hi me and my boyfriend hav bin usin heroin 4 last 2 yrs,aswell as methadone,valium,crack,weed n god knows wot else,we dont want 2 go doc's cuz not havin social services takin our son from us!none of our family know wots goin on well my brothers hav asked and of course i lied and said no,it will break both our mums hearts if they new wot we'd turned into.cant remember how many times weve tried 2 stop n wen it got 2 days into it neither of us can stand how it med us feel,it hurts my partner more than it does me physically,we dont live in a scummy house or rob old ladies very far from it but it has turned me into a liar n im startin 2 spend rent money on it n it,i h8 how i put that first wen i feel ill,i always say i wont but i do!what chance hav we got doin this wiv no help or am i just foolin myself,id apreciate it if sumone wuld get bk 2 me thanx
I do have a little knowledge on the topic. I started weed/pot at 10, drinking 14, 16 coke/crack. In my 20's shooting H wasted 4 years in active H addiction lost my kids, house, car, job. Went to m-done treatment for just over a year. Dexoted from m-done found out i was pregnant and was clean the whole pregnancy. When my baby was 3 months old started doing benzos "xanax/valuim". Later started using pills dualidad, Percocets, In May started using H again. Going back to the m-done clinic tommorw morning. I thought for a long time I could get clean all on my own. I thought as long as I was not shooting up, that was some measure of Success. Went 5 years without H. I dislike NA/AA i'm kinda of anti social. I've had a few months where I was not using pills but, then i'ld be drinking. To be totally CLEAN the only time I had that was my pregnancy and 3 months postpartum. The fear of losing your child is one I can relate to my older kids were 7 and 9 when the state took them gave them to my mother. I do have my kids now they are 12.5 and 14.5 + i have a 3.5 year old. Even the fear of losing them again has not kept me off drugs. I have missed their childhood to my addiction. You never get a day back. It's a struggle but, many here on the board have had better lasting recovery then myself.... hopefuly they have advice for you. I sure don't have it figured out. I do know now after YEARS AND YEARS of trying to do it on my own I can't. My advice would be to seek help through whatever means work for you and your man. Some people do well with meetings and that kind of support i personally still dislike NA/AA. It might take some trying but, you need to seek out a real plan whatever that may be. I am not the type to want or ask for help but, I have been running in a circle long enough to know I need to try something else. My new plan is to go on low dose m-done go to a methadone support group and see my counslor. My old plan was to do it on my own and to sneak in whatever drugs I could....that plan was a failure. Losing my kids was what drove me to 1st seek recovery. I stayed off H enough to get them back but, once life felt okay I had a job, house, car, and kids I went right back to using. I use to think anyone can/could do it on their own I have had a eye opener that just maybe people do need more then themself to deal with it.
cheers 4 that m8,its a joke how things a gone,weve neva injected but seen ppl do it n there like ooh its betta buzz rara but no way am i stikkin pins in myself n neither would my man,im only takin this sh**t now 2 feel normal n get my kids 2 skool n see my family they ent bother bwt me smokin weed but theyd freak if they new owt else,the smacks the problem not crack n other s*** iv took,the cracks just summat that we was doin months bk but got owt of that crap,im tekkin sleepers the lot 2 try n get us off this but strugglin like hell,im not one 2 go sit in no aa meetins either i ent like that,dnt like talkin 2 ppl i dont know,n iv had that many ppl say that we wont do it 2gether but thats the last thing i want is for us 2 split up over it
i really could do wiv some advice how 2 ease withdrawal symptoms over the first few days im thinkin of usein valium n zopiclone, n sum beecheams<<lol>>> to stop the runny eyes n noses n fever i really want this sooo bad my boy means world 2 me as does my partner,my boy had already been through 2 suicides in his life and hes only 10,i do take him places but he deserves so much more,i dont want him havin a pair of junkies as parents,he so deserves much more,i want 2 tell my mum but dont want her 2 disown me and think less of me,iv got a nephew who i adore and theres no way they'd let me hav contact with him,my house is clean n my boys always smart for skool but i feel so fake n dont know how 2 feel most the time its a livin hell n i dont want it anymore,iv just got the problem that i cant go doc's 4 help as im not havin my boy took away,so if any of u can help me ease these nasty a** symptoms id be really glad 2 hear from u thanx
Hi Tayler.. Where are u from buddy??It really depends where you live and what you can get your hands on to help you with your withdrawalls(detox)If like myself you are British then i know the names of certain things as across the pond they have different names...Have you tried Subutex?Would you be able to get your hands on some if need be?/If so then i could probably give you the doses that they use in a clinic in Scotland,though they say at the clinic that theres not a great success rate with people just doing the detox as the clinic offers treatment too over a longer period of time...I dont know how your money situation is but i dont think your Dr needs to know if u are in that place,i know my Dr didnt..
