I have been posting for few minutes. I put one under motivation but need help myself. AM I wrong for staying? I am afraid to stay with my addicted boyfriend and afraid to leave. I love him but oc's are killing him and killing me with depression and worry. How do you motivate someone who knows they are in need of help and already seeing a doctor to get into a meeting? How can I help myself? I feel weak and tired but can not sleep or rest. I hate this drug and what it has done to us. HELP> He becomes a nut at times. Is it when he is coming down or when he is high that he is acting like a wacko? Does suboxone make you nuts? What is going on? Jen
I wish someone would give me a response. I dont understand the patterns and what triggers the anger. I have never done drugs. help.
Jenn,
I'm sorry, I would have answered you sooner but I just got home. Jenn, I lived with a drug addict/alcholic too. It was the worst time of my life. I ended up running away with my 2 small children hiding from him for years. don't do this to yourself, you really need to make a decision,now. It won't get any better I can tell you that. That unpredictable/unstable behaviour you are now witnessing will only get worse. I will see if I can find my story for you in a back post, it was truely a nightmare. Maybe he will get help if he finds your not there any longer to enable him to continue doing what he does. He has to want to stop. Your life is not a dress rehersal. You need to take care of you. With love,
Nancy
I'm sorry, I would have answered you sooner but I just got home. Jenn, I lived with a drug addict/alcholic too. It was the worst time of my life. I ended up running away with my 2 small children hiding from him for years. don't do this to yourself, you really need to make a decision,now. It won't get any better I can tell you that. That unpredictable/unstable behaviour you are now witnessing will only get worse. I will see if I can find my story for you in a back post, it was truely a nightmare. Maybe he will get help if he finds your not there any longer to enable him to continue doing what he does. He has to want to stop. Your life is not a dress rehersal. You need to take care of you. With love,
Nancy
Jenn, There are alot of factors that you need to weigh, but your first priority has to be you. Are you safe? If not, he's no longer the person that you need him to be. Does he verbally rip into you? If he wants help, he deserves it riht away, but if he can't help you understand and trust him in return, help may have to come from somewhere else. Please think of your own safety first.
Dear Jenn,
I hope that in some small way, this will help you do what you have to do.
(copyed from am older post of mine)
I'm sorry things aren't going too well for you right now.
I'm just going to tell you a little bit about me, and maybe this will help you see something. I married a drug addict/alcholic.
Through all his meanness towards me I stayed. I thought he would change. I loved him. His tempered continued to grow, and although I was afraid of him, I stayed. I loved him. I thought he would change. I had 2 kids by this time, and had suffered much physical abuse by his hand, not to mention all the daily psychological abuse. He had me convinced I was nothing more than a piece of s**t, and I was lucky to have him cause no one else would want me.
He would come and go when ever he pleased, come home, beat and terrorize me for hours. One time he held me at knife point in the babys room for what seemed like hours. He was high. With the knife blade held to my throat he would say, Can't you see it, can't you see it, walk with me to the valley of death. He was crying like this was really gonna be the end and no matter what I said, pleaded, or begged, he couldnt hear. Once again I was lucky. A male neighbour was sent by his concerned wife to check on me . With no answer at the door, and knowing I was home, he quietly entered the house, listened long enough to know I was in serious trouble, entered by surprise, grabbed me out of the way, taking my place. I ran for 911 while he battled it out
He too was moody, and many times tried to convince me that he was sorry, that he didn't remember what it was that he had done.
When we were separated, he especially liked thunder and lighting storms. He would stand at the window saying terrorizing words, phone lines down (Cut) his silhouette illuminated by lightening. Once awakened and terrified, he would then kick the door in and enter.(you can figure out the rest) I didn't sleep well when there was a storm brewing. This happened many times. I was threatened with a fate worse than death if I ever called the police, and with the mind set that I had come to believe, I seldom did.
It was worse than anything I have ever seen on television, ever. Many years I endured. Long story short, After another terrifying incident, I called my friend in another community, she brought men with bats, and a flatbed trailer. My house was emptied in 2 hours and I fled. I hid for 2 years before I thought, I should give him a chance to see his children. That was a big mistake because he was more or less the same person I had ran from. Had to leave again.
Certainly not what I had envisioned about married life. Years later here I am.
I raised the children on my own, and did the best job that I could. They love me, and I them. I have-not forgotten his long term abuse, no doubt I have changed because of it. I have although, forgiven his actions.
Divorced? Yes. And over many years he has come to understand his cruelty and appears remorseful.
Still addicted? Yes he is, actively.
I guess the point of sharing a small part of my life's story with you is:
If you love him, and I know that you do, then maybe you should think about taking a break away from him. I would never again, live in fear of someone (stronger than you no doubt) and stay. ( Has he gotten the help he promised that he would if he couldn't do it?)
Moody to me equals unpredictable. It's just my opinion, but maybe you need to think of your own safety, and that of your child(ren) I wish you all the best. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, and shouldn't have to walk on eggshells when he is with you. My heart is with you
I hope I didn't scare you, and in no way am I suggesting that this is your situation. I wanted to share this because my situation started out the same way yours has. You are right when you say this is a great place to talk. So many here have great advice. Good luck with your situation. Keep posting.
Your friend,
Nancy
I hope that in some small way, this will help you do what you have to do.
(copyed from am older post of mine)
I'm sorry things aren't going too well for you right now.
I'm just going to tell you a little bit about me, and maybe this will help you see something. I married a drug addict/alcholic.
