Hi guys, I expect half of you have no idea who I am as I've been posting on the subs board for a while now instead of the heroin one, but if you want to know my story, it's all here, if you go back and read my posts on this forum. Basically I was a heroin addict for 7 years and then on subs since 2004.
I've got some fantastico news. I've finally kicked it once and for all. I'm clean. No script, no smack, no nothing. I've been off the subs for 5 days now, and I feel absolutely brilliant. I'm totally rapt. Life feels amazing and I'm so so happy. So if any of you are down in the doldrums, wondering whether life after heroin is worth living, let me tell you that this is the best I've ever felt since I had my first hit all those years ago. I used to think that I'd reached the pinnacle of bliss, and it came in a syringe, and nothing would ever top it. But after years of abuse, heroin destroyed me, and now I've claimed my life back and it feels great. Freedom is a much more fulfilling high than heroin could ever be, and I was the biggest f*** up of all! Getting clean was a long hard road. I eventually found my way to subutex after years of pissing about with methadone and smack. That was Sept 2004, and it's taken me all this time to wean off it, but I've done it. I've really done it, and I know that I'll never ever go back, coz heroin is a ball and chain, that stops you from living. So I'm off on a wild smack-free, script free hooli now, and wild horses couldn't stop me from going out and living the dream that drugs stole from me.
It's worth it.
love
Diff xxxx
Diff, welcome back to the land of the living :)
Diff, GOOD GOING MAN. I love hearing that one of us made it.
So, basically you were on Subs for two years. I'm on Meth and as soon as I get A job With good Health insurance, I'll be hooking up with a Doctor that can get me on subs. If you don't mind could you tell me a little about your recovery. Like are your taking any counseling, now or during your use of Subs. Do you go to meetings or support groups. The meth program I'm in requires this. Which is O.K. I've been clean for 4-1/2 months now, and I find that group helps me immensely. I'm even considering N.A. meetings as well. Just curious.
So, basically you were on Subs for two years. I'm on Meth and as soon as I get A job With good Health insurance, I'll be hooking up with a Doctor that can get me on subs. If you don't mind could you tell me a little about your recovery. Like are your taking any counseling, now or during your use of Subs. Do you go to meetings or support groups. The meth program I'm in requires this. Which is O.K. I've been clean for 4-1/2 months now, and I find that group helps me immensely. I'm even considering N.A. meetings as well. Just curious.
..Diff..
..Nice one..
..long may you continue to stay in recovery..Good luck..Robbie..
..Nice one..
..long may you continue to stay in recovery..Good luck..Robbie..
Hi, just to answer your question, I'm in the UK, so I got my script FOC. In this neck of the woods, you don't get a script from an NHS Dr without the support of a drug worker. And they pull out all the stops, and really try to tackle the problem. Here, your drug worker comes to you, not you going to them. They do home visits, they test you, they counsel you, they help you find solutions to all your problems, not just the addiction, coz they realise that stopping drugs involves a complete lifestyle change. Through the drugs team I got a diagnosis for the mental illness that had blighted my life since I was just a kid (Borderline Personalit Disorder). They got me an addictions specialist psychiatrist, who got me on the right meds for my disorder (I take anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, and eureka! I no longer have psychosis or depression). One thing I will say is that getting clean takes 100% commitment. You can't play at this. It ain't easy, it's been a long hard and often lonely road, but by f*** it pays off! You have the power my friend, all you have to do is open your mind to the possibilities, and learn to believe in your dreams again, and do whatever it takes to make them come true! It's in your hands. Take whatever help you can, listen to your heart, and hang onto your self belief. I've been posting here for a long time, and if you are interested you can go back to 2004 and read my story. It took me a long time before I was ready to face up to the truth, and I made every mistake out there. So if I can do it, anybody can, once you find a strong enough motivation.
love
diff xx
love
diff xx
Thanks for sharing man. It sounds like you got the right idea over there. Here its all self motivated, Unless of course its court ordered. In my case it was but I found out that I really wanted to get clean. My Counselor tells us that you have to flip it. Take all the energy you used chasing dope, to chase your recovery. So I've become well aware that you must be committed. I know there's a better life out there, some days are really very hard. But I want so much to secede. I've let to much go in the past, so many regrets, I'm finally ready to live life on life's terms. Instead of hiding behind a buzz. With help I know I can make it. Coming to this site has been a big help. Lots of luck to you my friend, have a great day.
