....or do you have trouble like I do, ie, keep taking it back and trying to control and dictate how things should go.....of course, I'm thinking of my youngest daughter (she's 15) when I write this. Had a little bit of a heated conversation with one of her buddies last night ~ I know I should see him as "one of God's children" ~ but this guy is 18 or over and an idiot, such a poser - had to call the Police on the whole lot of them again last night, hanging out in front of liquor store after curfew.
Hey VW...up early on a Saturday morning again huh? Feels great huh?
IMO you answered your own question when you stated she is 15. God can only do so much. He now has given you the sobriety and the tools you need "to" control the situation. She is 15! She is not of age yet and it is your job to control what she does. If she isn't making the right decisions you are legally obligated to make them for her. Don't feel bad about being a good mother.
This boyfriend of hers?? Does he go to school with her or is he already out? Can you put her on full lock down and get a restraining order against him? Statutory rape comes to mind. Do they know you are the one that busts up their so called good times? She probably thinks that now that you are sober you don't want anyone else to have fun. She is too young to understand you really don't want her to go where you did. You have a good handle on it pal. You are always one step ahead of her it sounds. You keep fighting for her and don't feel bad about it. God's will is to keep your daughter safe and he is working through you. Don't ever forget that.
Your Friend, Valarie
IMO you answered your own question when you stated she is 15. God can only do so much. He now has given you the sobriety and the tools you need "to" control the situation. She is 15! She is not of age yet and it is your job to control what she does. If she isn't making the right decisions you are legally obligated to make them for her. Don't feel bad about being a good mother.
This boyfriend of hers?? Does he go to school with her or is he already out? Can you put her on full lock down and get a restraining order against him? Statutory rape comes to mind. Do they know you are the one that busts up their so called good times? She probably thinks that now that you are sober you don't want anyone else to have fun. She is too young to understand you really don't want her to go where you did. You have a good handle on it pal. You are always one step ahead of her it sounds. You keep fighting for her and don't feel bad about it. God's will is to keep your daughter safe and he is working through you. Don't ever forget that.
Your Friend, Valarie
Thanks Val, for the most part she is bringing down As and Bs in school, college prep courses, and is ranked second on the Girl's Varsity Surf Team and just made the Water Polo team. What pisses me off is when she goes, then drinks, tells me she's gonna be one place and with certain people and she's not...so when I roll up, oh and yeah they all know who I am, they scattered except a few of the older guys....I went toe-to-toe with one of the MFer's last night, he was such a poser....he's like Dude, you're ruining all our fun...I said I don't give a sh***, loitering is not a social activity dumb sh**.....now get to steppin' ~ he's like now I know why Steve V hates you (her former older BF) and I said MF, I don't give a rat's a** if he likes me or not....I'm not out to win a popularity contest with wanna be punkers from HB. Steve V has supposedly moved on to another victim...he knows I have a temp restraining order ready to go and I carry it around with me everywhere I go. In fact I have a friend (lost touch though) who is still the lead singer for the Circle Jerks and I contacted him last night, my daughter will be mortified, it is the oldest punk band (I think) in the South Bay and I'm gonna try to meet with him and get some inside scoop....oh, and myspace.com is responding almost every other day to me...I have my attorney on retainer and she's like the Gloria Allred of the beach cities....I'm surprised a class action lawsuit hasn't been brought against myspace.com....hmmm, thought provoking. Thanks for listening, hope you are doing well and having a good weekend.
You are doing awesome VW.....your daughter is lucky to have you. It could be so much worse. If she was left to her own devices sounds like she would be "out there" all willy nilly! Just because she has good grades don't let her control you with that. She still is only 15. She may be doing well in other aspects but it doesn't matter. She is 15. God is working hard for her and he is doing it all through you.
I don't understand that myspace stuff but I know that it seems really dangerous for perves and posers as you say. It can't go on that much longer....so many bad things have happened as a result of it.
