you any poison. All of the herbs I gave you were
simply to improve her health. The only poison was in your
mind and your attitude toward her, but that has
been all washed away by the love which you gave
to her."
for years, growing up, i resented my father for being an alcoholic and all that comes with it.
as an adult with significant life experience behind me, i understand that he was out of control, powerless, and that he was diseased.
today, as an adult, i forgive him for not trying to recover from his disease --- and for the anguish, pain, and lost oppourunities to love and have a relationship.
today, as an adult, i forgive myself for feeling as i have about him.
as an adult with significant life experience behind me, i understand that he was out of control, powerless, and that he was diseased.
today, as an adult, i forgive him for not trying to recover from his disease --- and for the anguish, pain, and lost oppourunities to love and have a relationship.
today, as an adult, i forgive myself for feeling as i have about him.
yeah bob b - how often do i overlook the fact that everyone, including myself, is doing the best they know how to with what they have at the time? *wink, wink*
i'm grateful to be trudging on this journey of spiritual awakening. because when i "trudge", more is revealed that i can implement into my daily plan.
namaste'
sammy
i'm grateful to be trudging on this journey of spiritual awakening. because when i "trudge", more is revealed that i can implement into my daily plan.
namaste'
sammy
peace be with you . . . . and within your household, sammy.
R E S E N T S O M E B O D Y
(author unknown)
The moment you start to resent a person you become their slave.
They control your dreams, absorb your digestion,
rob you of peace of mind and good will,
and take away the pleasure of your work.
They ruin your spirituality and nullify your prayers.
You cannot take a vacation without them going along!
They destroy your freedom of mind and hound you wherever you go.
There is no way to escape the person you resent.
They are with you when you are awake.
They invade your privacy when you sleep.
They are close beside you when you eat,
when you drive your car, and when you are on the job.
You can never have efficiency or happiness.
They influence even the tone of your voice.
They require you to take medicine for indigestion,
headaches and loss of energy.
They even steal your last moment of consciousness
before you go to sleep.
So if you want to be a slave, harbor your resentments.
thank you bob b.
i'll carry the blessings of that peace with me as i journey through my day.
thank you for sharing your light. you illuminate my path with your gentle, healing touch.
in love -
sammy
i'll carry the blessings of that peace with me as i journey through my day.
thank you for sharing your light. you illuminate my path with your gentle, healing touch.
in love -
sammy
sammy, let's both find someone to forgive today, even if it is ourselves.
and decide to release one resentment today.
we'll both have a better day.
sounds like a plan, my friend and one i have already enacted!
now i'm out of here for a little while...gotta put into action that what i plan to do! :o
talk with you later.
namaste'
sammy
now i'm out of here for a little while...gotta put into action that what i plan to do! :o
talk with you later.
namaste'
sammy
this one has helped me.
up for someone who may need it today.
up for someone who may need this today.
Bob's for today their is no God for me. He expects to much. More than I can give. I tied to do something good by giving my husband my meds and I wish somehow I can get them back or at least find them. I sure have looked.
Great post but they were not meant for me.
Tina
Great post but they were not meant for me.
Tina
i know you probably can't understand this right now, but God is healing you tina.
today.
bump
