Heart Transformation

I will say that my marriage to a user has been an experience. I have learned a lot through it all with the grace of the Lord carrying me all the way. I am learning to become independent. I am learning to face the wicked truth about my own personality, character traits, strengths, and weaknesses. It is very difficult at times. I continually struggle with self-esteem issues. But, I realize that I cannot help him if he doesn't want help. And I am now in the acceptance phase of the grieving process. (DABDA) I have been called selfish by him for leaving the relationship after 20 years. But, the way I see it, the comfort zone for me was denial, and staying in the relationship because basic needs were met. I have a great fear of abandonement. (yes, I am a co-dependent). This is not about being selfish, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. It would be easy to go back and just exist. I have problems with depression and he knows that. It is a card that he plays when he wants to manipulate. That is my challenge today. Not to get depressed, but to get stronger and persevear. If he wants me in his life, he will say goodbye to his other girlfriend....crack and maryjane. God has led me here for help and I intend to use it. Thanks for listening and being here.
Dear Enabler, I admire you strentgh, courage and honesty. I wish you well on your journey, to what I guesse you can also call Recovery. Dora
hello e, i think you are very brave i too havr been in the sme relatioship w/ a crack user for 17 yrs, i feel like you were describing me, i am afraid to leave the financial security and he aslo plays on my weakness's though lord knows you have to be strong to be in a life like this. stay strong and keep it up it gives hope to all of us who wish we could...
i think one of my biggest problems is that i have the face of a clown. Everyone thinks I am strong, yet inside I am falling apart piece by piece. My whole life has been focused on what does the Lord want me to do and where. I feel as if I have failed. I am a nurse by trade and oddly enough I don't deal well with controlling individuals because they hit too close to home. I have lost compassion for those who abuse drugs because I see them differently., as manipulators, lyers, controllers. My personal life has flowed over into my professional life. It is a fine line.