Justonemore,
Happy Birthday mate, I hope this message finds you happy and healthy. How was your trip east? I bet you are pleased to be back with your lady. I hope you have an incredible birthday and many more to come.
Hugs, your friend,
Charmed 1
Thank you much charmed, I am back east now and very glad to be . I have just got back on puter here, saw your birthday wish and wanted to say hi, and thanks . All of you have been in my thoughts, am hoping I dont let anyone down.Stayed my last night in west with my mom. Admitted to her my addiction and how I might be able to help others as well as myself from this point on . She was happy for me and even tho moving away , glad I found someone good for my overall wellbeing.I am down to the last of my "old friend" How pathetic it is that, even with my wanting to quit, going to where I wont be able to get any , I still managed to make the excuse I had too much to do and got more the last few days.Granted I did do less than usual, but why when I was on my way couldnt I leave it behind?? I am now in that mode where what I have doesnt do much, which I have no doubt is all in my head.I am thinking I need to show my lady (and myself )my true sincere desire to quit by showing her what I have and flushing it.I dont know if I can tho (I hate waste, hahaha, if you can understand that)I will admit , I am not wanting to go through what I know is coming . A rather stupid thought when I think of what will come if I dont quit .anyway, I will write more later , I want to read the rest of whats been goin on in here. OH, by the way , something very strange happened. I went to doctor to get all my prescrips up to date for move. My blood pressure has always been up there for quite a while now .I am taking this as a sign my moving is right thing to do now , it was 140 over 70, the lowest I have seen it in over 20 years . not to worry , I am not jaded in the least, just hopefull
Hey Justonemore,
Glad to hear you made it back east safe and sound, I understand why you would buy ya last bag even though you were planning to quit, you knew you had made the decision and you knew you would have no more for either a very long time or forever, either way it's a lot of time with no P! Now you have come to that turning point I wish you all the best and hope the withdrawals are not to horrid for you!
Did you throw the rest out? I know what you mean about wasting it, when I was living in NJ I had a huge argument with my mum in law, she wanted me to give her all my dope (heroin) and I cried and told her I couldn't because I was too scared to be without it. Anyway she said if I didn't quit I had to move out, so I drove myself to the emergency room and they put me in Princeton House (rehab). She knew I hadn't used the rest of my stash but as much as I wanted to quit I couldn't admit to her that there were two bags still in the glove box. Fortunately they had been removed by the time I came out of rehab 3 days later!
Can you please elaborate on the blood pressure thing? Or maybe someone else can help, what is normal for blood pressue? What can happen to you if it is too high or low? What effect do different drugs have on your blood pressure short term/long term and during withdrawal? My blood pressure is always low when i go to the Dr and she always says that is okay cause it is better than high is that right? I remember heroin withdrawal made it high though and it was awful! All info much appreciated!
Hugs
Charmed
Glad to hear you made it back east safe and sound, I understand why you would buy ya last bag even though you were planning to quit, you knew you had made the decision and you knew you would have no more for either a very long time or forever, either way it's a lot of time with no P! Now you have come to that turning point I wish you all the best and hope the withdrawals are not to horrid for you!
Did you throw the rest out? I know what you mean about wasting it, when I was living in NJ I had a huge argument with my mum in law, she wanted me to give her all my dope (heroin) and I cried and told her I couldn't because I was too scared to be without it. Anyway she said if I didn't quit I had to move out, so I drove myself to the emergency room and they put me in Princeton House (rehab). She knew I hadn't used the rest of my stash but as much as I wanted to quit I couldn't admit to her that there were two bags still in the glove box. Fortunately they had been removed by the time I came out of rehab 3 days later!
Can you please elaborate on the blood pressure thing? Or maybe someone else can help, what is normal for blood pressue? What can happen to you if it is too high or low? What effect do different drugs have on your blood pressure short term/long term and during withdrawal? My blood pressure is always low when i go to the Dr and she always says that is okay cause it is better than high is that right? I remember heroin withdrawal made it high though and it was awful! All info much appreciated!
