I know when I first came into aa I was to learn much about the disease concept of alcoholism. I could relate to the idea that it progresses and get worse because I had experienced this myself. Many a time halfway through a binge I would be thinking god I want to stop but couldn't. The hangovers got worse and worse as time went by. I was to also learn about my attitudes. I don't think I ever had a normal attitude toward alcohol. I never understood people that went to a restaurant and had a glass of wine with dinner. I held the view that you either did one or the other but never the both. I never understood people who went into a pub after work and had 2-3 drinks and then went home. What was that all about, I was there till closing time and oft they were throwing me out. Being scorned by everyone around me was not an easy thing but the real thing I absolutely hated was being scorned by myself. And yet I could not survive life without alcohol because of all the fears both the real and the imagined. The greatest thing about sobriety is that today I never have to explain, justify, excuse or pardon myself to anyone. Wow what a freedom that is. Thats me for now.
Fi
xxx
Great post. So many times in the past I have had arguments with people while drinking. Opening my big mouth and thinking I know it all, only to wake up the next morning embarrased and ashamed of myself, hoping against hope that they were drunker than me.
I don't want to go there again.
Wendy
I don't want to go there again.
Wendy
Dear Fi and Wendy,
Yep I used to dread waking up in the morning, I'd have this bad feeling inside that I had done something or said something, but not knowing what, and then find either I acted like an a** or was horribly mean to someone and honestly have no recollection of it.... that was my turning point I hated who I was when I drank, and my family did as well (mom,dad and brother) I like you Fi could never grasp that concept of having A glass of wine with dinner, or a couple of drinks after work, sometimes I could have just a couple (usually after a freak show) but more often than not I would get wasted,and the hangovers oh boy they did get worse..... I never really thought of it as progressive but I know now that it is.. I still have to keep my guard up, all of my friends drink, so I have become the designated driver, they love it, and frankly so do I!!!! :)
and I honestly did think I was the only person who was like this when they drank, Fi you have honestly opened my eyes..
Love,
LD
Yep I used to dread waking up in the morning, I'd have this bad feeling inside that I had done something or said something, but not knowing what, and then find either I acted like an a** or was horribly mean to someone and honestly have no recollection of it.... that was my turning point I hated who I was when I drank, and my family did as well (mom,dad and brother) I like you Fi could never grasp that concept of having A glass of wine with dinner, or a couple of drinks after work, sometimes I could have just a couple (usually after a freak show) but more often than not I would get wasted,and the hangovers oh boy they did get worse..... I never really thought of it as progressive but I know now that it is.. I still have to keep my guard up, all of my friends drink, so I have become the designated driver, they love it, and frankly so do I!!!! :)
and I honestly did think I was the only person who was like this when they drank, Fi you have honestly opened my eyes..
Love,
LD
Hi there wendy and LD. Yes I so relate. I too became very opinionated in my drinking. Thought I knew everything when in reality I knew all there is to know about nothing. For me drinking alcohol was like pouring petrol onto a fire. Depending how much was poured in, you never knew what you would get. I would one minute be laughing with you, the next crying in my slops, then the next challenging you and being argumentative. My tongue did more damage than my fists ever could. The pain of my words oft would hurt me more than my victim. I became cold and callous in drinking and did not care how Iaffect those around me. I could never really handle emotional pain and yet I lived with so much of it. My sense of humour became distorted over time and I recal one event where I had been drinking solidly for a week and one night after the pub closed I had attended a party on the beach. No I am not sure exactly what had happened as I suspect that this was my first blackout, but I made a joke and the next minute I ended up being chased off the beach by a mob who wanted to literally kill me. The sad thing was I didn't care if they did. Thanks for posting and I have have enjoyed the reads.
Fi
xxx
Fi
xxx
Fi,
This thread reminded me of an argument I got into with a "friend" of mines "friend'" on the way home from a concert...perhaps I will see that guy again around town someday and I will be able to make amends to him....I had a big, mean and angry mouth at the end of my drinking career! I always thought I was right too, now I'd rather be sober than right!
This thread reminded me of an argument I got into with a "friend" of mines "friend'" on the way home from a concert...perhaps I will see that guy again around town someday and I will be able to make amends to him....I had a big, mean and angry mouth at the end of my drinking career! I always thought I was right too, now I'd rather be sober than right!
