I am writing this for only one reason, to get sympathy points from the girls.
So you might think HC is your typical ego-centric male. my wife thinks i only care about myself and have no feelings for others. totally untrue and my actions reflect that. but no, i don't cry, there is only one thing that is going to make those tears well up and i better be prepared for it.
Yesterday i went to a 7am meeting, and i was the only person there until 3 others gradually drifted in. But the 2nd guy started the meeting and asked me to read. but there is not way i can read "how it works". in fact i remember, a few years back at my first meeting after a long relapse, i was at a very small restaraunt meeting and when they read "how it works", the tears were gushing out of my eyes, and the people were just watching me, feeling for me.
i've been fighting addiction ALL my life since my first drink at 16. well, sometimes i go into these periods where i give into it, ah what a relief it is sometimes. but when i hear that rarely have we seen a person fail, it reminds me how in 1981 i found AA and I jumped right on and in and was totally clean for 10 years and my life just skyrocketed, after hundreds and hundreds of meeting.
damn, sometimes i get sick that i have to work so hard to stay sobe, is that what is going to happen again? i'm going to drift away in 4-6 mo.'s and then 6 mo.'s later the pain will be too bad? thank god i am only on pot.
there is such poetry in that how it works. so many millions of us are affected by this thing. there is a cure, and AA has helped countless millions of us. i was in the Montreal stadium with 10's of thousands, probably about 40K in 1985 saying the lords prayer at the 50th anniversary.
but here we are grouped together for strength, haunted by our illness, trying our best, hoping for the best sometimes to no avail. i think i am going to read how it works right now, haven't read it through since i'm back, maybe that'll stop the gushing and complete breakup i expect from myself when i'm in a room full of people like me and it is read.
uh-oh he said the phrase that incites. *grabs kevlar bodyarmor and helmet, dives into the bunker and bolts the door behind him.*
worry about the fight today, not 6 months from now. put the past in the past.
focus on the moment everything else will drive you crazy and you are likely to want to use. looking at things as forever and always is too scarey.
focus on the moment everything else will drive you crazy and you are likely to want to use. looking at things as forever and always is too scarey.
HC - I really feel you need to share this with your wife. Turn towards her at this time, not away from her.
hippinerd - ouch
hippinerd - ouch
hardcharger- i don't know 'how it works' i know it's an aa term but what is it. can you elaborate?
thanks- jo
thanks- jo
WW-??
http://www.oahucentraloffice.com/howitworks.htm
this is the aa creed that is frequently read at the beginning of a meeting. i'm a brash, sometimes obnoxious(but i don't think so), "hardcharger", straight almost 3 wks, i'm fragile emotionally.
see wife, i do have emotions! I have heard that creed read hundreds of times in many many different rooms, with many thousand of us alchy and addicts crammed in rooms. and i have a problem, and i'm not the only one. when i read this, i just feel why am i an this situation, i have to do the work on myself, why can't i just be normal. then i think of the wonderful recovery i had in the 80's and how my life just totally around and i have received everything a man would want out of life. and here i am again, hanging by a thread(in the long run) and who knows how or where i'll end up. (long term outlook, not how i feel today).
thank god i a had a good nights sleep, first one since straight, i'm so so happy to be back at work and my job is so fulfilling or me. why would i screw all this up????
this is the aa creed that is frequently read at the beginning of a meeting. i'm a brash, sometimes obnoxious(but i don't think so), "hardcharger", straight almost 3 wks, i'm fragile emotionally.
see wife, i do have emotions! I have heard that creed read hundreds of times in many many different rooms, with many thousand of us alchy and addicts crammed in rooms. and i have a problem, and i'm not the only one. when i read this, i just feel why am i an this situation, i have to do the work on myself, why can't i just be normal. then i think of the wonderful recovery i had in the 80's and how my life just totally around and i have received everything a man would want out of life. and here i am again, hanging by a thread(in the long run) and who knows how or where i'll end up. (long term outlook, not how i feel today).
thank god i a had a good nights sleep, first one since straight, i'm so so happy to be back at work and my job is so fulfilling or me. why would i screw all this up????
We all share the same destination, it's the journey that's counts.
hc- you are feeling fragile which is probably the withdrawl physically and emotionally. your self is waking up and the emotions you have been numbing are huge i suspect.
hang in there. you are the 'hardcharger' but it's nice to know you do have a sensitive streak and can feel. i agree with ww- you should share this with your wife.
i read the link, did nothing to me but then again aa does nothing for me..... but whatever works, and apparently it hits an emotional part of you. i say go with it and feel dude, feel!
glad you got a good nights sleep, mine was murky..... and overslept this morning..... my head is very hazy. thought my head would be more clear by now..... maybe it's the dreams that cloud me, so vivid and clear....i wake all disoriented.
have a good day!
-jo
hang in there. you are the 'hardcharger' but it's nice to know you do have a sensitive streak and can feel. i agree with ww- you should share this with your wife.
i read the link, did nothing to me but then again aa does nothing for me..... but whatever works, and apparently it hits an emotional part of you. i say go with it and feel dude, feel!
glad you got a good nights sleep, mine was murky..... and overslept this morning..... my head is very hazy. thought my head would be more clear by now..... maybe it's the dreams that cloud me, so vivid and clear....i wake all disoriented.
have a good day!
-jo
I also had some vivid dreams....woke up feeling guilty. Geez, I can't even get rid of guilt when I'm asleep. That bites !