Hugs
Charmed
Hey charmed, hope you are well,and thanks again for everything. I've read all the posts and hopefully remember all the questions ,hahaha, ya,right.oh wait, I got an excuse, I'm an old man lol, maybe gettin older, but refuse to grow up ..Good time to ask about my stash! last night my new better half asked me when I last used, and if I had brought some with me.I thought lieing would be a terrible way to start out our relationship,...so I told her the truth.She said I dont need it anymore.I thought of her, her daughter, all of my friends in here,and my own words.I cant believe I did what I have never, ever done before, I wasted it.I got the bag out , showed it to her , and flushed it .Damn, it is hard to even think about doing it .I feel like I killed an old friend.I am dreading what is coming , but it has to be. As for blood pressure,, (I just checked online to get my facts straight)normal BP is 120 or less over 80 or less (not too less ) for a long time mine has been running in the 150 to 180 range over 95 to 105 range, the high pressure causes a strain on things like liver , kidneys, heart, and entire circulatory system, Putting one at high risk of organ failure, stroke, fluid buildup in lungs, or burst artery or vein. It is a silent killer in that there arent really any symptoms untill the hammer drops .my 140 over 70 is still somewhat high at top end (high number is pressure when heart is contracting pushing blood thru , low number is when the heart is relaxing ) but for me , a marked improvement that gives me hope to lower it more. Your second poem is again excellent , You do have a wonderful gift.. As long as you continue to look at yourself in an honest open way, you will find your path to what you are looking for in life . got to go ,best wishes
Hey justonemore,
How are you today? how many days you got under ya belt? Way to go flushing ya stash, I bet that was hard, but hey, look at it this way, the last of your stash never seems to work anyway so you were just flushing useless s***!! lol. Wish you could have dropped it in my letter box though! I had 5 days with no P, but I had 2 days worth of rinse (ghb) so I just rinsed myself out, woke up, had another rinse, played on my computer till I nodded out again. dumb I know but it passed time when I couldn't be bothered doing anything else and was getting bored. I have so much to do with my time but coming down I can't be bothered doing any of it!
Thanks for the blood pressure info, that's great news that yours is improving, yay! Definately a good sign for you I think! Last time I went to the Dr I was like 2 days off s*** and had sinusitis and she checked my pulse which she said was a bit fast and my b/p was normal (they always tell me its low) so I guess coming down off P ya blood pressure goes up, even if it's just a fraction compared with heroin withdrawal.
I had my mate around tonight, the one who fixed my brakes, he is 43 and has been addicted to P or speed for the last 10 years, before that it was heroin, so we have a fair bit in common. Anyway I was reading some of your posts to him, (the more humorous ones!) and he thinks you are wise and hysterical, and he felt he could really relate to alot of what you were saying. He's a mechanic, are you a mechanic? Anyway, he had a crap computer that spat the dummy at him last week, but he loves the internet and when he gets around to getting a new computer he'd be keen as to chat to you :o)
See, now I am showing off my new friend! I truly believe your posts on this forum will help so many people so don't ever stop:
* you are in recovery!
* you were an addict for 35 years!
* you question why!
* you are willing to learn!
* you have a strong desire to understand this addiction and help others understand!
* you are compassionate, understanding and caring!
* your experince is knowledge!
* you have a way with words!
and... dadada da....... *you have a sense of humor!
Hugs
Charmed
How are you today? how many days you got under ya belt? Way to go flushing ya stash, I bet that was hard, but hey, look at it this way, the last of your stash never seems to work anyway so you were just flushing useless s***!! lol. Wish you could have dropped it in my letter box though! I had 5 days with no P, but I had 2 days worth of rinse (ghb) so I just rinsed myself out, woke up, had another rinse, played on my computer till I nodded out again. dumb I know but it passed time when I couldn't be bothered doing anything else and was getting bored. I have so much to do with my time but coming down I can't be bothered doing any of it!
Thanks for the blood pressure info, that's great news that yours is improving, yay! Definately a good sign for you I think! Last time I went to the Dr I was like 2 days off s*** and had sinusitis and she checked my pulse which she said was a bit fast and my b/p was normal (they always tell me its low) so I guess coming down off P ya blood pressure goes up, even if it's just a fraction compared with heroin withdrawal.