You keep giving the good fight and know that I for one am in awe of what a great mom you are. Some day your daughter will know you were doing it for her and not to ruin her fun. I don't have kids so it is easy to say what I would do...but since she is 15 I would put her little a** on lockdown.
Take care and have a good Saturday. Hopefully tonight won't be drama ridden.
I don't understand that myspace stuff but I know that it seems really dangerous for perves and posers as you say. It can't go on that much longer....so many bad things have happened as a result of it.
You keep giving the good fight and know that I for one am in awe of what a great mom you are. Some day your daughter will know you were doing it for her and not to ruin her fun. I don't have kids so it is easy to say what I would do...but since she is 15 I would put her little a** on lockdown.
Take care and have a good Saturday. Hopefully tonight won't be drama ridden.
Hi again, doing laundry, my own only ~ not hers...I no longer do any of her chores or give her $$....there is food and she knows how to wash dishes, wash clothes and sew, so there you have it.
Anyhoo, lock down, she walks right out and the Police say let her go, if she's home by the 10:00 pm curfew you're doing good....I could send her away, but I'm not at that point yet...her Psychologist doesn't think it would be a good idea either...so most days are better now, they use to be all bad, so that is progress.
I told her Dad I would be going away every sixth weekend now....he has her Weds - Fri. (returning her to me after school on Friday) ~ so I get the whole w/e with her, wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! He's like we'll see...no, we will not see, I'm leaving town every sixth weekend...end of story...can I come stay with you and Steve - lol!
Geri
Anyhoo, lock down, she walks right out and the Police say let her go, if she's home by the 10:00 pm curfew you're doing good....I could send her away, but I'm not at that point yet...her Psychologist doesn't think it would be a good idea either...so most days are better now, they use to be all bad, so that is progress.
I told her Dad I would be going away every sixth weekend now....he has her Weds - Fri. (returning her to me after school on Friday) ~ so I get the whole w/e with her, wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! He's like we'll see...no, we will not see, I'm leaving town every sixth weekend...end of story...can I come stay with you and Steve - lol!
Geri
Geri,
It's great that you and your ex seem to be trying to keep a handle on things. Kids are crazy these days. Remember when we were little all it would take is a look and we would straighten up? Me screwing up was not an option. It didn't start doing anything bad until after I was 21....so I guess being on so called lock down doesn't help either. They gave me a good foundation and I was the one who chose to do the bad things. As parents you do the best you can and hope they learn. Ultimately she will have to decide whether or not to stay on the right path. You can sleep well knowing that you did all you can. Kudos to you my friend! You are an awesome mom! It's great to see you so engaged in your kids' lives.
Take care,
Valarie
It's great that you and your ex seem to be trying to keep a handle on things. Kids are crazy these days. Remember when we were little all it would take is a look and we would straighten up? Me screwing up was not an option. It didn't start doing anything bad until after I was 21....so I guess being on so called lock down doesn't help either. They gave me a good foundation and I was the one who chose to do the bad things. As parents you do the best you can and hope they learn. Ultimately she will have to decide whether or not to stay on the right path. You can sleep well knowing that you did all you can. Kudos to you my friend! You are an awesome mom! It's great to see you so engaged in your kids' lives.
Take care,
Valarie
Val, you are right on....yep, I just have two more years to get her to 18 and then if she chooses not to go to college and live by the house rules ~ adios! I know what you mean about the look ~ the disrespect these days from these kids, don't get me going...I was afraid of my Mom and she never ever really knew how bad I was out there....she still thinks I wasn't so bad...my kid is so blatant, so in your face...she needs to get her a** kicked by someone, it's probably comin' pretty soon, with her big mouth; she knocked the sh** out of another girl a while ago, and ya know what they say, what goes around comes around...one of her friends just got laid out and ended up in the hospital....gotta go do my grocery shoppin' talk to you soon.
