My girlfriend has been dealing with addiction to opium based pain killers for several years she got on them mostly to deal with an unhappy relationship (not with me)
in the past she has stopped taking pills, gone into rehab and tried to stay drug free, but when the going gets rough and stress sets in she craves to use,
She is a wonderful person but when it comes to pills all bets are off she will lie about things related to the pills,
she puts everything behind the pills, work kids etc., she says she likes to just feel numb on the pills,
she does draw a few lines she will NOT get them from pushers on the street nor will she w**** to get them what she does is goes to ER's saying this or that hurts and they sometimes shoot her up but almost always give her a prescription,
In the times they remember her or don't give her a RX she gets scripts and writes her own,
at her worse she says she took 60 pills a day,
She is fighting on the edge of full relapse she had just enough over the holiday to make her feel more sick than anything else,
She did say in the past she had one counselor she thought was good he compared her craving to a man thinking a girl looks hot on the street but the man knows he can't just attack the girl and molest her so he controls these feeling these cravings and that is how she can try to take control over her cravings,
I offer her support and love, unlike her abusive ex I will not condone the pills nor help her get them I tell her its one day at a time one pill at a time if she has 30 she need not eat all 30,
I want to find her a new counselor she says at this point in her life she will only trust a female counselor, she will sometimes try to or pick fights with me so she can go to the ER to get pills, each night i wonder if she is coming home as the minutes pass I wonder if she is heading to the ER,
I can tell when she is on the pills she changes.
Are there any tips any addicts/recovered addicts on here can share to help my love with her severe cravings.
Many thanx,
P.
PS,
I wrote the above this morning for another email group I belong to and tonight my girl called from work she was getting ready to leave but said it would be a few hours before she got home, I said "Pills?" she said yes....I tried to talk her out of the insane cravings I mentioned her kids her life everything she told me she didn't think she could do it the craving were too strong and she had to go finish her work i begged her to try to just say no and come home but she just wanted off the phone,
She stole a prescription this weekend and on the phone mentioned she noticed where she could steal the pills, I told her she would wind up in jail or dead but still she hung up that was 2 hours ago so I know she went to find or steal pills, I am heartbroken and worried sick it's taking a toll on me heavy but I want my love to get past this,
Please don't tell me to dump her I simply wont do that not yet anyway,
Thanx 4 letting me get this out.
Hi Somestranger,
I won't tell you to leave her.....I haven't left mine behind......I stand by and watch him fight everyday, but thank god he has lots of help, addiction counselor and a shrink and is taking suboxone. I know how hard it is to stay when you are lied to, and have no trust in them anymore......I know all about the worry, the fear, it hasn't been that long ago when I went through it all. I was in a really bad way, to the point where I didn't think, I knew the drugs were going to destroy the little bit of him that was left. I wish I could bring you hope, just alittle......that things will get better....She needs you, to help her fight but don't enable her, and I think you know that......Help her find the way, a counselor, a AA/NA meeting anywhere she might find hope in herself to get though this......There are womens meetings too.....search with her and for her........
I wish you both all the best, what a great guy you are to stay along side her, and I am willing to bet she knows that.....
Take Care,
Tina
I won't tell you to leave her.....I haven't left mine behind......I stand by and watch him fight everyday, but thank god he has lots of help, addiction counselor and a shrink and is taking suboxone. I know how hard it is to stay when you are lied to, and have no trust in them anymore......I know all about the worry, the fear, it hasn't been that long ago when I went through it all. I was in a really bad way, to the point where I didn't think, I knew the drugs were going to destroy the little bit of him that was left. I wish I could bring you hope, just alittle......that things will get better....She needs you, to help her fight but don't enable her, and I think you know that......Help her find the way, a counselor, a AA/NA meeting anywhere she might find hope in herself to get though this......There are womens meetings too.....search with her and for her........
I wish you both all the best, what a great guy you are to stay along side her, and I am willing to bet she knows that.....
Take Care,
Tina
she will get caught, how does she get the paper scipts and were does she steal the pills is she a nurse SHE is going to want to stop for herself sweete hang in there someone will hyave better advice but could you answer these quitions for me dear poopie
Greetings,
since I posted bad went to ok to good to horrible,
I vent a lot of personal on here I hope it's ok I have no personal support system and have my own anxiety and emotional problems but I don't drink smoke or do drugs I did, benzos stole two years from me.
ok about my girl,
this morning she wanted to go away for the weekend with me she knew how important Christmas was to me and that was ruined when she went to the ex's to see their kid, because she stayed too long listening to his tripe.