Congrats, that's great that you got all the support you needed. I'm in the US they don't do any intense drug care "that I know of". I've never heard of getting a counsler to visit you to help you. I think a lot people would benifit from that one on one care. Here you can cram into a over packed detox center "if they have a bed" and do group thearpy "which i've done only to relasp". I got clean this time no meetings, no real counsler, methadone clinic outpatient. In those early months I needed someone for depression I know it would have made things better. Life is better now clean, I never belived it when people said that when I was 1st getting off. I had to see a counsler once a week to get my done but, she had no intreast in anything other then my ability to pay for my dose and uping my script.
You know .. I don't know a damn thing about heroin addiction via first hand experience .. I never went there cept for one time in my years of addiction ... snorted not mainlined ..
but I have had friends that were addicted and most of them have lost their lives to this drug .. I have watched the destruction it causes .. I have heard the inward screams sufface outwardly and speak of the torment that this drug causes the addict .. I know it holds a bittersweetness just as any drug of choice does for us .. though I have witnessed a grip that is seemly tighter on the user with heroin and crystal meth .. they are both the devils harlot in my book..
It does my heart good when I hear that a soul has escaped from the pit of hell.
Keep on keepin' on and don't look back.
Passion
but I have had friends that were addicted and most of them have lost their lives to this drug .. I have watched the destruction it causes .. I have heard the inward screams sufface outwardly and speak of the torment that this drug causes the addict .. I know it holds a bittersweetness just as any drug of choice does for us .. though I have witnessed a grip that is seemly tighter on the user with heroin and crystal meth .. they are both the devils harlot in my book..
It does my heart good when I hear that a soul has escaped from the pit of hell.
Keep on keepin' on and don't look back.
Passion
Congrats Diff.
Vive la DIFF! So SO good hearing yr. story. Figures the Brits would have their s*** together on this.Now if only we could get this approach to spread to other parts of the Commonwealth... Sadly tho, I may have to go in for an altogether more radical approach, like surgically remove my head & replace it w/ some frozen cryogenic one--you know , to replace the Evil Energiser Bunny-Brain I currently possess,the one that beats the drum & keeps you running around like an Idiot,chasing the carrot but getting the stick. Diff you do give one hope. Thanks for that.Good luck!!
Diff, I have been reading your posts since I joined this board but this post brought tears of joy to my eyes I am so incredibly happy for you.
God Bless,
Diane
God Bless,
Diane
Dear Diff,
there you are....i was wondering what happened to you.....and you came back with some great news...congrats are certainly in order..
love MARY
there you are....i was wondering what happened to you.....and you came back with some great news...congrats are certainly in order..
love MARY
Dear Diff,
That's my girl! I KNEW you could do it!!!!! I'm so very proud of you. You put tears of joy in my eyes and made my day!!!!! Please keep in touch with us!
Love,
Susan
That's my girl! I KNEW you could do it!!!!! I'm so very proud of you. You put tears of joy in my eyes and made my day!!!!! Please keep in touch with us!
Love,
Susan
I've been clean cupla times 'n' know EXACTLY how u feelin.Can't wait 2 get there again.Really happy 4 u and i hope u don't b silly like alot of us and .......well , let's not go there 'cos u aint. good luck and keep postin.
