Man, wow, there is heroin right in my apartment building, hope I make it through this... grrrr, Well I don't know who's it is, hopefully I don't run into to it. Funny yesterday I really wanted to get high, even today I thought to myself at work that I wanted to use. All of the anti-psychotics that I'm on are making me feel like I've got a head full of acid! :( I took some xanax and now I feel normal, but I don't want to have to take xanax to feel normal! I don't want to take any drugs, not even the ones I need! I feel like I traded my addiction for a legal problem! The cost of the medication for all of this mental bulls*** is breaking me! Plus the lidocaine is 250$ a box, and the nuerontin for my nerves is a hundred bucks a shot! Because of the lithium I can't take ibuprophen or naproxen, becuase of my liver I can't take tylenol, and the pain is seriously breaking through the lidocaine patches, what do I do I am just sitting here crying!!! I can't take the pain it is so debilitating I can hardly make it through a day at work and my shifts are anywhere from 8-12 hours of all physical work! I don't have the qualifications to get a better job where i sit all day, all I know is waitressing!! I can't even find solace in my art stuff because the lithium has given me such a tremor that I can't keep my hands still. God I just want to end all of this s***! Now I know where I can get this stuff, the person is parked right next to me, I feel like I have invited the devil in to tempt me...
Hang in there, I know exactly how you feel. You try so hard to get your head together then, in my case, you meet your dealer or an old user mate on the bus and its always the "best" of gear they've got.
A don't no bout you but I feel I don't fit in anywhere any more. Am not accepted in "normal" society cause am a recovering heroin addict but have to stay away from other users cause it is just soooo hard to say no to a bag.
Wish I had words of wisdom for you but all I can say is that someone in Scotland knows your pain.
Stay safe x.
A don't no bout you but I feel I don't fit in anywhere any more. Am not accepted in "normal" society cause am a recovering heroin addict but have to stay away from other users cause it is just soooo hard to say no to a bag.
Wish I had words of wisdom for you but all I can say is that someone in Scotland knows your pain.
Stay safe x.
Thanks sooz, it is always the way, freaking sucks too. I should probably lock myself in the house for a few days
Trooper,
that really sucks........I know what u mean with the devil next door.........every day I watch the girl up the corner waiting for her cop man on my corner......drives me nuts........another girl deals right here on my corner, and I see so many people from the program going to meet her.......sad, but glad its not me.....always gets me thinking though when i see these ppl.............besides in work <also waitressing> the place is full of addicts. Just last week had one of the cooks who I give a ride home to occasionally trying to get me to drive him to cop on the way home........wonderful.........I do know at times as I see some of my co-workers zooming about feeling no pain and energetic it gets my head going.......but I pray and it passes.............cos I also get to see them on the days when it all comes crashing down and they feel like s***........
on another note.........just went to the drs yesterday........thought my liver was acting up < i have hep c, as a direct result of using>, here it turns out I have most likely a bleeding ulcer.anyways...I never take tylenol due to my hep and took loads of ibupofren and naproxen....doctor said no more <this is what gave me ulcer>..he said as long as i take tylenol as directed and not to often, then it will be ok and not harm my liver........and this is my liver doctor telling me this........so maybe u can take it a bit.........
......as for prices of med...I hear ya there also..killing me.....get a freaking job and try to do the right thing and they take my insurance away......and u have more meds to take than me.........doc gave me lots of free samples yesterday and said I can call for more which is cool...I know my ex bf took neorontin in pill form and got free samples from his doctor, maybe u can check that route out. U will be inmy prayers and I hope u r feelng better
Tres
that really sucks........I know what u mean with the devil next door.........every day I watch the girl up the corner waiting for her cop man on my corner......drives me nuts........another girl deals right here on my corner, and I see so many people from the program going to meet her.......sad, but glad its not me.....always gets me thinking though when i see these ppl.............besides in work <also waitressing> the place is full of addicts. Just last week had one of the cooks who I give a ride home to occasionally trying to get me to drive him to cop on the way home........wonderful.........I do know at times as I see some of my co-workers zooming about feeling no pain and energetic it gets my head going.......but I pray and it passes.............cos I also get to see them on the days when it all comes crashing down and they feel like s***........
on another note.........just went to the drs yesterday........thought my liver was acting up < i have hep c, as a direct result of using>, here it turns out I have most likely a bleeding ulcer.anyways...I never take tylenol due to my hep and took loads of ibupofren and naproxen....doctor said no more <this is what gave me ulcer>..he said as long as i take tylenol as directed and not to often, then it will be ok and not harm my liver........and this is my liver doctor telling me this........so maybe u can take it a bit.........
......as for prices of med...I hear ya there also..killing me.....get a freaking job and try to do the right thing and they take my insurance away......and u have more meds to take than me.........doc gave me lots of free samples yesterday and said I can call for more which is cool...I know my ex bf took neorontin in pill form and got free samples from his doctor, maybe u can check that route out. U will be inmy prayers and I hope u r feelng better
Tres
Thanks for the advice Tres, I'll ask my Dr about the neurontin. I'm not supposed to take Tylenol for another couple of months but I have had to resort to that anyway, I can't take the pain... I'm just going to sleep till this feeling of using goes away.