I had my mate around tonight, the one who fixed my brakes, he is 43 and has been addicted to P or speed for the last 10 years, before that it was heroin, so we have a fair bit in common. Anyway I was reading some of your posts to him, (the more humorous ones!) and he thinks you are wise and hysterical, and he felt he could really relate to alot of what you were saying. He's a mechanic, are you a mechanic? Anyway, he had a crap computer that spat the dummy at him last week, but he loves the internet and when he gets around to getting a new computer he'd be keen as to chat to you :o)
See, now I am showing off my new friend! I truly believe your posts on this forum will help so many people so don't ever stop:
* you are in recovery!
* you were an addict for 35 years!
* you question why!
* you are willing to learn!
* you have a strong desire to understand this addiction and help others understand!
* you are compassionate, understanding and caring!
* your experince is knowledge!
* you have a way with words!
and... dadada da....... *you have a sense of humor!
Hugs
Charmed
Thanks charmed.....I'm doin ok , I guess. At that point where everything is a chore .my thoughts are bouncin around in my head like loud sounds in an empty warehouse.every muscle and bone in my body aches, I should go for a walk, but from the bed to the puter and bathroom is about the best I get out of these old bones hahaha, omg a bit of humor .........who knew?? geeeeez ..the only clear thought it seems is ..."wish I had just a line more, or a couple puffs .......it would take the edge off" this really sucks!!! ok, ok...it's mostly in my head , if I had one . I think it floated off...dang.....more humor ,,, and I thought my humor died . seriously , thanks charmed for your support and words.they are really helping now , I feel like I am barely hangin in right now ... started to fall apart once yesterday , once today . not sure where I am at , somewhere around 3-4 days . I'm tryin not to count yet . an hour at a time ...good part is I cant get any . what I do? was in construction by trade, but wrenching and fixing things my passion . Old Harleys are my love . Thinking about it , having that wind in my face is something that this drug has replaced, and in doing so took away who I am . That is another big factor in my decision to quit . I have to get back to who I am ..I feel like I have quit on an old friend , I have to keep reminding myself to question what kind of friend would take my soul and control almost everything I do , allowing my loves and passions to die . Thats no friend , only a demon of the worst kind , if I had a brain left I would just do an inhouse program .....but no , stubborn old fart me has to be a manly man and do this on his own .....with a lil help from my friends like you and all the others here . got to go ...thank you all very much
Hey Justonemore,
I'm so proud of you! Even though you admitted in your post all you can think about is using, you wrote alot more about not using, all the reasons, why it's important for you, a REAL evaluation of what P has done to your life. You didn't gloss it up at all or give P one ounce of credability to why it would be okay to use "justoncemore" You don't even need reminding on why not, you are coming up with more and more reasons to not use every day.
Your future is bright and shining and waiting for you and you know it. All those hobbies that were important to you that you gave up you can have back! You have the love of a great woman and a whole lot of love in you to give her back and you are gonna change lives with your new "drug" of helping people understand and conquer addiction. You inspire me and you will inspire many more to come I am sure. All the mistakes you have made in your life you can use as knowledge to really make a difference! I bet a year ago you didn't think such awesome things could ever happen, but they are happening, they are real, and you are responsible for it! You should be so proud of yourself!
In the mean time, I'll pray your withdrawal symptoms don't torture you too much!
Lots of hugs to you justonemore, my very good friend!
Charmed
I'm so proud of you! Even though you admitted in your post all you can think about is using, you wrote alot more about not using, all the reasons, why it's important for you, a REAL evaluation of what P has done to your life. You didn't gloss it up at all or give P one ounce of credability to why it would be okay to use "justoncemore" You don't even need reminding on why not, you are coming up with more and more reasons to not use every day.
Your future is bright and shining and waiting for you and you know it. All those hobbies that were important to you that you gave up you can have back! You have the love of a great woman and a whole lot of love in you to give her back and you are gonna change lives with your new "drug" of helping people understand and conquer addiction. You inspire me and you will inspire many more to come I am sure. All the mistakes you have made in your life you can use as knowledge to really make a difference! I bet a year ago you didn't think such awesome things could ever happen, but they are happening, they are real, and you are responsible for it! You should be so proud of yourself!
