Hi Every One,
Ive been reading all the letters on the board & would like to no how to respond to my fiance as ive just found out he's started using after being clean for 10 months (At least thats what he said).
We have been together for 5 years & gone thru many detox & rehab centres together with each time he stayed clean for days or weeks. The last time he started using i left him & told him i couldnt handle it any more, He went away to rehad for 6 months & i tried to get on with my life, After he got out he contacted me & wanted to talk I agreed only because i thought it would be a good time for me to vent my anger & hurt at him & make him feel like sh**.
I figured if I had some closure for our 4 years together I could forget about him & get on with life, Things didnt work out that way we startd hanging out & a few months later we were engaged to be married, Now only months later he tells me hes been using for 5 weeks.
I CANT COPE.
If theres someone out there that wouldnt mind just talking with me i would really love to hear from you.
Hi,
I would love to talk to you. I am having the same problem with my finace. E-mail me at Jefner5369@yahoo.com
Look forward to talking with you,
I would love to talk to you. I am having the same problem with my finace. E-mail me at Jefner5369@yahoo.com
Look forward to talking with you,
Hi, I know how much it sucks to finally think everything will be ok and then find out they go back to heroin. I have been dealing with this with my bf for about 2 years and it sucks. Email me if you want to talk. onyxdog26@hotmail.com
Hello Everyone,
I am going through a very confusing time right now and I need some answers. My boyfriend is 34 and he's been a heroin addict for about 11 years. He started with pot, then acid, then mushrooms, then speed, meth, cocaine, crack cocaine and xanax. We have been going out for 1 year and we live together. He's is the most generous, kind hearted GENTLEMAN that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Right before christmas he started going into a very deep depression which ended up in him using heroin. When he was doing heroin he only snorted it or smoked it but this time he shot up. He has been in a methadone program for the last 6 years and he goes to the program every morning on his way to work (so he says) but the only thing is I'm beginning to lose trust in him because he never shows any visible signs at home, but I have been finding little things around the house that are making me very suspicious. I found Q tips in his bag and the bathroom has this strong smell of rubbing alcohol. Last night he was in the bathroom (said he was taking a s***) but he was in there damn near close to an hour. He never used to lock the door and now he does. I played like I had to go really bad and when he opened the door all I could smell was rubbing alcohol and he was flushing the toilet. I know that usually people have smelly "s***" but it didn't smell like that. I asked what he was doing and he said he was shaving but with no razor and no shaving cream out. His hands started to shake (which are very shakey to begin with) when I started to quiz him and he started to get defensive so I just left him alone. He wouldn' t talk after he came out and if he did talk, it was him trying to be funny as usual. I know that when he had his slip in January he bought a package of individually wrapped syringe needles and he said that he didn't know how to use them correctly so he wasted them all and threw the rest out. I, just last week, started having intuitions that something was not right so I went searching the house. We ended have a screaming match, so bad that I thought someone in our building would have called the cops, that I locked the door in our bedroom and started playing music LOUD and searching for unusual things. I found a needle that had been used with the point of the needle snapped off in an open individual wrapper. He said that he hid it under the bed and left it there to remind himself not to slip again and he took it out and forgot about it. I found 2 bent spoons in the kitchen draw but I can't remember if they were from his slip or just recent. He kicked the bedroom door in and busted it right out of the hinges. I don't believe him now. We have been talking about marriage and kids and I'm not sure now if I should even consider it. I don't want to enable him and I won't be his crutch but I also love him with the whole of my heart and I can't just leave him alone. I am with him all the time so I know that he isn't doing it around me and he doesn't go out because he lost all his friends to either jail, drugs, HIV/AIDS or death. I am a positive influence in his life and I feel like a lot of things have changed between the two of us since he had his slip. I think I'm so paranoid now of seeing even the littlest thing like a Q tip and wondering if he's doing it again and I don't know what to make of it. Should I trust him and ignore my feelings or do I confront him again??? I feel like if I keep bringing the subject up he will just go right out and use again. What should I do??? Please help!
