Halfway Houses?

Anybody ever have any experiences with halfway houses/sober living housing?

Just curious.
Yeah, Jodi, I'm the director at one. What would you like to know?
Sorry Kat. I had to run out for awhile. I wasn't ignoring you.

I'm just curious as to the general way these places are. It was strongly recommended to me that I consider transitioning to something like that instead of going home after treatment. I didn't ask any questions. I just said no thanks.

Geez...who would've ever thought that these people knew what they were talking about?

Anyways, maybe I've just watched too much tv. In my mind, they are just not the type of place I could see myself going. I'm sure they are nowhere near what I imagine them to be.

Could you enlighten me a little?
Jodi I was in rehab and called in to a meeting towards the end of my stay. They told me how well i was doing. My whole team was there and they all pointed out things I needed to work on. Laid out a plan etc.

90/90 work the steps etc. well then it was asked Jeff are you willing to do any and evreything to stay sober. Of course I said hell yea. Well they wanted me to leave my family Job friends to go to a halfway house.If Kat runs a halfway house she can tell you about her';s there all different types.

But Jodi the issue here is you said NO--Your running your recovery. Thats your choice. If I said no to that halfway house I would have relapsed. It takes a long time to make the neccesary changes to have any chance at staying sober. 28 days? Not for me .

And if your rehab wanted you to extend your recovery in a safe place they had there reasons.

My counselor told me 100% I would relapse if I did not leave. So i left LISTENED Jodi for the first time in my life.

The halfway house was an amazing experience looking back on it. Going through it a lot of pain -growth --education and maturity. I still left after getting my 6 month chip a spoiled brat but I had the recovery bug and got involved in AA and god willing July will be 20 yrs without my D.O.C

Jodi it all started by jeffrey Listening to someone else. That is what recovery for me is. Changes in behaviour.

If your rehab said halfway house get to one ASAP

JMO--Good luck Jodi its your call--Not easy but you will be glad you listened.
THAT IS A BRILLIANT IDEA!!!!

The people at the halfway houses are people just like you...they are people learning to live sober. Not all of them are there because they have nowhere else to go, most often they are people like you that have unsafe home environments.

I never thought of that for you, but if I didn't have little girls, I most likely would have gone to one myself, even with my own place. Your boys are how old? My girls were 5 and 3...too little.

Please give it some serious thought....it will give you the support you need and get you out of that environment.

Still rooting for you daily. I hope that you are doing okay.
The one I'm at has single family houses. The girls house has 2 to a bedroom. There's a living room, kitchen, just like a regular home. We have a 10 PM curfew, 11 on weekends. There are 2 mandatory meetings but the 12 Step House is less than a mile away so people go to meetings there. We supply basic food but you have to cook it yourself. No one of the opposite sex allowed on the premises and I prefer it if non residents don't go in the house although female guests are allowed in the yard where people smoke. It's for the safety of the girls' stuff. Of course there is zero tolerance for drugs and alcohol. Same for stealing and violence, but I have only had to discharge one person for stealing in the past 4 years. Dealing with so many personalities can be a pain in the neck but everyone seems to get along most of the time. I was always down on halfway houses, it was suggested to me too to go to one but I didn't. After seeing the girls living together it doesn't seem as bad as I thought it would be, rough, yeah but doable. Hope this helps.
Kat what your describing and what I went to are much different. We were housed in rooms 6 to a house. We lived together were given chores to keep the house running. We had to get a job 5 days a week 30 hours minimum. We had an AA meetings each day all types of rules. we had daily meetings with counselors shrink weekly we had group daily--we had activity day as you did good you were rewarded and if you messed up you were penalized.

As you progressed you were allowed more freedoms. It was a very serious program. Expensive and no second chances. If you broke certain rules out no second chances. It was pretty heavy duty program.