Theres also Dehydracodiene which i,ve also used,,they come in different strengths,,30mg/60mg/90mg/120mg...Some Dr,s give users them with valium though i dont know the dose the Docs recommend doing it this way,that is also the jail detox here in Scotland...You really need to be ready to do this or you will fall at the 1st hurdle.Also you must realise that things may never be the same again for example b4 the drugs i used to head out on the weekends like most of the young ones did at that time and get bevvied up,,i cant do that now bcoz when sitting with a hangover i found it made me very high risk of relapsing.Believe me i didnt want to believe this but after fcuking up so many times bcoz of this i just had to take the blinkers off and accept things as they were...Let us know where yer from,n,what age etc you are,n,lets see what myself and or others can come up with to try,n,be of help to you..You may not like what some of us say but we have to be honest and its in no way a dig at you as we,re all or have been in the same boat whether ourselves or family members...Take Care...Eck..
Theres also Dehydracodiene which i,ve also used,,they come in different strengths,,30mg/60mg/90mg/120mg...Some Dr,s give users them with valium though i dont know the dose the Docs recommend doing it this way,that is also the jail detox here in Scotland...You really need to be ready to do this or you will fall at the 1st hurdle.Also you must realise that things may never be the same again for example b4 the drugs i used to head out on the weekends like most of the young ones did at that time and get bevvied up,,i cant do that now bcoz when sitting with a hangover i found it made me very high risk of relapsing.Believe me i didnt want to believe this but after fcuking up so many times bcoz of this i just had to take the blinkers off and accept things as they were...Let us know where yer from,n,what age etc you are,n,lets see what myself and or others can come up with to try,n,be of help to you..You may not like what some of us say but we have to be honest and its in no way a dig at you as we,re all or have been in the same boat whether ourselves or family members...Take Care...Eck..
tayler
you say you may use your boy is that because the authorities know about your drug use or because of something else? If they know they should be able to fast track you to a detox to help they work hard here to keep families together not split them up.
you say you may use your boy is that because the authorities know about your drug use or because of something else? If they know they should be able to fast track you to a detox to help they work hard here to keep families together not split them up.
hi eck thanx for reply n yh i am british,theres no way i can go doctors il hav 2 do this on my own,well i say on my own iv got my partner but hes in same situation,theres no way im gettin the authorites involved because they'l take our boy away from us n il run away wiv him b4 that happens.iv tried subotex n they was no good for me,the methodone works but iv bin told thats just as bad 2 c** off.iv neva digged up but did start smokin an 8th a day but u just dont feel nuffink from it,for the last couple of weeks iv slowly started cuttin down cuz i smoked an eight in the day a couple a weeks back n sed once this is gone thats it im not doin it again,but f**k me it hurt like hell,so i was advised to cut down n my rattle wont b as harsh!!!iv stocked up on diaz's n some sleepin pills for wen i stop altoghether but was wonderin if theres owt else i can take 2 help aswell,my sons goin away for few days wiv our parents next weekend so im thinkin that i cut rite down then next thursady hav nothin at all,because my sons gettin picked up friday,so i thought id lock us in the house,n take sum sleepers 2 knock me out threw the worst bit,i know i wont b able 2 do owt cuz it makes me so ill its untrue,i was thinkin maybee by monday id b well enough 2 tek my boy 2 school,do u think im just bein a tw*t or wot?i really culd do wiv knowinif theres owt else i can tek 2 ease the symptoms, i want me back not this bag head iv turned into!!!my best m8 use 2 inject herself n she was on it 4 yrs and her mum locked her in the house n she done her rip wiv nothin,n shes neva had a relapse.....touch wood!!!shes been 7 yr clean so is there hope 4 me????? thanx 4 gettin bk 2 me x
