I haven't had a drink since june 1996. I was sober from jun 1996 until january 2000 when i had to have pain meds. they prettymuch won't let you have some surgreies without pain meds. that is when it all begain again. I didn't start using every day...in fact, i went along as normal for awihle. but the disease was "awoken" and I was going to play again whether I wanted to no not. So, in 1997 I started using pretty good. i could still function, so it wasn't anyone's business but my own. Then, I started add a day hear and there.Now, i don't rarely get out of bed unless I HAVE to do something. My life is worthless. My life is just taking up space for those that have a change.I'm too much of a coward to stop and I'm too much of a coward to leave my child.I've come to realize that hell isn't below us - it is us. it is what we life in when we have no way out. god blss you all. may today be the day you need to find happiness, find life.withlove.
ann-
welcome to the board
you sound so down- what can we do to help you?
are you ready to quit taking the pills?
as you know from you prev. experiance with alcohol- it can be done- its just gonna take some work
adrienne
welcome to the board
you sound so down- what can we do to help you?
are you ready to quit taking the pills?
as you know from you prev. experiance with alcohol- it can be done- its just gonna take some work
adrienne
Dear Adrienne,
Thank you Adrienne. You are right, I go cold turkey - stay off the pain pills for a few days - and then when I think I've had all I can handle - the abdominal pain, the twitching and restless leg, lack of any energy, dry heaves, etc...I use again. Then, to make matters worse, I take Ambien, and that is usually when I walk around in a black out and I write the sad, self-pitying posts - like the one I wrote that prompted your reply. I am truly sorry. I do honestly want to quit, but about day 3 or 4 into ct, I feel like I can't do it anymore. I hope something will change - I hope I will get sober again. Now, to correct my time-line in the Ambien-induced black-out post - I was sober from alcohol since July 5, 1996. I did have IV pain meds when I had half of my thyroid removed in July 1997, but I did not use anything again until 2000. I used pain pills (my drug of choice) every day from 1990 until July 1996 - then I went cold turkey. A short while into that sobriety I knew I wasnt going to stay sober so I checked myself into rehab. That was the best decision Ive ever made. After a couple of years sober I started to take my sobriety for granted. After going through some hard times sober and because I was able to do other things sober without craving pills, I really thought Id always be sober. I started using casually in 2000 and in January 2003 I got some really bad news and used that as an excuse to start using again every day, Really the only reason I used again was because I am an addict and I got complacent. I'm sorry my time-lines in my previous, Ambien-induced message werent completely correct. I lie in my every day life - I lie by omission when I don't tell my family that I'm using drugs and I lie to my doctors to continue getting pills. I lie to my friends when I say I dont feel good instead of "I dont want to go out today because Im drunk." My life is full of lies so I don't want to lie in my posts on this board. Selfishly, I want to have one place where I tell the truth and since no one here really knows me or cares, I feel I can be honest - life I can give myself one place where I don't lie. Thank you Adrienne thank you for your reply and your concern. I do want to be sober but obviously not bad enough yet. Unfortunately, I know I will have to be in a much worse position before I'm willing to work for my sobriety and put forth the effort it takes to stay sober. I feel like this is my bottom Im so unhappy and I hate using every day, but obviously I still have further down to go. Thank you agai - your reply means a lot to me. Sincerely, Ann
Thank you Adrienne. You are right, I go cold turkey - stay off the pain pills for a few days - and then when I think I've had all I can handle - the abdominal pain, the twitching and restless leg, lack of any energy, dry heaves, etc...I use again. Then, to make matters worse, I take Ambien, and that is usually when I walk around in a black out and I write the sad, self-pitying posts - like the one I wrote that prompted your reply. I am truly sorry. I do honestly want to quit, but about day 3 or 4 into ct, I feel like I can't do it anymore. I hope something will change - I hope I will get sober again. Now, to correct my time-line in the Ambien-induced black-out post - I was sober from alcohol since July 5, 1996. I did have IV pain meds when I had half of my thyroid removed in July 1997, but I did not use anything again until 2000. I used pain pills (my drug of choice) every day from 1990 until July 1996 - then I went cold turkey. A short while into that sobriety I knew I wasnt going to stay sober so I checked myself into rehab. That was the best decision Ive ever made. After a couple of years sober I started to take my sobriety for granted. After going through some hard times sober and because I was able to do other things sober without craving pills, I really thought Id always be sober. I started using casually in 2000 and in January 2003 I got some really bad news and used that as an excuse to start using again every day, Really the only reason I used again was because I am an addict and I got complacent. I'm sorry my time-lines in my previous, Ambien-induced message werent completely correct. I lie in my every day life - I lie by omission when I don't tell my family that I'm using drugs and I lie to my doctors to continue getting pills. I lie to my friends when I say I dont feel good instead of "I dont want to go out today because Im drunk." My life is full of lies so I don't want to lie in my posts on this board. Selfishly, I want to have one place where I tell the truth and since no one here really knows me or cares, I feel I can be honest - life I can give myself one place where I don't lie. Thank you Adrienne thank you for your reply and your concern. I do want to be sober but obviously not bad enough yet. Unfortunately, I know I will have to be in a much worse position before I'm willing to work for my sobriety and put forth the effort it takes to stay sober. I feel like this is my bottom Im so unhappy and I hate using every day, but obviously I still have further down to go. Thank you agai - your reply means a lot to me. Sincerely, Ann