I stressed 2 her all week how badly I wanted to be with her on newyears she said that sounded wonderful,
as the day went on she backed out not only on going out of town but seeing me at all, she said some girl from work suggested they go down south, I got very upset felt I had just gotten totally screwed over I wondered if the ex had caused this maybe she decided to hang with him he does condone the pills that worthless b****** just wants her to be a stoned stepford wife,
she hung up on me at 6:30 and hasn't called back yet and that's been several hours I think too much, I recall her saying she thought of picking fights with me to go get pills but never did,
I ask her why she was being so cruel why would she pull the rug from under me all she said was i didn't deserve it but she kept doing it until she hung up on me,
She had said this wasnt about the ex or pills but about her being confused and wanting to get away to think, but that's no excuse for doing it at the last minute like this knowing what newyears meant to me,
So I wonder is she at some ER trying to get pills or with him shacking up or with him getting pills, well I do know she was out of pills and I do think the trip south with a co worker is BS,
She was out of pills and craving hard.
You asked how does she get scripts......nope she's not a nurse she is in the medical field but no where near drugs, if she could get near drugs she would have been locked up long ago, but she did say something about breaking in somewhere she thought had her pills,
back to the scripts, sometimes she steals one or two or the whole pad from a careless doctor then fills out fake info and takes it to the drugstore,
in the past the ex made her a stack on the computer it landed her 3 felony warrants in another state,
She uses fake names at the ER,
I have in from of me a pill bottle with fake info on it and a wrist band from the hospital her first name my friends last name,
she said she needed a name she could remember,
I love her and she ripped my heart apart again, what can I expect she told me her self when it comes to pills even her kids come in last,
Pills make her numb she doesn't care doesn't think or feel she can tear my soul apart and not have any remorse,
I wish there was a drug center or law that I could get her into because its a race will she die from pills or go to jail first,
It's 11:00 if she calls from an unknown number in the wee hours do I answer the phone or let it go,
My couple friends tell me put her stuff on the curb but I am not that way, and back when she knew how she felt about me I gave her my most precious life's possession I do need it back, afterall she doesnt feel like that about me any longer.
So what do I do? I guess I will lay here cry a little and be alone again tonight for her.
For those who pray please pray for her she has kids and is oherwise the most beautiful person I ever met she is just posssessed by a demon right now,
Thanx kind souls,
P.
since I posted bad went to ok to good to horrible,
I vent a lot of personal on here I hope it's ok I have no personal support system and have my own anxiety and emotional problems but I don't drink smoke or do drugs I did, benzos stole two years from me.
ok about my girl,
this morning she wanted to go away for the weekend with me she knew how important Christmas was to me and that was ruined when she went to the ex's to see their kid, because she stayed too long listening to his tripe.
I stressed 2 her all week how badly I wanted to be with her on newyears she said that sounded wonderful,
as the day went on she backed out not only on going out of town but seeing me at all, she said some girl from work suggested they go down south, I got very upset felt I had just gotten totally screwed over I wondered if the ex had caused this maybe she decided to hang with him he does condone the pills that worthless b****** just wants her to be a stoned stepford wife,
she hung up on me at 6:30 and hasn't called back yet and that's been several hours I think too much, I recall her saying she thought of picking fights with me to go get pills but never did,
I ask her why she was being so cruel why would she pull the rug from under me all she said was i didn't deserve it but she kept doing it until she hung up on me,
She had said this wasnt about the ex or pills but about her being confused and wanting to get away to think, but that's no excuse for doing it at the last minute like this knowing what newyears meant to me,
So I wonder is she at some ER trying to get pills or with him shacking up or with him getting pills, well I do know she was out of pills and I do think the trip south with a co worker is BS,
She was out of pills and craving hard.
You asked how does she get scripts......nope she's not a nurse she is in the medical field but no where near drugs, if she could get near drugs she would have been locked up long ago, but she did say something about breaking in somewhere she thought had her pills,
back to the scripts, sometimes she steals one or two or the whole pad from a careless doctor then fills out fake info and takes it to the drugstore,
in the past the ex made her a stack on the computer it landed her 3 felony warrants in another state,
She uses fake names at the ER,
I have in from of me a pill bottle with fake info on it and a wrist band from the hospital her first name my friends last name,
she said she needed a name she could remember,
I love her and she ripped my heart apart again, what can I expect she told me her self when it comes to pills even her kids come in last,
Pills make her numb she doesn't care doesn't think or feel she can tear my soul apart and not have any remorse,
I wish there was a drug center or law that I could get her into because its a race will she die from pills or go to jail first,
It's 11:00 if she calls from an unknown number in the wee hours do I answer the phone or let it go,
My couple friends tell me put her stuff on the curb but I am not that way, and back when she knew how she felt about me I gave her my most precious life's possession I do need it back, afterall she doesnt feel like that about me any longer.
