id like to just share a thought about step 3 - "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the CARE of God as we understood Him."
i bet the word CARE is the most-often omitted word in the big book. i hear people in meetings frequently talking about turning their will and their lives over to God. but that's not what it says.
at Step 3, most of us don't know God; i mean, we've been drugging/drinking and
dying of our addictions, and we haven't spent a whole lot of time developing any kind of a spiritual life. we don't know what would happen if we give our lives over to God's "control." will i have to go be a missionary in africa? will i have to sell all my possessions? will i have to go to church? will i have to become a religious
fanatic? will i have to go door to door giving Bible studies? we sure don't want to make any commitments like that.
but that's not what the step says. it says "the CARE of God."
if i give you the keys to my house while i'm on vacation, does that mean i've given you ownership of my house? of course not. it means i have entrusted my house to you. i have left it in your CARE. i have reason to believe that you will care for it and protect it the best way you know how. it's still my house. my name is still on the deed.
a store owner hires a manager to make important business decisions and manage the store. the owner entrusts this person with his store because he has reason to believe this person will make the right decisions and cause good things to happen in the store. but the sign outside still bears the store owner's name. the owner has simply turned the store over to the CARE of a new manager.
when it comes to my life, well... it's still my life. i'm not being asked to give ownership away. i'm simply making a decision to hire a new manager when i take step 3.
so how do i know God will care for my life and protect me if i "give Him the keys?" well... all i have to do is look around the rooms of pills anonymous, narcotics anonymous, alcoholics anonymous and listen to the people who say they have 30-days, or 6-months, or 1-year, or 5-years, or 30-years of sobriety. SOMETHING is working for them. if they tell me that God's care has impacted their lives in a positive way, then perhaps i can have reason to believe that God's care can impact my life, too.
and so then the question becomes, "HOW do i turn my will and my life over to the care of God as i understand Him?"
and the answer is, by taking steps 4 through 12.
i hope this has helped someone here today.
safely in God's care, i thank you for letting me share.
namaste'
sammy
Dear Sammy,
I loved that post. It meant the world to me, as all of your posts do. Your reflection is self-evident, and your knowledge and interpretation of the "Big Book" is priceless.
I'm so proud to know you, Sammy. I think we all are blessed to know you. If MR. CHIEF JUSTICE MARSHALL were alive, he'd be blessed to know you. I hope all is well in beautiful Virginia.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, my dear friend.
Ben
I loved that post. It meant the world to me, as all of your posts do. Your reflection is self-evident, and your knowledge and interpretation of the "Big Book" is priceless.
I'm so proud to know you, Sammy. I think we all are blessed to know you. If MR. CHIEF JUSTICE MARSHALL were alive, he'd be blessed to know you. I hope all is well in beautiful Virginia.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, my dear friend.
Ben
sweet chuckle, chuckle, chuckle my dear ben -
i had a case a few weeks ago at the john marshall courts building in richmond. let me just say that not only was the chief justice, his honorable john marshall was smiling down on us - so was the ultimate CHIEF OF JUSTICE, GOD.
my nephew, a dear, brilliant, young man of 26 who had the world by the ya ya's, was killed in an automobile accident last february. drunk driver ran the vehicle he was a passenger in off the road. michelle, his bride was in her third year at marshall-wyeth school of law school, william and mary. if memory serves me, marshall-wyeth is the second oldest law school in the united states, behind harvard. in addition, michelle's father was killed in an automobile accident 4 years prior to this by a drunk driver. how poetic can justice be? it has been 6 months since i have seen michelle.
the irony was, as the jury was in deliberation i was outside of the courtroom with our clients when i noticed the back of this young woman walking into the clerk's office. i thought, gosh - is that michelle? about 10 minutes later she walked out and i knew it was her.
we hugged - exchanged some dear, heart-felt conversation - and went on to talk about why she was there and why i was there. she was clerking for the court - our stories were similar in the pursuit of justice.
in her adversity, she completed law school and sat for the bar this past summer. this i already knew from my sister and brother in law - i dunno, can't let too many birds get too far away from the nest, even if it's from afar. i'm so proud of her and stand back in awe of the incredible force of trust and love that has brought her to where she is today. for even in her angst and pain of losing her precious husband of just 2 years, she has hung onto the belief that she is being CARED for by the most incredible force of love that the universe has to offer. the love = God.
