A cabbie named Todd picks up a Nun . She gets into the cab, and Todd
won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you,
but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I
am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see
and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
Mike is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and
Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker
blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts
crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married
and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Mark and I'm going to a
Halloween party."
ha ha ha....You a funny girl....
LMAO
A Joke in some places is just a funny true story in others-
love jack
Halloween parade,NY,NY
love jack
Halloween parade,NY,NY
Jeopardy was invented by a drug addict. Who else starts out with all the answers and no questions?"
Remember to put a little reflecttive tape on the kiddies costumes tonight & drive extra careful- sometimes they,re hard to see
love & respect
jack
Remember to put a little reflecttive tape on the kiddies costumes tonight & drive extra careful- sometimes they,re hard to see
love & respect
jack
that was a good joke Lisa
Ah..so Jack, it happened to you ? In a parade, in NY?
LOL
LOL
THE TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK- OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person giving you candy doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
and, the #1 reason trick or treating is better than sex...
1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT
DOOR!!!!!!!!!!
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. The person giving you candy doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
and, the #1 reason trick or treating is better than sex...
1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT
DOOR!!!!!!!!!!
Lisa & cynial one
LMFAO
Publix want's us to dress up a little.........OMG, no clue here folks, I'm a damm cashier, what the hell can I Possibly dress up as????
Love Dottie
LMFAO
Publix want's us to dress up a little.........OMG, no clue here folks, I'm a damm cashier, what the hell can I Possibly dress up as????
Love Dottie
Dottie...I have a great one for you!!! Go as trailer trash...... curlers in your hair, lipstick all over, big boobs and a cig hanging out of your mouth! Easy to do and funny!
Love you
Love you
Hey
Great jokes thanks for the laughs.I wanted to say Have a Happy and safe Halloween Day.If your going to a party remember to only treat yourself to the sweets.Say NO To Drugs.I will be out in the streets walking some of this weight off and paying for it the next day.Im so out of shape....Im going to run i got some house cleaning and cooking to do before we head out.Ive got a maids custom i think im going to put it on to get into the mood for cleaning my house .....Everyone have a good one.take care ,crystal
Great jokes thanks for the laughs.I wanted to say Have a Happy and safe Halloween Day.If your going to a party remember to only treat yourself to the sweets.Say NO To Drugs.I will be out in the streets walking some of this weight off and paying for it the next day.Im so out of shape....Im going to run i got some house cleaning and cooking to do before we head out.Ive got a maids custom i think im going to put it on to get into the mood for cleaning my house .....Everyone have a good one.take care ,crystal
Have fun Crystal!!!!!
You be safe too.
You be safe too.
Lisa
I Love it ROTFLMFAO.............now if I could just talk them into letting me light the cigarette, hmmmm LOL
Love Dottie
I Love it ROTFLMFAO.............now if I could just talk them into letting me light the cigarette, hmmmm LOL
Love Dottie
Thanks for the jokes. Certainly needed. Things here are really bummin.
I feel bad for my little girl as they cancelled school. They were to come to school in there halloween costumes. She was so excited. Instead she is in mY EX wifes office.
Due to powere lines --garbage etc no trick or treating for the kids. Hopefully they will have an indoor party and reschedule as they cancelled school till thursday.
People here Lisa at my job have holes in there roofs no tarps and rain is coming tonight.-They have no Electric. We all had to come in to work. And with day lights saving we lose all that extra hour of daylight
Its really F-ed up --
Happy Halloween--wish I was back in N.Y THE BEST PARTIES
Jeff
I feel bad for my little girl as they cancelled school. They were to come to school in there halloween costumes. She was so excited. Instead she is in mY EX wifes office.
Due to powere lines --garbage etc no trick or treating for the kids. Hopefully they will have an indoor party and reschedule as they cancelled school till thursday.
People here Lisa at my job have holes in there roofs no tarps and rain is coming tonight.-They have no Electric. We all had to come in to work. And with day lights saving we lose all that extra hour of daylight
Its really F-ed up --
Happy Halloween--wish I was back in N.Y THE BEST PARTIES
Jeff
Hi all Im taking a break from cleaning our weekend mess & wanted to wish you all a very safe sober happy halloween....mj
Hello Everyone,
I hope you all have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!! Thanks for the great jokes, LMAO. What a good thread ;o). Laughter is great for the soul. I have 13 boys here for lunch, my daughter home sick today. The weekend was alot of "family time", which I love. But boy, I NEED A MEETING LOLOLOL!!!!! Thy Will Be Done! If I am lucky I can get to the 6:00pm, but then the trick or treaters lololo. This board is a life saver. Have a great day ;o) . Take care, Best Wishes
Suboxman,
I am so sorry, conditions sound rough. My prayers are with you and the families. I hope you get you all get your electricity back soon. We all take so much for granted. I shouldn't be complaining. Have a Happy Halloween. Take care, Best Wishes
I hope you all have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!! Thanks for the great jokes, LMAO. What a good thread ;o). Laughter is great for the soul. I have 13 boys here for lunch, my daughter home sick today. The weekend was alot of "family time", which I love. But boy, I NEED A MEETING LOLOLOL!!!!! Thy Will Be Done! If I am lucky I can get to the 6:00pm, but then the trick or treaters lololo. This board is a life saver. Have a great day ;o) . Take care, Best Wishes
Suboxman,
I am so sorry, conditions sound rough. My prayers are with you and the families. I hope you get you all get your electricity back soon. We all take so much for granted. I shouldn't be complaining. Have a Happy Halloween. Take care, Best Wishes
That was very much needed indeed thanks for some humor hopefully people will post more jokes .My daughter is not even going to go out because she didnt have school today so she spent a long weekend w/ her daddy so I think she is going to dress up here and pass out candy because she wont get home until late .See my ex-mother in law taught Arielle that she was not supposed to celebrate Halloween because it is a celebration for the devil and all this mess we never really thought about it like that it was just fun to dress up and get free candy so anyway My daughter doesn't really get excited anymore unless we go to a church party it is a bummer because I always loved Halloween when I was growing up .Oh well at least Thanksgiving and Christmas arent to far away .Thanks again for sharing.
THE WORLD'S SHORTEST AND BEST FAIRY TALE
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said "NO!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf
a lot and drank beer whenever he wanted.
THE END
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said "NO!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf
a lot and drank beer whenever he wanted.
THE END
LMAO..Fire...That was funny. I sent that one to my husband.
Jeff..ah man, I'm sorry you're going through this. All those poor people and you know, we don't hear about it on the news like we did Katrina. I feel for your kids. What a bummer. If they were here, I would take them trick or treating.
Hang tough Bud.
Lisa
Jeff..ah man, I'm sorry you're going through this. All those poor people and you know, we don't hear about it on the news like we did Katrina. I feel for your kids. What a bummer. If they were here, I would take them trick or treating.
Hang tough Bud.
Lisa
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the
last
of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several
false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was
another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was
embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of
composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them
out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He
started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get
the
unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile
at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
sheets,
a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had
watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going
on
here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the s*** out
of
a ghost."
last
of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several
false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was
another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was
embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of
composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them
out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He
started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get
the
unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile
at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
sheets,
a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had
watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going
on
here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the s*** out
of
a ghost."
