My son (now 18yrs) was in rehab for a variety of drugs when he was 16 and until recently we believed that he was clean. He ran away from home a few months ago but came back and told us that he will never use drugs again except for weed, that he is a regular smoker and that there is nothing we can do about it. In the meantime he finished school and started working - no problems. We don't want to loose him again but know that we can't go on as if nothing's wrong. He is changing by the day - is distant, moody, aggressive at times and has no relationship with his siblings, cousins - had a great relationship with them in the past but they don't approve of his attitude towards weed - this doesn't seem to bother him. His anger towards me is sometimes so fierce that I feel shaken. Must I just witness him slip away and wait until he realise that he is missing out on life although he thinks that he is living live to the fullest. I am baffled.
I have been dealing with my sons pot smoking for two years, and have tried everything I could think of to get him to stop - but he has maintained a non-chalant attitude, and constantly tells me everything is OK - but he too has no relationship with his family - keeps all of his activities and whereabouts secret - and treats us with disdain. After several brushes with the law he was put into outpatient treatment. He failed three urine screens - and now is facing court ordered long term in-patient treatment or jail. It is somewhat easy for me to let go and let him face the consequences of his choices because it is up to the court - not up to me - but it is still so hard to see. He is an intelligent, kind hearted, gentle boy - and nothing could be done to help him except to let him bring himself down. I only pray that this now is his bottom - and there is not more to come. I so want my son back.
Thank you for your input. I thought I was alone but spending some time on internet made me realise that I am one of many - and my problem seems like nothing. Fact is that he is my only son, I love him probably too much, he is brilliant, beautiful, well built, healthy, so much potential. I suppose I must be grateful that my son is not on hard drugs, but I think that's one of my concerns - that he wil clash with the law (he saids that he can fight for himself we don't need to worry or try to protect him), ruin his life, and in the end have nothing to loose and move on to hard drugs. I guess for now I must be patient, I can just hope that his eyes will open at some stage. He is loved by so many! Most don't know the truth for now.
How old is your son?
How old is your son?
My son is 17 - and also a beautiful brilliant boy with so much potential. It is amazing to me to realize that he is willing to throw his future away just so he can smoke pot - but I guess that is the nature of addiction. I have also thought at times that I shouldn't worry because it is only pot - not something worse - but I read all these stories, and they all started with pot. Plus, if he can't stop smoking, how will he stop if it becomes something bigger? He, though, has the attitude that it is only pot so it is no big deal - but then why risk everything for it? This is such a hard thing to come to terms with.
I do not mean to ignore either of your posts. Believe me, pot is addictive, and it is insidious. In the long run, it can be emotionally crippling.
The worst aspect about it is that pot heads remain relatively functioning as they fall deeper and deeper into addiction. The denial around pot is enormous, and I cannot imagine any friend, relative, or loved one having words that would get through to a pot head in denial. Addicts have to find a bottom, and because pot heads tend to remain functional (usually well below their full potential) bottoms are hard to find, and take many years.
Might I suggest that both of you consider cross posting to the Family and Friends board as well? By all means continue here, but you might get some insight as to how to avoid enabling your sons over there, and that might help them find bottoms faster.
It is hard for a mother to hear, but the kindest thing you can do is show them the door. Cut them off until they get off the dope. Some will continue to smoke but a few might eventually bottom out and get clean when they come to terms with what life demands of them. Sheltering them from those harsh realities is a means of literally loving them to death.
Good luck.
The worst aspect about it is that pot heads remain relatively functioning as they fall deeper and deeper into addiction. The denial around pot is enormous, and I cannot imagine any friend, relative, or loved one having words that would get through to a pot head in denial. Addicts have to find a bottom, and because pot heads tend to remain functional (usually well below their full potential) bottoms are hard to find, and take many years.
Might I suggest that both of you consider cross posting to the Family and Friends board as well? By all means continue here, but you might get some insight as to how to avoid enabling your sons over there, and that might help them find bottoms faster.
It is hard for a mother to hear, but the kindest thing you can do is show them the door. Cut them off until they get off the dope. Some will continue to smoke but a few might eventually bottom out and get clean when they come to terms with what life demands of them. Sheltering them from those harsh realities is a means of literally loving them to death.
Good luck.
I understand what you are saying. If Steven hadn't had so many consequences already related to smoking pot - I probably would have let the whole thing go (I used to smoke when I was young, and moved around in the Family circles). But Steven is on probation, has court cases in two counties, is in out patient treatment, and is now facing either jail or treatment because he has violated parole by continuing to smoke in spite of all this. He is in danger of not graduating high school - giving up working at a summer camp (which is the most important part of his life) - and starting college in the fall.
