The meaning of insanity:
Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results, but things never change.
How many times do we need to hit ourselves in the head before we realize how distructive this disease is?
Using allowed me to go to that place where no one could hurt me and I didn't have to feel..... how wrong I was.
Sobriety is a journey of joyful discovery. Each day brings new experience, awareness, greater hope, deeper faith, broader tolerence. I must maintain these attributes or I will have nothing to pass on.
Great events for the recovering addict are the normal everyday joys, found in being able to live another day.
The only problems I have now, are those I create when I break out in a rash of self will.
Time to move on... the past is not working for us.
CG
thanks cowgirl, i needed to hear that
take care
carol
take care
carol
You too, Carol.
Love you
CG
Love you
CG
i wanted to bump this post up to the top because i believe this one runs deep for every single one of us,why is it our way didn't work and we have continued to fall flat on our faces even knowing the destanation we were heading,here's why i did it,for number one i'm an addict physical pain or not it dosen't matter,and also i pretty much had a death wish because i did't fell worthy of myself a very low selfesteem which i'm sure a couple on here can relate,anyways i felt this post deservers to be on the top of the deck.................vinny.
I really needed to hear that this morning Thanks Cowgirl! I'm on 24 hours clean exactly. I slept about a hour all together. But the thing I was wondering all night and this morning was .....What do I do now? I have been high, numb, and out of control for so long. But your post told me. My way isn't working so anything but my way of using would be a great start:)
Love,
Sarah
Love,
Sarah
Hey Sarah;
Right now focus on getting thru the physical wd's, and also consider getting to an NA or AA meeting for support. It won't be too long till the physical symptons are gone...that's when you'll really want to have the beginnings of a recovery foundation in place. Connecting with other addicts face-to-face is the primary reason I'm staying clean and why my life is getting better everyday. If you haven't already done so give it a try.
Good luck;
Jim
Right now focus on getting thru the physical wd's, and also consider getting to an NA or AA meeting for support. It won't be too long till the physical symptons are gone...that's when you'll really want to have the beginnings of a recovery foundation in place. Connecting with other addicts face-to-face is the primary reason I'm staying clean and why my life is getting better everyday. If you haven't already done so give it a try.
Good luck;
Jim
hey vinny, many of us feel we have more shortcomings and limitations than positive attributes. and then, somewhere a long the way, we accept ourselves just as we are and just as we were created. and we realize sometimes, though we often forget, that we were created for a specific purpose -- to be just who we are, where we are, when we are and how we are. we didn't creat ourselves, we were created.
that word "acceptance" is a big, big word.
and you know what ?, by God and by most people, we are loved and accepted just as we are.
so we come to "accept" and we come to really, really know ourselves. kind of like with an inventory -- good points and not so good points. we bring them to consciousness in a very determined way. then, in a positive way, we accentuate the good points and our not so good diminish -- they are crowded out. and we ask God to remove our not so good points, our shortcomings so to speak -- as He is willing to do that for us, because many times we cannot do it for ourselves and He wants us to Christ-like -- like his son. if it's what we call "sin" in our life, he'll eventually remove it if we just keep asking forgiveness and expressing remorse, and don't give up -- those are powerful.
and to me, there is nothing more effective in dealing with self esteem as an adult as meditating on the fact that were were created by God, he created us to know him and to love him and to serve him, and to be happy with Him. he created us for a special purpose. and if we, as best we can, align our will and what we say and what we do with that purpose, then we are "esteemed." we can't help but be esteemed. for we are serving the purpose for which we were created.
we just need to work on assentuating and builing on our long suits (i assume you play cards), throwing away or getting rid of the 2s, 3s, and 4s, and the short suits, and remembering the game we are in -- which is this life we were each given."
God loves you, man. and he don't wish you no harm.
peace.
CG,
Really nice post---I needed to read that today.
Really nice post---I needed to read that today.
Man, I was insane for a long time....doing the same thing and expecting different results was a way of life for me.
Time to do things different, and just as importantly, continue to do so.
Redd
Hey CG,
I know what your saying. I have done the same thing over and over again! I have taken pain meds on and off since 1996. I have detoxed at home alone and never received outside help, face to face support etc. Months and months even a year once totally clean and repalsed. I picked myself up and started over.
