Hello all,First I want to thank everyone who posted during what for me was one of my weakess moments.Youll all never know what those words ment.Jeff...I cry sitting here thinking of your email & what you were willing to give up to try & be a set of shoulders for me.same with Tina....Oh Tina your wisdom hits my souls & I do have a long letter to write you.I can tell you please try not to worry.I DO have a baseball bat & no man will EVER touch me in that kind of way & live to tell about it.
Jewels....I got your letter this morning....how beautiful you are & PLEASE not for one moment think your not.
Kat you my dear friend(& yes to me youve always been)are so strong & I get the feeling if you lived near me last night I would of actually tried another meeting
Kat(bird)I know your right WE dont do that,so I can say as far as pills or blow(which I really gave thought to)I didnt
Kimber...what can I say to you my dear friend???Theres so much more than what you posted but I just cannot bring myself to put that much of the private me on here.I may fill you in via email if thats ok
Gina,Beck Kerry,& all else all I can say...is thank you.No matter what petty issues may happen on here you all have always been here when I send up a red flag.I know its so odd to see me...MJ being & feeling so weak so deated.But please try to remember I am only human & an addict.Notice I said human first?I no longer define who I am by my addiction so I know Ive progressed.
Now for the hard part,the part Im not proud of at all.I did use last night.Thank GOD not pills or as I said "blow"Because even though I hate a Coke high I even gave thought to that.But yes Ive always been honest on here so I will say ....yes,I smoked a joint.and YES Im paying a price as my voice is gone.I sat out on the swings in the freezing cold & looked up at a beautiful sky full of stars & did it.Am I proud???Hell no not at all but even I can only square my shoulders & carry on.I know Im so much stronger than that,but alot & I mean ALOT in my personal life has been happening.I do plan on talking with my therapist & seeing if I can get more than 1 session a week.Right now I know me & I know I need it.
Weak....Im not.Those who truley know me know just how strong I actually am.Weak moments????Of course I have them.Its those moments Ill come here & say a kind word or reach out to a newbie.When I do that it helps me,but things lately have been THAT bad that I havent even done that.
I know saying Im sorry doesnt mean much but I am.Im sorry for not being the strong woman I am,Im sorry for burden you guys with my issues,Im sorry for giving into the pain last night
molly
MJ
It's done...put it behind you.
can't really give you advice on beng weed abstinent but i'm so glad you didn't do the coke. I had a coke addiction for a whole 2 yrs. It is HELL.
I wish I knew what was up. I feel so out of the loop.
I'll be around for a bit...going to grab a cup of coffee... i ground it myself!!! ;)
I<3 YOU
stac
It's done...put it behind you.
can't really give you advice on beng weed abstinent but i'm so glad you didn't do the coke. I had a coke addiction for a whole 2 yrs. It is HELL.
I wish I knew what was up. I feel so out of the loop.
I'll be around for a bit...going to grab a cup of coffee... i ground it myself!!! ;)
I<3 YOU
stac
Just wanted to pop in quick and say Goos.
MJ, I'm sad that you gave in, but glad that it wasn't a harder drug.
Hi Stacey!
I have to get in the shower, Kenny is coming over so I will probably not be on too much this weekend.
Love to all!
MJ, I'm sad that you gave in, but glad that it wasn't a harder drug.
Hi Stacey!
I have to get in the shower, Kenny is coming over so I will probably not be on too much this weekend.
Love to all!
MJ Hey hon I have not been on for a few days what with the kids home. I just read your post I am not sure what happened I will try to reread some post, but I do know you are suffering right now and I so feel for you. There are some people here who have made a difference in my life and in many others a difference that I will remember until I am no longer on this earth. Is it always what I wanted to hear??? no, but it usually was what I needed to hear. Funny thing is you are all so different yet important to me and this board.
Cowgirl - you always tell it how it is never letting us "get away" with things and making us accountable for what we do and who we are, and yet it still comes across in a loving manner. I truly do aspire to be where you are someday.
Tim - You speak from experience both as an addict and one who has solid recovery in his past. I don't always follow your ways but I can always rely on your intellectual insight as well as your no nonsense way of telling us to do the right thing. It is obvious you are a friend to so many on this board.
Ali - you pop in just when we need you always with actual insight on medical issues and questions we have. You are a fountain of knowledge peppered with a genuine spirit.