hi jazwan my boy c** 2 live wiv us 2 yrs bk just after we started takin this evil crap because his reall dad n step-mum commited suicide,the reason we dont want authorites involved is becuz iv seen them take away kids from ppl i know, plus i dont want our familys 2 know wot low lifes weve becum,i mean i dont steal or sell my body,or rob old ladies,but its startin 2 get 2 the point were iv no savings left,my house his clean n my boy goes skool clean and doesnt want for anything but i culd giv him so much more if i wasnt on this,i dnt do crack anymore its just the gear n valium n weed,the weed im not bothered about as iv smoked it since i was 13,i love my partner n son wiv all my heart but am worried that we wont b able 2 do this together,ppl keep sayin 2 split up then get bk 2gether but we dont want that im nearly 30 n hav nown my partner all my life,do u know of anything i can do tek help mek this bit easier, i know no pain no gain but fukc me i ent iron man lol,thanx 4 replyin 2 me muchly apreciated m8y x
As i said above Tayler the only other thing i know of really to make it a bit easier are the D.F,s...If u can get hold of some of those it,d be a big help to you..If i were you though i,d try,n cut out the weed too bcozz when your comin off i believe a spliff makes you worse,,anxious etc..Plus the weed these days is pretty strong i hear.though i,ve never smoked dope for years now(thank god)If you could maybe get the 60mg ones as they are slow release..
I think most of us have been in the position that we didnt want to lose our partners,,well i lost mine in the end,n,believe me i was heartbroken..
Your gonna have to make some tough desicions girl,n,i dont envy you but as Jaz says your kid would have to be at risk b4 they would contemplate taking it...In the short term its pretty easy to hide an addiction but as the money etc runs out its just not so easy..I might even get a row fr telling you to use dfs but its my opinion,up to you whether you go down that road,,You can let me know,,i,m never far away...Take care pal...Eck..
cheers 4 that eck i hav tried d.fs but i dnt know wot strength they were i found that they kept me awake,i havnt had anything apart from a few valium and a spliff today, no smack!!! but ent sayin i mite not cuz i know how much of a bull shi*er its med me,i do try but then just feels like theres always sum exuse 4 y i want it,i hate bein controlled by this s***n sum times feel like endin it cuz its like i cant win,but i love my family 2 much 2 put em threw that easpecially my boy hes already bin threw 2 close realatives hangin them selfs in past 2 yrs,fukc knows if this is were it all started 4 me but theres bin that much s*** in my life from bein a lil girl till rite up 2 bein nearly 30,n it feels like its neva gonna end,i was sexually abused as a kid n thats sum fink iv not dealt wiv either,is that another reason y i cant stop??iv got that many fukcin questions n no reall answers....cant surley b all my lifes worth
Here where I live in the UK if you come clean yes they will be in your life but they will give you every opportunity to get clean. If they suspect that your son is being neglected and they can see no reason for it then you have a far greater chance of him being taken away. That's how it works here on Merseyside.
Good luck
Good luck
social services r bunch of wan*kers ea m8,my sons not neglegted but he was under social services wen he lived wiv his step mum n dad but,wen they toppped themselves he c** 2 bk 2 us and was taken off the list.hes got adhd attatchment disorder plus hes very far behind in skoolin as he got badly bullied bwt them killin themselves so weve got that much s*** goin on in our lifes it feels immpossible some times
Jaz has just confirmed what i meant,,that they will only take your kid if he or she is being abused,neglected etc...When you think about it its only fair,,as there are loads out there who have no time for their kids..
Another thing,when you decide to do your rattle,detox,whatever you want to call it your gonny have to put up with some sleepless nights,,i,m afraid its a cross us users have to bare if we want to get better,,just make sure you have some decent dvd,s to watch if you dont have the luxury of sky-tv...
If you are serious you will do it but try not to dwell on the bad thats happened in your life bcoz no matter how bad things were in the past we r living for NOW.So dont look for something to blame Tayler,if anything use them as a reason to fight this and say to yourself i,ll show the ba***ards...
So come on girl,lets see what your made of or are you just another English wimp???lol..take care bud...Eck..