So what do I do? I guess I will lay here cry a little and be alone again tonight for her.
For those who pray please pray for her she has kids and is oherwise the most beautiful person I ever met she is just posssessed by a demon right now,
Thanx kind souls,
P.
its up to her and rite now she wants the pills will she die from them yes buttttt thats her choice all you can do is nothing only she can stop and until than my sweete man crying is only way out for you and venting to us WE care so pray for her wants the state gets her kids there gone for good to she will come back but she will not be there just her body the devil got her soul sorry but thats the way it is .. you are a kind soul poopie
Somestranger,
Well can I heal your broken heart, no only you can. But to do that you must reclaim it.No you don't have to leave, but the time has come for you to step back. Just as she has to find her way and get clean for herself, you need to take care of you. That means distance, even in the same house. Do not get caught up in her world...I know hard to do. Where are the kids in all of this, if they are with you then you are enabling her. But they must come first, so if they are with her you must do something for them, protect them.....What a complicated situation....always is when children are involved......She is on a road to sure self destruction, and at the rate she is going she will lose everything....I hope that she can find the will to fight the demons that haunt her, before it is to late.
Please find a way to take care of you, and keep yourself strong......I will pray god grants you the strength that you both need to make it through.......
Tina
Well can I heal your broken heart, no only you can. But to do that you must reclaim it.No you don't have to leave, but the time has come for you to step back. Just as she has to find her way and get clean for herself, you need to take care of you. That means distance, even in the same house. Do not get caught up in her world...I know hard to do. Where are the kids in all of this, if they are with you then you are enabling her. But they must come first, so if they are with her you must do something for them, protect them.....What a complicated situation....always is when children are involved......She is on a road to sure self destruction, and at the rate she is going she will lose everything....I hope that she can find the will to fight the demons that haunt her, before it is to late.
Please find a way to take care of you, and keep yourself strong......I will pray god grants you the strength that you both need to make it through.......
Tina
Greeting and happy new year...well not really it's not a very happy one over here,
I want to thank everyone for the kindness this is about the only solace I have right now, I am pretty numb from the last couple daze I wish I could cry hard but I feel so empty, I have been clean from my own benzo addiction since April yet times like this make me wanna eat handfuls of the vile trash just to feel nothing, but I wont relapse, nope, I will wing this drug free,
Just when I think I can't hurt any deeper she finds a way,
Her best girl friend thinks I am too smothering, maybe in a way I am of course the friend is jealous of the relationship I have with my love & would do anything to undermine it,
My loves ex is the master manipulator he controls my love with his underhanded ways and promise of pills,
Me and the love were to go away for the newyears and someway the ex got her to cancel going with me and go with him, then it ended up me and my love staying in the B&B he booked, but my love ran out of pills she started to withdraw and early tonight didn't wanna get out of bed, the jealous friend called seems my loves ex fell off a roof, I think it's a big drama to get her to run home hell he fell at 11:00am and did go to the ER until tonight, of course it works out great they will give him tons of pills and she's craving the pills badly,
So the jealous friend came here, got her, dropped her at the hospital,
My love promised to come back here tonight if her ex is released but to stay their with the kid if he stays in the hospital,
I know from that gut feeling no matter what she will be staying with the ex tonight eating pills to feel numb and nothing so she has no remorse over screwing me over,
finding fault with me to her girlfriend just makes it easier for her to do this to me,
Has anyone else ever noticed addicts tend to pick stuff to get mad at a loved one over so as to feel better when they treat that loved one like S**T>?
Remember she told me b4 she thought of picking fights with me to be able to go use,
I think I am spent, I would be with her thru any withdrawal thru any mean way she acted and treated me while on pills I would beg her not to take them get them or do them, if she had 30 and wouldn't throw them all away I would be her to only take 29 do anything to save her life for herself and her kids,
So now my new friends and kind souls I have some hard questions for you I know in the end the choice is mine but I want more food for thought,
I believe I have enough evidence to have the court force her into rehab if I do of course she will never speak to me ever again but it might get her well and save her life,
I can learn to deal if she hates me forever for doing the right thing but if forced into rehab will that even help I know people have to want to help b4 it will help,
I just can't do this anymore because of the ex he provides pills helps get them any way they can legal or not,
I can't see a girl who is seeing her ex on the side to get pills,
So am I bad and weak I would endure anything for her with just the pills but throw the ex and the against me best friend into the mix I feel like a mouse against a gorilla, I feel the only out for me is to back out of this I don't want to but I feel that's the only way unless I let this take me down too,
Would that be better? I'm confused I really love her so very much.