In the mean time, I'll pray your withdrawal symptoms don't torture you too much!
Lots of hugs to you justonemore, my very good friend!
Charmed
Hi Charmed, Justonemoreflushedintoilet,
Awsome. I can tell you when I first went to a detox I had some in my pocket and was sparked like well................on a good one. It was crazy cause when I went to bed the first night in that place I slept good and fell right to sleep. It was like a weight lifted. I learned so much that two weeks of no dope. Anyway I'm glad you have taken a step. Now comes the easy part. The hard part is living life on lifes terms. Thing about that is that life's terms are both good and bad. It's how you deal. You will come to appreciate dealing with issues and not running to the P. I so appreciate that I can deal now. I do however want to take a pill to help me stop stressing about my baby boy. Gosh, this sh** hurts. I sure with I could have magical powers. Oh here I go. That is way out there. Sometimes I think of the craziest crap to say to my son so he will quit. I was telling my awsome niece the other day that sometimes I want to tell him I'm dying of cancer and hope he will get his life together. Do you think that will work? hahahahahaha
Anyway, I hope you both hang in there. I will if you will. Stay up both of you. Not all night but in spirits. Hey, that was funny!
Talk to ya soon,
Cathy
Awsome. I can tell you when I first went to a detox I had some in my pocket and was sparked like well................on a good one. It was crazy cause when I went to bed the first night in that place I slept good and fell right to sleep. It was like a weight lifted. I learned so much that two weeks of no dope. Anyway I'm glad you have taken a step. Now comes the easy part. The hard part is living life on lifes terms. Thing about that is that life's terms are both good and bad. It's how you deal. You will come to appreciate dealing with issues and not running to the P. I so appreciate that I can deal now. I do however want to take a pill to help me stop stressing about my baby boy. Gosh, this sh** hurts. I sure with I could have magical powers. Oh here I go. That is way out there. Sometimes I think of the craziest crap to say to my son so he will quit. I was telling my awsome niece the other day that sometimes I want to tell him I'm dying of cancer and hope he will get his life together. Do you think that will work? hahahahahaha
Anyway, I hope you both hang in there. I will if you will. Stay up both of you. Not all night but in spirits. Hey, that was funny!
Talk to ya soon,
Cathy
Cathy, you sound like you are close to slippin, I hope not. Stress and things that hurt us are the things we try to make better by using . stay strong , there are no magic pills or potions , the best they do is delay reality , and in that delay they become worse.Stick to being true, if you lie or try some "trick" you will lose your credibility. an unfaltering faith and belief in you will be your greatest allie, in my opinion . When they begin to question their use , knowing they can trust you will mean everything . be strong , believe that all things will work out , and happen for a good reason . they do , sometimes we have to look for the good reason , but it is always there
Cathy I think LSD is the drug you require for magic powers lol. I loved the "Justonemoreflushedintoilet" hehe, love your humour.
You will get through this luv, you have to think about your son and your other children who need you. Once you have decided on a plan of attack with your son I think you will start to relax a little more knowing that you have done your best and can just hope and pray that it turns out that way.
We are thinking about ya and praying for you Cathy, I hope you had a good night sleep
Hugs
Charmed
You will get through this luv, you have to think about your son and your other children who need you. Once you have decided on a plan of attack with your son I think you will start to relax a little more knowing that you have done your best and can just hope and pray that it turns out that way.
We are thinking about ya and praying for you Cathy, I hope you had a good night sleep
Hugs
Charmed
Hi All,
No, I'm not slippin. I did not even have a drink however it sounded good for a moment.
Justonemore, stay strong. You have taken a huge step to leave the people, places and things that have been around during your using. That was a good step. Now you are with a person who cares about you and wants to help you stop the madness. Take advantage of that. She is there for you. I myself am not waiting to see if you slip. I am here to read your postings to see every one you write so that I can see the Recovery Happening! Get rest however you have to pull yourself up to get busy with things in the house whether it be cleaning, cooking or whatever. The down time is what can mess you up again. You now how tired you are when you come down. It is important to eat right, sleep right and get up right. Push yourself. Where the will is, is where the way is.
