Hi everyone i am brand new here but have been reading for awhile. Been on lortab/darvocet for the past 4 years for a back condition. As time went on i began using them when the pain had subsided too. I use them to give the everyday life things that extra bit of fun. I have 4 children ages 10,9,6 and 4 years. I stay home with them and love it. But of course my life could be soooo much better without the constant thinking of how i am going to get an early refill or talk the doctor into extra meds. I feel so ashamed and am a nervous wreck when it comes time that i have only a pill or two left. When i run out between refills i am absentminded and just feel plain blah. This whole time i have triced myself into thinkin that this was like my supermommy pill. But i know good and well that i was happy if not happier before i found pain meds. I am up to approximately 10 a day. The looks i get from pharmacy employees make me want to run and hide. So where the heck do i start. I figure now is a good time to start. I am having a surgical procedure in two weeks that should virtually take away most of the pain so no more scripts. Which is such a blessing in disguise. Any words of wisdom on this would be wonderful. How do i get past those cravings when i am at the mall and feel that old familiar feeling of wanting to swallow a couple to get the energy i need????? My hubby knows all about my problem and says he is here to help and will not continue to enable me. My mom also knows of my problem. Am i in too deep to do this alone?? SO scared but excited.
Hi!
I'm probably not the best to give advice as I'm in the same position as you, although I usually take way more than 10. I know all about the running out early and calling the doc. And scheming to get them. And obsessing about them. And saying this time I'll take them as prescribed. And then not doing that. I, too, have pain issues, so I can relate to that although I hardly ever take mine for the pain. It sounds to me like your getting a handle on this early, and that your husband is supportive but won't enable you. Its great that your recognizing this soon and taking steps to change. This is a great forum. Everyone is so caring. No one judges. everyone's been there and you'll get a lot of good advice, and not just that - you'll get encouragement and positive feed back and atta-girls. I would recommend a 12 step group, it could be AA or NA. Just get as much support from as many places as possible. I wish I would take my own advice. When is your surgery? I look forward to hearing from you again!
I'm probably not the best to give advice as I'm in the same position as you, although I usually take way more than 10. I know all about the running out early and calling the doc. And scheming to get them. And obsessing about them. And saying this time I'll take them as prescribed. And then not doing that. I, too, have pain issues, so I can relate to that although I hardly ever take mine for the pain. It sounds to me like your getting a handle on this early, and that your husband is supportive but won't enable you. Its great that your recognizing this soon and taking steps to change. This is a great forum. Everyone is so caring. No one judges. everyone's been there and you'll get a lot of good advice, and not just that - you'll get encouragement and positive feed back and atta-girls. I would recommend a 12 step group, it could be AA or NA. Just get as much support from as many places as possible. I wish I would take my own advice. When is your surgery? I look forward to hearing from you again!
hey and thanks for the quick reply. Well you gave me alot of credit there and i hope i live up to what i said i would do. I pray that this time is different and that i see the light. Right now it seems like i want is soooo badly so i have alot of hope this time. Maybe being on here and talking with people like you will give me that extra push i need.
Hi again!
Wanting it bad like you said, will help you so much. Reaching out - the way you are - will help. Being honest with your family is excellent, usually people (well, I should only speak for myself) people usually hide, or try to hide it from their family. It sounds like your husbund is somewhat educated about things like enabling etc. Look at your family and realize you could lose them. Some people lose everything and then go down so far that it's difficult to even care about yourself enough to want to get clean. It's like when you lose everything, all you have left are the pills. You don't want to lose those, because thats all you have left. It's sad. Don't let yourself even get close to that. Take it from someone who's been there. I'd give anything if I could turn back time and do lit over. People gave me good advice, people warned me. I didn't listen. It sounds like you have a great husband and wonderful kids of all ages. I know what you mean though when you said you felt like you were a better mother when you had a little in your system. I do better (or think I do) at work, with friends, doing chores. They give me energy. My tolerence level is so high, no one knows I'm under the influence. Sometimes I feel like I'm sharper, mentally - which is crazy. But when I don't have them, I'm very distracted because I'm obsessing about getting them.
Wanting it bad like you said, will help you so much. Reaching out - the way you are - will help. Being honest with your family is excellent, usually people (well, I should only speak for myself) people usually hide, or try to hide it from their family. It sounds like your husbund is somewhat educated about things like enabling etc. Look at your family and realize you could lose them. Some people lose everything and then go down so far that it's difficult to even care about yourself enough to want to get clean. It's like when you lose everything, all you have left are the pills. You don't want to lose those, because thats all you have left. It's sad. Don't let yourself even get close to that. Take it from someone who's been there. I'd give anything if I could turn back time and do lit over. People gave me good advice, people warned me. I didn't listen. It sounds like you have a great husband and wonderful kids of all ages. I know what you mean though when you said you felt like you were a better mother when you had a little in your system. I do better (or think I do) at work, with friends, doing chores. They give me energy. My tolerence level is so high, no one knows I'm under the influence. Sometimes I feel like I'm sharper, mentally - which is crazy. But when I don't have them, I'm very distracted because I'm obsessing about getting them.
