I am so scared right now. I am an alcoholic who has been struggling for over 10 years with my addiction. My older brother killed himself last year after a similar struggle. My mother is on the same path. I enjoy how alcohol allows me to forget it all and just have a good time. I am not myself when I drink. I have tried, multiple times in the last few months to quit drinking on my own and it has never lasted for more than a week or so. I don't know what I'm supposed to do? I am not socially comfortable going to meetings. I can barely admit this on an anonymous online posting. If I didn't have a professional job, I think I would sign up for rehab - but I have to keep working. I am frightened. I have a good boyfriend and lots of support, but I wouldn't blame him if he wanted out of this. Last night he had to stay awake all night because I was gasping for air and couldn't breathe. He couldn't wake me up and was scared I was going to stop breathing. I could have died. With the amount I drank - I wouldn't be suprised if I had. Does anyone have any suggestions for someone like me - who REALLY wants to quit on their own, but doesn't know how? I've read about the drugs you can take to stop cravings - do they work? I have not been well and am scared of what might happen. I really need a change. Please, if anyone is reading this, any advice would be so very greatly appreciated. I am scared and feel as though I am losing myself.
Hi there and welcome to the boards...I am going to bump up a post that I wrote...It's about me turning "4" in sobriety. Hope it helps you.
Thank you. I am very serious about wanting to get sober and any help or advice from someone who has been through it would be so helpful.
God bless you.
God bless you.
Jones,
Admitting you are Powerless over alcohol and your life is becoming unmanageable IS the first step of AA. You're ALREADY at a starting point, if that helps you in your shame a little bit. We've all been there. Seriously. That's why we are here....
I have sat right where you are sitting, thought what you are thinking, and gripped the way you're gripping. The good news? You feel like CRAP and there's a solution. If you are willing to go to any lengths to get it.
My problem was that I wanted to set all the parameters on my recovery because I was, "different," than all the other alcoholics. I tried seeking psychiatric help--complete with Campral and Antabuse to 'make' me stop drinking because I didn't really have a problem, and drinking IN SPITE of it. Then came the depression--so I made sure I was prescribed some anti-depressants--can't be drinking to oblivion and be SAD about it, now could I?
My clarity came for me when I was laying on the couch after (yet another) binge and my entire endocrine system was shot, my body was shutting stuff down to keep me alive, my (stopping) breathing was startling me awake, and I was sure I would die.
Did I seek help?
Everybody? Chorus? Hell, NO! I'm not alcoholic and I don't need your help!
There's hope. It's as simple as walking into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, sitting there, and listening. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. Period. There are no life-changing decisions to make, there are no dues or fees. There are no box-dwelling-toad-faced skeezeballs going to mug you. You may get a so-so cup of coffee and some knowledge.
It's sure better than praying you don't die through the night, now isn't it?
Admitting you are Powerless over alcohol and your life is becoming unmanageable IS the first step of AA. You're ALREADY at a starting point, if that helps you in your shame a little bit. We've all been there. Seriously. That's why we are here....
| QUOTE |
| I am so scared right now. |
I have sat right where you are sitting, thought what you are thinking, and gripped the way you're gripping. The good news? You feel like CRAP and there's a solution. If you are willing to go to any lengths to get it.
My problem was that I wanted to set all the parameters on my recovery because I was, "different," than all the other alcoholics. I tried seeking psychiatric help--complete with Campral and Antabuse to 'make' me stop drinking because I didn't really have a problem, and drinking IN SPITE of it. Then came the depression--so I made sure I was prescribed some anti-depressants--can't be drinking to oblivion and be SAD about it, now could I?
My clarity came for me when I was laying on the couch after (yet another) binge and my entire endocrine system was shot, my body was shutting stuff down to keep me alive, my (stopping) breathing was startling me awake, and I was sure I would die.
Did I seek help?
Everybody? Chorus? Hell, NO! I'm not alcoholic and I don't need your help!
