He says that he is going to do it alone. He has been to treatment 6 times before. He does not want his DL back right now so that he cannot drive to get drugs. He wants his car moved to another location so the drug "friends" cannot find him at home (or will think he is not there). He says he is sick of this. This has been going on for 15 years! He is only 30! He was more honest with me yesterday than EVER about his drug use, stealing, etc. I thought I was done forever. He is my husband, and I love him so much. He says that if he hurts me again, it will be the last time. He is tired of hurting people over and over. This is the first time I've heard this. Wonder if his family has been hearing it for 15 years???
Jack, he could be being honest. I'm not trying to be the devils advocate here, but I've been where he is (well not exactly, but something similar) well, when I got sober I meant every word I said... problem is I ended up out coping again. You're really going to have to follow your heart on this one hun, your happiness lies in your hands regaurdless of what anyone else says or thinks. Good luck with your husband.
Thanks, Trooper. He said that he was using coke, not heroin. That's why he did not detox. Is this right? He was never in the medical part of jail, but in the general pop. He sounds so sincere. But he will not seek treatment. Not even NA. He says he thinks those 12 step programs are stupid. He can do it by himself. I offered to take him to meetings - go with him,even. I am very concerned that he will not do this alone. He calls he every day. He still holds out hope for us. Maybe I do, too. I thought I was so sure - but just as suddenly as hi disappeared, my real husband is back! That makes it so much harder to turn away. He is living with his mother - knows he can't come here. But pretty soon he is gonna start asking to see me. I am scared to let him back into my life and heart - and I am scared to be without him. I want to support him through this. What can I do?????
Hey JR, wow you have been through it for sure.
What you CAN do is let him prove it to you. Tell him you want results, and proof, and then MAYBE you can see eachother. Let him know you'll support him, but you have to concern yourself with yourself first.
Like Trooper said. I too felt genuinely sorry for all that I hurt. By nature many heroin addicts are caring, compassionate people. He very well may be meaning this from his heart. I did it myself too. I felt as he did and went through with it. Then again there were times I genuinely meant it, and vowed I would do it, and went back out there. So watch his action, and not what his mouth is saying. See how far he gets, and perhaps in a few months you can meet. Meanwhile you need to care for you.
About being in general population. You do not get to go to inferary (sic) because you are detoxing. No medical wing. NOPE. You suffer, and too bad. Nobody has mercy for you in the prison system. It's prison. Not a rehab/detox. If he is a heroin addict my bet would be it was heroin. Now maybe coke too, but usually we stick to our dope. Now you have to wonder if that's a lie. He may be afraid to tell you it was the heroin. I may be wrong though.
Hang in there sweetie. It's very understanable you love your husband. Definetly.
Although if you do move back or go out it may jeopardize both of you. I'd let him stay at his Ma's for now. In the meantime you can work on you, and embrace who you are without him. Only he can save him.
What you CAN do is let him prove it to you. Tell him you want results, and proof, and then MAYBE you can see eachother. Let him know you'll support him, but you have to concern yourself with yourself first.
Like Trooper said. I too felt genuinely sorry for all that I hurt. By nature many heroin addicts are caring, compassionate people. He very well may be meaning this from his heart. I did it myself too. I felt as he did and went through with it. Then again there were times I genuinely meant it, and vowed I would do it, and went back out there. So watch his action, and not what his mouth is saying. See how far he gets, and perhaps in a few months you can meet. Meanwhile you need to care for you.
About being in general population. You do not get to go to inferary (sic) because you are detoxing. No medical wing. NOPE. You suffer, and too bad. Nobody has mercy for you in the prison system. It's prison. Not a rehab/detox. If he is a heroin addict my bet would be it was heroin. Now maybe coke too, but usually we stick to our dope. Now you have to wonder if that's a lie. He may be afraid to tell you it was the heroin. I may be wrong though.
Hang in there sweetie. It's very understanable you love your husband. Definetly.
Although if you do move back or go out it may jeopardize both of you. I'd let him stay at his Ma's for now. In the meantime you can work on you, and embrace who you are without him. Only he can save him.
Hey Jack, I agree with Brynn. Whether we like it or not, when we are in long term relationships, especially when we genuinley love the person, it can be terribly hard to let go of them no matter what they do. You have made great steps in taking your life back and owning it! The most important thing as well, is your own sobriety, and I think trying to help your husband in such an early stage of his recovery has a great possibility of jeopordizing that for you. In all honesty,(as I'm sure you know from experience) the most and best thing you can do for him is be there to listen when he needs an experienced ear.
As far as whether he is lying to you, none of us can say. He is an addict, and when we get sober sometimes we try to play down what we were doing so our families won't be mad. It's my experience that heroin addicts generally don't like cocaine, but I don't think this is a rule, you know your husband, and if he had a thing for cocaine it's very possible. And as for NA, when I first got sober I couldn't go to NA meetings, talking about drugs made me want to use them even more! It took a long time for me to be ready to go to NA, and sometimes I still can't because half of the people in NA around here are still using, or don't even have thier 30 days.
Good luck with him Jack, you seem like a very strong and independent woman, but only you know what is best for you, so make sure you follow your heart!