my dear friend, ben - the weather here in virginia today has been gorgeous - sweet virginia breeze - high 80's with sunshine abounding; kind of odd for this time of year. i was in ft. la de da, florida last week this time on a retreat with some women in recovery. i was reminded of the weather we experienced there. summer heat searing our bodies as we sat on the beach of the ocean - the sun peeking out over the morning clouds spitting laughter in our faces - we were laughing, loving, sharing our innermost intimacies. gosh dang - recovery is so absolutely awesome!
not too sure of where i'm going with this except your message back to me brought a smile to my heart.
thank you for loving me today. give love in action. our works of love are nothing but works of peace. let us do them with greater love and efficiency: each in his or her own work, in daily life, at home and with one's neighbor. be happy and at peace.
namaste'
sammy
dsam2u@comcast.net
i had a case a few weeks ago at the john marshall courts building in richmond. let me just say that not only was the chief justice, his honorable john marshall was smiling down on us - so was the ultimate CHIEF OF JUSTICE, GOD.
my nephew, a dear, brilliant, young man of 26 who had the world by the ya ya's, was killed in an automobile accident last february. drunk driver ran the vehicle he was a passenger in off the road. michelle, his bride was in her third year at marshall-wyeth school of law school, william and mary. if memory serves me, marshall-wyeth is the second oldest law school in the united states, behind harvard. in addition, michelle's father was killed in an automobile accident 4 years prior to this by a drunk driver. how poetic can justice be? it has been 6 months since i have seen michelle.
the irony was, as the jury was in deliberation i was outside of the courtroom with our clients when i noticed the back of this young woman walking into the clerk's office. i thought, gosh - is that michelle? about 10 minutes later she walked out and i knew it was her.
we hugged - exchanged some dear, heart-felt conversation - and went on to talk about why she was there and why i was there. she was clerking for the court - our stories were similar in the pursuit of justice.
in her adversity, she completed law school and sat for the bar this past summer. this i already knew from my sister and brother in law - i dunno, can't let too many birds get too far away from the nest, even if it's from afar. i'm so proud of her and stand back in awe of the incredible force of trust and love that has brought her to where she is today. for even in her angst and pain of losing her precious husband of just 2 years, she has hung onto the belief that she is being CARED for by the most incredible force of love that the universe has to offer. the love = God.
my dear friend, ben - the weather here in virginia today has been gorgeous - sweet virginia breeze - high 80's with sunshine abounding; kind of odd for this time of year. i was in ft. la de da, florida last week this time on a retreat with some women in recovery. i was reminded of the weather we experienced there. summer heat searing our bodies as we sat on the beach of the ocean - the sun peeking out over the morning clouds spitting laughter in our faces - we were laughing, loving, sharing our innermost intimacies. gosh dang - recovery is so absolutely awesome!
not too sure of where i'm going with this except your message back to me brought a smile to my heart.
thank you for loving me today. give love in action. our works of love are nothing but works of peace. let us do them with greater love and efficiency: each in his or her own work, in daily life, at home and with one's neighbor. be happy and at peace.
namaste'
sammy
dsam2u@comcast.net
Sammy,
As usuall that was awsome. You are for sure the real deal and not only am I glad we met, but I'm proud your my friend and I love ya'. You have been a big part of my recovery and God willing it'll always be that way.
Take care....................................God bless........................................Bob
As usuall that was awsome. You are for sure the real deal and not only am I glad we met, but I'm proud your my friend and I love ya'. You have been a big part of my recovery and God willing it'll always be that way.
Take care....................................God bless........................................Bob
Sammy:
I love ya', too. You are such an inspiration and an example of working the program. Thanks.
Rachel
I love ya', too. You are such an inspiration and an example of working the program. Thanks.
Rachel
Sammy, I had a really hard time with that one. I just do it like this:
I pray, and when I am faced with a desicion that I have trouble with, I listen for the little voice I know to be Gods will...
My problem used to be doing what the little voice said.
I do get confused sometimes between God's will and my own. Especially now, God has sent some people in my life to help me, or so I thought. But they turned out to only hurt me.
So, if I don't drink or take vics, I think that is his will right now. And the rest will come. I hope...
kerry
I pray, and when I am faced with a desicion that I have trouble with, I listen for the little voice I know to be Gods will...
My problem used to be doing what the little voice said.
I do get confused sometimes between God's will and my own. Especially now, God has sent some people in my life to help me, or so I thought. But they turned out to only hurt me.