To me - it would seem all these things would be enough to stop. Up until recently, in my mind, it is just pot - not a hard drug - so what is the big deal? The court system here clearly does not have the same, its only pot, no big deal, attitude.I have come to terms with it being an addiction because in spite of the fact that his whole life is crumbling down around him, he seems to think its no big deal and continues to smoke. It makes absolutely no sense. But he is allowing his life to fall apart because apparently to him smoking pot is more important than his life.
There are two reasons I cannot put him out of the house. One, he is only 17 and still in high school, and two, his parole requires him to live here, and requires me as his parent to be responsible for him. However - his consequences are staring him in the face and are coming fast and furious. Still, sitting back and watching it happen is breaking my heart.
To me - it would seem all these things would be enough to stop. Up until recently, in my mind, it is just pot - not a hard drug - so what is the big deal? The court system here clearly does not have the same, its only pot, no big deal, attitude.I have come to terms with it being an addiction because in spite of the fact that his whole life is crumbling down around him, he seems to think its no big deal and continues to smoke. It makes absolutely no sense. But he is allowing his life to fall apart because apparently to him smoking pot is more important than his life.
There are two reasons I cannot put him out of the house. One, he is only 17 and still in high school, and two, his parole requires him to live here, and requires me as his parent to be responsible for him. However - his consequences are staring him in the face and are coming fast and furious. Still, sitting back and watching it happen is breaking my heart.
Hi,
I am myself a recovering cannabis addicted, and I can say for a fact that if my mother wrote to a message board, she would have used those exact words. I am 25 now and started using at school. I'm sorry to say that AWest is right, I never thought i had a problem with it. I just liked it to "chill me out". I had to learn the hard way by wasting almost ten years of my life, just stoned. Just doing enough to carry on. I was completely unaware of just how deluded i was. I was already depressed, which quite often manifested into anger towards family. A relationship ending (caused by the lies that abuse makes you tell) was the final straw for me and spiraled into depression and abuse, quit work and just gave up. I was defeated. With the help from my mum i went to rehab. That was last in December. It's still early days and is a daily struggle but I have great hope for the future. I attend marijuana anonymous meetings. I wish i knew about them ten years ago. It does depend on where you live though, unfortunately most of the meetings are in London
How much is your son smoking per day/week?
I am myself a recovering cannabis addicted, and I can say for a fact that if my mother wrote to a message board, she would have used those exact words. I am 25 now and started using at school. I'm sorry to say that AWest is right, I never thought i had a problem with it. I just liked it to "chill me out". I had to learn the hard way by wasting almost ten years of my life, just stoned. Just doing enough to carry on. I was completely unaware of just how deluded i was. I was already depressed, which quite often manifested into anger towards family. A relationship ending (caused by the lies that abuse makes you tell) was the final straw for me and spiraled into depression and abuse, quit work and just gave up. I was defeated. With the help from my mum i went to rehab. That was last in December. It's still early days and is a daily struggle but I have great hope for the future. I attend marijuana anonymous meetings. I wish i knew about them ten years ago. It does depend on where you live though, unfortunately most of the meetings are in London
How much is your son smoking per day/week?
Please stick around, Danny. You may be able to help others get clean. Thanks for your post.
Awest - thank you for your input. Do you meen "Families / Partners of Addicts"? Thanks I will do that.
I saw some of your other post re LSD and you have answered so many questions I had in my head. My son also used LSD over a long period - I suspect he still is but I have no proof. So strange, he went through months of rehab, told me that he learnt so much about drugs and that drugs always lead to death - he will never touch that again. But somehow he does not consider LSD, marijuana, magic mushrooms, to be drugs - definately not addictive or harmful according to him.
I saw some of your other post re LSD and you have answered so many questions I had in my head. My son also used LSD over a long period - I suspect he still is but I have no proof. So strange, he went through months of rehab, told me that he learnt so much about drugs and that drugs always lead to death - he will never touch that again. But somehow he does not consider LSD, marijuana, magic mushrooms, to be drugs - definately not addictive or harmful according to him.
I have heard that line many times over the years: "Oh, mushrooms and pot are from the earth, they are gifts from God, so they cannot be bad for you." Well, acid is derived from ergot, and many forms of mushrooms will kill you. Hemlock is also an organic but it will kill you as easily as a non-organic poison. Some forms of mescaline have poisonous fibers in the cacti that might not kill you but will definitely make you wish your were dead for awhile. And lest we forget, I am pretty sure that tobacco is from the earth, and it is pretty well established that it can kill you with lung disease.
