Mary,
I was just thinking of you and wondering how it's going with your daughter. I'm hoping that she did indeed talk to a counselor or someone at a battered women's shelter. How is it with her and your granddaughter? It's got to be putting some strain on everyone having her around again even if she's doing her best and even if there's no drama. I just wanted you to know that I know you've got to have that ball in the pit of your stomach, like we all get when our addicts are around, even if they're behaving. Even still, in this situation, please take time for yourself.
Hoping things are well,
Michelle
Hi Michelle, Thank you for thinking of me and my family. It's so like you to be this kind! Well I'm really surprised at how good everything is going. She gets taken everyday for her methadone dose and I drag her everywhere I need to go. We don't leave her at the house herself as we don't trust her yet. I think she is enjoying being with us all and we're getting use to her being around again too. She saw a counselor a couple of days ago that works with battered women and she liked her and will go back again. I'm happy about that! At the beginning she was so sad and crying a lot. So sad for her. But still we've had our moments of frustration but I bite my tongue and each day is bringing us closer. She was like a stranger in the beginning as its been years since she ever lived here. My grand daughter is so happy her mom is here too. With it being summer vacation we go happy places every time we get a chance, like the movies, the fair and also a concert for families of a foundation I'm with. Second or third day she was home we went out and got her new clothes makeup etc. I bought a hair dye and we dyed her hair then I cut and styled it in a cute style. Her long hair was so thin. She's starting to look a lot better. Her ex will be going to a hearing in sept. He was charged with aggravated assault and torture. I hope he gets at least a year. You know Michelle as more stories come out. It's awful how she lived. One time he chased her all around the house trying to set her on fire. She hid everything from us. If I'd known I would have taken a baseball bat to him no matter if he had killed me. Takes a lot to make me angry too. But that's how I felt. She only takes methadone and then has pills for depression. We have the pills and hand them out when due. But in all things are pretty good. I hope they stay like this. She's been told if she leaves to go to one of her no good friends she can take her clothes etc with her because she's out! How are you healing Michelle? I hope your pain is getting less and less. I'm happy you got to spend time with your son too. Has he ever tried to do the methadone program? Although there's another med that helps too. Some on methadone are switching to it. It isn't Suboxone its Subotex or something ..I'm not good with the different names. Maybe if he could do something like that it would be a new start for him. Meant to say Michelle, we were stationed twice with the usmc 7 yrs in all out of 21yrs. We had the best fun then. Good bunch to be with. Take care and hope you have fun with the "two tooth terror" hahaha! (Teddy) Mary :-))
Is your daughter attending NA meetings?
Hi PapaBear, We looked into that and I am taking her to one at a church about an hour from here tomorrow evening. I don't know if they'll let me in being the mom but I will try anyway and if they don't or my daughter doesn't want me there I will wait outside in the car. But things are really looking up here and it makes me so happy. Thanks for caring Papa! (BearHug) Mary :-))
The meetings are where the magic happens - there is no substitute.
Good luck.
Bob
Good luck.
Bob
Thanks Bob!
Mary,
I am just so glad to hear that things are going well. It's horrible what she had to endure with that guy. I know some women that were in abusive relationships who weren't addicts and even they started to believe they were worthless. I'm sure with your daughter and her addiction issues, probably accepted that this was what she was worth. No one deserves that.
It's great that her and her daughter can spend some time together as well. It's good that you've been doing some normal things together like the fair. Our local fair is going on right now but it's been too hot for me to go walk around there. I don't love the heat anymore....could be middle age, lol. We're in southern Michigan and we have had such a hot summer.
My son has considered methadone but is afraid to get on it because of still having legal troubles. He's afraid he'll get on it and then get put in jail again and have to withdraw off it. He is under the impression that it's a worse withdrawl than heroin. I personally just don't think he's at the point that he's ready to let the drugs go and move forward. He's still trying to work it out so he can use and live life. He hasn't accepted that it doesn't work that way. I am done with the days of nagging, begging, pleading. I have figured out that those things get in the way of me leading a happy life. I will have a conversation with him if he wants to and if he asks my opinion, I'll give it to him but I'm not volunteering it.