So, if I don't drink or take vics, I think that is his will right now. And the rest will come. I hope...
kerry
mornin' rach -
everytime i write your abbreviated name (rach) i think of one of my faovrite composers, rachmaninov - hmmm - let me pull up windows media player and put the rach 3 on now. ahhhhh - 'dats mo' bettah! :))
i've enjoyed reading your messages and watching you go - grow - glow in your journey of sobriety! i'm looking forward to reading more from you, rach - your message is sweet and pure and my heart thanks you.
love ya -
sammy
________
kerry - lots of people have a difficult time with step 3. when i found myself having difficulty with a step, it usually helped to go back and re-read the previous step i had worked for clarification of what i needed to do next. of course, this was under the guide of my sponsor - a person who guided me with her experience, strength and hope in the program. at the time i started working the steps, my sponsor had 13 years of sobriety and i liked what i heard her share.
those little voices (committees that go on in our heads without adult supervision) baffled me a bit too! someone once shared when your head and gut don't match, something is usually not right. i received a lot of mixed messages early in recovery and found that when i really got quiet - cut out all of the extraneous noise and confusion going on around me an breathe in the stillness, my mind becomes more open to feel the next right thing that i need to do.
i love what you say about not drinking or taking pills. i heard that message a lot too and believe this was my inutition/higher self making itself known to me - nudging me, encouraging me to just let it go - let it be - and trust that this message was coming from my innermost sacred place of love. it's a process - just as step 2 teaches us - "we came to believe that Power much greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." the mere fact that this step says "we came to believe" tells me that this is a process. when i use pills or mood altering substances, it is impossible for me to continue on this journey/process of my spirit awakening. it's like i come to a stop sign, close my mind and get stuck in pool of quicksand. one pill is always too many and one thousand is never enough for this addict.
just like you, i find more is revealed to me when i don't use and do the next right thing. we don't use - no matter what!
i was reading something the other day that i have posted below. it's from dr. bob and the good oldtimers. i adore this message because for so long i would sit around the rooms, envious of what i saw in others, copping attitudes that were negative to my recovery process...absolutely unable to get honest, open-minded and willing. i wanted what they had but was unwilling to work for it. for some reason i supposed it was to be instantly given to me. after all - that had been the life pattern i had learned/developed up to this point - being instantly gratified.
a little willingness, action, and a whole lot of quiet time and prayer is what it took for me. along with allowing those who had walked before me to love me until i was able to do so for myself.
be still, be still, be still...the answers will come. we already have all we need within. we just have to give ourselves the opportunity to hear it.
hey - thanks for letting me share this morning.
namaste'
sammy
______________
From "'As Dr. Bob said...:'"
"On his desk, Dr. Bob had a plaque defining
humility: 'Perpetual quietness of heart. It is
to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted
or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing
that is done to me, to feel nothing done against
me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me,
and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a
blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut
the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be
at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all
around and about is seeming trouble.'"
c. 1980, Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers, page 222
everytime i write your abbreviated name (rach) i think of one of my faovrite composers, rachmaninov - hmmm - let me pull up windows media player and put the rach 3 on now. ahhhhh - 'dats mo' bettah! :))
i've enjoyed reading your messages and watching you go - grow - glow in your journey of sobriety! i'm looking forward to reading more from you, rach - your message is sweet and pure and my heart thanks you.
love ya -
sammy
________
kerry - lots of people have a difficult time with step 3. when i found myself having difficulty with a step, it usually helped to go back and re-read the previous step i had worked for clarification of what i needed to do next. of course, this was under the guide of my sponsor - a person who guided me with her experience, strength and hope in the program. at the time i started working the steps, my sponsor had 13 years of sobriety and i liked what i heard her share.
those little voices (committees that go on in our heads without adult supervision) baffled me a bit too! someone once shared when your head and gut don't match, something is usually not right. i received a lot of mixed messages early in recovery and found that when i really got quiet - cut out all of the extraneous noise and confusion going on around me an breathe in the stillness, my mind becomes more open to feel the next right thing that i need to do.
i love what you say about not drinking or taking pills. i heard that message a lot too and believe this was my inutition/higher self making itself known to me - nudging me, encouraging me to just let it go - let it be - and trust that this message was coming from my innermost sacred place of love. it's a process - just as step 2 teaches us - "we came to believe that Power much greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." the mere fact that this step says "we came to believe" tells me that this is a process. when i use pills or mood altering substances, it is impossible for me to continue on this journey/process of my spirit awakening. it's like i come to a stop sign, close my mind and get stuck in pool of quicksand. one pill is always too many and one thousand is never enough for this addict.
