Okay - i am feelin happy and sad at the same time...
Went to see my dad at the family home yesterday and it upset me coz he started crying an tellin' me that even afer all the s*** ive put him thru he still haz got sum luv 4 me -
you see my mum died 1 month ago and i woz so close to her - she died of cancer - but jus b4 she went into hospital the last time (on Xmas eve) i stole a lotta money from them...u know wot 4.
I felt like a total s*** when they found out and i knew it woz gonna finish them off as far as me woz concerned - an i woz right - my dad threw me out, my mum told me not to come an see her no more in hospital, an my nan and just about evrybody else told me to f*** off. I was on my own an on the streets. then to top it all my mum died, an i didnt even find out to the day b4 the funeral - my dad went mad at me sayin how i made the last 2 years of her life even worse coz of the gear and how the whole family wanted nothing to do with me -
I really felt like havin the biggest hit and sayin see ya l8r to the world..
But then i thought about it and thought sum more -
I found a place to live, Ive stayed off the gear (kind of) and kept takin my meth - if im gonna do it 4 anyone it iz 4 me and my MUM.
I have never been that close to my dad an wen i went round to see him yesterday, i was in tears when he told me that he still loved me etc..
I really miss my Mum and so does my dad but i am even more determined now that when i get money in my pocket again i am not gonna go and spunk it on gear.
Then...
On my way from my dadz to my new place, i bumped into my little boy (goin' round the sweet shop with his mate) who i haven't seen since b4 my mum died, coz i dont speak to hiz mum(thats a whole other story), and he gave me a cuddle and told me he luvd me etc. and of course asked me if i would get him sum game or other for his XBOX 360!!(nothing changes!!)
So i was real sad and then i was happy when i saw him -
I am kinda mixed up at tha moment!
TINman..
thetinman@hotmail.co.uk
Thats pretty much the world of an addict trying to stay clean- happy one minute -sad the next. OK 1 minute - guilty the next. Determined 1 minute- fu** it the next. Motivated 1minute -lazy the next.-
etc.. etc...
You get the idea.
Hang tuff brother
love&respect
jack
etc.. etc...
You get the idea.
Hang tuff brother
love&respect
jack
Wow, Tin.......talk about a roller coaster.......yep that's our life.
Tinnie, now this is just me.........ya think your Mum didn't have something to do with synchronicity????????? It's almost like a book chapter by chapter only within a few hours..........the cycle.......the FAMILY......your Mum is in a place now that this time........like you said.........you're gonna do this for You and Mum!.........you get money.......there's a game to be purchased!!!!!!! Right?
Something higher power there if ya ask me.......and now it's you, Dad and your beautiful, brilliant boy......with Mum watching over ya.
Tin, the guilt???????? Honestly, I am the biggest guilt carrier this side of the world........it's held me back in alot of ways.....it's so tough and I think the toughest part of recovering........GUILT.......Tin, I think your Mum is trying to tell ya.........let it go, Son..........keep visiting Dad.........stay straight for your Son.
You got an angel now to help ya with that.....drop that guilt, Tin...you are allowed!..........it's O.K.......takes time......you're clean!!!!!!!!!!
Tinnie, now this is just me.........ya think your Mum didn't have something to do with synchronicity????????? It's almost like a book chapter by chapter only within a few hours..........the cycle.......the FAMILY......your Mum is in a place now that this time........like you said.........you're gonna do this for You and Mum!.........you get money.......there's a game to be purchased!!!!!!! Right?
Something higher power there if ya ask me.......and now it's you, Dad and your beautiful, brilliant boy......with Mum watching over ya.
Tin, the guilt???????? Honestly, I am the biggest guilt carrier this side of the world........it's held me back in alot of ways.....it's so tough and I think the toughest part of recovering........GUILT.......Tin, I think your Mum is trying to tell ya.........let it go, Son..........keep visiting Dad.........stay straight for your Son.
You got an angel now to help ya with that.....drop that guilt, Tin...you are allowed!..........it's O.K.......takes time......you're clean!!!!!!!!!!
Thanx u guyz,
I am going to spend the weekend wiv mny little boy, am off in about 30 mins to see him. I am happy 2 day an lookin forward 2 c in him. I woz sposed to go round last night but gotta get my damn methh this morning so i couldnt, he phoned me an asked wen i woz comin an i had 2 tell him not 2 nite then he says "r u still gonna buy me that.." - oh he really makes me smile, when i think of all the thousands, tens of thousands, of pounds that i have fu**in wasted on gear, he could have had never wanted for nothing - but instead i hav to tell him i cant buy the game yet coz i aint got no money till tuesday - that makes me feel like im being a right let down 2 him - i know he understandz about money an stuff but still u wanna giv them all the stuff that there mates hav dont ya?
An i truly could hav gave him soooo much more -
but i suppose there aint no substitute for the one thing that dont cost nothing to give him - LOVE.
An he defo aint short of that from me!
Okay goin now, try an borriow sum money i suppose off my m8....although he probably wont giv me any afeter last time i let him down..
Oh stop ramblin' on Tin.....
Bye Bye
TM07
thetinman07@hotmail.co.uk
I am going to spend the weekend wiv mny little boy, am off in about 30 mins to see him. I am happy 2 day an lookin forward 2 c in him. I woz sposed to go round last night but gotta get my damn methh this morning so i couldnt, he phoned me an asked wen i woz comin an i had 2 tell him not 2 nite then he says "r u still gonna buy me that.." - oh he really makes me smile, when i think of all the thousands, tens of thousands, of pounds that i have fu**in wasted on gear, he could have had never wanted for nothing - but instead i hav to tell him i cant buy the game yet coz i aint got no money till tuesday - that makes me feel like im being a right let down 2 him - i know he understandz about money an stuff but still u wanna giv them all the stuff that there mates hav dont ya?
An i truly could hav gave him soooo much more -
but i suppose there aint no substitute for the one thing that dont cost nothing to give him - LOVE.
An he defo aint short of that from me!
Okay goin now, try an borriow sum money i suppose off my m8....although he probably wont giv me any afeter last time i let him down..
Oh stop ramblin' on Tin.....
Bye Bye
TM07
thetinman07@hotmail.co.uk
There YOU go.......we're proud of ya, Heart Man!!!!!!!!!