My husband was in the Marine Corps for 10 years. We spent most of it in North Carolina. We loved the life except for his deployments so he got out after 10 years. He went right into another federal government job though so he didn't lose any years towards retirement.
Funny that you mentioned Teddy and his little teeth. I was just talking to my daughter tonight and she warned me to be careful and not let him bite me, lol. He still just has the two on the bottom but she says he can bite hard. I believe her. I arrive at their place on the 15th and he'll turn 8 months old the next day. He's growing up too fast. My husband will be staying at home, holding down the fort and taking care of the dogs and the chickens.
I'm healing up pretty good from my surgery. I had a fusion of 2 vertebrae in my lower back. I'll be off work another couple of months. It's a pretty slow healing process and I'm a terrible patient. It's not easy for me to sit and literally do nothing. I got a little carried away with my walking a couple weeks back and set my back to spasming. It lasted over a week. It was terrible but I'm back on track now. The doctor said normally they have to tell people to walk more but I was on the other end, they told me to walk less. I'm still on no bending, twisting or lifting restrictions but I'll still be able to hold Teddy if someone gives him to me while I'm sitting.
I don't care what anyone else says. We post our stuff (good and bad) on here and encourage each other, vent to each other, whatever... not because we're trying to fix our addicts. It's for us. There is strength in numbers. To know you aren't alone and to get a shoulder when you need it, or to get a pep talk....these things have been my saving grace, as well as many others on here. I'm very grateful to have found this site and the people on it.
Have a great weekend.
Michelle
I am just so glad to hear that things are going well. It's horrible what she had to endure with that guy. I know some women that were in abusive relationships who weren't addicts and even they started to believe they were worthless. I'm sure with your daughter and her addiction issues, probably accepted that this was what she was worth. No one deserves that.
It's great that her and her daughter can spend some time together as well. It's good that you've been doing some normal things together like the fair. Our local fair is going on right now but it's been too hot for me to go walk around there. I don't love the heat anymore....could be middle age, lol. We're in southern Michigan and we have had such a hot summer.
My son has considered methadone but is afraid to get on it because of still having legal troubles. He's afraid he'll get on it and then get put in jail again and have to withdraw off it. He is under the impression that it's a worse withdrawl than heroin. I personally just don't think he's at the point that he's ready to let the drugs go and move forward. He's still trying to work it out so he can use and live life. He hasn't accepted that it doesn't work that way. I am done with the days of nagging, begging, pleading. I have figured out that those things get in the way of me leading a happy life. I will have a conversation with him if he wants to and if he asks my opinion, I'll give it to him but I'm not volunteering it.
My husband was in the Marine Corps for 10 years. We spent most of it in North Carolina. We loved the life except for his deployments so he got out after 10 years. He went right into another federal government job though so he didn't lose any years towards retirement.
Funny that you mentioned Teddy and his little teeth. I was just talking to my daughter tonight and she warned me to be careful and not let him bite me, lol. He still just has the two on the bottom but she says he can bite hard. I believe her. I arrive at their place on the 15th and he'll turn 8 months old the next day. He's growing up too fast. My husband will be staying at home, holding down the fort and taking care of the dogs and the chickens.
I'm healing up pretty good from my surgery. I had a fusion of 2 vertebrae in my lower back. I'll be off work another couple of months. It's a pretty slow healing process and I'm a terrible patient. It's not easy for me to sit and literally do nothing. I got a little carried away with my walking a couple weeks back and set my back to spasming. It lasted over a week. It was terrible but I'm back on track now. The doctor said normally they have to tell people to walk more but I was on the other end, they told me to walk less. I'm still on no bending, twisting or lifting restrictions but I'll still be able to hold Teddy if someone gives him to me while I'm sitting.
I don't care what anyone else says. We post our stuff (good and bad) on here and encourage each other, vent to each other, whatever... not because we're trying to fix our addicts. It's for us. There is strength in numbers. To know you aren't alone and to get a shoulder when you need it, or to get a pep talk....these things have been my saving grace, as well as many others on here. I'm very grateful to have found this site and the people on it.
Have a great weekend.
