hello sweety I just thought I would drop you a line to say thinking of you... hope you had a nice weekend and hope life treating you well ....are you feeling positive about life ..... well love you sweety love poo..pie still clean
Hello POOPIE!
How are you doing! I think spring is finally here. The snow is melting, the days are getting longer and the temperature is alot warmer too..
Yes I am still clean, taking it 1 day at a time. Its been 167 days clean now. I still have my bad days of course, like any clean person, thats normal I think. But I'm still clean! and thats the main thing.
I guess I had a sponser and someone to talk too. I really dont have anyone I can sit and talk with. I have my parents but they dont understand... So I plug along on my own everyday....Hopefully one day I will wake up and be truely happy...
How are you doing POOPIE!
How are you doing! I think spring is finally here. The snow is melting, the days are getting longer and the temperature is alot warmer too..
Yes I am still clean, taking it 1 day at a time. Its been 167 days clean now. I still have my bad days of course, like any clean person, thats normal I think. But I'm still clean! and thats the main thing.
I guess I had a sponser and someone to talk too. I really dont have anyone I can sit and talk with. I have my parents but they dont understand... So I plug along on my own everyday....Hopefully one day I will wake up and be truely happy...
How are you doing POOPIE!
Kiwi..how come you don't have a sponsor? As much as I have preached about that and you still don't have one? Come on. There are going to be some scary, dark days out there and I don't every want you alone.
Pick up the phone, sweetheart.
Love you
Cowgirl
Pick up the phone, sweetheart.
Love you
Cowgirl
Cowgirl,
How do I get a sponsor? Im actually not very educated in that area :) Yes me, I actually don't have an answer for something. Not only that, I've never been to a meeting either... Not gonna lie, I've had a few horrible days in a row...So hard to deal with it on your own... I just sit on my bed or in my office and cry. I guess I want to scream but I don't want anyone to hear me. I have so much...well I guess it's anger, frusteration, depression, sadness,uncertainity, anxiety. Just so much built up inside and I don't know where or how to let it out.
Not gonna lie but even after 170 clean days, for some reason the past week is just really bad for me. Sometimes when Im driving, I edge closer to the center yellow line. I picture in my head what would happen if I turned the wheel a bit onto coming traffic... I don't want to hurt anyone I just want to stop feeling so hurt all the time...Its impossible to fix the thoughts in your head. I mean you can heal the physical side of things and the emotional, but the mental - never. Not for me anyways.
So here I go into another day just existing. Nothing to look forward too except another day of wishing where I'd be right now if I never got sick, never had surgeries, never had problems since I was 20yrs old and most of all never took pain pills............
Kiwirain aka: Kiwipain
How do I get a sponsor? Im actually not very educated in that area :) Yes me, I actually don't have an answer for something. Not only that, I've never been to a meeting either... Not gonna lie, I've had a few horrible days in a row...So hard to deal with it on your own... I just sit on my bed or in my office and cry. I guess I want to scream but I don't want anyone to hear me. I have so much...well I guess it's anger, frusteration, depression, sadness,uncertainity, anxiety. Just so much built up inside and I don't know where or how to let it out.
Not gonna lie but even after 170 clean days, for some reason the past week is just really bad for me. Sometimes when Im driving, I edge closer to the center yellow line. I picture in my head what would happen if I turned the wheel a bit onto coming traffic... I don't want to hurt anyone I just want to stop feeling so hurt all the time...Its impossible to fix the thoughts in your head. I mean you can heal the physical side of things and the emotional, but the mental - never. Not for me anyways.
So here I go into another day just existing. Nothing to look forward too except another day of wishing where I'd be right now if I never got sick, never had surgeries, never had problems since I was 20yrs old and most of all never took pain pills............
Kiwirain aka: Kiwipain
Hey Kiwi;
One of the key concepts that I had to get thru my thick skull were the words "I can't do this alone". So for me AA/NA offer a great support system and having that f2f really helps me to deal with the good and bad days that are inevitable. Plus you get a lot of opportunities to give back to others who are suffering. It's a wonderful two-way street!
One other thing to consider, have you ever been checked for depression? Many times there is an underlying medical condition that drives people to substance abuse. Only when we get clean do we find out that there is something else going on inside. Persistent feelings of hopelessness, and thoughts such as "what's the point" may be signs that the brain chemistry is a bit off. I was diagnosed years ago, and I know that as long as I take my AD meds and go to meetings I'll be okay.
Just something to think about. Hang in there.
Jim
One of the key concepts that I had to get thru my thick skull were the words "I can't do this alone". So for me AA/NA offer a great support system and having that f2f really helps me to deal with the good and bad days that are inevitable. Plus you get a lot of opportunities to give back to others who are suffering. It's a wonderful two-way street!
One other thing to consider, have you ever been checked for depression? Many times there is an underlying medical condition that drives people to substance abuse. Only when we get clean do we find out that there is something else going on inside. Persistent feelings of hopelessness, and thoughts such as "what's the point" may be signs that the brain chemistry is a bit off. I was diagnosed years ago, and I know that as long as I take my AD meds and go to meetings I'll be okay.
Just something to think about. Hang in there.
Jim
Kiwipain, I mean rain..... first, I love you, dollface. I'm so proud of you for opening up. I know that wasn't easy for you.
I hear you, I know what you mean about the whole car accident thing. I used to do that too. I would think, wow, this would be so much easier. But then, what about the life that I haven't finished with? What about the people that love me? It's a cop-out. You're tougher than that. It's just a bad day...
You need face to face support. You know that. You've listened to me preach that on this board for months. It works and you need to at least give it a shot.
Find a meeting today and go. It can be NA or AA. There, you'll get a list of names and people willing to be sponsers. Pick one and then call him. He'll take it from there.
Might be a good idea for you to just sit and listen the first couple of meetings. I know that you don't have a whole lot of patience with idiots, but you don't want to alienate anyone. So in other words..keep your opinions to yourself for awhile.
I'm here for you Kiwi...you know my email as well.
Love
Cowgirl
I hear you, I know what you mean about the whole car accident thing. I used to do that too. I would think, wow, this would be so much easier. But then, what about the life that I haven't finished with? What about the people that love me? It's a cop-out. You're tougher than that. It's just a bad day...
You need face to face support. You know that. You've listened to me preach that on this board for months. It works and you need to at least give it a shot.
Find a meeting today and go. It can be NA or AA. There, you'll get a list of names and people willing to be sponsers. Pick one and then call him. He'll take it from there.
Might be a good idea for you to just sit and listen the first couple of meetings. I know that you don't have a whole lot of patience with idiots, but you don't want to alienate anyone. So in other words..keep your opinions to yourself for awhile.
I'm here for you Kiwi...you know my email as well.
Love
Cowgirl
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