I have 3 months clean today. My way has not worked out for me in the past because I always went back to using. I have often thought about going to a meeting,seeking counseling etc. It just hasn't happened yet. Having 3 children living at home I just haven't found the time to beable to do something different yet. Hopefully oneday things will be different in the future and I'll make time. So til then I will take it one day at a time. Anyway thanks for the post. It's nice someone reminds me my way didn't work. Sometimes I need a kick in the butt to make me think about it.
Take care! Rae
I know what your saying. I have done the same thing over and over again! I have taken pain meds on and off since 1996. I have detoxed at home alone and never received outside help, face to face support etc. Months and months even a year once totally clean and repalsed. I picked myself up and started over.
I have 3 months clean today. My way has not worked out for me in the past because I always went back to using. I have often thought about going to a meeting,seeking counseling etc. It just hasn't happened yet. Having 3 children living at home I just haven't found the time to beable to do something different yet. Hopefully oneday things will be different in the future and I'll make time. So til then I will take it one day at a time. Anyway thanks for the post. It's nice someone reminds me my way didn't work. Sometimes I need a kick in the butt to make me think about it.
Take care! Rae
hey bob i hear what your sayin but i was watchig john hagee ministries on the tube yesterday and the topic was conterfit christans,and it made me stop and think real hard about myself and what i mean by that is do i really put god before myself,everybody and everything?because if not i will not be paroned from my sins and will not make it to heaven,i am to discontect myself from the ways of the world and foucous myself 100 percent to gods will and not my own,and it also mentione's in the bible that though's of us that are luke warm meaning not hot nor cold on the day of judgement he will spew us from his mouth,and say part from me for i have never known you,it made me feel real sad and lonley as if i will never meet his approval,anyhow i called the doctor and canceled my appt for thursday for my percocets which was very diffacult,the reciponest wanted to know why and i told her that i have a problem takeing them as percrisbed,and all she said was she would make the doctor aware of my problem,so in one way i'm happy and in another way i want to chew my tounge off,i just hope god knows i'm really tryin and will except me for who i am...........vinny.
Huge step, Vinny. I know you feel like an idiot for cutting off your sources, but isn't it empowering too? You won this round...
Love you
Lisa
Love you
Lisa
lisa thank you,to be truthful i have mixed emontions right now about that and if i measure up to what god expects from me and can i do it,it seems almost impossible to be sin free living in todays society and that worry's me alot,it says that no one that carry's sin no matter how great or small will suffer total seperation from god for eterinty,that scares me to death,don't get me wrong i am doing better now than ever before[but is it really good enough?] i feel very lost and sad at the moment,i feel i will never measure up.................vinny.
There is no perfection in this world, Vin. We are human after all.
Be the man you know you can be (do I sound like an Army commercial?) and that's the best you can do. Take care of your family, honor your wife, go to church and stay off of the drugs. That's all you can do. I don't think God expects perfect adherance to every commandment and principle.
You won today, you took control. Be happy buddy....
Lisa
Be the man you know you can be (do I sound like an Army commercial?) and that's the best you can do. Take care of your family, honor your wife, go to church and stay off of the drugs. That's all you can do. I don't think God expects perfect adherance to every commandment and principle.
You won today, you took control. Be happy buddy....
Lisa
hey, vinny, i agree with lisa, and now it's terrific that you are working on "recovery" issues and "sobriety," not just obsessing about staying clean -- although staying clean is important. some say, work on recovery and staying clean will be a happy by-product.
i'll react to your post in this way: don't get all caught up in being perfect. there was only one who was perfect that walked this earth and we are supposed to imitate Him, but we all have our shortcomings. he came to help us with those, not to condemn us or make us feel that we aren't good enough. none of us are.
vinny, from my experience, we grow in our spiritual life over time. we take a little seed of faith, and then make a lifetime of growing it. we take a little hope, and we work on improving it. we take a little bit of service towards others, or love, and it grows. in nature, from little acorns, big oaks grow. it's like that in our love of God and neighbor, and in our love for ourselves. the more we grow in knowledge of the Father and Jesus and the Holy Spirit, the more we love Him and the more we want to center ourselves around Him and the love he shows us. then, he'll usually put us to work, doing something to serve others.
