I've always had anxiety. But, lately, I've develpoed anxiety about going outside or being in a car. He has to smoke before we leave somewhere. When we get there, sometimes he leaves me to go to the car and smoke if we've stayed in one spot too long. he smokes so much at a time, he actually falls asleep in the car, even if it's 95 outside. I'll wake him up and bring him inside. And he has to smoke before we leave to go back home. We went grocery shopping today, this has been the first time I'm leaving the house in about a month. Hoping that after explaining my worries that it might persuade him to slow down. But, no such luck. We stopped at a fast food place to get a shake. And we parked I knew what he was going to do. I beg him to wait until we get home. He does this thing were he smokes as I'm talking. By the time the watress brings our shakes he's already drooling mess. And I'm embarresed to my core. I tried to keep him awake, but, as many of you know. It's not very easy.
I used to love going shopping and spending time outside. Now, i just stay home in bed...
Writing these things down helps with the hopeless feelings that I get. And sooths my anxiety some.
Welcome,
It sounds like you might be getting depressed over this whole thing. That feeling of staying in bed all day is a warning sign. Reading your post, I thought, "She deserves a better life". Really, this is no way to live. Unfortunately, you cannot help him, he has to help himself. But, please try to find a space of your own. Have you thought about leaving? Or, talking to a counselor? Counselors are a great outlet! Please keep sharing here as well.
It sounds like you might be getting depressed over this whole thing. That feeling of staying in bed all day is a warning sign. Reading your post, I thought, "She deserves a better life". Really, this is no way to live. Unfortunately, you cannot help him, he has to help himself. But, please try to find a space of your own. Have you thought about leaving? Or, talking to a counselor? Counselors are a great outlet! Please keep sharing here as well.
To me the depression (wanting to stay in bed) is fear based. Fear of getting caught with him and drugs. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of judgement from others. Fear of walking away from him. Fear of everything. Life shouldn't be lived in fear. My heart goes out to you. Take strength from us to face your fears and set your boundries.
As your handle implies, you very well may be out of options... with him. There are plenty of options if you move on with your life. There's something known as "learned helplessness," which is when you sit long enough in a helpless or stressful situation that you begin to believe there is no way out, so you continue to sit idly in that situation. I would tell you to speak to a professional and get some perspective from someone on the outside. It's amazing how the human spirit can adapt to horrendous things over time when the change occurs at a slow pace. That said, anxiety and depression will manifest in some outward way if you don't deal with it.
Everything you just described is terribly abnormal, and your inner self understands that. That's why the anxiety is overwhelming you. It's time to plan your escape. Let the counselor help you do that. You will be amazed what kind of person you used to be and will be once again. That wonderful person is yearning to come out once again. You don't deserve to carry this man's burdens. Please post again and tell us how you're doing. You're going to feel so much better when you get out of that environment.
Everything you just described is terribly abnormal, and your inner self understands that. That's why the anxiety is overwhelming you. It's time to plan your escape. Let the counselor help you do that. You will be amazed what kind of person you used to be and will be once again. That wonderful person is yearning to come out once again. You don't deserve to carry this man's burdens. Please post again and tell us how you're doing. You're going to feel so much better when you get out of that environment.
I think you are having anxiety of being outside shopping, going some where with HIM. it is not that you have a fear of going outside. it is that you do not want to be subjected to or associated with his behavior.
it is kind of like if you walk down the street every day and someone jumps out and hits you in the head. eventually the intelligent person will not walk down that street.
start making a plan for yourself. it might be as sudden as packing a bag and moving to a location far away and not leaving a forwarding address.
Dream a little - where would you like to start over? I hear San Diego is nice...
maybe you can stay with someone until you have a job... hugs
it is kind of like if you walk down the street every day and someone jumps out and hits you in the head. eventually the intelligent person will not walk down that street.
start making a plan for yourself. it might be as sudden as packing a bag and moving to a location far away and not leaving a forwarding address.
Dream a little - where would you like to start over? I hear San Diego is nice...
maybe you can stay with someone until you have a job... hugs