Exactly what I needed.
Jeff, we like to treat people like adults. There are too many people looking for halfway houses and if someone doesn't want to be there and follow the rules that's ok. The beds are usually filled pretty quickly. We aren't a treatment center. No therapy. Get a sponsor, work the steps, 90 in 90, the usual. If you don't want to follow the rules don't let the door hit you in the a** on the way out. Rent is reasonable. But like I said, we are transitional housing, not treatment. We get people in from detox and inpatient from the county. Most are homeless due to drugs or booze. They must get jobs, no disability. The purpose of transitional housing is to make the transition back to society. Some leave sober, some don't. I'm getting pretty good at guessing who will and who won't. But some surprise the hell out of me and really turn their lives around. I love it when I'm wrong.
Kat, what do you think the percentage is of people that come into your home, and leave still sober? I would bet it is higher than people that go back into a rough home environment, but that is just my speculation.

It must be very rewarding to be wrong. There is nothing like watching someone succeed, because this disease is a beastly one.

Jodi, good luck. I see you working so hard, and trying all of the needed avenues.


I'd say about 90% leave sober. I wish I could say that many stayed sober after they left but that's not the case. I have a wall with our success stories (over 1 year) and a wall with mug shots of people that lived here and went back to old behaviors. Sad to report the mug shots are more numerous that the wall of fame. Heck, we even had a guy that went to one of our houses and walked out with the tv, didn't even spend one night. How low is that?
Jodi-This is my opinion based on my knowledge of your story for the past 3 years.You know I have no animosity toward you.

Until you get out of that house permanently,I don't think you have a chance in hell.A halfway house would be great while you're looking for another place to live but if your goal is to return to the same environment,I say don't even bother.

You have already proven that Rehab offered the same solution.I have known people in the program that got sober in a toxic home but it's not only hard but they eventually left.

I don't understand if you're the primary bread winner why this man has such a hold on you?You're not 15 anymore.Don't you have your own equity in the home? The guy treats you like s*** and you support him?You are not a prisoner.
It's time for you to start calling the shots Jodi.Huffing paint while drunk will quickly destroy whatever intellectual reasoning you have left.

I love you Jodi but at the rate you're going there's just not going to be a lot of choices left.
And then there's the morons that come in with a sob story, homeless, and you give them a break and let them in for free with promises of getting a job and paying rent and they need 10 bucks to get an ID to keep them out of prison when they go to court so you give it to them and they buy crack and steal your brand new tv out of their apartment. Oh, well, goes with the nature of the beast I guess.
Hi,

My son is currently in a Halfway House. This is a private house with a house Manager who lives in the house and an owner who doesn't. Basically, he has use of the kitchen and living area, and he has his own bedroom. He pays $110.00/month, which includes everything but food and personal items. He has to work or be actively looking for work, help out in the house with chores and stay clean. They do random drug tests. Also, it's a requirement to get a Sponser and a Home Group and attend at least 4 meetings a week after 90 days. During the first 90 days, it's 90 meetings in 90 days. The men in the house really support each other and that's what my son needs right now.
Everyone is different, though, and it's very different when you have small children.

CindyLou2
Thanks for your input everybody. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm grasping at straws, I guess. I wish I would've listened to them. Maybe it would've given me a little more distance from the situation, like I definitely needed.

My boys are by no means little. They are 16 and 13. As much as they hate being with their dad, they can handle themselves pretty much. They aren't scared to stand up to him.

As much as I hate to leave them here without me, I'm really getting to the point where I feel I don't have many options. They will end up without me one way or another... They are tough kids...great kids. They would eventually recover if something happened to me. But I don't want to put them through that. I've been through that and it's no fun. It totally changes who you are as a person.

Something obviously keeps me here. I don't know what. When it's bad, it's easy to tell myself I'm done. It got bad last week. It all came to a head with a bad physical altercation. Then it was over...period. That's all it took to get it over with. It has never been mentioned again. I can give it as well as I can take it. I'm not saying I'm innocent here. My bruises healed. His pride healed. I'll never forget the painful words I heard though. That will never heal. I heard how I'm a w**** and a piece of s***. I'm such a piece of s*** that I'm not worth beating. Furniture broken. House tore up. Etc....