There's hope. It's as simple as walking into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, sitting there, and listening. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. Period. There are no life-changing decisions to make, there are no dues or fees. There are no box-dwelling-toad-faced skeezeballs going to mug you. You may get a so-so cup of coffee and some knowledge.
It's sure better than praying you don't die through the night, now isn't it?
Thank you for bumping up your post WW. I read it and it did help me. I know that getting sober is the most important thing to me and from listening to your story - I am inspired. I know it will be hard, and very challenging. But I am ready to change. Today is Day 1.
Thank you for reaching out to me when I was feeling despair.
Thank you for reaching out to me when I was feeling despair.
Welcome a board, Jones...
Way to go on posting and asking for help...It took me almost a year before I got the courage to post on these sites...I would read everyone's words but was too terrified to register & post, see, then I'd be admitting I had a problem and as many times as I quit and would get some time, I'd always go back out because I had NO tools to live life sober, hell, I'd been getting drunk or doing drugs since I'd been 14 yrs old and that was how I dealt with life and all my problems, I didn't....Alcohol and drugs were the solution for me for a very long time until they didn't work anymore and I was reaching new bottoms and was flirting with death. My husband was afraid that I, too, was going to go to sleep one night to never wake up again.
There is a solution, Jones, and it's simple and free. Have you tried going to Alcoholics Anonymous yet? I haven't one person in the program of AA that didn't express that same feeling that you just shared. Most all of the people I know in the fellowship were afraid or thought the program wouldn't work for them but they did it anyway and were given the gift of continous sobriety...I know for me, I got to the point where I was so sick & tired of being sick & tired and I was willing to do anything it took to get and stay clean & sober and with that willingness, full of fear, I walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and my life has changed for the better 10 fold....
Try it, Jones, you don't have to talk, just go and find a seat & listen. You deserve this....
Again, welcome and I hope you stick around...we're a grateful bunch of alcoholics here and everyone here has so much to offer and we'll help you in any way we can....
xoxo
Stacey
Way to go on posting and asking for help...It took me almost a year before I got the courage to post on these sites...I would read everyone's words but was too terrified to register & post, see, then I'd be admitting I had a problem and as many times as I quit and would get some time, I'd always go back out because I had NO tools to live life sober, hell, I'd been getting drunk or doing drugs since I'd been 14 yrs old and that was how I dealt with life and all my problems, I didn't....Alcohol and drugs were the solution for me for a very long time until they didn't work anymore and I was reaching new bottoms and was flirting with death. My husband was afraid that I, too, was going to go to sleep one night to never wake up again.
| QUOTE |
| I have tried, multiple times in the last few months to quit drinking on my own and it has never lasted for more than a week or so. I don't know what I'm supposed to do? I am not socially comfortable going to meetings. |
There is a solution, Jones, and it's simple and free. Have you tried going to Alcoholics Anonymous yet? I haven't one person in the program of AA that didn't express that same feeling that you just shared. Most all of the people I know in the fellowship were afraid or thought the program wouldn't work for them but they did it anyway and were given the gift of continous sobriety...I know for me, I got to the point where I was so sick & tired of being sick & tired and I was willing to do anything it took to get and stay clean & sober and with that willingness, full of fear, I walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and my life has changed for the better 10 fold....
Try it, Jones, you don't have to talk, just go and find a seat & listen. You deserve this....
Again, welcome and I hope you stick around...we're a grateful bunch of alcoholics here and everyone here has so much to offer and we'll help you in any way we can....
xoxo
Stacey
Welcome to the Board Jones,
Congratulations on day one!
Would you be willing to go to your Dr. and be HONEST with him or her about your drinking? If so, they would be better able to advise you on medical intervention. There are different medical options available. Such as out patient therapy. Where you can learn new coping skills. I went last spring/summer. I needed to get to the root of why I was emotionally self medicating with alcohol. I learned about triggers that induce cravings and how to manage them. Out patient is great for the working person and is confidential. It also benefits being in a group so you can listen to other people's ideas.