It is going to be a long hard night my friends please keep me in your prayers.
Thanx,
P.
I want to thank everyone for the kindness this is about the only solace I have right now, I am pretty numb from the last couple daze I wish I could cry hard but I feel so empty, I have been clean from my own benzo addiction since April yet times like this make me wanna eat handfuls of the vile trash just to feel nothing, but I wont relapse, nope, I will wing this drug free,
Just when I think I can't hurt any deeper she finds a way,
Her best girl friend thinks I am too smothering, maybe in a way I am of course the friend is jealous of the relationship I have with my love & would do anything to undermine it,
My loves ex is the master manipulator he controls my love with his underhanded ways and promise of pills,
Me and the love were to go away for the newyears and someway the ex got her to cancel going with me and go with him, then it ended up me and my love staying in the B&B he booked, but my love ran out of pills she started to withdraw and early tonight didn't wanna get out of bed, the jealous friend called seems my loves ex fell off a roof, I think it's a big drama to get her to run home hell he fell at 11:00am and did go to the ER until tonight, of course it works out great they will give him tons of pills and she's craving the pills badly,
So the jealous friend came here, got her, dropped her at the hospital,
My love promised to come back here tonight if her ex is released but to stay their with the kid if he stays in the hospital,
I know from that gut feeling no matter what she will be staying with the ex tonight eating pills to feel numb and nothing so she has no remorse over screwing me over,
finding fault with me to her girlfriend just makes it easier for her to do this to me,
Has anyone else ever noticed addicts tend to pick stuff to get mad at a loved one over so as to feel better when they treat that loved one like S**T>?
Remember she told me b4 she thought of picking fights with me to be able to go use,
I think I am spent, I would be with her thru any withdrawal thru any mean way she acted and treated me while on pills I would beg her not to take them get them or do them, if she had 30 and wouldn't throw them all away I would be her to only take 29 do anything to save her life for herself and her kids,
So now my new friends and kind souls I have some hard questions for you I know in the end the choice is mine but I want more food for thought,
I believe I have enough evidence to have the court force her into rehab if I do of course she will never speak to me ever again but it might get her well and save her life,
I can learn to deal if she hates me forever for doing the right thing but if forced into rehab will that even help I know people have to want to help b4 it will help,
I just can't do this anymore because of the ex he provides pills helps get them any way they can legal or not,
I can't see a girl who is seeing her ex on the side to get pills,
So am I bad and weak I would endure anything for her with just the pills but throw the ex and the against me best friend into the mix I feel like a mouse against a gorilla, I feel the only out for me is to back out of this I don't want to but I feel that's the only way unless I let this take me down too,
Would that be better? I'm confused I really love her so very much.
It is going to be a long hard night my friends please keep me in your prayers.
Thanx,
P.
Somestranger,
You reminded me of something I hated........letting myself get drawn in and then to have someone use that as justification for thier bad behavior. My husband had a knack for that, all the little nitpicking, the I would get pissed and he would use that as an excuse for why he was wasted or couldn't cope.......But I know others that do the same to people....I don't get drawn in anymore.....Really hard when swimming in a sea of baited hooks not to take a nibble. You really need to not let yourself feel as if you are her justification, and to speak up when things aren't right...I by no means avoid confrontation, but I have learned that speaking up for myself is different than being drawn in to someone elses problems...Yes there is a difference.....You need to figure when the words being thrown at you are bullsh*t and bait, as compared to when someone has a problem with your views or your actions and they need an explaination........
You are haunted by all of this, and you life now is becoming dangerous....ok sounds strange....ask yourself, when was the last time you entertained your benzo thoughts.....when was the last time you were truely happy, when was the last time you smiled for no reason...To stay really means to step back....
and do nothing, just watch.....have you own plans, your own hopes and dreams, put them out for all to see....Do for you not what makes others happy, you need to be happy first.....It is infectious, happiness........others will see it, maybe want a taste of it......
Love on the other hand is addicting too......for many reasons......have you thought at all that you are addicted to her....as of now I don't see that because you are willing to give it all up and lose her just to get her help...But forcing her to get help won't work....She has to be ready, like sick and tired of being sick and tired....When she asks for the help she needs to get herself well be ready to jump at that instant, but I see you forcing her as a way for her to pull farther away from you, which may be the only stable thing in her life.....