Hi Charmed, Thanks for your great messages. I always look forward to your postings. I hope that you will take some steps in getting yourself off the P. If you really want to just do it. A day at a time is all it takes. You get through one day and then another. If you get some help from meetings you will surround yourself with people who know exactly what you are going through and will help you through it. Remember though it is you and only you that can push. I so wish you and justonemore all the strength that you will need.
Take care,
Cathy
No, I'm not slippin. I did not even have a drink however it sounded good for a moment.
Justonemore, stay strong. You have taken a huge step to leave the people, places and things that have been around during your using. That was a good step. Now you are with a person who cares about you and wants to help you stop the madness. Take advantage of that. She is there for you. I myself am not waiting to see if you slip. I am here to read your postings to see every one you write so that I can see the Recovery Happening! Get rest however you have to pull yourself up to get busy with things in the house whether it be cleaning, cooking or whatever. The down time is what can mess you up again. You now how tired you are when you come down. It is important to eat right, sleep right and get up right. Push yourself. Where the will is, is where the way is.
Hi Charmed, Thanks for your great messages. I always look forward to your postings. I hope that you will take some steps in getting yourself off the P. If you really want to just do it. A day at a time is all it takes. You get through one day and then another. If you get some help from meetings you will surround yourself with people who know exactly what you are going through and will help you through it. Remember though it is you and only you that can push. I so wish you and justonemore all the strength that you will need.
Take care,
Cathy
Good to hear from you cathy, yuppers, I am aware ,and on top of pretty much all of those issues.luckily my lady is a great cook, and does a lot of it ,Damn, here come the pounds !!! oh well,I got the hairline and beard, might as well get the belly and will always have work at christmas time . hohoho , am getting a lot of sleep, too much. the only person not aware of what I am going through is her 13 year old daughter. she comes home from school and asks what I have done all day . feel really low when all I have done is sleep. so I use her to motivate me. When I feel I am over the hump, I think I will fill her in on what I have been going through.hopefully she will get the message.Am sort of following my friends advice.and yours cathy, forcing myself to do things , as much as I hate it .....when I realize I have done something without getting wired it helps reinforce the reality of not needing it anymore.I'm downplaying the difficulty a lot!! as soon as I think of how hard this is I start to lose it .but life goes on . and I plan on being part of it ....thank you all so muchfor your words , and faith ...
Hey Cathy,
Thanks for your kind words, I'm glad you haven't slipped, I was just adding my wee remarks for comedy as I thought, and still think that although you are going through a tough time your suggestion of using because of your hard time was just a joke, which I thought funny. Deep down you probably do wish you could take something, but you know it would be a joke (not a funny one) if you did use so you were joking bout that..... eeek I rambling and don't even make sense to myself lol.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is I have alot of admiration for your clean time and i have alot of admiration for the lengths you are going to to help your son, I think you are are strong and intelligent woman and I believe in you.
Best wishes
charmed
Thanks for your kind words, I'm glad you haven't slipped, I was just adding my wee remarks for comedy as I thought, and still think that although you are going through a tough time your suggestion of using because of your hard time was just a joke, which I thought funny. Deep down you probably do wish you could take something, but you know it would be a joke (not a funny one) if you did use so you were joking bout that..... eeek I rambling and don't even make sense to myself lol.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is I have alot of admiration for your clean time and i have alot of admiration for the lengths you are going to to help your son, I think you are are strong and intelligent woman and I believe in you.
Best wishes
charmed
Hey Justonemore,
I hope your days are passing quickley for you and that you are feeling more alive each day, your always in my prayers. I've spent hours typing my book today, I have hardly done anything this year and there's so much to do! I'm gonna get on a roll of doing, got to, it is the one goal I have at the moment and I really think it well help many, I just gotts push myself and I'm not too good at that anymore.
Hugs
Charmed
I hope your days are passing quickley for you and that you are feeling more alive each day, your always in my prayers. I've spent hours typing my book today, I have hardly done anything this year and there's so much to do! I'm gonna get on a roll of doing, got to, it is the one goal I have at the moment and I really think it well help many, I just gotts push myself and I'm not too good at that anymore.
Hugs
Charmed
Now I am just guessing here.............charmed? you get a bit buzzed recently??
Can't fool a fooler!