I am going through a very confusing time right now and I need some answers. My boyfriend is 34 and he's been a heroin addict for about 11 years. He started with pot, then acid, then mushrooms, then speed, meth, cocaine, crack cocaine and xanax. We have been going out for 1 year and we live together. He's is the most generous, kind hearted GENTLEMAN that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Right before christmas he started going into a very deep depression which ended up in him using heroin. When he was doing heroin he only snorted it or smoked it but this time he shot up. He has been in a methadone program for the last 6 years and he goes to the program every morning on his way to work (so he says) but the only thing is I'm beginning to lose trust in him because he never shows any visible signs at home, but I have been finding little things around the house that are making me very suspicious. I found Q tips in his bag and the bathroom has this strong smell of rubbing alcohol. Last night he was in the bathroom (said he was taking a s***) but he was in there damn near close to an hour. He never used to lock the door and now he does. I played like I had to go really bad and when he opened the door all I could smell was rubbing alcohol and he was flushing the toilet. I know that usually people have smelly "s***" but it didn't smell like that. I asked what he was doing and he said he was shaving but with no razor and no shaving cream out. His hands started to shake (which are very shakey to begin with) when I started to quiz him and he started to get defensive so I just left him alone. He wouldn' t talk after he came out and if he did talk, it was him trying to be funny as usual. I know that when he had his slip in January he bought a package of individually wrapped syringe needles and he said that he didn't know how to use them correctly so he wasted them all and threw the rest out. I, just last week, started having intuitions that something was not right so I went searching the house. We ended have a screaming match, so bad that I thought someone in our building would have called the cops, that I locked the door in our bedroom and started playing music LOUD and searching for unusual things. I found a needle that had been used with the point of the needle snapped off in an open individual wrapper. He said that he hid it under the bed and left it there to remind himself not to slip again and he took it out and forgot about it. I found 2 bent spoons in the kitchen draw but I can't remember if they were from his slip or just recent. He kicked the bedroom door in and busted it right out of the hinges. I don't believe him now. We have been talking about marriage and kids and I'm not sure now if I should even consider it. I don't want to enable him and I won't be his crutch but I also love him with the whole of my heart and I can't just leave him alone. I am with him all the time so I know that he isn't doing it around me and he doesn't go out because he lost all his friends to either jail, drugs, HIV/AIDS or death. I am a positive influence in his life and I feel like a lot of things have changed between the two of us since he had his slip. I think I'm so paranoid now of seeing even the littlest thing like a Q tip and wondering if he's doing it again and I don't know what to make of it. Should I trust him and ignore my feelings or do I confront him again??? I feel like if I keep bringing the subject up he will just go right out and use again. What should I do??? Please help!
Confused-
Trust your instincts. If you think he's using he probably is. Addicts are great liars. Check his pupils. They will be really tiny if he's on heroin and do not react to light or dark. That's the best way to tell. I know I keep writing this over and over but if I would have known about this message board when my bf was using I would have left way before I screwed up my life. It's so hard to let go of someone you love but sometimes it's the only thing you can do. Don't ruin your life trying to save his. He will quit only when he's ready.
Trust your instincts. If you think he's using he probably is. Addicts are great liars. Check his pupils. They will be really tiny if he's on heroin and do not react to light or dark. That's the best way to tell. I know I keep writing this over and over but if I would have known about this message board when my bf was using I would have left way before I screwed up my life. It's so hard to let go of someone you love but sometimes it's the only thing you can do. Don't ruin your life trying to save his. He will quit only when he's ready.
Hello Onyx,
Thank you for your advice. I always trust my instincts and I'm usually right. I pray every night that I'm wrong. Actually, last night we had a talk and I wrote him a poem about his addiction. He didn't really respond to the poem or my conversation with him. He always tries to change the subject and be funny. He uses his humor to make things seem better but really he's just suppressing all his feelings and showing how he feels in a very strange way. I know that there is something deep down inside of him which is the root of his problem but, he has a wonderful family that has done nothing but support him through all the years of his wrongful actions and mishaps and I think he believes that no matter how many times he f***s up he will always have them. I asked him if he wants to get clean off of methadone and he said he would rather stay on it than slip again. I think that's a cop out because methadone is just as addictive if not worse. I would like to find out if he can try some other method of getting clean instead of methadone like subutex and find out if it would effect him badly if he changed prescriptions. I'm worried that he could slip again and risk losing his job. He is so smart and he has a great paying job as a mechanical engineer with great benefits, he has a condo and a mortgage. He is a good saver and he's always preaching about us saving money to get married. That is why I'm so confused. He acts responsible about the bills and organizing so our apartment is clean and nice but he went out on Sunday and bought me a "COACH" bag and a computer program for $200.00. Coach is not cheap either. I don't understand where all this money is coming from. None of this makes any sense to me. I'm losing myself trying to figure this out and I've come to every possible conclusion that all I can do is wait until I can prove it to see. Thanks again for your insight. Keep in touch.
-Confused
Thank you for your advice. I always trust my instincts and I'm usually right. I pray every night that I'm wrong. Actually, last night we had a talk and I wrote him a poem about his addiction. He didn't really respond to the poem or my conversation with him. He always tries to change the subject and be funny. He uses his humor to make things seem better but really he's just suppressing all his feelings and showing how he feels in a very strange way. I know that there is something deep down inside of him which is the root of his problem but, he has a wonderful family that has done nothing but support him through all the years of his wrongful actions and mishaps and I think he believes that no matter how many times he f***s up he will always have them. I asked him if he wants to get clean off of methadone and he said he would rather stay on it than slip again. I think that's a cop out because methadone is just as addictive if not worse. I would like to find out if he can try some other method of getting clean instead of methadone like subutex and find out if it would effect him badly if he changed prescriptions. I'm worried that he could slip again and risk losing his job. He is so smart and he has a great paying job as a mechanical engineer with great benefits, he has a condo and a mortgage. He is a good saver and he's always preaching about us saving money to get married. That is why I'm so confused. He acts responsible about the bills and organizing so our apartment is clean and nice but he went out on Sunday and bought me a "COACH" bag and a computer program for $200.00. Coach is not cheap either. I don't understand where all this money is coming from. None of this makes any sense to me. I'm losing myself trying to figure this out and I've come to every possible conclusion that all I can do is wait until I can prove it to see. Thanks again for your insight. Keep in touch.
-Confused