Through all his meanness towards me I stayed. I thought he would change. I loved him. His tempered continued to grow, and although I was afraid of him, I stayed. I loved him. I thought he would change. I had 2 kids by this time, and had suffered much physical abuse by his hand, not to mention all the daily psychological abuse. He had me convinced I was nothing more than a piece of s**t, and I was lucky to have him cause no one else would want me.
He would come and go when ever he pleased, come home, beat and terrorize me for hours. One time he held me at knife point in the babys room for what seemed like hours. He was high. With the knife blade held to my throat he would say, Can't you see it, can't you see it, walk with me to the valley of death. He was crying like this was really gonna be the end and no matter what I said, pleaded, or begged, he couldnt hear. Once again I was lucky. A male neighbour was sent by his concerned wife to check on me . With no answer at the door, and knowing I was home, he quietly entered the house, listened long enough to know I was in serious trouble, entered by surprise, grabbed me out of the way, taking my place. I ran for 911 while he battled it out
He too was moody, and many times tried to convince me that he was sorry, that he didn't remember what it was that he had done.
When we were separated, he especially liked thunder and lighting storms. He would stand at the window saying terrorizing words, phone lines down (Cut) his silhouette illuminated by lightening. Once awakened and terrified, he would then kick the door in and enter.(you can figure out the rest) I didn't sleep well when there was a storm brewing. This happened many times. I was threatened with a fate worse than death if I ever called the police, and with the mind set that I had come to believe, I seldom did.
It was worse than anything I have ever seen on television, ever. Many years I endured. Long story short, After another terrifying incident, I called my friend in another community, she brought men with bats, and a flatbed trailer. My house was emptied in 2 hours and I fled. I hid for 2 years before I thought, I should give him a chance to see his children. That was a big mistake because he was more or less the same person I had ran from. Had to leave again.
Certainly not what I had envisioned about married life. Years later here I am.
I raised the children on my own, and did the best job that I could. They love me, and I them. I have-not forgotten his long term abuse, no doubt I have changed because of it. I have although, forgiven his actions.
Divorced? Yes. And over many years he has come to understand his cruelty and appears remorseful.
Still addicted? Yes he is, actively.
I guess the point of sharing a small part of my life's story with you is:
If you love him, and I know that you do, then maybe you should think about taking a break away from him. I would never again, live in fear of someone (stronger than you no doubt) and stay. ( Has he gotten the help he promised that he would if he couldn't do it?)
Moody to me equals unpredictable. It's just my opinion, but maybe you need to think of your own safety, and that of your child(ren) I wish you all the best. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, and shouldn't have to walk on eggshells when he is with you. My heart is with you
I hope I didn't scare you, and in no way am I suggesting that this is your situation. I wanted to share this because my situation started out the same way yours has. You are right when you say this is a great place to talk. So many here have great advice. Good luck with your situation. Keep posting.
Your friend,
Nancy
Hi Pharmacy
Your story is so like mine way back - but the ending was different in that my husband - died as a result of his addiction - I know the nightmare you have been through -
Are things better for you in life now - are you remarried and how are you kids now.
Rosy
Your story is so like mine way back - but the ending was different in that my husband - died as a result of his addiction - I know the nightmare you have been through -
Are things better for you in life now - are you remarried and how are you kids now.
Rosy
Rosy,
This was hard to answer
My life is better now, but I am forever changed
I am not remarried, never again. My chldren are now 22, 18, and14.
. With love
This was hard to answer
My life is better now, but I am forever changed
I am not remarried, never again. My chldren are now 22, 18, and14.
. With love
Pharmacy
You are much like me - i have one 19 going 20 one 20 going 21 - never will marry again - And i know that was truly hard for you to answer - it was hard for me to read - their are times that i cry reading posts or answering them.
Love rosy
You are much like me - i have one 19 going 20 one 20 going 21 - never will marry again - And i know that was truly hard for you to answer - it was hard for me to read - their are times that i cry reading posts or answering them.
Love rosy
phar macy,
I just read your response to my post now. We are not married and I know that I can not marry him unless he has been clean for a long time. The problem is that who knows when they will relapse and I don't want to have children and have the problem you did. Thank you for sharing. I didn't used to see his addiction (he never did it in my sight to this day) as something that he did to me personally so I did not get mad. And, now after his repeated outpatient (without meetings) treatment failure's and my turning 32 in April - I am mad now. I don't much care that it is a sickness. I think he is foolish for being 38 and actually snorting one of those oxycontins. He also smokes and I just found that he spit up a little blood. he says he wants to go into a rehab and stay a while. To me his problem will be when he leaves. I don't know what will happen but I feel I will be leaving him sooner rather than later if he doesnt go as soon as possible. Please reply so I know you got this. Thank you so much.
I just read your response to my post now. We are not married and I know that I can not marry him unless he has been clean for a long time. The problem is that who knows when they will relapse and I don't want to have children and have the problem you did. Thank you for sharing. I didn't used to see his addiction (he never did it in my sight to this day) as something that he did to me personally so I did not get mad. And, now after his repeated outpatient (without meetings) treatment failure's and my turning 32 in April - I am mad now. I don't much care that it is a sickness. I think he is foolish for being 38 and actually snorting one of those oxycontins. He also smokes and I just found that he spit up a little blood. he says he wants to go into a rehab and stay a while. To me his problem will be when he leaves. I don't know what will happen but I feel I will be leaving him sooner rather than later if he doesnt go as soon as possible. Please reply so I know you got this. Thank you so much.