Sharon - you are still struggling but always have kind words for us and an uplifting determination I hope the best for you.
L you always have so many questions but I find myself looking for those answers I adore your spirit and hope you find the peace you so surely deserve.
Janet - You are always looking to enrich our lives with your "quotes" for the day. I find them inspirational and heartfelt and I thank-you for always coming by to say hello to me and see how I am doing.
MJ Now for you - You surely are the kindest soul here. You can see it when you speak of your pets. Whenever I read your post I leave with a warm feeling in my heart. I have never seen you say an unkind thing and always try to inspire others with uplifting words. I can't imagine what has you hurting so but I can tell you this you have affected so many lifes let yourself lean on someone else for now and don't feel sad about it.
Guys I am sure I will hit send post and remember someone I forgot so please forgive me you all have given me so much I just wanted you to know, and MJ I so hope things get better for you, I know that you deserve it.
Roxy
Cowgirl - you always tell it how it is never letting us "get away" with things and making us accountable for what we do and who we are, and yet it still comes across in a loving manner. I truly do aspire to be where you are someday.
Tim - You speak from experience both as an addict and one who has solid recovery in his past. I don't always follow your ways but I can always rely on your intellectual insight as well as your no nonsense way of telling us to do the right thing. It is obvious you are a friend to so many on this board.
Ali - you pop in just when we need you always with actual insight on medical issues and questions we have. You are a fountain of knowledge peppered with a genuine spirit.
Sharon - you are still struggling but always have kind words for us and an uplifting determination I hope the best for you.
L you always have so many questions but I find myself looking for those answers I adore your spirit and hope you find the peace you so surely deserve.
Janet - You are always looking to enrich our lives with your "quotes" for the day. I find them inspirational and heartfelt and I thank-you for always coming by to say hello to me and see how I am doing.
MJ Now for you - You surely are the kindest soul here. You can see it when you speak of your pets. Whenever I read your post I leave with a warm feeling in my heart. I have never seen you say an unkind thing and always try to inspire others with uplifting words. I can't imagine what has you hurting so but I can tell you this you have affected so many lifes let yourself lean on someone else for now and don't feel sad about it.
Guys I am sure I will hit send post and remember someone I forgot so please forgive me you all have given me so much I just wanted you to know, and MJ I so hope things get better for you, I know that you deserve it.
Roxy
Stacey,Oh huny I did tell you some(health issue)so dont feel out of the loop.I will start a letter right now to catch you up.I say start because I have to run Anne & her friend up into town & dont know how much Ill get down
Right now my mind feels like scrambled eggs but YOU dear Stacey are not out of the loop.Didnt you get my one email reguarding my health?YOU are the ONLY one I told that to so MISS Spit Fire I do trust you & .....I love you my little sis
mj
edited to say THANK YOU Roxy & believe it or not reading your post,watching how strong your getting has touched me & Im glad that some of my words have meaning to you
After all isnt THAT what its all about???Addicts helping each other.I truley feel that ONLY other addicts can understand what we feel & go through.
Anyways THANK you for your kindness Roxy!!!!
Right now my mind feels like scrambled eggs but YOU dear Stacey are not out of the loop.Didnt you get my one email reguarding my health?YOU are the ONLY one I told that to so MISS Spit Fire I do trust you & .....I love you my little sis
mj
edited to say THANK YOU Roxy & believe it or not reading your post,watching how strong your getting has touched me & Im glad that some of my words have meaning to you
After all isnt THAT what its all about???Addicts helping each other.I truley feel that ONLY other addicts can understand what we feel & go through.
Anyways THANK you for your kindness Roxy!!!!
I'm sorry MJ., I haven't gottento really talk to you much about that. You have a good day and wheneer you get a chance email or call me.
Love you sis
stac
Love you sis
stac
goos morning ((((((((((((((mj))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((stacey)))))))))))))))))
its O tay miss molly...........
its in the past now and today is a new day........
i know nothing about "blow" but i do know about weed............
so i know one thing you can definaltly put it down with out getting sick......
and i just know it was hard on your throat.......
you said it miss molly..............your human and we make mistakes...
we just have to get right back up.......
i love you brina........
God Bless you
thumper
its O tay miss molly...........
its in the past now and today is a new day........
i know nothing about "blow" but i do know about weed............
so i know one thing you can definaltly put it down with out getting sick......
and i just know it was hard on your throat.......
you said it miss molly..............your human and we make mistakes...
we just have to get right back up.......
i love you brina........