But, when it's good? Well, you know. It's good. Is it enough to make up for the bad stuff? No. I don't know. I'm so codependent at times. I'm sure I'm also impossible to live with at times. As much as I think I'm not, there are two sides to every story.

What really pisses me off is the fact that, as far as I know, I'm the only one in my family with addiction issues. His whole family are basically addicts. My sisters both went through their phases, my phase has never ended. This is why I have a hard time with the disease concept. This is when I start questioning if I'm just an awful person. I obviously didn't "inherit" this trait. So I must be immoral.

I don't know. I just don't know.

I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Literally. I'm losing all hope. I was so proud of myself a couple of weeks ago. Now I hate everything. I'm even more pissed because I can't even get f***ed up anymore. No matter how much I drink or what I try to use, I can't get f***ed up. Look...it's after 9 at night and I'm not f***ed up. I've tried. It doesn't happen. I don't hardly sleep. I can't cope with anything.

It just doesn't feel worth it anymore. Nothing does.
I need help...I need alot of help and I don't know what to do or where to get it.

I feel like I've lost it. I feel lost.

I would give anything to feel as "lost" as I did a year or two ago. It only keeps getting worse.

I need I need I need.

I'm tired of needing.

I can't fight it anymore.

God help me and my boys. That's all I ask. Help us.

I'm tired. I'm really tired. I'm sick and I'm tired.

And I hate this f***ing addiction s***. It consumes me and my every thought. I f***ing hate it and I don't think I can live with it the rest of my life. I can't live with it sober..can't live with it wasted. Either way. It's not f***ing fair and it pisses me off and I'm tired of dealing with it.

I don't know how you all do it. How the f*** do you deal with it? It's pretty ominous knowing that you have to deal with this for the rest of your life? Pretty damn depressing. I can't do it.

I really can't do it. How the f*** do you do it?

Maybe it would be easier if I didn't try to fight it so much? Maybe if I could just learn to accept it. I can't accept it. Isn't that step 1? Thought I was past that. Or maybe it's step 2. I can admit I'm powerless and my life is unmanageable. I can't accept it though.

I'm f***ed, ain't I? WHy is this so f***ing hard?
Hi Jodi,
how did we do it? how do we live with being an addict?
Well, I fought for it. I was tired, real tired, just like you and just as hopeless. I don't even want to tell you how many times I failed.
I took a leap of faith and got clean, did as I was told, worked the program and did more than a little of biting the bullet. And time passed. The more time that went by the less of an effort it was.
I did it in a toxic home. I guess it was harder but how would I know? I knew nothing else. However, that doesn't seem to be working for you.
I get the whole dysfunctional marriage thing...you know I do. When it's good...etc..
BUT, this is just not working for you.
Have you considered moving with the boys? Fresh start and all that? Maybe you could just try it and see how it goes. Change is scary but it doesn't have to be bad.
What if you just loved it? Maybe a little distance could help you see that your present envirorment is killing you. Perhaps you'd find Jodi again and Jodi is pretty damned cool.
Don't you ever give up. Being an addict isn't such a terrible thing. I don't mind it anymore. It's just like saying I'm a diabetic. I go through life without tripping off my disease, I'm too busy living.
Take care.
xxxxooooo
Jodi, how do we do it?

First, you make sobriety the most important thing. Forget the rest...go to the halfway house. You have proven you can't stay sober there.

Then, you give him the choice...get sober and healthy with you, or piss off.

It gets better, day by day. The first few months are by far the hardest, but you already showed yourself that you want this by going to rehab.

You want this, I know you do. And you can have it.

But being there isn't good for you. You are the major breadwinner, so you are already doing it without him. You don't need him.

You have a disease; because his sisters could go through a phase doesn't mean you are less than. You just couldn't....I have the same disease and it no way is a measurement of morality. Not for you, either.

Girl, life gets so much better without alchohol. I wish that I could give you a taste; but you already had one. Don't you want that feeling of being clean? Wasn't that little glimmer of hope enough to make you want it permanently?


