My 30-YO lovely daughter (who is using heroin and living with a hard-core junkie/panhandler who got her hooked) texted me tonight that she's desperate, got evicted from a room she rented when US marshals kicked everyone out of the apartment, and she's now in a very crummy room in the Bronx with no money and doesn't know what to do. Is there any way I can help her with money?
I texted back "I'm sorry. I can't do that. You need to feel the full weight of your decisions."
She came back with, I just don't know what to do. I texted, I don't know either, I've never been in that situation and never want to be. And she ended with "all right." And I feel terrible.
But to give money to her, I'd be enabling, plus I'd be giving money to the trash she's with. He's stolen from her, lied to her, tried to kill her once, given her hep C, gotten her beat up, and pimped her out. I can't give her money.
I did the right thing, I think. Right? But it's so hard. I'm one of those people who feels other people's feelings for them, and I'm feeling her desperation now....
The N.Y. (Bronx) area phone number for NA (Narcotics anonymous) is 212-929-6262.
You could text her that. It may be the best thing she has received in a long time.
I wish you all the best.
Bob R
You could text her that. It may be the best thing she has received in a long time.
I wish you all the best.
Bob R
Hi you are facing a terrible dilemma- perhaps (depending on your circumstances) you could offer your daughter a way out- let her come home but on your terms-very strict boundaries- no second chances-no contact with the guy who got her into this- she may just be in a place where she is ready to ask for and recieve help - you are right not to offer her money- if she turns you down at least you know that you have done everything you can to offer her help- it is just a suggestion, i am not an expert on relationships, famillial or other, i have screwed up enough of them over the years- but just maybe she is ready to quit, i wish you both all the best-
Good advice traveling man, I was about to say the same thing. Definitely no money should head her way but if she is asking for help she may be ready to finally begin the process of recovery.
Thanks for the replies! I was thinking along those lines too-- much stricter rules than before, even a written contract which I did once and it helped. The thing is, 1, she's my daughter and I love her, and 2, she has never stolen from me or anything like that so it seems cruel to lock her out if she really needed shelter. Also my step-dad who's very wise said, you should let her come back if it will make you feel better.
But, after spending my whole night worrying about her, it turns out it was kind of a false alarm. I texted her in the morning "Have you had enough of this yet?" and then tried calling when I got no answer. A while later I got this text: "Hey mom, I'll call u later. Saw u called. It's very difficult but I like feeling free." She likes feeling free.....
As Janis Joplin told us back in the day, freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. My daughter, the hobo. All very disturbing. Well, my new meds are starting to kick in and I'm planning to go to a meeting tonight, Nar Anon.
Thanks again for replying, you guys.
But, after spending my whole night worrying about her, it turns out it was kind of a false alarm. I texted her in the morning "Have you had enough of this yet?" and then tried calling when I got no answer. A while later I got this text: "Hey mom, I'll call u later. Saw u called. It's very difficult but I like feeling free." She likes feeling free.....
As Janis Joplin told us back in the day, freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. My daughter, the hobo. All very disturbing. Well, my new meds are starting to kick in and I'm planning to go to a meeting tonight, Nar Anon.
Thanks again for replying, you guys.
