MY SON IS TWENTY AND HAD BEEN LIVING WITH US UP UNTIL A MONTH AGO. WE HAVE HAD PROBLEMS WITH POT IN THE PAST HAVE TAKEEN HIM TO COUNSELING AND NOW SOME OF HIS FRIENDS TOLD HIM OF THIS GREAT PLACE YOU CAN GO TO GET A WAY FROM EVERYTHING (I beleive it to be a commune) I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY A FEW OF HIS FRIENDS THAT HE IS DOING LSD. HE WOULD STAY UP ALL NIGHT AND SLEEP ALL DAY AND HIS DAD WOULD CALL HIM ALL TIMES OF THE NIGHT TO SEE IF HE NEEDED AWAY HOME BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DRIVE HE WOULD COME HOME AT 4 IN THE MORNING MY HUSBAND WOULD GET 1 HOUR SLEEP BEFOR GOING TO WORK AS AN ELECTRICIAN. i told my son this had to stop because his dad was almost 3 times his age and the kind of work he does high voltage one mistake and there would be no second chance he blew up told me he didn't like my rules cussed me out got physical and I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE. NOW i am carrying the guilt for that I HAVE OFFERED TO HELP HIM WITH HIS PROBLEM AND HIS ANSWER IS HE IS NOT THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM i am. PLEASE HELP ME I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE HIM.
Awwwwwwwww, Deidre........I am so sorry nobody saw this post.
I hope you come back.........you can go on the other part of this board that says Family/Friends..........there's many parents on there that know exactly what you are going through.............they understand your pain.
Meanwhile about your guilt..............Deidre...........this is NOT your FAULT......absolutely I understand you feel guilty, but you so are not.......this is a choice he is making..........you did the right thing in setting boundaries......of course he got angry and yelled and all...........that's what we do when we're mad we can't do what the heck we want..........when we could care less who has to get up at 4:00 in the morning to get us..........again it is not your fault.
Hope you come back............usually someone will see a post.........know we care, O.K.?
I hope you come back.........you can go on the other part of this board that says Family/Friends..........there's many parents on there that know exactly what you are going through.............they understand your pain.
Meanwhile about your guilt..............Deidre...........this is NOT your FAULT......absolutely I understand you feel guilty, but you so are not.......this is a choice he is making..........you did the right thing in setting boundaries......of course he got angry and yelled and all...........that's what we do when we're mad we can't do what the heck we want..........when we could care less who has to get up at 4:00 in the morning to get us..........again it is not your fault.
Hope you come back............usually someone will see a post.........know we care, O.K.?
Hi Diedre, Welcome and please do know that there are lots of people here who understand your situation and care. I'm glad that you took care of yourself and your husband by not continuing to rescue your son. I am not a parent so I don't pretend to know how difficult it is. I hope you'll get over feeling guilty. It does NOT sound like it's your problem, but something he has to decide to do. I hope you will find support in the family/friends section of this website. There are a lot of people who understand your pain. All the best.
Hello- My Son is twenty-
My son is twenty also...and we have been dealing with a similar situation for almost 4 years. First of all, remember that you have done nothing wrong and the problem your son is facing is his very own caused by his own choices. Your son, because he is a user, will want to make you feel like you are the one with the problem, that's a normal reaction for someone using pot and other drugs. Don't allow yourself to fall into this trap that I was in for almost 3 years...asking yourself where did I go wrong? what could or should I have done differently? Here is a short version of a comparison of our twenty year olds and we'll see if we can learn and help each other because sometimes I feel very alone dealing with my son. All the way up until 14 my son was involved in soccer, boy scouts, lacrosse and various activities in school. At 14...he started using drugs...my straight A son, happy go lucky, cheerful nice son was becoming short tempered, grades dropping and attitude coming out of no-where...I suspected that he was smoking pot because I found different type items in his room...we talked, we argued and as his attitude emerge into someone I didn't even know...I sent him to Pathways an addiction treatment center in Annapolis MD. When I picked him up after two weeks...it was like my loving son returned...to make a long story short he fell right back in with his so called friends again and at 20 he is not able to keep a steady job, his been arrested for possession and attorneys fees are escalating. After numerous cars, lending him money, him stealing from me, paying for attorneys fees and still no change...I've come to the conclusion he must....on his own...hit rock bottom...His trial is in November and I'm hoping that going to jail brings him to an awakening! Addictions happen to people who are smart, nice, they come from good homes and loving families. Do understand you can't help your son any longer ...at 20 he must help himself...he must come to the conclusion that he wants a different life...after 25K of trying to help my son...I learned the hard way. Your family will be exhausted from trying to change him...he has to help himself and make better choices himself.
My son is twenty also...and we have been dealing with a similar situation for almost 4 years. First of all, remember that you have done nothing wrong and the problem your son is facing is his very own caused by his own choices. Your son, because he is a user, will want to make you feel like you are the one with the problem, that's a normal reaction for someone using pot and other drugs. Don't allow yourself to fall into this trap that I was in for almost 3 years...asking yourself where did I go wrong? what could or should I have done differently? Here is a short version of a comparison of our twenty year olds and we'll see if we can learn and help each other because sometimes I feel very alone dealing with my son. All the way up until 14 my son was involved in soccer, boy scouts, lacrosse and various activities in school. At 14...he started using drugs...my straight A son, happy go lucky, cheerful nice son was becoming short tempered, grades dropping and attitude coming out of no-where...I suspected that he was smoking pot because I found different type items in his room...we talked, we argued and as his attitude emerge into someone I didn't even know...I sent him to Pathways an addiction treatment center in Annapolis MD. When I picked him up after two weeks...it was like my loving son returned...to make a long story short he fell right back in with his so called friends again and at 20 he is not able to keep a steady job, his been arrested for possession and attorneys fees are escalating. After numerous cars, lending him money, him stealing from me, paying for attorneys fees and still no change...I've come to the conclusion he must....on his own...hit rock bottom...His trial is in November and I'm hoping that going to jail brings him to an awakening! Addictions happen to people who are smart, nice, they come from good homes and loving families. Do understand you can't help your son any longer ...at 20 he must help himself...he must come to the conclusion that he wants a different life...after 25K of trying to help my son...I learned the hard way. Your family will be exhausted from trying to change him...he has to help himself and make better choices himself.