Have you thought of private counseling? Losing your brother to alcoholism is devastating and a very painful. And it sounds like your headed there yourself. It would be wise of you to seek some type of professional help soon. As alcoholism is a progressive disease. I think you are well aware of this. So, please take action!
It sounds like you are opposed to AA. Do you know anything about AA? Have you ever been to a meeting? Have you ever been treated for alcoholism? Have you ever researched Rational Recovery it's different then AA. I use both for my recovery and healing.
You can say what ever you need to here on the board. You don't need to be afraid. We don't know your real name or where you live. And besides many of us have traveled down the dark path of alcohol & drugs further than some others who post here. We don't judge each other here. We have all done and said stupid, horrible things many of which we can't remember while under the influence. And if we ever did offend each other which I can't remember happening I'm sure we would immediately feel bad and apoligize. We do are best to help each other.
So feel free to write about anything you want! And read some old posts. I think you will see more similiarties then differences. I've only been sober for 41 days this time around. So, I want you to know I'm no expert on sobriety, but I'm learning a lot. There are some great people here who will gladly share their ESH with you! Thats Experience, Strenghth and Hope. Remember Jones YOU ARE WORTH IT!
GOD BLESS YOU!
Congratulations on day one!
Would you be willing to go to your Dr. and be HONEST with him or her about your drinking? If so, they would be better able to advise you on medical intervention. There are different medical options available. Such as out patient therapy. Where you can learn new coping skills. I went last spring/summer. I needed to get to the root of why I was emotionally self medicating with alcohol. I learned about triggers that induce cravings and how to manage them. Out patient is great for the working person and is confidential. It also benefits being in a group so you can listen to other people's ideas.
Have you thought of private counseling? Losing your brother to alcoholism is devastating and a very painful. And it sounds like your headed there yourself. It would be wise of you to seek some type of professional help soon. As alcoholism is a progressive disease. I think you are well aware of this. So, please take action!
It sounds like you are opposed to AA. Do you know anything about AA? Have you ever been to a meeting? Have you ever been treated for alcoholism? Have you ever researched Rational Recovery it's different then AA. I use both for my recovery and healing.
You can say what ever you need to here on the board. You don't need to be afraid. We don't know your real name or where you live. And besides many of us have traveled down the dark path of alcohol & drugs further than some others who post here. We don't judge each other here. We have all done and said stupid, horrible things many of which we can't remember while under the influence. And if we ever did offend each other which I can't remember happening I'm sure we would immediately feel bad and apoligize. We do are best to help each other.
So feel free to write about anything you want! And read some old posts. I think you will see more similiarties then differences. I've only been sober for 41 days this time around. So, I want you to know I'm no expert on sobriety, but I'm learning a lot. There are some great people here who will gladly share their ESH with you! Thats Experience, Strenghth and Hope. Remember Jones YOU ARE WORTH IT!
GOD BLESS YOU!
Hi Jones, welcome!
There is hope, miracles do happen. I think the first step for every one is admitting that we cannot control ourselves once we have taken a drink. It usually involves a bit of desperation or "hitting bottom". I hope that you are at this point now and are finding the willingness to accept sobriety. AA isn't the only way to maintain sobriety, Lookinup listed quite a few options.... I hope you find your way. I bumped up a post that I started 8 days after my last drink, I hope it helps you....
one day at a time, Cookster
There is hope, miracles do happen. I think the first step for every one is admitting that we cannot control ourselves once we have taken a drink. It usually involves a bit of desperation or "hitting bottom". I hope that you are at this point now and are finding the willingness to accept sobriety. AA isn't the only way to maintain sobriety, Lookinup listed quite a few options.... I hope you find your way. I bumped up a post that I started 8 days after my last drink, I hope it helps you....
one day at a time, Cookster
Hi Jones,
I thought i'd post a bit about my experiences.
I too have been in the situation where I thought i was going to die, I've had seziures due to alcohol and the best thing I ever did was get an alcohol counsellor.
