I totally blew any kind of peace & serenity within me last night...I was NOT kind, loving or tolerant, quite the opposite...I was furious and so mad, I was shaking....
A lot of you know I have 4 kids, very involved with them and my husband manages a 12yr old baseball team...A lot of these boys have played together for well over a year (last spring & fall)...so last night we had a game and one of our new coaches, Rich, is a little intense...I can usually let it go but last night, I blew...this as*hole started screaming, belittling one of our players and this kid is probably our best player, always makes the spectacular plays and he made a mistake, big deal but this coach totally ripped him apart while he was on the field, in front of everyone and continued too....So, I proceeded to walk in the dug out and ask him to please calm down, he ignored me and kept on barking, I asked again for him to calm down some, he turned to me and informed me, he wouldn't calm down as long as those kids out there were making idiot plays and it was on..........I didn't swear put I did tell him he better shut up, and keep it shut....He quieted down some after we went back & forth for a few minutes....
After the game, my husband, Mark, me & this coach were talking about how we need to coach with positives and he started in again about idiot plays and used the word stupid and then proceeded to tell me to be quiet, he was going to talk....the talk didn't go well.....
Okay, okay.....I know I need to apologize for my part in this but how do I do that without wringing this man's neck...I was so p*ssed off at him last night, I wanted to punch him.......This might sound trivial but for me, this is where I'm having the most difficulty being kind, loving or tolerent....I cannot stand for children to be made to feel less than.....
God, please grant me some serenity here..........
My son also plays baseball and I know how heated I get when there are coaches like the man last night. It's hard to let go of anger when you feel so strongly so I don't know the best advice. I loose my religion when children are treated like that. Maybe do I three strikes your out thing. Maybe the guy had a bad day and feels passionately about baseball and forgot about the little human beings whose lives he is influencing. Maybe he deserves a second chance.
Love,
Jane
Love,
Jane
Stacey,
I totally understand. My kids played soccer through high school and when I would see a coach/parent chewing their kid out it would bother me too.
Sports are supposed to help build self esteem and confidence for a child. I think sometimes parents/coaches get "self" involved too much and lose focus.
I know we all make mistakes, but enough is enough and sometimes you have to respond and support the player.
-Gentlepeace
I totally understand. My kids played soccer through high school and when I would see a coach/parent chewing their kid out it would bother me too.
Sports are supposed to help build self esteem and confidence for a child. I think sometimes parents/coaches get "self" involved too much and lose focus.
I know we all make mistakes, but enough is enough and sometimes you have to respond and support the player.
-Gentlepeace
QUOTE |
Okay, okay.....I know I need to apologize for my part in this but how do I do that without wringing this man's neck |
Apologize for what Stacey?
You didn't cuss him out or say anything derogatory?Did you?
I think you were way appropriate.IMO
Unless you took his inventory in front of him....which is what I would have done,you don't owe him an ammends.
I know you're trying to work a good program but speaking to somebody that is acting innapropriately is not an attack.
Thinking thoughts of being a serial killing mom are just thoughts.
You did better than I would have.
My God.....It's a friggin game.....Are we having fun yet???LOL
Thanks guys...
I know I take it a bit personal as I used to be the kid that never felt like I was good enough, never really felt like I fit in and my husband & I both feel that not only is it a game, but it is about developing self-esteem in these kids and no matter what, it should remain a game and be fun.....
And Tim...lol...
After he told me to be quiet, he was going to talk...I let him talk, of course, the whole time I was totally closed minded, defense shield in full protection mode and i then did his inventory, in front of him & others...I guess that's the part that's not sitting right with me because I said something that did hurt his feelings when I shouldn't have....I should have kept it on topic and not went for the personal attack, trying to hurt him....
Thanks for letting me share this...I can see much more writing this out and sleeping on it....
I know I take it a bit personal as I used to be the kid that never felt like I was good enough, never really felt like I fit in and my husband & I both feel that not only is it a game, but it is about developing self-esteem in these kids and no matter what, it should remain a game and be fun.....
And Tim...lol...
