My niece is a heroin addict. She has a story that is similar to most Heroin addicts. She has been using for years, in and out of jail, in and out of rehab, so on and so forth. She was living with her paternal grandparents, and for the past four years has lived with my mom and stepdad. That is, when she wasn't in jail. She is very savvy with her addiction, she knows how to manipulate people very easily and she is highly functional in her daily life, to the point where you can't tell 100% if she is using.
Why am I asking for people to help me save my mom, if my niece is the addict? My mom is a hardcore enabler who has believed sooooo many lies that my niece has told her. It's hard to understand how she can believe some things. For instance, at one point my stepdad pointed out that my niece had bumps all over her arms (track marks) and when my niece told my mom they were flea bites, my mom believed her 100%. It breaks my heart and makes me want to cry, knowing how selfishly my niece will use my mom like this. My mom does everything simply because she loves her family, but if my mom does not open her eyes to this she will kill my niece with her love, she will lose my stepfather (who is an alcoholic and has relapsed over the past year) and who knows what else will happen, all as a result of my niece's addiction.
My second oldest sister and I have felt strongly that when my niece was released from jail this past time, she continued to use. We didn't have any hard evidence until today. My older sister (my niece's mother) sent us a pic of the inside of my niece's purse, which contains three orange capped syringes. We are getting together to plan some kind of intervention.
I don't want my niece to kill herself with this poison, but my first priority is to save my mom. I need advice, tips, direction, anything you can give me that might help us. Thank you for any input you can give.
I know it is tough but you got to call 9-1-1. Please do it for your mom, niece and me.
or if prison rehab, and de-tox centers don't work, at-least get them to a phychyatrist to help them talk things through.
Pix....
No one can save your Mom and no one can save your niece unless they want to be saved. Nothing. .and I truly mean...nothing. ..not begging. ..not discussing. ..not love nor fear of death will make your niece stop unless she decides she's ready to...and even then...she will struggle. ..the only cure is to stop helping...to detach from her addiction and from your Mom's denial and enabling until both decide they've had enough...she's a functional addict...until she's not...you cant fix that...you cant help her fix it...go...to a Naranon meeting ...you and your family will learn how to help by detaching with love...as for your niece...you can try the intervention. ..but if she's not ready...all she's gonna do is either go to detox and spend your time and money...just to use again...or walk out...please go to the family board...read as much as u can....talk to them. ..we're addicts. ..for life...it's a long hard road coming back...and we have to find it...no one else...you didn't cause it...you cant cure it and you sure as hell can't control it...
I've just come from a two week detox...having once again landed myself in by od....im functional too....until I'm not...I want clean deep down this time...but there's no guarantee. ..I go to aa and na...it helps...alot...but nothing is for nothing if we don't want it....
peace
Con
No one can save your Mom and no one can save your niece unless they want to be saved. Nothing. .and I truly mean...nothing. ..not begging. ..not discussing. ..not love nor fear of death will make your niece stop unless she decides she's ready to...and even then...she will struggle. ..the only cure is to stop helping...to detach from her addiction and from your Mom's denial and enabling until both decide they've had enough...she's a functional addict...until she's not...you cant fix that...you cant help her fix it...go...to a Naranon meeting ...you and your family will learn how to help by detaching with love...as for your niece...you can try the intervention. ..but if she's not ready...all she's gonna do is either go to detox and spend your time and money...just to use again...or walk out...please go to the family board...read as much as u can....talk to them. ..we're addicts. ..for life...it's a long hard road coming back...and we have to find it...no one else...you didn't cause it...you cant cure it and you sure as hell can't control it...
I've just come from a two week detox...having once again landed myself in by od....im functional too....until I'm not...I want clean deep down this time...but there's no guarantee. ..I go to aa and na...it helps...alot...but nothing is for nothing if we don't want it....
peace
Con
Wow, Constantine, that really hit me deep. Everything you said is true but I can't help wanting to save my mom from this. I don't understand how my niece can use my mother's love for her granddaughter like this and not care. And your other advice - I actually detach from addicts very well (too well probably) but this whole situation is still so hard. I'll def surf the families/partners of addicts board as well, get a different perspective.
