I am posting here hopefully to get some feedback, I am a mother of a 29 year old addict, this has been going on for the last 10 years. My son started using marijuana in his teens and drinking alcohol. 10 years ago, he had gone to party where a fight broke out, we received a call from one of his friends saying that my son was the one with the worst of it, we had arrived at the hospital before his ambulance did, he was conscience when they arrived, i went over to him, he just looked at me and said i'm sorry mom. The next time I seen my son was after his surgery which took 6 hours, with a machine breathing for him. It was the worst day of my life. I just prayed and prayed. He recovered from his injuries but apparently was left with PTSD and depression, from then on things just got worse. He now uses prescription medications and street drugs. We tried to get the help he needed time and time again, rehab 3 times and then jail for breaches for 60 days. I always gave and gave, until now. This is why i'm writing, I am having difficulty with this tough love, it is causing me alot of stress and aniexty, which is bringing me down, and, do not want this to defeat me.
Also, in dealing with this, my 21 year daughter tried to commit suicide a couple of months ago, where she almost succeeded. Again, at the hospital, the doctors told me she was probably not going to make it. Yet another, worst day of my life. Just the thought of losing your child.
She was in a coma for 4 days. When this event happened, i found out that my daughter also uses drugs. She has recovered and is not using anything at the moment, or that we are aware of. But, just the thought is terrifying, she has 2 little babies (my beautiful grandchildren) another reason why it's so hard to believe she would try take her own life, I can see she loves her babies with all her heart, she says she didn't mean to do it, but, has no recollection of the event.
This is very, very, difficult to deal with especially with anxiety, i use to have a little panic here and there, but, now it's like I am losing control and feel like i can't even take deep breathe.
I see a counsellor on a regular basis and have been trying to do as they say. But i am finding it to be easier said then done....just like an addication.
I would really appreciate any comments
I'm so sorry for your struggle. It's clear how much you care about your children and that family is very important to you. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by going to counseling and taking care of yourself as best you can. At Al-Anon they tell you to "let go and let God" and you have been doing this by praying that they will get better.
At this point you can focus on those grandkids and making sure they are taken care of and healthy; they clearly need a strong, supportive person like you in their lives. It's important that you remember that what happened to your son and daughter could happen to anybody's children and that you did nothing wrong by wanting the best for them. I see your forgiving heart is tired but please don't despair. I will be thinking of you and hoping that both of your kids find a keep a path of recovery.
At this point you can focus on those grandkids and making sure they are taken care of and healthy; they clearly need a strong, supportive person like you in their lives. It's important that you remember that what happened to your son and daughter could happen to anybody's children and that you did nothing wrong by wanting the best for them. I see your forgiving heart is tired but please don't despair. I will be thinking of you and hoping that both of your kids find a keep a path of recovery.
Thank you very much, I appreciate your kind words, and I will definetely continue to pray. My grandchildren love the song I sing to them ... Power in the Blood, There is Power!!!! i just have to keep repeating this. Yes, my grandchildren are a top priority, and I certainly hope my children see the light. Again. thank you.
Hi Eagle, it's awful what your going through. I have a daughter who is an addict and my brother has PTSD. It's a really bad thing to have. My brother would try to medicate himself with booze which makes it worse but there was no talking to him. He has it semi under control only because he taught himself what works for him over many years. I know he got put on Prozac and an anxiety med too. Your going through a lot. You should maybe see a doctor yourself and get something for depression to help you get through the rough days. I am raising my grandchild,have done since she was 2-3 and she is almost 10 now. Sometimes it's heartbreaking seeing other kids with their parents and here she is with her grandparents because her mom and dad are a washout! I could never imagined myself growing up without my mom and dad with me. But nowadays it's happening so much because of drugs. I wish you well Eagle as I know it's not easy what your going through. But you've found a good place to come to coming on here. We are all here for each other and who better to understand than people like us who are going through the same. My little dog died last night and I think it was "the straw that broke the camels back" as it upset me so much. I actually came on here and wrote about it. Silly but the people on here understand sadness more than most. This website gives me strength and it will you too. Take care and God bless. We're here for you. Mary.
I appreciate your response, and I am sorry to hear about your dog, I know a pet is a family member too. So sorry to hear about your daughter and I hope and pray that she will eventually realize what she is doing to herself and her family. I am also glad that I did find this site because the responses that I have already helped me understand that I am not the only one suffering because of addictions, not that I would wish that on anyone. but thank you and I hope you feel better.
Hi Eagle, Thank you. I am feeling fine now. I think when you have been dealing with an addict for years it toughens you. I hope your daughter manages to stay clean and care for her children. It's sad I think for her too. I read somewhere that having an addict in the family actually affects 10 people around them. I quite believe it too because the whole family suffers one way or another. God help you having a son and a daughter to worry about. I hope God gives you strength. It's strange how things work. But when you think you've got enough worries and can't handle anymore you find the strength to go on. We are strong people us parents of addicts so don't ever doubt yourself. Look how far you've come already. Your stronger than what you give yourself credit for. Stay strong Eagle. Goodnight, God bless. Mary.