QUOTE |
Unless you took his inventory in front of him.... |
After he told me to be quiet, he was going to talk...I let him talk, of course, the whole time I was totally closed minded, defense shield in full protection mode and i then did his inventory, in front of him & others...I guess that's the part that's not sitting right with me because I said something that did hurt his feelings when I shouldn't have....I should have kept it on topic and not went for the personal attack, trying to hurt him....
Thanks for letting me share this...I can see much more writing this out and sleeping on it....
You're human too, Stacy, and I totally agree with you about how children should be treated. Sports are not supposed to make children miserable and feel humiliated.
Would it make you feel better to know that years ago I threatened a principal?
I fully intented to drag her across her desk and tap dance on her head, lol.
In my defense, it was a serious situation and my son was only five.
You know how we Mom's are with our cubs.
xxxxxxoooooo
Would it make you feel better to know that years ago I threatened a principal?
I fully intented to drag her across her desk and tap dance on her head, lol.
In my defense, it was a serious situation and my son was only five.
You know how we Mom's are with our cubs.
xxxxxxoooooo
Next time shove that ball where the sun don't shine (I'm lots of help, aren't I?) smoochies
Hi Stacey,
I don't think you need any help with this one. My husband coached BB for years and was a wonderful coach. Never ever did he berate the children. That is not coaching that is abuse plain and simple. This man is supposed to be a role model for our kids? Hah!! I think coaches ought to be screened and 'try out" for the job. Why is it that the weakest members of our society get the least protection across the board. (shaking my head) How would you have felt if you had done nothing at all to stop this belittling behavior. If you hadn't stepped up you would have kicked yourself later on for keeping quiet I'm sure. Maybe he will think twice before he does this again...I hope so. Maybe not. But I think you did the right thing that's for sure. You had not only the right to call him on his behaviour but I think you had an obligation to. Too many people stand by and watch abusive behavior whether from coaches or parents. Even when it is blatant like smacking their kids around in stores or parking lots. I know it can be tricky and sometimes downright dangerous to confront someone like this, but I for one applaud you. YOU GO STACEY!!!
Respect,
Jan
p.s. I am just wondering what your husband's thoughts on this are?
I don't think you need any help with this one. My husband coached BB for years and was a wonderful coach. Never ever did he berate the children. That is not coaching that is abuse plain and simple. This man is supposed to be a role model for our kids? Hah!! I think coaches ought to be screened and 'try out" for the job. Why is it that the weakest members of our society get the least protection across the board. (shaking my head) How would you have felt if you had done nothing at all to stop this belittling behavior. If you hadn't stepped up you would have kicked yourself later on for keeping quiet I'm sure. Maybe he will think twice before he does this again...I hope so. Maybe not. But I think you did the right thing that's for sure. You had not only the right to call him on his behaviour but I think you had an obligation to. Too many people stand by and watch abusive behavior whether from coaches or parents. Even when it is blatant like smacking their kids around in stores or parking lots. I know it can be tricky and sometimes downright dangerous to confront someone like this, but I for one applaud you. YOU GO STACEY!!!
Respect,
Jan
p.s. I am just wondering what your husband's thoughts on this are?
AMEN
QUOTE |
p.s. I am just wondering what your husband's thoughts on this are? |
Basically, he loves the kids and is the rah-rah coach so it didn't sit well with him...He told Rich last night, no more barking at the kids that he needs to let them play their game, make their own decisions and it's the kid's game to win or lose...it's not life or death, just 12yr olds playing baseball....Last night, he told me, either his coaching staff will coach with positives or they won't coach...that simple
sounds like your town needs to have all the coaches attend one of these meetings, its madatory in our little league.
http://www.positivecoach.org/
Regards,
Tom
http://www.positivecoach.org/
Regards,
Tom
Stacey,
Honey, the first thing that you have to remember is that you are human! Not to mention a Mom. You work a good strong program and it shines all the time. That man got off lucky in my opinion.
What about the other parents? I may have alot of work to do yet because I would have told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to leave!
No one has the right to humiliate and berate children playing a sport for fun. Even if he was the worst player. I would demand that he resign his position. People like that have no right to be in a "authority" over kids.
Kids, learn by example...mean and bullying name calling "Idiots" has no place amongst kids. This is why and how we have all the problems that we do in this Nation. We become complacent and allow this type of behaviour.
