Hi Crystal,
I just read what you posted on another thread to a new person. I can't remember the title. I just wanted to offer a little support...don't really know what to say, except hang in there. God will look after you. You are well loved here, we're all pulling for you. You've come so far in giving up the pills. You sound just like me...there was never enough. Keep posting, let me know how you're doing. I'll pray for you and your family, Love Beck
Hello,Beck
Thanks for the post .....Im just trying to firgure out where to go from here and hopeing things will get better.I cant get any worst or could it?Then,to have someone to steal from me that i have helped ,and helped it.my sister and law i have helped her with her addiaction along the way.And her and my brother when they needed money.Ive had around 10 to 12 of my sub. stolen from me and im pretty sure she was the one that did it.She came to my home oneday crying and was in w/d of 2 days and i gave her 2mgs then 2 more and she was fine with it.I know i shouldnt of have done it but,i know how it is to be in full w/ds .I let them buy 15 off my script and she has been doing great and i told her i cant do this ever again i cost me too much.My doctors fees.then that caused me to have to go back sooner.Anyways before everyone yells at me i know i shouldnt of have done it.But,i did and then we went shopping and i left my pocket book in the car at the gas station and didnt know they were gone for awhile like 2 weeks cause when she got 3 from me id just went and got 15 then when i got her 15 i got me another 15 plus,i took my three back out of her 15 that she owed me.Anyways she gave away 2 of them and they really pi**ed me off to her mom and sister who are bad off of them they run to hospital to haspital and doctor to doctor daily.Has even used thier kids and the kids well,alot of doctor want see them now.So,i had like 33 to 37 pills and she only had you mind as well say 13 and they have lasted her longer then mine has and im on half tablet a day.I have point out to her that i had some stolen serval different times on the phone and she would change the subject.Id say how is it that you have more then i do she would say i take a pinch a day.And skipped 2 days because i forgot to take it and laughed.I know she full of sh** .I know she was taken 4mgs a day and should of only last her alittle less then 26 days.Last time i talked with her was 2 weks on the phone and i pointed it out again and instead of curseing her out i just said let me go im busy.We talked everyday on the phone and she has tried to call me once.Im just waiting for my brother to call me.Michelle thinks you think she stole your pills.He wouls say she didnt steal your da** pills.When she steals from her owe mom.I know she would from me as well.I pray to GOD that im right for acuseing her but,thier is no one else to blame.There is only like a 2% chance she didnt.I know your thinking why is she talling me as this.I someone to here about it and tell me what they would think,or do.I hope im not wrong if i didnt know of what all she has stolen i wouldnt feel so sure of it.These people rob walmart $500.00 at a time in clothes,groceries,and tells me its easy.Always braging about sh** like that.So i have 2 sub. left and i dont have the money to go see doc, or get some off the script.I not working as ou probley have read in the other post and my husband is just picking up odd jobs.About to loose my truck,phone,and lord i dont know what i would do without my phone .I talk while i clean probley couldnt get the house clean without it.LOL....Then my internet of my nights are here til 3 to 4 am in the morning.This is my enjoyment.lol...Fill me in with you .Whats going on? Im here going to fix the kids something to eat.......But,i will be back in a few.crystal
Thanks for the post .....Im just trying to firgure out where to go from here and hopeing things will get better.I cant get any worst or could it?Then,to have someone to steal from me that i have helped ,and helped it.my sister and law i have helped her with her addiaction along the way.And her and my brother when they needed money.Ive had around 10 to 12 of my sub. stolen from me and im pretty sure she was the one that did it.She came to my home oneday crying and was in w/d of 2 days and i gave her 2mgs then 2 more and she was fine with it.I know i shouldnt of have done it but,i know how it is to be in full w/ds .I let them buy 15 off my script and she has been doing great and i told her i cant do this ever again i cost me too much.My doctors fees.then that caused me to have to go back sooner.Anyways before everyone yells at me i know i shouldnt of have done it.But,i did and then we went shopping and i left my pocket book in the car at the gas station and didnt know they were gone for awhile like 2 weeks cause when she got 3 from me id just went and got 15 then when i got her 15 i got me another 15 plus,i took my