Please tread lightly and don't lose You in the process.....You really must take care of you first, be happy with you first and plan your life for you.....Hopefully she will see what you have and realize that things could be better for her also.....I think the best think you can do if you really needed something to do for her is counciling....by what you wrote in all the post the ex sounds like he is a controlling, mean and abusive person.....She needs to know that she is worth more than any king of relationship like that....I don't think it is just the pills bringing her to him.....She may feel that she deserves to be treated like the ex treats her, would explain the fights she picks with you, would explain lots of things including the drugs use.....there goes the justification again....But it is a vicious circle, that is hard to break....
Please take care of you...there are really no right or wrong answers in this, just the hope that no matter what happens and what life brings you can live having peace with yourself and others......
Good Luck to you......
Tina
You reminded me of something I hated........letting myself get drawn in and then to have someone use that as justification for thier bad behavior. My husband had a knack for that, all the little nitpicking, the I would get pissed and he would use that as an excuse for why he was wasted or couldn't cope.......But I know others that do the same to people....I don't get drawn in anymore.....Really hard when swimming in a sea of baited hooks not to take a nibble. You really need to not let yourself feel as if you are her justification, and to speak up when things aren't right...I by no means avoid confrontation, but I have learned that speaking up for myself is different than being drawn in to someone elses problems...Yes there is a difference.....You need to figure when the words being thrown at you are bullsh*t and bait, as compared to when someone has a problem with your views or your actions and they need an explaination........
You are haunted by all of this, and you life now is becoming dangerous....ok sounds strange....ask yourself, when was the last time you entertained your benzo thoughts.....when was the last time you were truely happy, when was the last time you smiled for no reason...To stay really means to step back....
and do nothing, just watch.....have you own plans, your own hopes and dreams, put them out for all to see....Do for you not what makes others happy, you need to be happy first.....It is infectious, happiness........others will see it, maybe want a taste of it......
Love on the other hand is addicting too......for many reasons......have you thought at all that you are addicted to her....as of now I don't see that because you are willing to give it all up and lose her just to get her help...But forcing her to get help won't work....She has to be ready, like sick and tired of being sick and tired....When she asks for the help she needs to get herself well be ready to jump at that instant, but I see you forcing her as a way for her to pull farther away from you, which may be the only stable thing in her life.....
Please tread lightly and don't lose You in the process.....You really must take care of you first, be happy with you first and plan your life for you.....Hopefully she will see what you have and realize that things could be better for her also.....I think the best think you can do if you really needed something to do for her is counciling....by what you wrote in all the post the ex sounds like he is a controlling, mean and abusive person.....She needs to know that she is worth more than any king of relationship like that....I don't think it is just the pills bringing her to him.....She may feel that she deserves to be treated like the ex treats her, would explain the fights she picks with you, would explain lots of things including the drugs use.....there goes the justification again....But it is a vicious circle, that is hard to break....
Please take care of you...there are really no right or wrong answers in this, just the hope that no matter what happens and what life brings you can live having peace with yourself and others......
Good Luck to you......
Tina
This keeps getting worse,
she stayed with the ex yes he hurt his back it wasnt bad but he milked it for all its worth and got her to stay with him,
she shared his drugs with her but swears nothing went on between them which I dont believe, she came by here to get some not all her stuff but still wants to see me I made it clear I cant see her anymore if she is seeing him, she knows this and says shes not seeing him but for pills she might be staying with him tonight, pills make her not care and go numb,
she left here saying she was going to try to get her own pills from the hospital but I think she will just go get his far easier,
As far as I am concerned she is seeing him and that was the one thing I cant stand for, I am an emotinal wreck to loose her but I just cant be with a girl who isnt true to me,
she is going to have to way hit bottom to even think of getting clean in fact this time might end her up in jail or dead as she is very bad and getting worse,
her nightmare is full tilt she will be hitting ER's faking perscriptions faking names and thinking of break ins, she told me there was no way she would go back tp rehab,
I love her I do so very much, but she is so hooked she will go to him and be with him for pills she will lie and steal and rip my heart apart and I cant deal with that pain does this make me a bad person for having to give up on her?
thanx,
P.