just like you, i find more is revealed to me when i don't use and do the next right thing. we don't use - no matter what!
i was reading something the other day that i have posted below. it's from dr. bob and the good oldtimers. i adore this message because for so long i would sit around the rooms, envious of what i saw in others, copping attitudes that were negative to my recovery process...absolutely unable to get honest, open-minded and willing. i wanted what they had but was unwilling to work for it. for some reason i supposed it was to be instantly given to me. after all - that had been the life pattern i had learned/developed up to this point - being instantly gratified.
a little willingness, action, and a whole lot of quiet time and prayer is what it took for me. along with allowing those who had walked before me to love me until i was able to do so for myself.
be still, be still, be still...the answers will come. we already have all we need within. we just have to give ourselves the opportunity to hear it.
hey - thanks for letting me share this morning.
namaste'
sammy
______________
From "'As Dr. Bob said...:'"
"On his desk, Dr. Bob had a plaque defining
humility: 'Perpetual quietness of heart. It is
to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted
or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing
that is done to me, to feel nothing done against
me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me,
and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a
blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut
the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be
at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all
around and about is seeming trouble.'"
c. 1980, Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers, page 222
wow sammy, I liked your share..
I am not there yet..I wish when I knealt all i felt was peace..it is still all churned up there.
I have 90 days, but I swear I would chuck it if there was a substance that would offer oblivion..
but I know it won't.
I am supposed to be at a meeting that one of my friends wants me to go to. I hate this meeting because a) you can't hear because it is outside
b) it is cliquey
c) I have already been to a meeting today and had to leave because of anxiety
d) i am finding every exuse not to go..
but I like what you said..
I am not there yet..I wish when I knealt all i felt was peace..it is still all churned up there.
I have 90 days, but I swear I would chuck it if there was a substance that would offer oblivion..
but I know it won't.
I am supposed to be at a meeting that one of my friends wants me to go to. I hate this meeting because a) you can't hear because it is outside
b) it is cliquey
c) I have already been to a meeting today and had to leave because of anxiety
d) i am finding every exuse not to go..
but I like what you said..
OK, Kerry, now youre starting to sound exactly like me - finding every excuse in the book not to go to a meeting tonight. I get anxiety attacks there sometimes too - I wonder why that is?
Love,
Marie
Love,
Marie
Kerry:
I've always been told that when I don't want to go to a meeting, go to a meeting!
Rach
I've always been told that when I don't want to go to a meeting, go to a meeting!
Rach
I know why, because I am on tramadol. I guess in my heart, that isn't honest, and I have a really hard time saying I have 90 days when I have been taking tramadol. I am taking it for pain, but sometimes it makes me look loaded..like a junkie.
I honestly don't want to take that, either. I take it for pain, but on my sheet from the treatment, it was on the not allowed list.
so, I don't know what the hell to do....
plus, I never go to that meeting...i hate it.
I honestly don't want to take that, either. I take it for pain, but on my sheet from the treatment, it was on the not allowed list.
so, I don't know what the hell to do....
plus, I never go to that meeting...i hate it.
Kerry:
Did your regular Dr. rx this knowing your situation? I really don't get how you could look loaded on this stuff. It is such a weak drug. I mean, I know, if you take a high dose. I have a bag of that and I think it's just a waste. A sample bag. I never felt anything from it at all. If it makes you feel better, my friend used it too, for pain after detox. She used it properly, like you do and she has never felt like it was a lie. I have sat in numerous meetings where people say thety are taking Vics for pain, people w/20 years. They take it as rxed and I guess it's not a problem for them. It's up to you. I thought you were going to stop taking it?
Rach
Did your regular Dr. rx this knowing your situation? I really don't get how you could look loaded on this stuff. It is such a weak drug. I mean, I know, if you take a high dose. I have a bag of that and I think it's just a waste. A sample bag. I never felt anything from it at all. If it makes you feel better, my friend used it too, for pain after detox. She used it properly, like you do and she has never felt like it was a lie. I have sat in numerous meetings where people say thety are taking Vics for pain, people w/20 years. They take it as rxed and I guess it's not a problem for them. It's up to you. I thought you were going to stop taking it?
Rach
I was, but it works for the pain, for the most part. I told my sponsor about it..she says as long as I am not taking it for a buzz. It doesn't even give you a buzz.
I had a really rough day today. I don't want to post here, and I think that I don't even want to talk about it anymore..I went through the ringer. The old kerry would have been so high and blasted by noon. But I have one more hour before I go to bed, so I think that I will make it through this day.