three back out of her 15 that she owed me.Anyways she gave away 2 of them and they really pi**ed me off to her mom and sister who are bad off of them they run to hospital to haspital and doctor to doctor daily.Has even used thier kids and the kids well,alot of doctor want see them now.So,i had like 33 to 37 pills and she only had you mind as well say 13 and they have lasted her longer then mine has and im on half tablet a day.I have point out to her that i had some stolen serval different times on the phone and she would change the subject.Id say how is it that you have more then i do she would say i take a pinch a day.And skipped 2 days because i forgot to take it and laughed.I know she full of sh** .I know she was taken 4mgs a day and should of only last her alittle less then 26 days.Last time i talked with her was 2 weks on the phone and i pointed it out again and instead of curseing her out i just said let me go im busy.We talked everyday on the phone and she has tried to call me once.Im just waiting for my brother to call me.Michelle thinks you think she stole your pills.He wouls say she didnt steal your da** pills.When she steals from her owe mom.I know she would from me as well.I pray to GOD that im right for acuseing her but,thier is no one else to blame.There is only like a 2% chance she didnt.I know your thinking why is she talling me as this.I someone to here about it and tell me what they would think,or do.I hope im not wrong if i didnt know of what all she has stolen i wouldnt feel so sure of it.These people rob walmart $500.00 at a time in clothes,groceries,and tells me its easy.Always braging about sh** like that.So i have 2 sub. left and i dont have the money to go see doc, or get some off the script.I not working as ou probley have read in the other post and my husband is just picking up odd jobs.About to loose my truck,phone,and lord i dont know what i would do without my phone .I talk while i clean probley couldnt get the house clean without it.LOL....Then my internet of my nights are here til 3 to 4 am in the morning.This is my enjoyment.lol...Fill me in with you .Whats going on? Im here going to fix the kids something to eat.......But,i will be back in a few.crystal
Shoot Crystal, That really sucks. My ex used to tear the house apart looking for my prescriptions. Sounds like you're in a pinch. But you know, many on here quit because of the very same reasons. I don't know about you, but at my worst as I scrambled with my Dr. and the internet scripts, trying so hard to never run out, just living my life avoiding w/d, I still knew there would come a day when it would happen. And of course if did. More then once. And now I don't have to live that way anymore. I've been through some hellish w/d, when I knew there are things worse then death, (oxy and xanax) but I don't have to do it anymore. HAven't had either in months. You need to break up those last subs as small as you can. Skip a day too if possible. I've seen people on here who've steppped off of low amounts of sub w/o too much trouble. Your sis in law probably did take them. I've stolen from lortab from my mom many times. It's what addicts do.
But when everyone around you is using, it's going to be tough. I think something like NA/AA might be very good for you. No fee, plus some nonm-using people in your life who can help find a new way to live. There can come an acceptance that w/d isi nevitable and survivable. Wouldn't it be cool to not have to guard your bottle of pills because you don't have one anymore...don't need one? Don't need to fear tomorrow? I sure hope crystal that everything works out for you. I do know in my heart it would seem a lot more managable if you didn't have to worry about pills.
I don't mean to say you've not been doing great stopping all the opiates and getting on sub. You've obviously come so far. That's really great Crystal and you should be proud. But if you can't get any more right away, maybe you shuld consider c/t when you're out. Just please don't go back on the opiates cuz you were stolen from. Don't be a victim twice. I wish you all the best and am here every weekend to talk. Don't post much during the week as of where I work. Just try to think it through. What will best serve you and your family. I'll check in later to see if you're around. I'm very sorry you've been put in this bind.
Love Beck
But when everyone around you is using, it's going to be tough. I think something like NA/AA might be very good for you. No fee, plus some nonm-using people in your life who can help find a new way to live. There can come an acceptance that w/d isi nevitable and survivable. Wouldn't it be cool to not have to guard your bottle of pills because you don't have one anymore...don't need one? Don't need to fear tomorrow? I sure hope crystal that everything works out for you. I do know in my heart it would seem a lot more managable if you didn't have to worry about pills.
