So I posted yesterday about how I thought my boyfriend had relapsed, he kept assuring me he didn't and I even had him take a drug test in front of me, which he passed. Last night when I got home from work I sat down face to face with him and told him that since he swore he wasn't on drugs, his odd behavior warrented a trip to the doctors. He started to silently cry, tears streaming down his face. He said he did relapse and he has wanted to tell me for a while, just didn't want to disappoint me and was afraid of losing me. This has been going on for a while, he said while obviously he is addicted again, it's not at an out of control level yet, but it's on it's way there. he was clean for over a year when we first met, and his drug of choice is percocets.
I feel so dumb and so much like an enabler. But I honestly didn't know, I just thought he was quirky, you know? I honestly didn't realize that it was happeneing, I mean my gut told me something was wrong, but without absolute proof, I just wasn't sure. I have never been thru anything like this so I was extremely naive. With that being said, i need to know from people who have been there what I need to do now.
Talking with him he does not want to go away to rehab. He said he wants to go back to church, and there is a Narcanon meeting tonight that I want to go to and we found another addiction recovery group on Wednesday nights for him. He is getting suboxone today, so he can avoid the withdrawls. That is what he did right before he went to rehab and finally got clean. He said he will need it for 5 days and will taper each day. Is 2 meetings a week plus church enough? Should he be going to an outpatient rehab or something? Should I take control of his money for awhile, is that a trigger? I tried asking what his trigger was, but he didn't have a lot to say last night. I think he has a lot to process, I am hoping after a few days he will be more open to talk so I can help, I don't want to push either. Again, totally don't know. I told him every one makes mistakes, a lot of people have a slip. I would be there for him this time if he gets clean. He needs to make his meetings, church, and I told him I wouldn't be so naive next time. If his odd behavior starts again I would confront him. Next time he would go away to rehab, but I hoped there won't be a next time. I told him I would not enable him and if he didn't get clean, he would not be able to stay with me. I mean that from every ounce of my being. I love him, but I will not let my love of him blur my reality. I need to take care of me.
With that being said, as recovering addicts, what do you think helped you the most? Is there things I should and should not do? I know it's about him, I know only he can fight his addiction and get thru it, but there had to be other support people in your lives that helped you or did things that you thought helped. Please, any advice would really really be appreciated. God bless you all on your continued recovery.
Here is AA's HOW IT WORKS (it's the same for all addictions).
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
Just substitute the DOC for alcohol and read it...... read every word.
I wish you both the best
Bob
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
Just substitute the DOC for alcohol and read it...... read every word.
I wish you both the best
Bob
First off you must look after you, do not allow yourself to be manipulated and sucked into his world of addiction-it will become all about him and his recovery, this will suck the energy out of you- you cannot fix him - much as you want to - only he can make this decision - if he is going to meetings and his church purely for you, then it wont work - gaurenteed he will relapse-he has to be doing this for himself- he needs to prove to you he is serious by his actions,not words - set in place some strict boundaries - and stick to them - taking control of his money is not really practical-if you cannot trust him with money now, when will you be able to trust him - triggers can come from so many places,very hard to avoid them all - be supportive, sure- but be careful you don't end up in a cycle of rehab-recovery-rehab- this can happen easily - NA/AA works for alot of people-personally i work with an addiction counsellor, i have found this works for me- everyone is different and must find what works for them-whatever path he choses it will require hard work-recovery does not come without a price- put yourself first-look after you-then worry about supporting your husband-remember one terrible truth-when he is using, the drugs and his need to aquire them will come before everything and everyone- he will lie,cheat,manipulate and steal, if he has to , whatever he thinks he needs to do to get his drugs- please bear this in mind-protect yourself- i wish you the best of luck- keep reaching out for support, you will always find support here-
