I'm my partners carer, he suffers from depression and anxiety, as well as abusing drugs. He takes diazapam round about 15 to 20 a day. I've helped him stay off them for a year, although he does get tablets from the same family of drugs weekly and takes them all in one day. Anyway he's started taking the diazapam again so far he's wrecked my home, burst two car tyres and caused cosmetic damage to our car driving it under the influence of them. I can't do this anymore help me please
Glad you found us Kred. Sorry that you need us. Welcome. . .
I'm not sure how old you & your partner are, how long your partner has been battling addiction, if you have ties (e.g., home, kids, assets together) or how long you all have been together. Regardless, it sounds like you have hit YOUR rock bottom. As far as I'm concerned, that is a wonderful thing. You've reached your limit. You are tired of being used, abused, and riding this roller coaster called addiction. Congratulations!! Hallelujah. Amen. This is the first step for reclaiming your life, saving your sanity, and empowering yourself.
YOU want change. YOU want to regain some sense of control. You may feel you have nothing left to give anymore. While these feelings are horrible, this is a healthy step for YOU. . .and your partner. As my daughter would say, Do you! Do whatever you have to do to heal yourself, be good to yourself & protect yourself. Be selfish... not because you want revenge. . .not because you are angry and hurt. . .not because you want to teach your beloved a lesson. . .but bc the only person/thing you have control over is you. Keep coming here for support, love, advice or just to vent. You might also think of some face-to-face groups: Alanon, Naranon. Perhaps a therapist or counselor for you.
Loving an addict is one of the most difficult things to do. We should all be cannonized. . . made saints. My only child was an addict and this is a gut wrenching, all consuming, hellacious journey. After months and months of worry and trying to fix things and control things, I was emotionally bankrupt. I didn't like what her addiction was doing to me, how her addiction determined how my day/life went. I literally thought I was losing my mind. I had to stop before I lost me. . .or I went to the funny farm. When I got to this point, I never stopped loving my daughter. I just loved her differently. . .detached with love, set boundaries, did not enable. After giving fair warning and allowing my girl 4 weeks to get a job, I stopped every means, kind & manner of support. We only provided health insurance and a cell phone. I stopped responding to the stories she gave me. I learned to listen, not ask questions and not comment/react. I stopped calling or texting her daily. I went to Naranon meetings and found a (free) therapist for me who specialized in addiction. My 21 yo daughter didn't like the New Lynn. (And sometimes I did revert back. . .I'm not perfect) she was mad at first. But eventually she accepted and appreciated the fact that me nor my hubby were going to support her addiction or buy into her craziness. And, she knew we love her with all of our hearts. Unlike you, she moved out of our house and was living 1,000 miles away.
What does not enabling look like for you? What does detaching with love mean for you? Think about it. What do you have to change? What do you have control to change? Remember, you chose to be in this relationship because you thought it was good for you. . .would make you better off. . .your beloved makes you happy. You can also choose to leave if that's best for you.
I know it hurts. But it's going to be okay Kred. You are going to be okay.
Sending a hug,
Lynn
I'm not sure how old you & your partner are, how long your partner has been battling addiction, if you have ties (e.g., home, kids, assets together) or how long you all have been together. Regardless, it sounds like you have hit YOUR rock bottom. As far as I'm concerned, that is a wonderful thing. You've reached your limit. You are tired of being used, abused, and riding this roller coaster called addiction. Congratulations!! Hallelujah. Amen. This is the first step for reclaiming your life, saving your sanity, and empowering yourself.
YOU want change. YOU want to regain some sense of control. You may feel you have nothing left to give anymore. While these feelings are horrible, this is a healthy step for YOU. . .and your partner. As my daughter would say, Do you! Do whatever you have to do to heal yourself, be good to yourself & protect yourself. Be selfish... not because you want revenge. . .not because you are angry and hurt. . .not because you want to teach your beloved a lesson. . .but bc the only person/thing you have control over is you. Keep coming here for support, love, advice or just to vent. You might also think of some face-to-face groups: Alanon, Naranon. Perhaps a therapist or counselor for you.
Loving an addict is one of the most difficult things to do. We should all be cannonized. . . made saints. My only child was an addict and this is a gut wrenching, all consuming, hellacious journey. After months and months of worry and trying to fix things and control things, I was emotionally bankrupt. I didn't like what her addiction was doing to me, how her addiction determined how my day/life went. I literally thought I was losing my mind. I had to stop before I lost me. . .or I went to the funny farm. When I got to this point, I never stopped loving my daughter. I just loved her differently. . .detached with love, set boundaries, did not enable. After giving fair warning and allowing my girl 4 weeks to get a job, I stopped every means, kind & manner of support. We only provided health insurance and a cell phone. I stopped responding to the stories she gave me. I learned to listen, not ask questions and not comment/react. I stopped calling or texting her daily. I went to Naranon meetings and found a (free) therapist for me who specialized in addiction. My 21 yo daughter didn't like the New Lynn. (And sometimes I did revert back. . .I'm not perfect) she was mad at first. But eventually she accepted and appreciated the fact that me nor my hubby were going to support her addiction or buy into her craziness. And, she knew we love her with all of our hearts. Unlike you, she moved out of our house and was living 1,000 miles away.
What does not enabling look like for you? What does detaching with love mean for you? Think about it. What do you have to change? What do you have control to change? Remember, you chose to be in this relationship because you thought it was good for you. . .would make you better off. . .your beloved makes you happy. You can also choose to leave if that's best for you.
I know it hurts. But it's going to be okay Kred. You are going to be okay.
Sending a hug,
Lynn
"I've helped him stay off them for a year"...
It sounds to me like you are investing more time in your addict's sobriety than he is. It sounds familiar to me because I've been in the same situation with my son - driving him to NA meetings (and later finding out he would skip out of the meetings and return to the area for his ride back home), researching and taking him to counseling sessions, and also experiencing missing/stolen items. I felt heartbroken and violated for lack of a better word. Items that my husband and I purchased during our years of living abroad and had some monetary value meant nothing to him but a quick buck.
The addict in your life needs to want sobriety. You can't want it for them, even if this means separating from them in order to protect your assets. That is a decision that you have to make.
(P.S. hi Lynn! Big hugs to you! I love what you write; how you put your feelings into words is something that I always admire.)
It sounds to me like you are investing more time in your addict's sobriety than he is. It sounds familiar to me because I've been in the same situation with my son - driving him to NA meetings (and later finding out he would skip out of the meetings and return to the area for his ride back home), researching and taking him to counseling sessions, and also experiencing missing/stolen items. I felt heartbroken and violated for lack of a better word. Items that my husband and I purchased during our years of living abroad and had some monetary value meant nothing to him but a quick buck.
The addict in your life needs to want sobriety. You can't want it for them, even if this means separating from them in order to protect your assets. That is a decision that you have to make.
(P.S. hi Lynn! Big hugs to you! I love what you write; how you put your feelings into words is something that I always admire.)
