Mother of a 30 year old son it's been to weeks since his girlfriend and family found out that he was using heroine and crack she through him out. He told us how long he has been doing it. Sed he don't want to do anymore went through the detox started going to meeting. I want to be supportive I told him he cud stay with me but by our rules. It's been a week and first 2 days seem fine but then little things are coming up my gut sez he is using again. Before he moved in I told him I would drug test him if I suspect now I'm fighting with myself on rather or not to do it. I want to no but part of me is scared to find out. I've lost 5 pounds in a week and my nerves are shot does any have any advice.
First time posting on here but a reader of these forums for about 3 months or so (just to give you an idea of my experience level so that you can use that as a reference for my advice)...
First of all I'm sorry you are going through this; I am not a mother myself but I have heard that there is no pain that your child feels that you do not feel as well. Of course you want to do the right thing and it is not easy to know what that is when dealing with someone with an addiction. Very often we (the people in their lives) are enabling their addiction when we try to help them by giving them money or a place to stay. Our guilt at the thought of abandoning them makes it hard to cut them off or to take a stand when we think they are actively using and hurting themselves (and us, along the way).
I can tell you that I have recently started going to Al-Anon meetings and it has made a big difference in showing me how to love an addict without destroying myself in the process. I would strongly recommend you go, even if just to listen to the experiences of others so that you don't feel alone and to know that you have a support network. I don't believe anyone can tell you the "right" way to do things (you have to decide this and make your own peace with it) but you may hear something there that you can put into practice.
In my darkest moments I was attending 1-2 meetings per day and I can honestly say for that 1-1.5 hours I felt that I was in a safe, non-judgmental place. I know well the gut feeling you speak of and it is a miserable, stomach churning state to be in. Even if you can't attend a meeting there is a lot of good info free online that you can read tonight to give you some insight into the disease of addiction and how we as those who love addicts can protect ourselves.
My heart is with you; I'll be thinking of you and hoping you find the best way for you and your son to continue to love each other while still being able to love yourself.
First of all I'm sorry you are going through this; I am not a mother myself but I have heard that there is no pain that your child feels that you do not feel as well. Of course you want to do the right thing and it is not easy to know what that is when dealing with someone with an addiction. Very often we (the people in their lives) are enabling their addiction when we try to help them by giving them money or a place to stay. Our guilt at the thought of abandoning them makes it hard to cut them off or to take a stand when we think they are actively using and hurting themselves (and us, along the way).
I can tell you that I have recently started going to Al-Anon meetings and it has made a big difference in showing me how to love an addict without destroying myself in the process. I would strongly recommend you go, even if just to listen to the experiences of others so that you don't feel alone and to know that you have a support network. I don't believe anyone can tell you the "right" way to do things (you have to decide this and make your own peace with it) but you may hear something there that you can put into practice.
In my darkest moments I was attending 1-2 meetings per day and I can honestly say for that 1-1.5 hours I felt that I was in a safe, non-judgmental place. I know well the gut feeling you speak of and it is a miserable, stomach churning state to be in. Even if you can't attend a meeting there is a lot of good info free online that you can read tonight to give you some insight into the disease of addiction and how we as those who love addicts can protect ourselves.
My heart is with you; I'll be thinking of you and hoping you find the best way for you and your son to continue to love each other while still being able to love yourself.
Thank you so much for a reply I was looking to go to classes but in searching I find nothing around me. So I've been looking into online support groups. I read lots of thing online but it's not like face to face talks that's for sure.