she stayed with the ex yes he hurt his back it wasnt bad but he milked it for all its worth and got her to stay with him,
she shared his drugs with her but swears nothing went on between them which I dont believe, she came by here to get some not all her stuff but still wants to see me I made it clear I cant see her anymore if she is seeing him, she knows this and says shes not seeing him but for pills she might be staying with him tonight, pills make her not care and go numb,
she left here saying she was going to try to get her own pills from the hospital but I think she will just go get his far easier,
As far as I am concerned she is seeing him and that was the one thing I cant stand for, I am an emotinal wreck to loose her but I just cant be with a girl who isnt true to me,
she is going to have to way hit bottom to even think of getting clean in fact this time might end her up in jail or dead as she is very bad and getting worse,
her nightmare is full tilt she will be hitting ER's faking perscriptions faking names and thinking of break ins, she told me there was no way she would go back tp rehab,
I love her I do so very much, but she is so hooked she will go to him and be with him for pills she will lie and steal and rip my heart apart and I cant deal with that pain does this make me a bad person for having to give up on her?
thanx,
P.
I can't offer more than Misty already has.
It does not make you a bad person at all. I think it makes you a smart person.......to let her go. You can't save her but you can save yourself. Please do. What about the kids? Who has them?
Somestranger,
It in no way shape or form makes you a bad person.....I would like to make a suggestion to you. Why don't you try to look into alanon. It just might help you understand her better....At times I find it confusing but it does help with some of the helplessness and dispair that you feel when you watch someone you love hurt themselves over and over.....It also has helped me to deal with all the pain/anger and figure out what to do with it all after my husband got clean. I am putting in a link, you can check it out online.....Someone is usually there to help and all you need is a hotmail account, which is easy to get.
http://groups.msn.com/Alanon
Take care,
Tina
It in no way shape or form makes you a bad person.....I would like to make a suggestion to you. Why don't you try to look into alanon. It just might help you understand her better....At times I find it confusing but it does help with some of the helplessness and dispair that you feel when you watch someone you love hurt themselves over and over.....It also has helped me to deal with all the pain/anger and figure out what to do with it all after my husband got clean. I am putting in a link, you can check it out online.....Someone is usually there to help and all you need is a hotmail account, which is easy to get.
http://groups.msn.com/Alanon
Take care,
Tina
Thanx I will check it out,
I have became an emotinal trainwreck I have not slept in about 50 hours she called me from the ex's house a little while ago of course denying she was drugged up or sleeping with him, I was cool knowing fri all her stuff will be out of here,
I couldnt believe she said s**T like even though I am taking steps away from u I still wanna see you,
she is so wishy washy now and I just cant be in a love triangle she knows it and I bet I tell her before fri but she will pill up and not care I could tell she was using heavy,
I just hope I recover soon I have not been this messy since I was on benzos
thanx all,
P.
I have became an emotinal trainwreck I have not slept in about 50 hours she called me from the ex's house a little while ago of course denying she was drugged up or sleeping with him, I was cool knowing fri all her stuff will be out of here,
I couldnt believe she said s**T like even though I am taking steps away from u I still wanna see you,
she is so wishy washy now and I just cant be in a love triangle she knows it and I bet I tell her before fri but she will pill up and not care I could tell she was using heavy,
I just hope I recover soon I have not been this messy since I was on benzos
thanx all,
P.
Sounds like she is totally taking advantage of you and her ex in order to prioritize her drug use. You should not condone her going to the hospital to get her pills over the x. It is all bad.
I am in a bad situation and living with it. I am no one to lecture. However, tell her to go to her ex and take her pills and lose you. Tell her you will be her friend when she is ready to look at the problem in order to fix it instead of looking at in in a way to manipulate it so that she gets what she wants. it sounds like she knows you will be there no matter what she does. Been there, done that. When she uses drugs it is hurting you but she is not doing it to you she is doing it to herself because she is sick. When she goes to her x's it is deliberately hurting you in a more direct way. IF she is with you she should not be with the x who feeds her addiction. They both use and who takes care of the children? The next thing she will do is drop their child off at your house together so you can baby-sit while they get high. Sounds like she won't make a choice until you tell her that you love her but that all of this is unacceptable. Than if she loves herself and her children and you she will at the very least stop with the x and go to a detox. As long as you enable her she will manipulate and lie to you just like she does to the doctors.
Good luck. You are too caring to get railroaded like this. At least join us at alanon.