I don't know how you would go about it as I got mine through my psychiatrist but maybe your GP could arrange something for you.
Coming off alcohol is no walk in the park and it does take time, so try not to put too much pressure on yourself (easier said than done. I know all too well).
It has taken me years to cut it down and to have some kind of normal control over alcohol, but I know that some people have to just quit altogether and that's what you have to decide.
All the best,
Izzy X
I thought i'd post a bit about my experiences.
I too have been in the situation where I thought i was going to die, I've had seziures due to alcohol and the best thing I ever did was get an alcohol counsellor.
I don't know how you would go about it as I got mine through my psychiatrist but maybe your GP could arrange something for you.
Coming off alcohol is no walk in the park and it does take time, so try not to put too much pressure on yourself (easier said than done. I know all too well).
It has taken me years to cut it down and to have some kind of normal control over alcohol, but I know that some people have to just quit altogether and that's what you have to decide.
All the best,
Izzy X
Hi Jones,
I would like you to consider why you feel you must do this on your own?
You mentioned feeling socially uncomfortable. Believe me, I was one of the most socially uncomfortable and paranoid people I know. I used to sit in a room full of people taking drugs and I couldn't move for hours (except to prepare and take drugs) - not even the tiniest movement - because I was frozen with fear basically. I remember pointing out to my aunt once how my foot seemed to move when I had my legs crossed; why was it doing this? My aunt studied my foot in bemusement and said, 'I think that's just 'life' Ester', she said. In other words what the hell are you on about?!!
At meetings that social discomfort won't be half, or even a fraction as bad. You would be with like minded people, and I can't describe the feeling of that. It's awesome. Yes, you will crap yourself before you go, but if it is with the right group of people you will never feel alone again.
I am trying to sell meetings here because what I have found there I would recommend to anyone. You don't have to be on your own. There are people out there just like you who will do anything to try and help you get sober. People who want you to be sober.
I would like you to consider why you feel you must do this on your own?
You mentioned feeling socially uncomfortable. Believe me, I was one of the most socially uncomfortable and paranoid people I know. I used to sit in a room full of people taking drugs and I couldn't move for hours (except to prepare and take drugs) - not even the tiniest movement - because I was frozen with fear basically. I remember pointing out to my aunt once how my foot seemed to move when I had my legs crossed; why was it doing this? My aunt studied my foot in bemusement and said, 'I think that's just 'life' Ester', she said. In other words what the hell are you on about?!!
At meetings that social discomfort won't be half, or even a fraction as bad. You would be with like minded people, and I can't describe the feeling of that. It's awesome. Yes, you will crap yourself before you go, but if it is with the right group of people you will never feel alone again.
I am trying to sell meetings here because what I have found there I would recommend to anyone. You don't have to be on your own. There are people out there just like you who will do anything to try and help you get sober. People who want you to be sober.
Gidday Jonesey
You are never alone, you will always belong as long as you are prepared to listen and talk to others who know and understand (read the denial thread) or any thread here.
I have been in your brothers shoes only i always got to drunk to die,,,how ironic for me, i know the fear i know the mind games that are going on in your head i know the battle addiction will fight because it thinks it is right.
I had to give up and face up to my fears even the people i drank with ran a sweepstake on how long i would last not drinking.
You are doing the right thing and keep posting and reading build your gratitude and with it your desire to give recovery and all it can offer your best
Light and love Zac
You are never alone, you will always belong as long as you are prepared to listen and talk to others who know and understand (read the denial thread) or any thread here.
I have been in your brothers shoes only i always got to drunk to die,,,how ironic for me, i know the fear i know the mind games that are going on in your head i know the battle addiction will fight because it thinks it is right.
I had to give up and face up to my fears even the people i drank with ran a sweepstake on how long i would last not drinking.
You are doing the right thing and keep posting and reading build your gratitude and with it your desire to give recovery and all it can offer your best
Light and love Zac