I just wanted to say ((hugs)) and you are NOT alone...I battled a hydrocodone addiction for a two years and have been clean now for 15 days...I feel 100% better, but its been extremely hard....I have 3 children, twins that are 4 and a son that will be 9 in April, so I can relate to the "supermommy" thing...What has been the hardest for me, is I took pills for SO long that its almost difficult to "feel" normal...
I am just trying to take it day by day and hope and pray for the best...I have been attending NA meetings and that really helps b/c you get face to face contact and meet other people who are in the same situation as you....My husband also knew of my addiction and he has been very supportive...my family knows as well and they too have been there for me....I really need that too...Ultimately, YOU have to do all the work, but it helps to know that there are people who care....I wish you the best and if you want to chat or something email me bfernengel@comcast.net
Best wishes!!
Brandi
I am just trying to take it day by day and hope and pray for the best...I have been attending NA meetings and that really helps b/c you get face to face contact and meet other people who are in the same situation as you....My husband also knew of my addiction and he has been very supportive...my family knows as well and they too have been there for me....I really need that too...Ultimately, YOU have to do all the work, but it helps to know that there are people who care....I wish you the best and if you want to chat or something email me bfernengel@comcast.net
Best wishes!!
Brandi
Back2Me...you've already won half the battle..you've got your family in your corner. Thier support is huge. Personally? I would use as prescribed until the surgery. After that? Be done. Don't come home with a script or if you have too, make it a small amount. I also would give my husband all of my meds so that I wouldn't abuse them anymore. If you truly (and you need to dig deep for this) need those pain pills, then you can't have control over them anymore. Someone else has to give them to you AS PRESCRIBED, If you don't need them, flush them. Deal with the surgery and then come home without means to get pills anymore. That means telling the drs and the pharmacist's your problem. Tell them before they tell you. It's much more empowering that way. Alot less embarressing too, trust me on that one.
You will have some withdrawals and it's going to take awhile for you to start feeling ok again, but it's so worth it and so are you. You need face to face help, this is not a disease that we can conquer on our own. Check out local NA or AA meetings in your area, I think you'll be pleasantly surprized. Women's meetings in the beginning are best. If that doesn't work for you, then maybe a therapist. You've got to get to the bottom of why you are self medicating. Really glad you're here...Cowgirl
You will have some withdrawals and it's going to take awhile for you to start feeling ok again, but it's so worth it and so are you. You need face to face help, this is not a disease that we can conquer on our own. Check out local NA or AA meetings in your area, I think you'll be pleasantly surprized. Women's meetings in the beginning are best. If that doesn't work for you, then maybe a therapist. You've got to get to the bottom of why you are self medicating. Really glad you're here...Cowgirl
thank you to the new responders. Will aa meetings do basically the same thing and cover all the bases i will need as we do not have an na meeting in town but plenty of aa. I feel i need something face to face quickly to keep my thoughts on the right track as i am sure i would backtrack very easily. It is so easy to fool myself into thinking one more refill could not hurt. Yeah right how silly of me.
It's not "how silly of me", it's "gee, I'm an addict and I need help". That's a better way to put it. Putting yourself down isn't going to help. Every babystep, every little battle won is cause for celebration...change your thinking.
I go mostly to AA. I'm not an alcoholic but feel I could be if I drank. Every substance is addictive for me. I just change the words....a drug is a drug is a drug...and alcohol is a drug. Some AAer's don't think that discussions should be about anything but alcohol but they are fast becoming the minority as most AAer's are cross addicted. So, yes, GO. Just listen for the first couple of meetings and get a feel for it. I think you're on the right path though, you are truly wanting to do something proactive about your disease. Big pat on the back!!!
Edited to say...
Look for the simularties, not the differences when you go to the meetings.
I go mostly to AA. I'm not an alcoholic but feel I could be if I drank. Every substance is addictive for me. I just change the words....a drug is a drug is a drug...and alcohol is a drug. Some AAer's don't think that discussions should be about anything but alcohol but they are fast becoming the minority as most AAer's are cross addicted. So, yes, GO. Just listen for the first couple of meetings and get a feel for it. I think you're on the right path though, you are truly wanting to do something proactive about your disease. Big pat on the back!!!
Edited to say...
Look for the simularties, not the differences when you go to the meetings.