I don't mean to say you've not been doing great stopping all the opiates and getting on sub. You've obviously come so far. That's really great Crystal and you should be proud. But if you can't get any more right away, maybe you shuld consider c/t when you're out. Just please don't go back on the opiates cuz you were stolen from. Don't be a victim twice. I wish you all the best and am here every weekend to talk. Don't post much during the week as of where I work. Just try to think it through. What will best serve you and your family. I'll check in later to see if you're around. I'm very sorry you've been put in this bind.
Love Beck
Hey,beck sorry i wasnt around when you posted.I had to get things done so i want be overloaded with things to do before we head out to trick or treat.How long have you been off the pills?.I very proud for you ive tried cold trukey serval times and i just always have went back to useing even once went 2 months or alittle longer.i still felt bad and it was christmas .I thought i would get a few just to make it on my big shopping for that one night.I only bought 2 and the friend gave me 6 .The next day i took them all and it was back in my dr. all over again.I use to could handle anything that was a problem .Id would fix it and could help others also.Have always worked since 16 and i feel bad that i dont work to help my husband.The pills have mad me weak and not be able to handle things as i use to.I just wish so much wasnt on my plate all at once.Yeah i probley am going to use these last few sub. as less as posiable.I try not to fuss with my husband about any of this the job,money,addication,bills .I feel i have no right to do that after all that i have put him through and the money i have used on my pills .Myself not working and i dont feel comtorable around people i probley couldnt hold a job.I have come a long way but,theres still alot i need to address with my addication.I know aa/na and all that i need it.I really know this i live in the county way in the country and gas is so high.I have a mountaineer and it takes alot of gas.Im about 40 miles to a na/aa and i just dont have the gas for this.I live 15 mile to the next town and all they have is 2 gas stations ,post office ,health department.I didnt want to reside here in the boones.But,my husband own land here and its next to his family.He would never move or sell this.If i go to town i try to get everything i need to make it a week or so at the time.Things are not getting any cheaper .I dont mean to keep on complain ing about my money problem but i helps me to tell someone.I just feel better saying what i feel and my husband dont want to talk about it.Also about my moms death he gets mad when someone brings it up.When i cry he says dont cry and dont talk about it. So,he feels its best that way when i have learn it helps to tell someone.Ive held it in for over a year pretended she was still here and just gone on vacation.I finally said shes not comeing back.Ive been trying to deal with it so,my greving has not long started .i read a book about greving and i said its something you have to do in order to get on with your life.Well,thats enough about me
How is Tracey doing?I havent talked with her in a long time.Is she clean?Has canada got sub. approved there yet?I hope she remembers me all well.I have just really been dropping in reading and post every once in awhile.I firgured it would help for me to come back and post more offen to help me stay on the right track.So i can saywhat i feel and others can yell at me for it.Just to keep me straight i guess .I remember i posted on a tread and was giveing places to order sub. online and cowgirl jumped me about it .i didnt know it was wrong.Being it was something to help with addication.I had all good intention and others didnt see it like that.So i quit posting my opion here until a few weeks ago.JMO and everyone has different ones.You know what i mean.But,i know cowgirl has been here a long time and she has alot of friends here and is well thought of.I Read her post and now i see she has alot to offer.She gives good advice and can help the ones that are new and even the old ones that dont have the time in recovery as she does.I hate to go i could stay all morning already been here all night.Well,it 3:45am im off to bed.Good night ...thanks for listens and your prayers for my family ............thanks crystal
How is Tracey doing?I havent talked with her in a long time.Is she clean?Has canada got sub. approved there yet?I hope she remembers me all well.I have just really been dropping in reading and post every once in awhile.I firgured it would help for me to come back and post more offen to help me stay on the right track.So i can saywhat i feel and others can yell at me for it.Just to keep me straight i guess .I remember i posted on a tread and was giveing places to order sub. online and cowgirl jumped me about it .i didnt know it was wrong.Being it was something to help with addication.I had all good intention and others didnt see it like that.So i quit posting my opion here until a few weeks ago.JMO and everyone has different ones.You know what i mean.But,i know cowgirl has been here a long time and she has alot of friends here and is well thought of.I Read her post and now i see she has alot to offer.She gives good advice and can help the ones that are new and even the old ones that dont have the time in recovery as she does.I hate to go i could stay all morning already been here all night.Well,it 3:45am im off to bed.Good night ...thanks for listens and your prayers for my family ............thanks crystal
Bumps for beck ..........