I am in a bad situation and living with it. I am no one to lecture. However, tell her to go to her ex and take her pills and lose you. Tell her you will be her friend when she is ready to look at the problem in order to fix it instead of looking at in in a way to manipulate it so that she gets what she wants. it sounds like she knows you will be there no matter what she does. Been there, done that. When she uses drugs it is hurting you but she is not doing it to you she is doing it to herself because she is sick. When she goes to her x's it is deliberately hurting you in a more direct way. IF she is with you she should not be with the x who feeds her addiction. They both use and who takes care of the children? The next thing she will do is drop their child off at your house together so you can baby-sit while they get high. Sounds like she won't make a choice until you tell her that you love her but that all of this is unacceptable. Than if she loves herself and her children and you she will at the very least stop with the x and go to a detox. As long as you enable her she will manipulate and lie to you just like she does to the doctors.
Good luck. You are too caring to get railroaded like this. At least join us at alanon.
Somestranger,
No sleep in 50 hours, that I can relate to, It does get worse, the obsession to help/cure takes over. It doesn't let go to easily either.You will find yourself depressed, frustrated and angry.....at her, yourself and everyone around you. The sh*t I put myself through at times was more than what the hubby did to me. Add that to all the stuff we deal with everyday and it is impossible to find any light at the end of the tunnel. You are hurting youself more now than she is hurting you. You don't have the tools to stay in this relationship, if you are hurting. For your own well being you either have to find some help for you or end it.......No sleep, the benzo thoughts.....you health is at risk now. I don't want to see you fall back into the numbing game.....I know how hard it is to look at someone and see all the good, behind the drugs. To know what promise they hold, what things they are missing in life especially when kids are involved. They are there underneath it all hiding, from what I don't know...
Let us know how you are, I do wish you the best, and her too. I pray she finds her way......
Take care,
Tina
No sleep in 50 hours, that I can relate to, It does get worse, the obsession to help/cure takes over. It doesn't let go to easily either.You will find yourself depressed, frustrated and angry.....at her, yourself and everyone around you. The sh*t I put myself through at times was more than what the hubby did to me. Add that to all the stuff we deal with everyday and it is impossible to find any light at the end of the tunnel. You are hurting youself more now than she is hurting you. You don't have the tools to stay in this relationship, if you are hurting. For your own well being you either have to find some help for you or end it.......No sleep, the benzo thoughts.....you health is at risk now. I don't want to see you fall back into the numbing game.....I know how hard it is to look at someone and see all the good, behind the drugs. To know what promise they hold, what things they are missing in life especially when kids are involved. They are there underneath it all hiding, from what I don't know...
Let us know how you are, I do wish you the best, and her too. I pray she finds her way......
Take care,
Tina
Dear somestranger,
I agree with Misty and what some others have written. Your friend is in full-blown addiction, and it will win out over everything -- including any meaningful relationship in her life. It does not make you a bad person to step away right now. That's self-preservation. As is the nature of addiction, it can tear apart the lives of both addicts and those who love them. Your friend's addiction is bringing you down with her -- depression, hopelessness, low self-esteem, lack of sleep....you have done nothing to deserve that. The unfortunate truth is that she will have to reach a place where she wants help, and she will have to seek it. You can let her know you'll be there for her when she does, but until then, I'm afraid you are fighting a losing battle....however noble and esteemable your motivation is. Good luck to you, M.
I agree with Misty and what some others have written. Your friend is in full-blown addiction, and it will win out over everything -- including any meaningful relationship in her life. It does not make you a bad person to step away right now. That's self-preservation. As is the nature of addiction, it can tear apart the lives of both addicts and those who love them. Your friend's addiction is bringing you down with her -- depression, hopelessness, low self-esteem, lack of sleep....you have done nothing to deserve that. The unfortunate truth is that she will have to reach a place where she wants help, and she will have to seek it. You can let her know you'll be there for her when she does, but until then, I'm afraid you are fighting a losing battle....however noble and esteemable your motivation is. Good luck to you, M.
Greetings,
You all are such kind souls to me...many thanx,
I want to assure you I would never ever take pills again myself I don't care how bad I feel or hurt,
actually I will hardly take an asprin now,
I spoke to her and she admits she is full blown out of control addicted, she doesnt know what shes going to do but knows she wants pills and yet needs to get off them she fears the withdrawals,
she is hanging with the b****** ex because he gets her pills, but he made a mistake and gave me something that I can get him arrested for but that will come later,
I hate to sound selfish but you are right I am a far bigger mess than my girl she is all numb on pills I am the trainwreck,
she babbled something about detoxing fri but I will not hold my breath,
I have stepped far back I love her and will be a friend but I will not get so close as to get so dragged into the dark pit of pain,
I have slept 1.5 hours in about 50 hours now so the world seems sureal,
again thanx all for being there for me,
P.
