Hi all. I met my boyfriend 3 years ago and we have an 18 month. When we first started dating the first 3 months he didn't use anything. Until we went to a doctor and he flipped out when they were going to take his blood, he then told me her was on suboxone because he is a heroin addict and it makes him not want to use. He then started messing with other drugs any you can think of he has done while we were together. He goes a bit overboard he can't just do it a day and stop, no he went through phases with the drugs. He started using pain pills and I didn't really think much of it, I was very nieve and knew nothing about hard drugs. I left him while I was 6 months pregnant for a few months and he apparently got really bad with the pain pills then but I didn't realize. And I don't know when exactly but right before I had my baby he started using again, I remember him yelling and screaming at everyone in the delivery room, he left and came back high. Anyway the past few years he has been on and off and he is always denying it and has been to rehabs and they dont help him. A few days ago I suspected him using but he would deny it and get defensive saying it hurts that I accuse him. Last night my mother in law found him in the bathroom, he oded I was so hurt and scared and didn't want to lose him I didn't know what to do, I couldn't imagine life without him. The ambulance came and revived him and now I am stuck, literally torn in two I know I can't be with him but I can't imagine life without him after that. Obviously this is hard I know if I leave him he will continue to use and possibly od again.. but I also know if I don't leave him he will continue on using like it is ok. When it is definitely not ok. Our baby deserves more than to go through this. Any advice would be very appreciated or anyone who have successfully left an addict can you tell me the easiest way to get through, altho I know none of this is easy. Thanks
Hi Anony, sorry you are in such a difficult situation- whether you stay or leave your BF will continue to use drugs until he decides he has had enough-nothing you can do or say will change this- unfortunately drug users will always put the drugs first-even before you and your daughter-regardless of what he will tell you-you cannot feel guilty about leaving him-he has made the choice to continue to take drugs-you are not responsible for what he does- remember addicts are experts at manipulating people to suit themselves, so be careful about believing anything he says to you about getting clean- wait until you see some evidence over a period of months that he is clean before you believe him- i am an alcoholic and drug addict-my advice to you is-leave, you and your child deserve better- you willl never have a life -waiting for him to relapse-never knowing when you are being lied too- leave and start a new life-best of luck Anon-
Thank you travlin man I seen a few posts around here that you respond to and you are very helpful I really appreciate the advice. Best of luck to you as well you.
Travelin Man has real good advice.
Rehab is only the first brick in the foundation of recovery. After rehab the succesful recovery includes many things: Outpatient counseling, AA or NA meetings every day for at least the first 90 days. Working the steps, getting a sponsor, reading the literature, performing service work, etc. Then, "rinse and repeat" and learn to live one day at a time happy joyous and free.
Most addicts try a "shortcut" version of the above and a customized dumb plan. This also usually does not work. It is the great obsession of every addict that they learn to control their addiction. This notion needs to be smashed. This is what is learned through working a good program.
FOR YOU, I suggest a Family Support program such as Al Anon or NAR Anon. You need to be strong and healthy, whether the addict finds recovery or not. This will help you love with detachment, and realize you are powerless over someone else's addiction. It takes some time and work, but well worth it.
Good luck,
Flyboy
Rehab is only the first brick in the foundation of recovery. After rehab the succesful recovery includes many things: Outpatient counseling, AA or NA meetings every day for at least the first 90 days. Working the steps, getting a sponsor, reading the literature, performing service work, etc. Then, "rinse and repeat" and learn to live one day at a time happy joyous and free.
Most addicts try a "shortcut" version of the above and a customized dumb plan. This also usually does not work. It is the great obsession of every addict that they learn to control their addiction. This notion needs to be smashed. This is what is learned through working a good program.
FOR YOU, I suggest a Family Support program such as Al Anon or NAR Anon. You need to be strong and healthy, whether the addict finds recovery or not. This will help you love with detachment, and realize you are powerless over someone else's addiction. It takes some time and work, but well worth it.
Good luck,
Flyboy
Thank you fly boy I am definitely going to check out some AL non or NAR non meetings. I am definitely not strong enough to deal with this.
I will agree with the others. My Gf and I have a 5.5 month-old daughter. This state (WI) is a woman's state. Even though baby's grandma has temporary custody, I struggle to get my court ordered visitation because I'm aggressive and intimidating. It's my daughter ! Really ! Apparently It's better for baby to spend more time with an active addict mom who was charged with mal-treatment. They think it's okay because pills are prescrib. Total ignorance. So much for being a concerned parent. My daughter shouldn't be WITH her mom without supervision. I not the one chasing pills. I have to be supervised for unsubstantiated reasons. You and your child's safety are the priority. Do whatever you can to protect her.
Hey Anony,
So sorry you're going through this HORRIBLE problem. I'm right there with ya. I have a 7 month old with a heroin addict. He is recovering but has relapsed a few times throughout our relationship. Last relapse didn't go well and he was caught by the cops and is now looking at potential jail time. We are no longer together And he has already found a new girlfriend lol... Boy what a horrible roller coaster ride my life has been the past 2 years (with the exception of my son)... The sad part is that my ex-like many- is a really good person and when he's sober he is pretty much amazing. His selfishness knows no bounds though obviously. Guess that goes along with the addiction personality. Right now, I'm trying to get through each day but I'm definitely sad as hell and ask God pretty much every couple hours why this even had to happen..But it did and I have to deal. I put him before myself for way too long and I'm done with that. Him going out and finding another girl ALREADY just proves what I already know, which is that I have got to move on. That should be the last thing on his mind. Should be strictly recovery and his son. But again- that's where the selfishness comes in I guess. It seems like you're handling it better than you think. You're right in leaving him especially since he doesn't seem serious about his recovery. Doesn't it make you sick that even their own CHILDREN aren't enough to make them stop?? Ugh!!!! Good luck to you and def do the al-anon or nar-anon thing. I'm going tomorrow and cannot wait! Xoxoxoxo
So sorry you're going through this HORRIBLE problem. I'm right there with ya. I have a 7 month old with a heroin addict. He is recovering but has relapsed a few times throughout our relationship. Last relapse didn't go well and he was caught by the cops and is now looking at potential jail time. We are no longer together And he has already found a new girlfriend lol... Boy what a horrible roller coaster ride my life has been the past 2 years (with the exception of my son)... The sad part is that my ex-like many- is a really good person and when he's sober he is pretty much amazing. His selfishness knows no bounds though obviously. Guess that goes along with the addiction personality. Right now, I'm trying to get through each day but I'm definitely sad as hell and ask God pretty much every couple hours why this even had to happen..But it did and I have to deal. I put him before myself for way too long and I'm done with that. Him going out and finding another girl ALREADY just proves what I already know, which is that I have got to move on. That should be the last thing on his mind. Should be strictly recovery and his son. But again- that's where the selfishness comes in I guess. It seems like you're handling it better than you think. You're right in leaving him especially since he doesn't seem serious about his recovery. Doesn't it make you sick that even their own CHILDREN aren't enough to make them stop?? Ugh!!!! Good luck to you and def do the al-anon or nar-anon thing. I'm going tomorrow and cannot wait! Xoxoxoxo