so please don't get caught up in the condemnation aspects of some. God would rather us love Him than fear him. but fear can bring us to love.
with scripture, if i may make an observation, don't just take one verse and center your thoughts around it. various scripture verses need to be synethesized and read together to get their full meaning and how they relate to each other. i think it's best to meditate on scripture and pray with it, than to use it as a "rule book" or a measuring stick. i know some take a different approach to scripture.
you are a good Chrisian, don't start thinking otherwise. none of us are worthy of the gifts God gives us. none of us are worthy of salvation or redemption. thank God for his mercy -- i know i need it. and He gives it freely.
God is not like a lot of human beings. so we can't think in human terms. he accepts us just like we are. just the way we are. just where we are. with all our failings and shortcomings. and he loves us to Himself.
he calls us. sometimes in the middle of the night. sometimes when we are in trouble. sometimes when we quiet ourselves enough to listen to him speak to us. sometimes while looking at nature. sometimes, we we observe the star lite sky at night. sometimes when we start looking at a flower blooming. sometimes when we are out fishing and the vastness of his bounty dawns on us. or we start contemplating all the different kinds of fish that he created, each with a special purpose. such order in the universe !
and he doesn't call us to condemn us. or put us down. or humiliate us.
just the opposite -- He will love us until we are able to love ourselves.
the God of my understanding is full of gentleness and compassion.
and mercy.
we do little of this "God work" on our own power. it all a gift.
peace, vinny.
hey, vinny. none of us will ever be sin free. we aren't God.
please accept that fact, or you will have a serious "blockage" in growth in your spiritual life.
by "accept" i mean look at it, take it as reality, embrace it, acknowledge it, mull it over, and hold on to it.
we all fall short. we ask for forgiveness. we ask God to remove our shortcomings. we do what we can to avoid the "near occasion." if we fail or fall short again, we ask for forgiveness again.
it's all a process, not a one time event.
rae, you sound as though you have a desire for 12 Step recovery and a willingness to be open to it, but the pressures of the day inhibit you.
if i may make a suggestion, and it is only a suggestion, get your hands on a copy of what is called the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and spend a little time each day, say 15 minutes, reading it. you may be surprised what you find there, and it's a start, until you have time to devote to it. you can spend the next 6 months working on Step 1 -- the significant part of working the steps is not where you are with them, but that we are daily working some one part of them. it's a lifetime of exploration.
it's available at most barnes and noble bookstores. amazon will deliver a used one to your door for less than $10. actually, the full text is available online free of charge on the Alcoholics Anonymous website. you deserve it.
peace.
if i may make a suggestion, and it is only a suggestion, get your hands on a copy of what is called the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and spend a little time each day, say 15 minutes, reading it. you may be surprised what you find there, and it's a start, until you have time to devote to it. you can spend the next 6 months working on Step 1 -- the significant part of working the steps is not where you are with them, but that we are daily working some one part of them. it's a lifetime of exploration.
it's available at most barnes and noble bookstores. amazon will deliver a used one to your door for less than $10. actually, the full text is available online free of charge on the Alcoholics Anonymous website. you deserve it.
peace.
Thanks Bob I will look into getting one. I am open to any and all suggestions.
Also the post you just made to Vinny was pretty much exactly what I said to him in an e-mail. We are not perfect we all sin, ask for forgivness and allow God to be the 1st priority in your life. Let him be your best friend, lean on him, have faith in him and he'll be there unconditionally. Rae
Also the post you just made to Vinny was pretty much exactly what I said to him in an e-mail. We are not perfect we all sin, ask for forgivness and allow God to be the 1st priority in your life. Let him be your best friend, lean on him, have faith in him and he'll be there unconditionally. Rae
Rae... another good suggestion is the big book of NA. I related to it, so much more than the AA big book in the beginning. Now I can just replace the word drug with alcohol...
Bob... how did you get so smart? lol
Cowgirl
Bob... how did you get so smart? lol
Cowgirl
school of hard knocks -- and living long enough to be able to look back.
if you know what i mean.