At my granddaughters after school program there is this one women that is so MEAN and always yelling at the kids. Kearra cries and is worried sick about going everyday! I have told her in no uncertain terms that if she yells at my kid I would see to it that she is fired! I don't yell at her and neither will she.
She told me she doesn't "yell" at Kearra, that she is very behaved...so what! She hears her fog horn voice everyday and is disturbed by it. She cares that the other kids hear it...she just not used to being around that sort of environment. I was a "yeller" with my older kids...it did no good! I have learned to do better.
Anyway I could go on and on about this...I just feel so strongly that this type of behaviour in any scenario is just wrong. If enough parents and coaches get together you will have the power to make him stop....or go away! When we know better we do better!
Okay...I am getting heated myself...LOL...better go and breath and do a little praying myself!
Honey, the first thing that you have to remember is that you are human! Not to mention a Mom. You work a good strong program and it shines all the time. That man got off lucky in my opinion.
What about the other parents? I may have alot of work to do yet because I would have told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to leave!
No one has the right to humiliate and berate children playing a sport for fun. Even if he was the worst player. I would demand that he resign his position. People like that have no right to be in a "authority" over kids.
Kids, learn by example...mean and bullying name calling "Idiots" has no place amongst kids. This is why and how we have all the problems that we do in this Nation. We become complacent and allow this type of behaviour.
At my granddaughters after school program there is this one women that is so MEAN and always yelling at the kids. Kearra cries and is worried sick about going everyday! I have told her in no uncertain terms that if she yells at my kid I would see to it that she is fired! I don't yell at her and neither will she.
She told me she doesn't "yell" at Kearra, that she is very behaved...so what! She hears her fog horn voice everyday and is disturbed by it. She cares that the other kids hear it...she just not used to being around that sort of environment. I was a "yeller" with my older kids...it did no good! I have learned to do better.
Anyway I could go on and on about this...I just feel so strongly that this type of behaviour in any scenario is just wrong. If enough parents and coaches get together you will have the power to make him stop....or go away! When we know better we do better!
Okay...I am getting heated myself...LOL...better go and breath and do a little praying myself!
I agree with what everyone else said. You are human and a mom. A very involved, loving and protective one. Wish more mothers were like you. If you feel you need to apologize for your part, do what you have told me in the past to do....forgive him. Forgive him for being an a** and an idiot. It's not your fault what happend and girl, knowing you, you would do it again. I'm counting on it and those kids depend on parents like you.
Hi there,
I got told to "f*** off b****" when I spoke up at a game because a parent was yelling at a kid on the ice. He was banned from all arenas for the rest of the season. Apparently no one ever stood up to him before, they would just sit there and let him yell. I didn't know his history. I just knew it was wrong. He scared me a little. Name-calling is not cool ever. I think you just need to go with your intuition. It'll work itself out. You know what, Stacey ? The last few days, I've noticed people are angry out there in general. Hey, maybe because of the Virginia tragedy, there's a little misplaced anger going on, too. just a thought.
Love and Light to you,
Diana
I got told to "f*** off b****" when I spoke up at a game because a parent was yelling at a kid on the ice. He was banned from all arenas for the rest of the season. Apparently no one ever stood up to him before, they would just sit there and let him yell. I didn't know his history. I just knew it was wrong. He scared me a little. Name-calling is not cool ever. I think you just need to go with your intuition. It'll work itself out. You know what, Stacey ? The last few days, I've noticed people are angry out there in general. Hey, maybe because of the Virginia tragedy, there's a little misplaced anger going on, too. just a thought.
Love and Light to you,
Diana
LMAO Stacy you should have whacked him in the knee cap. What did you do wrong? Nothing.
Pretty cool you confronted him. The guy must have looked like a real moron.
These "Coaches" forget its about the kids having fun and learning how to win and lose with respect.
Having an a-hole screaming and yelling? Whack him next time Stacy.
Jeff
Pretty cool you confronted him. The guy must have looked like a real moron.
These "Coaches" forget its about the kids having fun and learning how to win and lose with respect.
Having an a-hole screaming and yelling? Whack him next time Stacy.
Jeff