Another thing,when you decide to do your rattle,detox,whatever you want to call it your gonny have to put up with some sleepless nights,,i,m afraid its a cross us users have to bare if we want to get better,,just make sure you have some decent dvd,s to watch if you dont have the luxury of sky-tv...
If you are serious you will do it but try not to dwell on the bad thats happened in your life bcoz no matter how bad things were in the past we r living for NOW.So dont look for something to blame Tayler,if anything use them as a reason to fight this and say to yourself i,ll show the ba***ards...
So come on girl,lets see what your made of or are you just another English wimp???lol..take care bud...Eck..
god i feel like a bag of sh*te 2day,iv got i shower but still feel dirty n sweaty,my stomachs fukin killin me iv tuk these pills a m8 giv me n theyve md me do nuthin but eat n eat and im thirsty as f*k all the time.these serequel pills r doin summat i think mekin me feel like a mong!!i need 2 get my lads skool uniform done an d the house needs a clean but my bones fukin kill i soooooooooo want summat rite now theres million exuses goin rwnd my head like the skool run tomorow n every thin pissin else.wot thefuk hav i done 2 my life its bullsh*t at minute.alls think y the f*** did i start it wen i knew i culd lead 2 this,im not a stupid person,well others mite say so, i just cant believe its c** 2 this
Wow tayler your words are just frightening, and such a strong warning for
anyone considering opening the "heroin hell door" . I wish my Birdy could
read your words "what the eff have I done to my life, all I think is why the eff
did I start it, when I knew it could lead to this." I am sorry for all your pain,
the injustices of life and the horrible abuses that start a young girl on a road
of endless struggle. I hope you can find your way out of the darkness, maybe
God will send a light to help you along.
anyone considering opening the "heroin hell door" . I wish my Birdy could
read your words "what the eff have I done to my life, all I think is why the eff
did I start it, when I knew it could lead to this." I am sorry for all your pain,
the injustices of life and the horrible abuses that start a young girl on a road
of endless struggle. I hope you can find your way out of the darkness, maybe
God will send a light to help you along.
thanx 4 the reply m8,n yh thats rite if anyones readin this plz plz do not think u can control wot u take n think oh il only do it the once cuz it neva happens like that,im a strong person or shuld i say i was tilll i started on this n now it controls me and i despise it!!!!i dont blame bein sexually abused as a kid on this at all cuz i didnt start on smack till 2 yrs ago,but i hav always took one thing or another,always smoked the weed and thats the one thing il neva quit.iv been threw fukin hell over wot he done 2 me but he wont beat me!!!i blame myself for not bein strong enough to fu&k it off,i want 2 be clean sooo bad but my lifes slowly crumbling 2 peices,i want the old tayler bk not this empty shell of a woman.i need 2 be strong 4 my boy as i dont want a shi*te life for him,i giv him sooo much love n he has a lovley bedroom n toys he doesnt live in filth n i try 2 teach him rite from wrong!!!even if it does make me an hypocrite....i want so much more for him,he wants 2 go on plane abroad but cuz i blow r cash on shi*te we cant afford 2,thats my goal get claen n take him abroad,fingers crossed hey!!!
You bet, fingers crossed, m8!!!
You will not like what im going to say. there is only one person in this world that can change you and your sons life and thats you. there is not a chance in the world you can do this with out your family you will have to come clean and ask for help. you and your fella have to split while you do this. harsh i know but ive been there
ent bein funny m8y but im 3 days into doin my rip,n im gettin there aint had any gear woooo..hooooo!!!!no meth either just pure fukin anger oh yeah n sum of these pink pills my m8 giv me,there wicked,im gonna carry on wiv these 4 week see how i feel then,n then start slowin down on em.my m8 injected herself everyday 4 bwt 7 yrs n she done it wiv nothin at all,shes been clean for years now and as better life,thats all i want n its wat im gonna get,i love my man m,ore than life itself wot wuld b the point of us splittin up???he loves me i love him end off,we need and want each other more than we want smack so theres a start,iv got no kids this weekend got chronic bone ache,n back ache but other than that im winnin,neva agen do i want that filth near me,just gonna hav chilled one in home with my man i thinks,i feel really positive strangley....lol maybee start of better things 2 c**,fingers crossed peeps
wot a shi*te day.....:( hope its over quik