As far as whether he is lying to you, none of us can say. He is an addict, and when we get sober sometimes we try to play down what we were doing so our families won't be mad. It's my experience that heroin addicts generally don't like cocaine, but I don't think this is a rule, you know your husband, and if he had a thing for cocaine it's very possible. And as for NA, when I first got sober I couldn't go to NA meetings, talking about drugs made me want to use them even more! It took a long time for me to be ready to go to NA, and sometimes I still can't because half of the people in NA around here are still using, or don't even have thier 30 days.
Good luck with him Jack, you seem like a very strong and independent woman, but only you know what is best for you, so make sure you follow your heart!
Thanks guys! It is hard. I am going to see him after work today. I am taking him some DVD's because he is so bored. I am also going to get him lots of sweet treats because he is craving sweets! Is that enabling? I feel like I am doing what I CAN. I can't put him back on my insurance, I can't let him live with me, I can't pay his bills for him. But I can take him some food and entertainment. I know that he will try to get intimate, and that WILL be hard for me! Thanks for listening and responding!!!
If he's in withdrawl he won't be getting intimate.....he'll be sick, and won't want even a towel to touch his skin.....not sure what day he is on though.
Feeding anyone is not enabling, but you have to be sure you don't get put in that trap again.......bring food, and movies......he may just manipulate the situation........he will also be way depressed if he's getting clean....so if he's all happy, and nice....I would wonder...just me though.
Hope he's doing this, JR.......it can be done.
Feeding anyone is not enabling, but you have to be sure you don't get put in that trap again.......bring food, and movies......he may just manipulate the situation........he will also be way depressed if he's getting clean....so if he's all happy, and nice....I would wonder...just me though.
Hope he's doing this, JR.......it can be done.
Brynn,
Thanks, and please read my post on the Families board called Should I See Him and respond!!! THANKS!!
Thanks, and please read my post on the Families board called Should I See Him and respond!!! THANKS!!
He's craving sweets? I read a post a few weeks ago about addicts craving sugar. Anyone remember it? Does that mean that he is using?
Amy... after coming off of crack or heroin people tend to crave chocolate alot!!!
Trooper is right, but my experience is......on heroin is when I'd eat only sugar coated cereal, and candy, and little pies.....all I ate was sweets.
Getting clean I didn't crave them.....after detox was over all I wanted is what I had missed.....real food....but that's just me.....who knows.
Getting clean I didn't crave them.....after detox was over all I wanted is what I had missed.....real food....but that's just me.....who knows.
I was pretty typical, after coming off of the stuff or if I couldn't cop I'd eat a s*** load of chocolate, still crave it, but now I can't have it :(
Hey, Trooper Dee Dooper there.....I hope you are feeling better.
You're doing really good......you sound good.....we have to get you something that you can have as a treat......how's about jewelry?
Your response to GYAC's Emergency plan was too funny....you're like what you mean every day?
Good for you staying clean.
You're doing really good......you sound good.....we have to get you something that you can have as a treat......how's about jewelry?
Your response to GYAC's Emergency plan was too funny....you're like what you mean every day?
Good for you staying clean.
Hey Brynn, I'm feeling better today, if I feel good tomorrow I'll know that the meds are working! I've had no caffine, sugar, chocolate, anything good, but I'm still shaking!! Weird! Yeah, the jewlery is a great idea! I rewarded myself on friday with clothing, and my stepfather is going to buy me a car stereo! Woohoo!! I'm glad you are doing well and in good spirits, you always make me laugh! Talk to you later
Jack, I replied to your thread in F&POA, I don't know if it's much help, but I really feel for you dear.
Jack, I replied to your thread in F&POA, I don't know if it's much help, but I really feel for you dear.
The shaking.....I don't know Troop's.....I don't like that for you.
Yipes....gave up everything, and anything, and still with the shaking.
A car stereo.....girl i ain't even got a car......I can always ring up my girl Tres if I'm stuck though......now she will make you laugh......bless her she is so good hearted.....got so much going on.....still towing it though and staying clean.
Hey, clothes is good.....you just keep on doing it, and you'll have a new wardrobe.....I'm happy for you.......you deserve to feel good.
Yipes....gave up everything, and anything, and still with the shaking.
A car stereo.....girl i ain't even got a car......I can always ring up my girl Tres if I'm stuck though......now she will make you laugh......bless her she is so good hearted.....got so much going on.....still towing it though and staying clean.
Hey, clothes is good.....you just keep on doing it, and you'll have a new wardrobe.....I'm happy for you.......you deserve to feel good.
Okay - so now I know he has been shooting crack. I actually saw him on it. It was the single most disturbing moment in my life. To see my love, my husband, high on crack. MY HEART BROKE!!
He is always going from not using, to using, to not using, to using. As long as his mom will allow this behavior, he will continue.
He told me this week that during his latest "absence" he saw a rat run across his feet. And he thought - I am not doing this. I am going home. Well, WHAT IF HE HAD NO HOME TO GO TO? That's what should happen.
My lord - his mom has been enabling him for almost 20 years!!!
HELP!!
He is always going from not using, to using, to not using, to using. As long as his mom will allow this behavior, he will continue.
He told me this week that during his latest "absence" he saw a rat run across his feet. And he thought - I am not doing this. I am going home. Well, WHAT IF HE HAD NO HOME TO GO TO? That's what should happen.
My lord - his mom has been enabling him for almost 20 years!!!
HELP!!
