haia
that is exactly how i feel,im going no where,for the first time in seven trs lastnight i used without my bf,i cant believe i did it what we have always said is were in this together ,we dont need to hide things,i thought i felt the same,but he is doing so well i dont want to pull him back down with me,theres a woman about 8 doors away,sells a few bags so in the middle ov the night,i check they are all asleep ,go and see if her lights are on was half hoping they werent,but they were ,and i got it my one pissy bag,got home trying to be so quiet doing it,kept hearing noises every min thinking i was going toget caught,i didnt even enjoy it i was that scared,cos if he would ov caught me or finds out it will not be good forus,i cant believe i would do this just for that,i dont even know my self anymore,i dont know my self without some sort ov drugs since i was about 16,sad,i know.i know i dont much like the person i am right now,havnt had anything today,apart from my meth and now a bottle ov winemy legfs feel restless and i have some stomach cramps,but i know its my own doing,my bf has gone to work for the night ,he works two days then two 12 hour night shifts,till 6 in the morning,my girls are asleep,and i knoe i wont leav them alone so i cant go out tonight and ive no cred in my phone so it doesnt look like ill be getting some tonight,i dont feel to bad,i just wish my head could forget it just for a bit,
seren***
serene-wow-you are courageous girl--to keep coming here and sharing with us-you need a supportr group--and maybe right now this is all you can access-have you ever been to a 12 step meeting--it can really help--they arent gonna judge you-theyve all been there too-its kinda like this place just in person. the alcohol will only intensify whatver you are feeling-but i also kno how you feel--anything thatll make the agony go away-go for walks take baths girl--get outta that house(if you can) you goptta FIGHT im rootin for you-try to get some na literature-oh man i wish you were in my city id be over there to help if i could (with ,my support group ) you are tough and dont let the guilt beatr you up--you have a disease,you are ok-be honest if its bothering you too much--all my love and pryers to you
Hunny don't beat yourself up over that one bag that you didn't much enjoy anyway. The road to recovery is full of bumps like that. But do learn from how bad you're feeling now. But you ain't doin this for your guy, you're doin this for you. Why not talk to him bout how hard you're finding it? You said he seems to be finding it easy...I'll bet he ain't. You might just find he's finding it as hard as you and then you can really be honest with each other and get more support from him.
We're all proud of how well you're doing. It's a long hard road and we're with you, every step of the way.
Maddy x
We're all proud of how well you're doing. It's a long hard road and we're with you, every step of the way.
Maddy x
Serene..i can really sympathise with ya...a few yrs. back when i was trying to get off...i had a night just like yours..g/f..sick in bed..i bell my dealer its 1am so im off down the rd.cept my g/f got the keys and i cant wake her coz like yerself it would cause major grief...we were livin in a not too great tower block in East London...did i think about anyone comin in..no just the smack that would be the only visitor to me...very selfish.Try and cut down and how much meth.are ya takin you might want to up yer dose if its to low....best of luck in yer battle......Davey
Thats it though Serene its not you, its the drugs. Dont feel bad about what you done. I think its best that you kept it to yourself. I am not saying lying is good but am just saying that maybe if your partner knew what you were doing then he would have a go too???
Although if he knew what was going through your head then maybe he would help you through them temptations??
The situation is slightly different for me because I aint an addict, my partner is and he lies to me constantly when there is no need too. I think I know everything there is to know about what he is doing and how he feels etc. The thing is I know I cant help him because he aint helping himself right now. I think I know what I have to do to, its just I am a coward and love him far to much to throw everything away. One day he will sort himself out but I love him so much that I will stand by him.
Keep it up...keep trying. If at first you dont succeed....DONT GIVE UP!! TRY AND TRY AND TRY AND TRY AGAIN. Its not very often that an addict succeeds the first time at giving it up. Each times makes you stronger and each time makes you more determined!!
Lynds xx
Although if he knew what was going through your head then maybe he would help you through them temptations??
The situation is slightly different for me because I aint an addict, my partner is and he lies to me constantly when there is no need too. I think I know everything there is to know about what he is doing and how he feels etc. The thing is I know I cant help him because he aint helping himself right now. I think I know what I have to do to, its just I am a coward and love him far to much to throw everything away. One day he will sort himself out but I love him so much that I will stand by him.
Keep it up...keep trying. If at first you dont succeed....DONT GIVE UP!! TRY AND TRY AND TRY AND TRY AGAIN. Its not very often that an addict succeeds the first time at giving it up. Each times makes you stronger and each time makes you more determined!!
Lynds xx