I had a friend staying with me that told me that I look like a junkie..I am not getting better...etc...he doesn't know what it is like to come off of opiates, and how long it takes to get better. He used to get on me about the tramadol..but he is such a whack job that he threw away mine and my kids vitamins to get me to stop taking "pills"....needless to say, he is no longer here..
I like your post, rachel, I think that we sound alike.
and I am so glad that I found this board...I can vent here. I kinda lost faith in the human race...or maybe it is my sanity and tolerance level...I keep getting the wrong people in my life no matter how hard I pray. My boat has been rocked, and hard. I don't even want to trust anymore, and I think that has a lot to do with not going to that meeting. It is a clique, and that is the last thing I need right now, is to feel out of place in a meeting.
peace to you all,
kerry
I had a really rough day today. I don't want to post here, and I think that I don't even want to talk about it anymore..I went through the ringer. The old kerry would have been so high and blasted by noon. But I have one more hour before I go to bed, so I think that I will make it through this day.
I had a friend staying with me that told me that I look like a junkie..I am not getting better...etc...he doesn't know what it is like to come off of opiates, and how long it takes to get better. He used to get on me about the tramadol..but he is such a whack job that he threw away mine and my kids vitamins to get me to stop taking "pills"....needless to say, he is no longer here..
I like your post, rachel, I think that we sound alike.
and I am so glad that I found this board...I can vent here. I kinda lost faith in the human race...or maybe it is my sanity and tolerance level...I keep getting the wrong people in my life no matter how hard I pray. My boat has been rocked, and hard. I don't even want to trust anymore, and I think that has a lot to do with not going to that meeting. It is a clique, and that is the last thing I need right now, is to feel out of place in a meeting.
peace to you all,
kerry
I'm so tired right now that I can't do justice to your post, Kerry..and maybe I don't need too. You said it so well and you sound so much like me 6 months ago and even today.
I have such a hard time with the steps. I can't seem to get past number 3. I don't know if I beleive in God anymore. I can say I do, but in my heart, I'm just not sure. Would a loving God put us through this? I know that there are all kinds of justifications for Him doing this..don't know if I'm buying it right now. So see, even after all this time, it doesn't get any easier in some aspects of recovery. It'll be life long for me..fixing the emotional part. A bible thumper, I'm not, can you tell?
I agree about taking meds as long as they are prescribed and you are not abusing. I just know for myself, I could never be trusted to not abuse. Even a "waste of time little pill" like tramadol. I found that stuff in Mexico and had way too much fun with it. In high doses it does mimic most opiates. It was the worst one to w/d from too. But it's up to you.. you don't owe anyone any explainations. Sometimes I think that there are things better not said in meetings. Not everyone "gets it" when it comes to pain meds.
I hope that you have a better day tomorrow.. all of you.
Cowgirl
I have such a hard time with the steps. I can't seem to get past number 3. I don't know if I beleive in God anymore. I can say I do, but in my heart, I'm just not sure. Would a loving God put us through this? I know that there are all kinds of justifications for Him doing this..don't know if I'm buying it right now. So see, even after all this time, it doesn't get any easier in some aspects of recovery. It'll be life long for me..fixing the emotional part. A bible thumper, I'm not, can you tell?
I agree about taking meds as long as they are prescribed and you are not abusing. I just know for myself, I could never be trusted to not abuse. Even a "waste of time little pill" like tramadol. I found that stuff in Mexico and had way too much fun with it. In high doses it does mimic most opiates. It was the worst one to w/d from too. But it's up to you.. you don't owe anyone any explainations. Sometimes I think that there are things better not said in meetings. Not everyone "gets it" when it comes to pain meds.
I hope that you have a better day tomorrow.. all of you.
Cowgirl
Hi,
I was told there are only two times when I have to got to a meeting. When I feel like it and when I don't. I remember telling my sponsor about a meeting I didn't like, he said I shouldn't not go because of the messengers, I should go for the
message.
Take care.............................God bless................................Bob
I was told there are only two times when I have to got to a meeting. When I feel like it and when I don't. I remember telling my sponsor about a meeting I didn't like, he said I shouldn't not go because of the messengers, I should go for the
message.
Take care.............................God bless................................Bob
Dear Cowgirl.............
You are much more stronger than you realize. That strength is something that is looked up upon by many.
But also remember that there is no rule book here.........You are allowed to feel like crap sometimes. Recovery is not a bed of roses.......But when a rose blooms we must hold on to it.