Hey VWG don't drink and goe to meetings and take a step back when you face to face the little Fcka as they want you to loose your cool, pause and poise you are 100% effective when cool. If he is as dense as he sounds then he will stuff up and bam he's gone for DUI as he thinks he is bullet proof at moment.
And in all of this your daughter has a part to play and i can remember when iwas an 18 year old all i wanted was sex and the younger girls want to be older and that wasn't a good mix for the parents.
Hell VWG you have got it all in front of you and maybe the posts that are dealing with faith and how it works are saying do some serious praying about it and it may not happen in your time frame but Gods
Light and love Zac
And in all of this your daughter has a part to play and i can remember when iwas an 18 year old all i wanted was sex and the younger girls want to be older and that wasn't a good mix for the parents.
Hell VWG you have got it all in front of you and maybe the posts that are dealing with faith and how it works are saying do some serious praying about it and it may not happen in your time frame but Gods
Light and love Zac
Hi VW...Good question...I think some things need our footwork and the results are up to God...You are trying to help your daughter who is 15...Being a parent doesn't mean "letting go" of our responsibilites...I have struggled with this too...Is what I am doing God's will? And I believe that if my intentions are good and not trying to control things I should not be controlling then yes it is...
My dad is also in recovery...21 years in Dec...The day before I was getting married I choked on a chip... I couldn't breathe, turning blue...my dad was real into a Letting Go...Let God phase (I was also in AA)...My family is trying to help me...My dad is standing there...God put it there God will take it out...Let it go...It's God's will...she will be okay...Finally moments before I was about to pass out from not having oxygen...my aunt got it out...I looked at him and said Sometimes God needs us to do the footwork!
You are doing the right thing...the results are up to her and her HP...but as you said until she is 18...and you are a responsible parent...you must do what you can...My son, will be 14 in Dec...he doesn't have addiction problems but has emotional problems and anger outbursts...There are moments that I think I can't do it anymore and want him to live with his father...that is not really possible since his father has anger/emotional issues himself and it wouldn't help Nick at all...and so I know I have to keep doing what I am doing...continue to pray to God...continue to help Nick work through his issues...have patience, love, and understanding yet be firm...get him prof help when he is really depressed...and just keep being his mom...
Love Gina
My dad is also in recovery...21 years in Dec...The day before I was getting married I choked on a chip... I couldn't breathe, turning blue...my dad was real into a Letting Go...Let God phase (I was also in AA)...My family is trying to help me...My dad is standing there...God put it there God will take it out...Let it go...It's God's will...she will be okay...Finally moments before I was about to pass out from not having oxygen...my aunt got it out...I looked at him and said Sometimes God needs us to do the footwork!
You are doing the right thing...the results are up to her and her HP...but as you said until she is 18...and you are a responsible parent...you must do what you can...My son, will be 14 in Dec...he doesn't have addiction problems but has emotional problems and anger outbursts...There are moments that I think I can't do it anymore and want him to live with his father...that is not really possible since his father has anger/emotional issues himself and it wouldn't help Nick at all...and so I know I have to keep doing what I am doing...continue to pray to God...continue to help Nick work through his issues...have patience, love, and understanding yet be firm...get him prof help when he is really depressed...and just keep being his mom...
Love Gina
Thanks, you two, yep I regress into self-will, then I pray for God's will (usually something comes down then) and then back in to self-will, on and on. I am learning and growing a lot from this (although it doesn't seem like it at times)...I went shopping today and spent money on myself...I usually spend my extra money on the kids...not this time. Some days, the best I can do is not pick up a drink or drug and that's good enough on some days....however, I say the Serenity prayer, 3rd Step prayer and the 7th Step upon rising and again before going to bed. I have to remind myself that I have to be an "attraction" of the program not a "promotion" ~ who'd want to go to a meeting if there at nut cases like me there, lol..things are pretty good tonight and again, thank you.
