I just need advice. I met this guy and he told me he was once a addict. He got help and said he was clean and so I believed him. I know nothing about dating an addict and believed what he said. We dated for about 3 months and it was great. I was falling in love. We decided to make things officially the forth month and I was more than excited. A week into our fourth month he told me he relapsed but it wasn't as bad as the past. He told me he stopped and wouldn't do it anymore. I was shocked! He said the next few weeks will be difficult for him. Hes referring to the withdrawal symptoms. Me, having no clue just said ok and im here to support you in whatever way I can. Here is where it gets difficult. I found out he was on drugs the entire time of our relationship and the sober person isn't who i was falling in love with. The sober person isn't happy, hates his life, isn't loving to me and snaps at me. He is now seeking professional help, which is great. I told him i would be be there to support him but im not happy at all. I dont know this person and I feel selfish for thinking this way. I feel i was deceived into a relationship BUT I want to be there for him because I do care about him. My friends say just get out it only 4 months but I feel terrible.
The person you're dealing with now isn't the real him, it's a person going thru withdrawal. Withdrawal caused irritability, mood swings, depression, and any other negative emotion you c an think of. If you think you truly care for him, give him some time. Withdrawal doesn't last forever but it may be a while before the "real" him gets control again.
" My friends say just get out it only 4 months but I feel terrible."
You have wise friends ....
There is no such thing as a past addict, ex-addict or a cured addict.
If he is an addict the "real him" will never get control without working a proven program daily.
I ask you to ask yourself why you find an addict attractive ?
I think you have some work to do on yourself and Al-Anon & Nar-Anon can help you.
All the best.
Bob R
You have wise friends ....
There is no such thing as a past addict, ex-addict or a cured addict.
If he is an addict the "real him" will never get control without working a proven program daily.
I ask you to ask yourself why you find an addict attractive ?
I think you have some work to do on yourself and Al-Anon & Nar-Anon can help you.
All the best.
Bob R
I agree, who he is now isn't the real him. Honestly, you have likely not sen the real him. You have seen him high and in withdrawal. Both of which alter an addicts personality severely.
Your friends are wise. You are in the beginning of this. You can walk away. Do you want to start a long term relationship based on lies and in the midst of addiction? It is something to think about. Addiction can be ugly, it can destroy YOU as well as him. I think it would be beneficial for you to go to Nar Anon meetings and really see what this addiction does to people and families.
Addiction is life long. One getting clean does not mean they are no longer an addict. The rest of their life they will have to work to stay clean. It will not be an easy road for him or you if you stay.
Can this work? There's a chance, yes. But will it be hard? YES! I met my partner 14 years ago and had no idea the depths of his addiction. I have been there through the worst of alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and all his attempts to get clean. Do I regret it? No because we have two beautiful boys who I wouldn't trade. Yet, to be honest, my life could have been a million times better had I walked away, the struggles, the times I thought things were good only to have my world come crashing down around me. It has NOT been easy and sometimes I wish I would have walked away and had a normal life with someone who isn't an addict because the pain, heart ache, and struggle....again if not for my babies, it wouldn't be worth it at all.
Please, go to a meeting, educate yourself on addiction, do not enable him. And if you feel you don't want to be there, there is nothing wrong with walking away from him now.
Your friends are wise. You are in the beginning of this. You can walk away. Do you want to start a long term relationship based on lies and in the midst of addiction? It is something to think about. Addiction can be ugly, it can destroy YOU as well as him. I think it would be beneficial for you to go to Nar Anon meetings and really see what this addiction does to people and families.
Addiction is life long. One getting clean does not mean they are no longer an addict. The rest of their life they will have to work to stay clean. It will not be an easy road for him or you if you stay.
Can this work? There's a chance, yes. But will it be hard? YES! I met my partner 14 years ago and had no idea the depths of his addiction. I have been there through the worst of alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and all his attempts to get clean. Do I regret it? No because we have two beautiful boys who I wouldn't trade. Yet, to be honest, my life could have been a million times better had I walked away, the struggles, the times I thought things were good only to have my world come crashing down around me. It has NOT been easy and sometimes I wish I would have walked away and had a normal life with someone who isn't an addict because the pain, heart ache, and struggle....again if not for my babies, it wouldn't be worth it at all.
Please, go to a meeting, educate yourself on addiction, do not enable him. And if you feel you don't want to be there, there is nothing wrong with walking away from him now.
sEE YOUR AVATER>>run has fast has you can..and if your truly in love than you will not run.simpy has that. amen to you both.poopie
It's easy to see why she fell in love with an addict.
Some addicts are charming and care free.
Hes going to be dealing with a lot internally and it's not going to be easy on you.
If you're not happy and not prepared to deal with life with someone who is broken... I would get out now. It hurts to say that, but it's not easy.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I fell in love with an addict, and stuck it out. Then after the relationship crumbled....I became an addict. Go figure.
Get out.
Skeeter
Some addicts are charming and care free.
Hes going to be dealing with a lot internally and it's not going to be easy on you.
If you're not happy and not prepared to deal with life with someone who is broken... I would get out now. It hurts to say that, but it's not easy.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I fell in love with an addict, and stuck it out. Then after the relationship crumbled....I became an addict. Go figure.
Get out.
Skeeter
Yes, your loving someone you've never meet. Ur in love with an active user. It's only going to get worst for you. Just leave but tell him when he's sober to find you then. And then you can see if you can love this new guy. But for right now you have to understand you fall in love with an imposter. Four months is better then four years. Save yourself the pain and time. It's time for you to say goodbye to him sweety. I'm sorry.
Well said baby love.
It hurts but 4 months.... Is just a drop in the bucket.
Who knows how long he's been struggling with addiction. Us addicts are pretty complicated.
Get out. I wish someone had told me to get out 12 years ago when I fell head over heels for an addict. God I wish someone had.....
It hurts but 4 months.... Is just a drop in the bucket.
Who knows how long he's been struggling with addiction. Us addicts are pretty complicated.
Get out. I wish someone had told me to get out 12 years ago when I fell head over heels for an addict. God I wish someone had.....
I appreciate all the advice guys. I decided to end it, even though apart did not want to let go of him. I know in my heart it needed to be done. This sucks!!! Really does hurt But I guess it is what it is. Thanks again
You did the best decision for you and for him. I'm proud of you. We all know love can hurt and sometimes sucks. And sometimes we fall in love for the wrong reasons or just the wrong person. But you made a really good choice for the two of you. Great job. You got a good head on ur shoulders and can tell u got a big heart too.good luck.