I also remember watching a young woman (a girl friend at the time) absolutely freak on a mushroom overdose. Same rules apply here as elsewhere in the psychedelic world: you take too much, you risk freaking.
The *organic* argument is just another way for an addict to perpetuate his denial. On the pain pill board, the newcomers often say, "well, I am not an addict because a doctor prescribed this." Often they forget to mention that they are shopping multiple doctors and hitting pharmacies in rotation so that no one will realize that they are getting multiple scripts.
Denial. It is not just a river in Egypt.
I was referring to the board you mentioned; I can never get the name right. Being counter dependent (and married to an admitted codependent) I never go over there! All kidding aside, there are some good folks over there. Say hello to Mom N More for me.
I also remember watching a young woman (a girl friend at the time) absolutely freak on a mushroom overdose. Same rules apply here as elsewhere in the psychedelic world: you take too much, you risk freaking.
The *organic* argument is just another way for an addict to perpetuate his denial. On the pain pill board, the newcomers often say, "well, I am not an addict because a doctor prescribed this." Often they forget to mention that they are shopping multiple doctors and hitting pharmacies in rotation so that no one will realize that they are getting multiple scripts.
Denial. It is not just a river in Egypt.
I was referring to the board you mentioned; I can never get the name right. Being counter dependent (and married to an admitted codependent) I never go over there! All kidding aside, there are some good folks over there. Say hello to Mom N More for me.
MAMAEARTH - I understand your dilemma with your son being so young. I am glad that we caught our son before the age of 18 because he is very stubborn and would not have gone into rehab if we didn't force him. Since he turned 19 last month we can only try and convince him to get help. He is still very angry with us for taking him out of school and his circle of friends when he went into rehab but I dont regret. I know that the course he did resulted in personal growth and I am sure that what he learnt there will in the end help to make the breakthrough that we want. In my opinion it might be good to get professional help while he is still under age.
AWEST I think you are a true gem. Thanks for sharing your experience, knowledge and insight. Thanks also for your advice. Its not the first time that I have been advised to show my son the door. I appreciate that but I am not there yet. I gave myself some time to observe first. I am not sure if I am dealing with a mood or personality disorder or just drug abuse since my son has been using for so long and some of the symptoms are similar. It is now 3 months since he came back and I must say that he started communicating with me again this last week where he admitted to smoking at least once a day. When I said to him that I am concerned because his circle of friends are getting smaller and smaller and he is losing touch with reality he said that he will now smoke even more to spite me. I didnt loose my temper, just told him that he knows he is talking nonsense. Made me realise he is actually only a little boy and I might get through to him in time.
Im sure that I can continue and you probably heard all the excuses before. Im taking your advice to also join the other board.
Denial. It is not just a river in Egypt. I know I know! I think that is why I started searching on internet. I am starting the process.
DANNY . Thank you so much. I wish you luck! Please keep on posting on Families / Partners of addicts Category, your contribution might get lost here. We (mothers, family members and partners) need to hear from people like you I have never used any drugs and when my son tells me: where did you hear that, thats not true, that was old research on weed blah blah he is right I dont know enough. Listening to you and others helps so much to empower me. Thank you.
Marijuana anonymous meetings? I was led to believe that marijuana is not that serious. Its a pity but I don't think there will be such meetings where we live - i will search anyway.
AWEST I think you are a true gem. Thanks for sharing your experience, knowledge and insight. Thanks also for your advice. Its not the first time that I have been advised to show my son the door. I appreciate that but I am not there yet. I gave myself some time to observe first. I am not sure if I am dealing with a mood or personality disorder or just drug abuse since my son has been using for so long and some of the symptoms are similar. It is now 3 months since he came back and I must say that he started communicating with me again this last week where he admitted to smoking at least once a day. When I said to him that I am concerned because his circle of friends are getting smaller and smaller and he is losing touch with reality he said that he will now smoke even more to spite me. I didnt loose my temper, just told him that he knows he is talking nonsense. Made me realise he is actually only a little boy and I might get through to him in time.
Im sure that I can continue and you probably heard all the excuses before. Im taking your advice to also join the other board.
Denial. It is not just a river in Egypt. I know I know! I think that is why I started searching on internet. I am starting the process.
DANNY . Thank you so much. I wish you luck! Please keep on posting on Families / Partners of addicts Category, your contribution might get lost here. We (mothers, family members and partners) need to hear from people like you I have never used any drugs and when my son tells me: where did you hear that, thats not true, that was old research on weed blah blah he is right I dont know enough. Listening to you and others helps so much to empower me. Thank you.
Marijuana anonymous meetings? I was led to believe that marijuana is not that serious. Its a pity but I don't think there will be such meetings where we live - i will search anyway.