Michelle
Hi Michelle, That's just awful having such a surgery. You must have had bad back problems to go through such a big operation. I hope you heal well and be like new again. Has it been very painful going through this healing process? Best be careful around the baby, it's easy to forget. Keep me informed of your recovery! I don't know if your son was/is the same as my daughter but when I had cancer I don't think it registered with her because it was business as usual Did your son come visit you after the surgery? I think the same as you. I first came on here when I was devastated with my daughters life and I remember you were the first one to help me. There was another woman too who I don't see on here anymore. Do you remember her? It makes a big difference to a mother finding this website and having people who understand her. Especially after years of having no one to talk to. By the time some of us find this place we've had years of being alone with our thoughts because it's something we don't talk to people about. Whereas here we're all in the same boat and we lend or borrow strength as we need it. We all have a bond! Your right! It's not so much about our addicts and really more about us moms. You couldn't have explained it better. But at the same time I don't mean to anger anyone. There's enough sadness on here without making it worse. God Bless, Mary :-) PS. I hated deployments too! Although navy wasn't as bad as marines. We had like 2-3 months occasionally 6 months. Makes me wonder if moving and the military played a part in our kids addiction. Have you ever wondered about that?
Mary,
Yes, it's been a mildly painful recovery process. I had about 2 years of problems before I ever considered surgery. I had injections in my spine for a year before surgery. I never took any pain pills the entire time though until after surgery. I could have used some a couple times but my doctor never prescribed any so I figured I can get through it. My son didn't really care at all, at first but lately he's acted concerned. I know it's kind of shallow concern though. He has pretty much left me alone though and not bugged me for anything, which is good.
Do you mind me asking what kind of cancer and how you're doing now? I had melanoma in 2011. I just passed the 5 year, cancer free mark. Now I can go down to once a year checks for it. I was lucky and they got it all with surgery. I had a big chunk taken out of my right calf. I called it my shark bite for a long time but it's pretty much filled back in now.
It's funny that you ask if I thought military life played into the addiction. It just might. My husband was in Cuba when my son was 8 and he was exhibiting very bad behavior problems, saying stuff like he wanted to jump into a pile of pitchforks and butcher knives. It freaked me out so I took him to a child psychologist. He went there for quite awhile and the doctor decided it was all because my husband was gone. My husband left Gitmo early and came home and our son seemed to go back to his old self pretty quickly. It's so hard to know. He's also been diagnosed with mental health issues throughout the years and had a couple suicide attempts but the psychiatrists have said they can't really give an accurate diagnosis with him being on recreational drugs and he has never gave them up for a significant amount of time. Hard to know which came first the chicken or the egg...
The other lady you're talking about was themom (Laurie). I haven't seen her on in quite awhile. I'm guessing and hoping that it's because he son is doing good. Fingers crossed.
Don't worry, I'll definitely be careful with my little two tooth terror, lol! I don't want to undo the work that was done. I just want a little Teddy time, some beach time and some good seafood dinners. I'm ready.
Talk to you soon,
Michelle
P.S. I wanted to add, in regards to my 60 minutes post, that I feel there is some sense of superiority if you are the addict. We're told we don't understand, we don't get it, etc... I'm not playing that game, especially when these people are addicts, some of whom are still pretty active. I don't listen to that garbage from my own addict, who I love.
Yes, it's been a mildly painful recovery process. I had about 2 years of problems before I ever considered surgery. I had injections in my spine for a year before surgery. I never took any pain pills the entire time though until after surgery. I could have used some a couple times but my doctor never prescribed any so I figured I can get through it. My son didn't really care at all, at first but lately he's acted concerned. I know it's kind of shallow concern though. He has pretty much left me alone though and not bugged me for anything, which is good.
Do you mind me asking what kind of cancer and how you're doing now? I had melanoma in 2011. I just passed the 5 year, cancer free mark. Now I can go down to once a year checks for it. I was lucky and they got it all with surgery. I had a big chunk taken out of my right calf. I called it my shark bite for a long time but it's pretty much filled back in now.
It's funny that you ask if I thought military life played into the addiction. It just might. My husband was in Cuba when my son was 8 and he was exhibiting very bad behavior problems, saying stuff like he wanted to jump into a pile of pitchforks and butcher knives. It freaked me out so I took him to a child psychologist. He went there for quite awhile and the doctor decided it was all because my husband was gone. My husband left Gitmo early and came home and our son seemed to go back to his old self pretty quickly. It's so hard to know. He's also been diagnosed with mental health issues throughout the years and had a couple suicide attempts but the psychiatrists have said they can't really give an accurate diagnosis with him being on recreational drugs and he has never gave them up for a significant amount of time. Hard to know which came first the chicken or the egg...