Oh Trooper that's a test......that happens, and I guess for good reason....O.K. maybe not good reason, but it sure is a test.
I'm sorry you are in so much pain......oh Lidocaine patches.....pfffffff....might as well just put a heating pad in your undies, and work.
No matter what though just ignore whoever was parked next to you.....plus maybe they IV'd coke or meth or something......doesn't have to be dope.
Feel better sweetie......I'm sorry for all your troubles, but more so that you are in physical pain......I wish I could lift it from you......you've come along so far don't give up.....please....you can do this.
I'm sorry you are in so much pain......oh Lidocaine patches.....pfffffff....might as well just put a heating pad in your undies, and work.
No matter what though just ignore whoever was parked next to you.....plus maybe they IV'd coke or meth or something......doesn't have to be dope.
Feel better sweetie......I'm sorry for all your troubles, but more so that you are in physical pain......I wish I could lift it from you......you've come along so far don't give up.....please....you can do this.
Oh, Trooper, I know just what you mean--seeing paraphernalia on the street,discarded syringes & broken balloons,throws me into a strange rage, too.I hate that people can be so cavalier w/such a potentially dangerous object-dangerous to kids,whoever. It could be from some other type of substance, meth or whatever, as mentioned above.I'm sorry you're having such a bad time of things.I take it you have a chronic pain thing going on--my husband has bone spurs growing into his neck/spinal column,so he is in chronic pain too,it's part of the reason he wants to use. He says until you have experienced it, you don't know,pretty soon ALL you think of is just a way to eliminate the pain.Since you can't/shouldn't take Tylenol, how about plain ol' aspirin?Or is that too weak? It sounds as if you are on a lot of meds. Could you maybe talk w/ yr. Doc & try to either eliminate some or maybe get milder types? On the $$ front, can you get Generics, cheaper equivalents? Just remember:if you go back to dope, you set yr.self back, you're @ square one again.Remember how awful it is to be sick.Good luck,Trooper!!
Hey guys thanks, I didn't even think about the fact that it could be meth; When I see a syringe in think heroin, good way to look at things from now on, like it's not even a part of my DOC. Alaska, yeah I could take asprin I suppose... there was a reason that I wasn't before, I had to take a straight narcotic back in the day, but now since I cant remember why I guess it's not that important!
You're sounding more upbeat today Trooper....that's a great thing.
May I recommend EXCEDRIN.......my real first DOC......maybe it will help a little bit........it works on plain old headaches.....migraines are another story, but who knows.
Not sure of your injury or disease, but my brother has bone spurs in his heel....and wouldn't ya know it he's a mail carrier.......never took a drug in his life......not even for kidney stones.......he takes Bayer Body or something like that....swears by it.......plus your post has helped me......I'm looking now at my siblings, and none of them ever did any drugs illegal or otherwise.....so I am the lone freak-a-zoid.......hmmmm I say.
Also see how you saw that needle.......it could have very well been some diabetic who needed their insulin pronto, and didn't know it was discarded.
PLUS PLUS......we all know how you feel.......I'd posted awhile back how someone discarded all their empty bags......I mean there had to be a bundle....this was on the street.......ya know I picked some of them up.....held onto them, and later held them up to the sun trying to see if there was a crumb.
Hang on dear Trooper.
May I recommend EXCEDRIN.......my real first DOC......maybe it will help a little bit........it works on plain old headaches.....migraines are another story, but who knows.
Not sure of your injury or disease, but my brother has bone spurs in his heel....and wouldn't ya know it he's a mail carrier.......never took a drug in his life......not even for kidney stones.......he takes Bayer Body or something like that....swears by it.......plus your post has helped me......I'm looking now at my siblings, and none of them ever did any drugs illegal or otherwise.....so I am the lone freak-a-zoid.......hmmmm I say.
Also see how you saw that needle.......it could have very well been some diabetic who needed their insulin pronto, and didn't know it was discarded.
PLUS PLUS......we all know how you feel.......I'd posted awhile back how someone discarded all their empty bags......I mean there had to be a bundle....this was on the street.......ya know I picked some of them up.....held onto them, and later held them up to the sun trying to see if there was a crumb.
Hang on dear Trooper.
Hey guys, I started feeling better, thanks for the support, love you guys so much!!! Listen to this though... Yesterday I got out of the psychiatrists office, having a pitty party for my self and thinking, "What I wouldn't do for a bag of heroin, maybe I can ask one of the hookers where to get some" So I was driving to get my script and talked my self out of it, went into the pharmacy to get it filled, and a guy comes up to the pharmacy window and asks for a half cc syringe. This guy is wasted! Eyes rolling in the back of his head kind of wasted!! Definatley a dope head. The pharmacist asks if he has an insulin script and he says no, but claims he is a diabetic, she then asks for his ID and he says he's got nothing on him. She refuses to give him a needle and he storms off, but I noticed the track marks all over him. He looks like he might be homeless. I walked outside to have a cig and wait for my script to be filled, and there he is, sitting outside the pharmacy. I had a ton of money on me... I went back inside. Wow!!!! I don't know if there is a god, and I don't know if there is a devil, but that was one hell of a coincidence!!! And one hell of a temptation!!! But I got through it and I feel pretty damn good about myself!!