Hi guys, I want to say thank-you to all of you, but I have so many to thank. Mary, I feel like I've known you a long time now, and you were always supportive, you put aside your own pain and loss to be there for lost souls like me, and you shall sit amongst the saints in my eyes. Susan, what can I say... you showed me many things, you opened my mind to new ideas. Like instead of wishing for miracles to put right the mess I'd made of my life, you demonstrated through your own actions and words that I should be looking within, and the only thing I should wish for is the strength and courage to face my problems head on, tackle them one at a time, and have the grace to let go of the things I could never change, because through forgiveness comes peace. You helped me forgive myself, and that forgiveness cut loose my inner demons that had tormented me for so long. And forgiving others who had wronged me helped me draw a line under it, and enabled me to move on. There are othe people who no longer post here who I would like to express gratitude to, so I will on the off chance that they occassionally pop in. Paul (Ruski) you did something extraordinary for me. I know that I didn't exactly behave myself in terms of the drugs when in your company, but let's say it was the "last blast" that I think I needed in order to say that it was time to move on, and I will always think of you affectionately. Becks, you know how I feel about you, so I don't need to make a public display, but you are such a cool chick! This is turning into a bit of an Oscar speech, so I'll shut up now. I know I've left loads of you out, Raerae, Morpheous and hosts of others, but you were all stars!
Herman, something you said made me think. You said that you knew how I felt coz you'd been clean a couple of times. In the past I had short breaks where I did get clean, but I still felt resentful, coz I loved heroin so much, and being clean meant that I couldn't have it. Now this time, this time I feel so good about it, and I know that I'll never go back. I know it's finished.
Gotta go, but love you all
diff xxxx
Herman, something you said made me think. You said that you knew how I felt coz you'd been clean a couple of times. In the past I had short breaks where I did get clean, but I still felt resentful, coz I loved heroin so much, and being clean meant that I couldn't have it. Now this time, this time I feel so good about it, and I know that I'll never go back. I know it's finished.
Gotta go, but love you all
diff xxxx
I never got the chance to know ya. But I wish you all the best and continued success in everything that you do.
Love and may God go with you.
sincerely your fellow addict Zekk
Love and may God go with you.
sincerely your fellow addict Zekk
Hi Diff;
I haven't been on the heroin boards in quite a while, but you were such a huge help to me when I first came here looking for help with my boyfriend who was addicted to heroin/morphine. I started posting here in the Fall of 2004 as well.
It was so great to check in here today and see this post!! That is so amazing and I am so happy for you!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Love,
Mickey
I haven't been on the heroin boards in quite a while, but you were such a huge help to me when I first came here looking for help with my boyfriend who was addicted to heroin/morphine. I started posting here in the Fall of 2004 as well.
It was so great to check in here today and see this post!! That is so amazing and I am so happy for you!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Love,
Mickey
I have just done 2 week detox my last 4m sub was friday,I was tested today to go on blockers but came back positive,i have not used just had some weed can this effect urin sample the nurse is coming again tomorrow.....any help please im ready to give up
Diff,
Congratulations hun rest assured you've helped others just as much as they've helped you. You probably don't need this board now but we need you.
Congratulations hun rest assured you've helped others just as much as they've helped you. You probably don't need this board now but we need you.
Dear Diff,
I appreciate your kind words towards me...it really touched my heart...but I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. Bless your heart! You came so far and to say I'm proud of you just doesn't seem like enough. These words from your post..."Now this time, this time I feel so good about it, and I know that I'll never go back. I know it's finished," are absolutely WONDERFUL to hear. I believe them with all my heart and I'm so very happy for you!
Love,
Susan
I appreciate your kind words towards me...it really touched my heart...but I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. Bless your heart! You came so far and to say I'm proud of you just doesn't seem like enough. These words from your post..."Now this time, this time I feel so good about it, and I know that I'll never go back. I know it's finished," are absolutely WONDERFUL to hear. I believe them with all my heart and I'm so very happy for you!
Love,
Susan