Hey Geri,
I usually post on the pain pills forum, but I've been following your trials with your daughter. I just wanted to give you a high five and tell you what a great job you're doing. I have three daughters of my own, ages 10, 10, and 6, so I try to pay attention to mothers who have gone before me. LOL, seriously though, if all parents were as involved in their childrens' lives as you are, this world would be such a different and better place.
Stay strong!
DeNae
Hi VWGirl
I think you are doing great - I think the best thing you can do with your daughter is to be consistent. My parent's weren't. They didn't know what to do whne I acted up and it didn't help me at all. Not their fault, they were doing the best they could. But consistency is so important for teens, if the ground's constantly shifting under their feet it just makes things worse.
Its so fantastic you are involved as a parent, concerned and committed.
I really don't know how much ground you're going to gain going toe-to-toe with some 18yr old punk kid though. Probably just headache and stress for yourself and you won't change his mind or attitude. Focus on your daughter and not what these other punks are up to. Keep calm as much as you can.
what a great mother you are.
Idg.
I think you are doing great - I think the best thing you can do with your daughter is to be consistent. My parent's weren't. They didn't know what to do whne I acted up and it didn't help me at all. Not their fault, they were doing the best they could. But consistency is so important for teens, if the ground's constantly shifting under their feet it just makes things worse.
Its so fantastic you are involved as a parent, concerned and committed.
I really don't know how much ground you're going to gain going toe-to-toe with some 18yr old punk kid though. Probably just headache and stress for yourself and you won't change his mind or attitude. Focus on your daughter and not what these other punks are up to. Keep calm as much as you can.
what a great mother you are.
Idg.
I don't have any experience in this situation...no kids yet... but you have my love and support.
You're one cool chick who knows the deal....I promise you your daughter will thank you for the discipline when she's 30!! I thank mine EVERYDAY for it.
your doing great hon....one foot in front of the other.
love,
C
You're one cool chick who knows the deal....I promise you your daughter will thank you for the discipline when she's 30!! I thank mine EVERYDAY for it.
your doing great hon....one foot in front of the other.
love,
C
Hey guys, thanks for everything...have to say one thing "denial is bliss..." ~ however, that's not an option any longer! Anyhoo, youngest decided to play the bad a** last night with me and didn't get very far...things were taken away from her and she was not allowed to close her bedroom door, because her privacy is now a privelege. Well, she decided to leave, so I called the Police dispatch, they sent a cop out and he came to talk to me, we went through the database I keep of all of her associates and we found her....he went and picked her up and stayed with us at my apartment for quite awhile last night talking with us and then listening to us...he actually gave some really good suggestions and I heard him, miracle, not sure if she did, but maybe she heard a little. I'm keepin' on keepin' on and staying sober one day at a time thru it all. Friends, thank you so much for your love, support and encouragement!
Hey VWG all i have to offer is do you have a backup disc for all your computor data as it could be seen as the enemy for all the info it contains.
Take it easy and keep storing your gratitude and energy :)
Light and love Zac
Take it easy and keep storing your gratitude and energy :)
Light and love Zac
VW...
I too struggle times with staying in God's will and not mine...for me, I find myself praying a lot during the day to do his will...I also ask that he take from me the worries and frustrations for the day as he has much bigger shoulders than I and when I am free from the baggage of worry, most times it allows me to be able to see things so much clearer....Give it to God...we do the footwork and then hand it over to him....
One day at a time, my friend and remember, keep this close, this too shall pass...
xoxo
Stacey
I too struggle times with staying in God's will and not mine...for me, I find myself praying a lot during the day to do his will...I also ask that he take from me the worries and frustrations for the day as he has much bigger shoulders than I and when I am free from the baggage of worry, most times it allows me to be able to see things so much clearer....Give it to God...we do the footwork and then hand it over to him....
One day at a time, my friend and remember, keep this close, this too shall pass...
xoxo
Stacey
