Need to get this off my chest and hopefully the panic attack that is about to set in will not manifest itself..........In my addiction had my own cleaning business and being dope sick and desperate stole jewlery off one of my customers.....warrant was isued for my arrest and turned myself in day out of rehab...spent 72 hours in jail, then was issued probation.........I have ben clean2+ yrs.......ALWAYS gave a clean urine, ALWAYS payed what i could in my restitution, ALWAYS reported, did everything i have ben mandated to do, et still have a balance on my restitution of 2,000.00.....have only paid about 600.00 in th 18 months i have been on probation.........well tomorrow i have to go back in front of the judge because u havent fully paid my restitution yet.......my PO had told me it was just a formality and my probation will be extended, but due to the obsession of my victim, who calls the judge EVERY month, I will have to be on reporting probation again < i have been on non-reporting for the last 6 months>.........well today i call my PO to confirm that she will be there tomorrow morning, and she informs me that my victim is pushing for me to be incarcerated.......said there is a slim chance of this, but still a chance........I am sick with worry.........have had major anxiety since getting clean and now my heart is pounding, feling nauseous, and feel the panic risng in my throat.....have to go to work now and r shaking and on the verge of tears......none of my bosses at my job knows any of my past......I would probably lose my job <irony is that then I would not be able to pay any more restitution>..........I feel badly for my past actions, i really do, Was never a thief in my life b4 my addiction, i have honestly tried to redeem myself in my recovery, work my program, have a job, stay clean......will this ever end??.....the thought of having to go to jail maks me panic, and once your r in there, takes days to process, so no hope of getng out soon.
oh iam rambling on here sorry, but hoping sharing wiht the board will help my anxiety........
and then now as i watch the news, think of what a sad sad day this is.......and think of how insignificant my problems are.......
I don't know what to say to help you feel any better. Best advice I can think of is just make sure you do go to court "when i get scared i try to advoid the problem". You have made a HONEST effort and stayed clean and got into no other problems so the Judge should see those things. Stay + and keep going forwards this to shall pass.
s***..MsT...what can i say?stay positive...you know you dont deserve this hand...youve done all you could possibly do...which im sure is a head wrecker for you..like having no control..i.e the lady&her monthly chats.Yer better than that so just be you...will be in my thoughts...take care....Davey
thanks guys for your support.......got my probation re-instated for 24 more months, and have to report again with monthly urines, and my monthly payments went up...but better than jail for sure......
GOOD TO HEAR!!, WAY BETTER then totally losing your freedom. It's just a minor time inconvience really.