The other lady you're talking about was themom (Laurie). I haven't seen her on in quite awhile. I'm guessing and hoping that it's because he son is doing good. Fingers crossed.
Don't worry, I'll definitely be careful with my little two tooth terror, lol! I don't want to undo the work that was done. I just want a little Teddy time, some beach time and some good seafood dinners. I'm ready.
Talk to you soon,
Michelle
P.S. I wanted to add, in regards to my 60 minutes post, that I feel there is some sense of superiority if you are the addict. We're told we don't understand, we don't get it, etc... I'm not playing that game, especially when these people are addicts, some of whom are still pretty active. I don't listen to that garbage from my own addict, who I love.
Hmmm....I certainly do not feel superior being an addict.. and yes it is true..I am active at the moment....I apologize if I have offended.
Con
Con
Con,
I have not felt that you exhibited an air of superiority. Jen on the other hand does. It makes no difference. I'm just trying to relate to the other parents on here that I have things in common with, that I get support from and give support to. I don't come on here pretending that I come from the addicts perspective. I'm not trying to be anyone that I'm not. I don't appreciate my posts jacked though and turned into a post that it's not (example my 60 minutes post). I wish you all the best in your recovery.
Michelle
I have not felt that you exhibited an air of superiority. Jen on the other hand does. It makes no difference. I'm just trying to relate to the other parents on here that I have things in common with, that I get support from and give support to. I don't come on here pretending that I come from the addicts perspective. I'm not trying to be anyone that I'm not. I don't appreciate my posts jacked though and turned into a post that it's not (example my 60 minutes post). I wish you all the best in your recovery.
Michelle
Hi Mary,
Was just wondering myself how your daughter was and if she finally agreed to see some help for battered woman and get treatment.
Keeping fingers crossed that this was her point of wanting to recover. Unbelievable some people, men or woman can be so brutal to other human being.
Michelle,
Hope you are doing well now and will be pain free from back surgery. Then you can certainly work on yourself!
Con,
Shaking my head at you :) no need to apologize to us. If it wasn't for your insight I would still think my son my angelic sweet, kind good looking son (cough cough) surely couldn't be as manipulate as he was. Of course of our children are just perfect!! haha!
Keep the faith Con and I hope you jump out of the revolving door your on.
XX
Sue
Was just wondering myself how your daughter was and if she finally agreed to see some help for battered woman and get treatment.
Keeping fingers crossed that this was her point of wanting to recover. Unbelievable some people, men or woman can be so brutal to other human being.
Michelle,
Hope you are doing well now and will be pain free from back surgery. Then you can certainly work on yourself!
Con,
Shaking my head at you :) no need to apologize to us. If it wasn't for your insight I would still think my son my angelic sweet, kind good looking son (cough cough) surely couldn't be as manipulate as he was. Of course of our children are just perfect!! haha!
Keep the faith Con and I hope you jump out of the revolving door your on.
XX
Sue
Work on myself? Lol...
LOLOL for sure!!
It's not your that busy lolol...
Seriously I hope all is good with you xxx
Sue
It's not your that busy lolol...
Seriously I hope all is good with you xxx
Sue
Hi Michelle, I go every three months for my cancer check ups. I had Chemo for 6 months and was so sick with it at the beginning. I was hospitalized for another week. When I first went in to get my tumor removed I didn't want my gd to worry about me as we are joined at the hip.lol. So I picked out 5 outfits for my gd to wear to school for the week and told her I was just going to see about a sore stomach I had. I managed to play it all down and it worked out well. Lol. i ordered a couple wigs off eBay. One was nice and the other was like a chimney brush. It was hilarious if anyone would have actually wore it. I stuck that into the Halloween box so it will eventually get used.Haha! I'm glad that the worst is over for us Michelle. Do you still get the cat scat with dye? Be glad when they stop too!
Sue, Hope your doing okay! Hugs to you both. Mary
Sue, Hope your doing okay! Hugs to you both. Mary