You all are such kind souls to me...many thanx,
I want to assure you I would never ever take pills again myself I don't care how bad I feel or hurt,
actually I will hardly take an asprin now,
I spoke to her and she admits she is full blown out of control addicted, she doesnt know what shes going to do but knows she wants pills and yet needs to get off them she fears the withdrawals,
she is hanging with the b****** ex because he gets her pills, but he made a mistake and gave me something that I can get him arrested for but that will come later,
I hate to sound selfish but you are right I am a far bigger mess than my girl she is all numb on pills I am the trainwreck,
she babbled something about detoxing fri but I will not hold my breath,
I have stepped far back I love her and will be a friend but I will not get so close as to get so dragged into the dark pit of pain,
I have slept 1.5 hours in about 50 hours now so the world seems sureal,
again thanx all for being there for me,
P.
Somestranger,
First thing you need to do is get some sleep.......Remember these important things.....You can't cure her, you didn't cause this, and you and she have no control........
Tomorrow is a new day, filled with promises of a new beginning...thats what happens everytime we sleep. No matter who we are we get a chance to start a new day. Sometimes they are better, sometimes not.....I always have faith that they will be better, or could be if I want it to.
I know you don't seem to want to totally let go, thats fine. Be there if she asks you, but try not to get wrapped up in it all, for your own sake. I think you are a great guy to care so much....Underneath it all must be a wonderful woman. I truely do hope she finds her way out of all the mess she is in...Only time will tell. Praying she has the time she needs to get help.
You Take Care,
Tina
First thing you need to do is get some sleep.......Remember these important things.....You can't cure her, you didn't cause this, and you and she have no control........
Tomorrow is a new day, filled with promises of a new beginning...thats what happens everytime we sleep. No matter who we are we get a chance to start a new day. Sometimes they are better, sometimes not.....I always have faith that they will be better, or could be if I want it to.
I know you don't seem to want to totally let go, thats fine. Be there if she asks you, but try not to get wrapped up in it all, for your own sake. I think you are a great guy to care so much....Underneath it all must be a wonderful woman. I truely do hope she finds her way out of all the mess she is in...Only time will tell. Praying she has the time she needs to get help.
You Take Care,
Tina
Stranger- Misty is right. First thing you need to do is get some sleep. 1 1/2 hours in 50 is going to hurt you. Try and get some rest please. Tomorrow is a new day.
Too hard to sleep when your nerves are going especially when it is crazy inside your own house. I fear the initial recovery as bad as the disease because the temper is exploding. Misty email me if you can.
Jen
Jen
Hye all,
Todays update is rather bleak, I tried to sleep and after about 2 hours startled awake thinking about all this hell & feeling holloed out, the most important thing is my loves addiction then in the background the fact she's shacking up with the ex to get the pills,
This morning I called her work asking if they offered rehab, they don't but the man was most kind, I never told him who I was or who she was Tonight took a bad turn when she called she was crying and said she was sorry I said for what she just said all this and that she was tired of being addicted and using, then she admitted she had been using high dosage for over a week thanx to the ex, I told her as long as shes with him she will do pills him and the pills go together for her.
she knows this but still went home with him,
I assume she took a hand full of pills to numb up because I busted her being back with him and lying bout it,
I need to figure out some way to stop him on all the illegal things he does to get the pills,
If she doesn't stop the pills she will be in jail or dead before this year is out,
I know also my part in this is coming to an end soon, I have had my own issues it's taken a toll on me, many symptoms I had that left are coming back I can't sleep I'm so exhausted,
I wanna thank everyone here for being so kind to me,
Todays update is rather bleak, I tried to sleep and after about 2 hours startled awake thinking about all this hell & feeling holloed out, the most important thing is my loves addiction then in the background the fact she's shacking up with the ex to get the pills,
This morning I called her work asking if they offered rehab, they don't but the man was most kind, I never told him who I was or who she was Tonight took a bad turn when she called she was crying and said she was sorry I said for what she just said all this and that she was tired of being addicted and using, then she admitted she had been using high dosage for over a week thanx to the ex, I told her as long as shes with him she will do pills him and the pills go together for her.
she knows this but still went home with him,
I assume she took a hand full of pills to numb up because I busted her being back with him and lying bout it,
I need to figure out some way to stop him on all the illegal things he does to get the pills,
If she doesn't stop the pills she will be in jail or dead before this year is out,
I know also my part in this is coming to an end soon, I have had my own issues it's taken a toll on me, many symptoms I had that left are coming back I can't sleep I'm so exhausted,
I wanna thank everyone here for being so kind to me,