I hope you are able to find recovery for yourself this time. So many people I know are losing people to Heroin. It's so sad.
I hope you are able to find recovery for yourself this time. So many people I know are losing people to Heroin. It's so sad.
The thing is, I'm not sure my niece has any reason to stop. I'm hoping if she loses her home (if my mom kicks her out) she might get to rock bottom but I am not sure if that will even do it. I will definitely look into Phoenix House!
Thank you
My prayers go out to you and your family
If I have any more advice I'll let you know, but keep doing reasearch for people that are dealing with a simmilar problem, and mabey try to use it to convince your mom and neice to do the right thing
My prayers go out to you and your family
If I have any more advice I'll let you know, but keep doing reasearch for people that are dealing with a simmilar problem, and mabey try to use it to convince your mom and neice to do the right thing
Just as YOU said "I can't help but want to SAVE my mom from this".....SHE is feeling the same way about her niece. You are NOT detaching well from addicts my dear...your mom is an addict and her niece is her drug. This 9-1-1 crap....you CANT convince anyone of anything and you WILL go crazy trying. NOT GOOD ADVICE....YOU apparently SHOULD KNOW BETTER!
Sorry , if I seem pushy, I am just a very concerning person
Not pushy...you just sound like a salesman for phoenix house. As addicts/codependents we've seen it all....life/addiction is simply not "go to phoenix house and all will be well" . Im not sure what your "qualifications" are but trying to SELL people on a specific treatment center raises red flags to me. If this Phoenix house is THE answer , we would ALL sign right up and live happily ever after. There are very desperate and vulnerable people on here.
*** 911 is a spammer & has been banned from this site. ***
- the moderators
- the moderators
All of this feedback has really been so helpful in getting me to think of this in a different way, I appreciate it so much. I never thought to approach my mom as an addict. My sisters and I are getting together tonite to discuss how to handle this, and I think I am going to suggest that my mother go to Al-anon or something like that.
I have to note - and I hate to sound defensive - but I am detatched from this situation, despite what it sounds like. My relationship with my mother and stepdad has gone from being very close to very distant in the past few years, because I do not want to be involved with my niece's addiction and with my mother's need to fix everything. But it is so hard to listen to my mom say things like, "(my niece) is just sooo tired, poor thing, because she was up all night and works so much." Translation, my niece is high. I'm beating my head against a wall, wondering how my mother can simply not see (or accept) what is right in front of her. So when my oldest sister found proof of my niece's addiction, I wanted to jump in and try to help.
What I am learning from the people on this forum is that really, we can present this information to my mom, possibly give them some resources, but in the end that is all we really should do. The rest is up to them. I think that is the best advice I can give to my sisters tonite.
I have to note - and I hate to sound defensive - but I am detatched from this situation, despite what it sounds like. My relationship with my mother and stepdad has gone from being very close to very distant in the past few years, because I do not want to be involved with my niece's addiction and with my mother's need to fix everything. But it is so hard to listen to my mom say things like, "(my niece) is just sooo tired, poor thing, because she was up all night and works so much." Translation, my niece is high. I'm beating my head against a wall, wondering how my mother can simply not see (or accept) what is right in front of her. So when my oldest sister found proof of my niece's addiction, I wanted to jump in and try to help.
What I am learning from the people on this forum is that really, we can present this information to my mom, possibly give them some resources, but in the end that is all we really should do. The rest is up to them. I think that is the best advice I can give to my sisters tonite.
Good luck tonight Pix...hoping some good gets done
Con
Con
If it were me Id set a bottom line for your mom also....We will no longer be your sounding board for the "niece". Every time you discuss or listen to hear talk about the addict, it steals your joy and peace and continues your moms addiction. I know it sounds weird but she's addicted to the addict and everything that entails....by discussing the addict you are essentially helping your mom get HER fix...I hope this makes sense.
Hey just some advice me and my buddy did, try getting your mom and nice to try some strenghtuous exercise me and my friend you sedan to be drugs but then decided to try this, It almost gives you the same feeling as drugs just look up what a runners high is it has something to do with endorphins
Nice=niece typo