Love ya, Russell
You are much more stronger than you realize. That strength is something that is looked up upon by many.
But also remember that there is no rule book here.........You are allowed to feel like crap sometimes. Recovery is not a bed of roses.......But when a rose blooms we must hold on to it.
Love ya, Russell
bob, you are right...just at that particular meeting, I don't like the kind of sobriety there. But you are right, I should have went, because when I don't want to go, I usually get the clearest message from God..I am pissed at him right now......I am giving him the silent treatment...
cowgirl, you do sound strong. I have read your posts. What kind of withdrawl symptoms did you have?
I hate that stuff. I take it because I don't want to have pain... My dr knows my situation, I had to come clean the second time that I went to treatment because I kept that door open the first time. I honestly did it because I didn't want to close a golden spoon, my dr was giving me 240 10/325 norco every 21 days. So the second time, I had to clean house. He gave me tramadol afterwards, but it even says not to give it to opiate addicts. I am bawling, I wanted out of the hell, and feel like I am still in it...I still wake up and take a pill every morning. He knows I am an addict, but the last time I went to see him, he offered me more zanax. I never really had a problem with that. When I turned it down, he asked me why, and then said "better life through chemistry." When I finally told him about the treatment for the second time, he said that when I came back, he could have the pharmacist give the norco to me weekly so I wouldn't take it all..he just doesn't understand. Or maybe he does, maybe he has seen chronic pain people try to clean up and not make it.. I really don't know. I just don't understand how you can try to give an addict zanax...maybe I look like a bigger mess than I think.
I don't abuse the tramadol, I just wanted to be clean, totally clean.
I also want a different life, the one that I have is overwhelming. I am tired of being a single working mom .....it just plain sucks. I spend so much time away from my kids, and the load is so much. I want off of this train and onto a new one...one headed for a easier softer way...lol.....
Thanks for letting me share.
kerry
cowgirl, you do sound strong. I have read your posts. What kind of withdrawl symptoms did you have?
I hate that stuff. I take it because I don't want to have pain... My dr knows my situation, I had to come clean the second time that I went to treatment because I kept that door open the first time. I honestly did it because I didn't want to close a golden spoon, my dr was giving me 240 10/325 norco every 21 days. So the second time, I had to clean house. He gave me tramadol afterwards, but it even says not to give it to opiate addicts. I am bawling, I wanted out of the hell, and feel like I am still in it...I still wake up and take a pill every morning. He knows I am an addict, but the last time I went to see him, he offered me more zanax. I never really had a problem with that. When I turned it down, he asked me why, and then said "better life through chemistry." When I finally told him about the treatment for the second time, he said that when I came back, he could have the pharmacist give the norco to me weekly so I wouldn't take it all..he just doesn't understand. Or maybe he does, maybe he has seen chronic pain people try to clean up and not make it.. I really don't know. I just don't understand how you can try to give an addict zanax...maybe I look like a bigger mess than I think.
I don't abuse the tramadol, I just wanted to be clean, totally clean.
I also want a different life, the one that I have is overwhelming. I am tired of being a single working mom .....it just plain sucks. I spend so much time away from my kids, and the load is so much. I want off of this train and onto a new one...one headed for a easier softer way...lol.....
Thanks for letting me share.
kerry
damn bob....I just realized you have 1101 posts!!! Now that is good dedication!
Kerri..how bad is the pain without the meds? I sometimes think that we manifest our pain into something worse just because we know we get to take the medicine. Not true for everyone though. I just wondered what would happen if you went off of it and tried something non-narcotic. There are tons of meds out there that work way better that tramadol. That stuff is a joke. What have you got to lose? Maybe a different Dr? He kinda sounds like a quack. He should be more intune with your addict. Especially if you've asked him too.
This is a tough road, kiddo and you are doing it the hard way. A single mom's life is so not fair. I wish there was something I could say to help you...
Cowgirl
This is a tough road, kiddo and you are doing it the hard way. A single mom's life is so not fair. I wish there was something I could say to help you...
Cowgirl
Actually, you can give me bill gates phone number, cowgirl...i think all of this would be easier if I didn't have to work full time. Not materially, I am not destitue, but I just want to see my kids grow. That is the saddest part of all..they are at a sitter 5 nights a week.
Bill actually landed his helicopter on our driving range and shot a few balls last week...I missed him, though. lol....
Bill actually landed his helicopter on our driving range and shot a few balls last week...I missed him, though. lol....
