I have been going through addiction with my son since he was 18 , he is now 35 . He was an honor student , smart , handsome , very kind . He got involved with terrible people .... He is still an addict . He uses what ever he can . He holds down a job , but when he uses such drugs as ice , he cannot function , things everyone is after him ...etc .... He has been in and out of jail for years , gets clean , looks fantastic , then after a month or so , back on drugs again . I have furnished apts , gave money , bought food , hoping it would help him get a fresh start ....did that approx 10 times , paid off a drug dealer 10 thousand dollars , as I was afraid for my sons safety ... I have tried everything ...the only thing I haven't done is say NO more , I can't help anymore ... I know that this is what I have to do , but damn , I am finding this so hard . I love him with all my heart and soul .... He has two sons that he doesn't see , sisters and a brother that are fed up with him hurting himself and me .... I feel I am alone in this battle ..... Any suggestions ?????? I have not had a life since my son has decided to mess with his ..... I think of nothing , 24 /7 besides my son .... I am lost ......
AA and NA will help him if he wants it.
Al-Anon & Nar-Anon will help you if you want it.
Good luck.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Bob R
Al-Anon & Nar-Anon will help you if you want it.
Good luck.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Bob R
Call please go to Alanon..or Naranon as Papabear has said ......you need to help yourself now...I am so so sorry for your pain...this always makes me feel such absolute despair for being the addict that I am...I deeply regret how much we hurt the ones we love... we have a better chance though of climbing out if you get yourself well and let us find our own way ....
" If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me, don't throw a pillow under my a** to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it, don't stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me) ... Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit ... trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me ... The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours ... the sooner I will arrive ... and on time ... just right where I need to be ... me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead ... resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one ... If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile ... I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out .. I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound ... Don't you see ?? Don't you know ?? You can't do this for me ... I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours ... I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act from your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me ... but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good ... don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly ... Nudge me out of your safety net ... trust the process and pray for me ... that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar"
" If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me, don't throw a pillow under my a** to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it, don't stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me) ... Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit ... trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me ... The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours ... the sooner I will arrive ... and on time ... just right where I need to be ... me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead ... resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one ... If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile ... I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out .. I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound ... Don't you see ?? Don't you know ?? You can't do this for me ... I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours ... I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act from your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me ... but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good ... don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly ... Nudge me out of your safety net ... trust the process and pray for me ... that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar"
So sorry I know how painful it is to realize you have to let go. The actual letting go is even more painful. We are in a similar situation with my son. All this time we thought if we could just help him get back on his feet he would be fine. We let him move in on average, twice a year. Get him clean,try to help him find a job and get to it. babysit so he can go to work. Give him money for car repairs. We seriously underestimated what we were dealing with. I realized recently that all this time (6 years) we have been enabling him. Our son will be 26 next month he's a heroin addict and homeless. He recently told us he was checking into rehab. My husband drove him, watched him go in and fill out paperwork. Two weeks later we found out that he had been lying to us. He never checked in to rehab. We found him living in a tent by the river. At this point all we can do is be there. We check in with him ever other day by txt. Sometimes he answers sometimes we don't hear from him for days. Because we know seeing him in person makes it easier for him to "guilt us" we always go together and always visit in public, Dunkin donuts or McDonalds. We worry about him every hour of everyday & it kills us to know there isn't a darn thing we can do. My husband said recently that we have to "deal with it moment by moment" because that's how our son lives his life moment by moment. Today he's clean but in the next moment it could change. Weather it changes for good or for bad will be his choice.
please know that your not alone. We're all right here with you. We all bear the pain but we do it together.
please know that your not alone. We're all right here with you. We all bear the pain but we do it together.