God Bless you
thumper
goos miss janet, roxy...........
jewels where are you?
(((((((((((((stephy))))))))))))
have a nice day everyone...........
thumper
jewels where are you?
(((((((((((((stephy))))))))))))
have a nice day everyone...........
thumper
Good to see you this morning Molly. Please take good care of yourself. Today is a new day and there is always good in that.
xxoo, Beck
xxoo, Beck
MJ,
Glad to see you back. Dont beat yourself up for a moment of weakness. KEY to this disease is simply not giving up. Would you really want to go backwards? Im sure you wouldnt. So, life got to you. It always will. We cant escape it. But you are smarter now than you were in the past. You know the pitfalls and you know how to rebound. You proved it today. Now get on with life. Pitfalls and all, life is still beautiful.
Glad to see you back. Dont beat yourself up for a moment of weakness. KEY to this disease is simply not giving up. Would you really want to go backwards? Im sure you wouldnt. So, life got to you. It always will. We cant escape it. But you are smarter now than you were in the past. You know the pitfalls and you know how to rebound. You proved it today. Now get on with life. Pitfalls and all, life is still beautiful.
Thank you all for not judging me about the weed.With the problems I have with my throat its NOT something I need to worry about like I did the PP & stuff.Yes you are all right,I had a small slip up & now its time to square off my shoulders & keep working on the woman I want to become.
I have desided to speak to my therapist & see if he can get me in 2xs a week at least till I can sort things out.
One positive thing is no matter how low I feel/felt I still stayed with the 8mg of Sub.Though I know you cant get buzzed from taking more.(After being on 24mg for almost 2 years I know this)I know that even 6mths ago I would of ran to them & popped them....An addicts habit of just taking pills.
I have worked my a** off to get to this pint in my recovery & I refuse no matter what(with one exception)I will not go back to counting on pills to make myself feel better.I have better tools for myself now.
Last night was the past...today is another day & isnt that what matters?Today NOT yesterday,or even 10 years ago.
ps Thumper your sig is so so sweet!!!!
Thank you guys for helping me,just by being the people you are
Love Molly
I have desided to speak to my therapist & see if he can get me in 2xs a week at least till I can sort things out.
One positive thing is no matter how low I feel/felt I still stayed with the 8mg of Sub.Though I know you cant get buzzed from taking more.(After being on 24mg for almost 2 years I know this)I know that even 6mths ago I would of ran to them & popped them....An addicts habit of just taking pills.
I have worked my a** off to get to this pint in my recovery & I refuse no matter what(with one exception)I will not go back to counting on pills to make myself feel better.I have better tools for myself now.
Last night was the past...today is another day & isnt that what matters?Today NOT yesterday,or even 10 years ago.
ps Thumper your sig is so so sweet!!!!
Thank you guys for helping me,just by being the people you are
Love Molly
MJ,
You solved this one on your own. You recognized the threat and asked for help. And then you realized you are already on the right path. You are smarter than you think. And you are smarter than anyone will try to make you think you are. YOU are in charge of your life. Not Mike, not anyone else. A great feeling isnt it?
You solved this one on your own. You recognized the threat and asked for help. And then you realized you are already on the right path. You are smarter than you think. And you are smarter than anyone will try to make you think you are. YOU are in charge of your life. Not Mike, not anyone else. A great feeling isnt it?
donna I agree I still have alot to sort out & make right but I know I DO NOT need to get wasted to do it.Whether thats from therapy or just personal growth...I dont know,but really if I could live through the hell I did with Amandas dad & walk away alive I can do this.
Am I still hurting over the issues happening???Of course but a wise friend(thank you Tina) has told me to allow myself to hurt cry & deal,thats the ONLY way I will heal.Ive spent most of my life drugging away the pain,really tears were something I just never did.But Im realizing that if you are sad its ok more than ok to cry & let it out.Otherwise you push those feelings down deep inside where they will only do more damage & add to bad desions
Am I still hurting over the issues happening???Of course but a wise friend(thank you Tina) has told me to allow myself to hurt cry & deal,thats the ONLY way I will heal.Ive spent most of my life drugging away the pain,really tears were something I just never did.But Im realizing that if you are sad its ok more than ok to cry & let it out.Otherwise you push those feelings down deep inside where they will only do more damage & add to bad desions