I think a halfway house is a good place to start. Or kick his a** out. I know, easier said that done, but you know this isn't helping you OR your boys.

If you want my email, let me know. I would be happy to chat anytime.
Jodi-

I've talked to you on the phone several times.You are intellegient,bright and have a great work ethic.I've seen pics of you and you are beautiful.Way above average in every department.You look in the mirror and see none of this.

I don't know what hold this guy has on you? I thought in the beginning he must look like Brad Pitt and be hung like a horse.The more you've shared about him,the more I've ruled that out.

You're getting something out of it and it has nothing to do with love.I suspect it's more about being alone and that can be more terrifying than any abuse.

I just don't want you to die finding out.

Sometimes our minds are our worst enemies.We want to figure this out and then maybe the madness will stop.The problem with that senario is that we kill ourselves in the process.The physical reprucusions play out a lot faster.

You need to get clean and sober first.All this other garbage you're over processing will naturally find it's place.Rehab,a half way house for a year,continue to work and save some money for your own place.Like you said,your sons will take care of themselves.
QUOTE
First, you make sobriety the most important thing. Forget the rest...go to the halfway house. You have proven you can't stay sober there.


good morning jodi, today is a new day, try to not focus on the past or the future.
i agree with the others, God has given you another option, there is hope jodi, dont give up!!! i feel your pain honey, we are so alike and in similiar situations concerning our spouses.
i too had a physical altercation with my husband in feb, I was the one hitting him because he had hurt me so bad i wanted HIM to feel the pain but in retrospect i was wrong, my sponsor told me to make an ammend with him and i was like apologize??? no way i said, but she said no dont apologize but go to him and tell him that your behavior was wrong, i did, it killed me but i felt so much better after i did, for i had lowered myself to his level by losing it.
how do we do it you ask?
speaking for myself i dont quite have it yet, but i am getting there little by little, step by step with the understanding that recovery is a slow process that doesn't happen overnight. "just for today" is a real good remedy for me, at times i have had to take it one second at a time.
jodi i have attended meetings that were held in a half way house here in my city and what i observed there looked really positive.
the women were housed in a beautiful victorian home, they had each other to lean on, cry to, talk to, support one another, we cant do this recovery alone, we all know that for look where it got us??
they all had STRUCTURE, rules to follow, meals to cook one another, jobs to go to everyday, you have no problem there as you are already employed, they have meetings to attend, they have the opportunity to be all together in a safe, clean environment, then there is a woman there that over sees their care and to go to if a problem should arise in the house, as of course there were women there that had to leave because they didnt stay abstinant while they were there. and there are punishments if the rules arent followed, but the rules arent that hard to follow either, curfew etc. you have to want it for it to work.
do you want recovery jodi?? i am sure you are sick of feeling the way your feeling, you have now developed tolerance and your body is so used to all the chemicals now, that is why you explain why you dont feel anything when you try to get a high off alcohol or pills.
i believe that God is opening up another window for you concerning the half way house, when God closes a door he opens a window, i have that saying hung on my bathroom wall. do you have a higher power jodi??
i am so co dependant too, and when i really searched for avenues to help me to understand that disease, i found alot of healing, i read melody beatties books, attended CODA meetings and it was thru those meetings that i met a sponsor who knew my mother!!! talk about the works of the Lord in my life, that sponsor was the one who helped me and showed me how to set boundary's towards my mom and to this day i still have the boundaries intact and it is from the help i got from that wonderful sponsor who worked with my mom and she knew and saw the bad side of my mother and could really understand and relate to me when i would tell her about what went on in my childhood.
so i got some understanding of co-dependancy and i changed my behaviors, i stopped people pleasing, i say no when i mean no, i dont roll out the red carpet to anyone anymore to feel loved or secure.
but..... i was still using, that was in 1996, i finally was successful in 2006 when i knew the gig was up and i had hit my rock bottom, so once again i had to educate myself on addiction and go down many more avenues to try to find the answer of why i dont like me.
i again am trying to change my behaviors, i still am allowing people free rent in my head, i still have stinkin thinkin which for me is the culprit.
i am resentful, blamed my parents and husband, but i am learning how to detach, walk away and not REACT to whatever fuels the fire, when i know i am right in my behavior and the other person is wrong, i walk away for i would fight and fight to try to make that person know that they were wrong and i was right.
just recently i have had a new mindset on the abusers, instead of staying in pity party mode, i can now look at all of them and think to myself that these abusers are very sick people, and they have not been given the gift of what i have been given, the road to recovery.,.,
i pray for them that God will heal them and i truly mean that too, and i now leave it to God to handle it for it is not about them, its got to be about me!! and that truly is a relief, i cannot fix people or try to change them into the people i want them to be, Revenge is mine, sayeth the Lord.
i can now look in the mirror and like those eyes staring back at me, plus the gift of losing 60 pounds has helped my self esteem so much,i now love picking out what i will wear today, buying clothes, jewelry, because i am indeed a girlie girl! before i never cared what i looked like because i felt i didnt deserve to feel good about myself.
it all hasnt been a bed of roses either jodi, i have cried a ocean (before i would say river) but today its an ocean of tears, tried to deal with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, thoughts of suicide etc. but i can now see that my trials get me to be a stonger person because there is ALWAYS darkness before the dawn.
and gratitude,,,,wow, thats an important thing to always look at, the blessings God gives me,i suffered alot jodi, i mean alot! i cannot believe how i endured, but guess what?
everyday that i wake up, my sons and my animals are here!!! i am so thankful for that, i am not hungry, i have shelter, i live in a free country, i am reasonably healthy despite diabetes and i was just diagnosed with osteo arthritis of my ankles, i can see, hear, taste, walk, drive, i say this because i work in a nursing home salon and i see the people there who dont have those priviledges. God put me in that environment for a reason, i get physical and emmotional love from all those sweet seniors who are my parents age who love me and hold me exactly the way i want my parents to act towards me, for my parents arent capable of giving me the love i so crave.
gosh. i hope i feel this good next week, but i have to live just for today and i post all this in hopes that i can reach out to you in some way that can help you,
we deserve to live jodi, its time for US to start living, life is so short, and i will close with my last blessing and that is my God who has now given me the gift of recovery. peace and God bless you jodi, get down on your knees and ask, seek and ye shall find.. love jewels.
So, what is my next step? I just did the rehab route a couple of months ago. I guess that is something only I can figure out. I wish I could see the good in me. I do try. I was just talking to a friend about this the other day. When I'm drinking in a group, I get courage to state and believe in my opinion. Then I can spend alone time with my best friend 5 minutes later and feel awkward. I feel really awkward in a one-on-one heartfelt conversation with my best friend. I don't understand that. Maybe that's why the whole sponsor thing is so intimidating.

Tim, for example, I've talked to you a couple of times on the phone. I felt awkward. The same as when I've talked to Lisa. I know what I want to say. I just can't say it. I'm afraid it will sound stupid. I have a hard time asking for what I need. I can write it. I can definitely write it. I've been pretty shy and really self-conscious my whole life. (My mom would say I've been a doormat.) It's just the way I am. I don't necessarily like it.

God I'm so different than my mom and my sisters. It makes me crazy. I don't feel like I belong. Maybe that's part of the reason I stay in my marriage. It's the one thing I have that they don't. Their's have all failed...several times over. Maybe it makes me feel less inferior and something to be "proud" of. If they only knew. Maybe they are also happier to be out of their relationships. Maybe they know something I don't. It's all just speculations. Yes, I do tend to over think things.

I just don't know how much more I have in me. Do I have two more days of this or 20 more years? If I even knew the answer to that, would it make a difference today...right now? Probably not.

Please don't give up on me. All I'm asking for is prayers, I guess. I've been given so much advice. I can't ask for any more. It's all up to me now. I can't give up...not yet.