In my previous posting, I talked about rehab. I am reposting so hopefully someone will help by befriending me and becoming a positive part of my life. No one but myself can do this. I know that much. I don't want anyone to do this for me, but I would like someone to help me through this. I have never done anything as scary as this.....
I watch the world crumble around me, but in the aftermath, I am standing tall, not running away any more.
You have a bunch of replies on your other thread. Keep talking to us, let us know how you're feeling and doing.
How do I see them...sorry I am new to this
Same way you saw these...just click on the thread title.
What a day..........Here I am getting ready to go Thursday...I am trying to back down my dosage...I didn't realize how hard that would be..I have been unsucsessful. I know the meds are there, I try to keep my hand from reaching for them..They have become more important to me than ever.I wonder while I see them..Will you miss me..Stupid HUH?
I feel so numb and alone. I took time today to take a blanket into the woods and sit surrounded by nothing but nature. I sent a message to all my "friends" that I a phone call from anyone would be so cherished.. Do you know that only one of them called. It broke my heart. But then I thought...WHY are you relying on someone else to help you through this? After I hung up the phone, I shut it off and spent the rest of the time just lying on a blanket in the woods surrounded by God's glorious forest.
It gave me time for reflection....then despair... I longed at that moment for two arms to hold me..Haven't had that in years..I guess I am unloveable. Now understand that these are just thoughts that run through my mind. I know it is totally off beat from my explanation of my ADDICTION..
I don't even know why I am writing this..I guess I just feel alone and scared. I look at what is now called "my roommate" instead of my ex boyfriend. It's funny how everything ends completely at once... Such a good guy. Doesn't do drugs, doesnt drink, hates taking an asprin..How we have lived almost 5 years together and he has been oblivious to my addiction...So I find out why..He's married to someone else....THAT"S another post...
So now when I come home, I will have to find somewhere else to live since all my medications are so easy to come by in my apt comlex..I live in an Elderly community. (I am only 41) and all the ailments they have..They all love me and hate to see me in pain. They think they are helping but...And since it is a "government" complex, I won't be able to come back. Which is fine with me, The 450 sq ft apt has been my prison..
WOW...sorry I am so all over the place...This REHAB countdown has made me a little crazy...I will post some pics from my "FOREST" retreat.
Thank you all for your help. I hope my craziness doesn't drive you a way
:o)
I feel so numb and alone. I took time today to take a blanket into the woods and sit surrounded by nothing but nature. I sent a message to all my "friends" that I a phone call from anyone would be so cherished.. Do you know that only one of them called. It broke my heart. But then I thought...WHY are you relying on someone else to help you through this? After I hung up the phone, I shut it off and spent the rest of the time just lying on a blanket in the woods surrounded by God's glorious forest.
It gave me time for reflection....then despair... I longed at that moment for two arms to hold me..Haven't had that in years..I guess I am unloveable. Now understand that these are just thoughts that run through my mind. I know it is totally off beat from my explanation of my ADDICTION..
I don't even know why I am writing this..I guess I just feel alone and scared. I look at what is now called "my roommate" instead of my ex boyfriend. It's funny how everything ends completely at once... Such a good guy. Doesn't do drugs, doesnt drink, hates taking an asprin..How we have lived almost 5 years together and he has been oblivious to my addiction...So I find out why..He's married to someone else....THAT"S another post...
So now when I come home, I will have to find somewhere else to live since all my medications are so easy to come by in my apt comlex..I live in an Elderly community. (I am only 41) and all the ailments they have..They all love me and hate to see me in pain. They think they are helping but...And since it is a "government" complex, I won't be able to come back. Which is fine with me, The 450 sq ft apt has been my prison..
WOW...sorry I am so all over the place...This REHAB countdown has made me a little crazy...I will post some pics from my "FOREST" retreat.
Thank you all for your help. I hope my craziness doesn't drive you a way
:o)
You're not crazy...be a little kinder to yourself. What you are doing is HUGE! Be very proud of yourself.
You're not stupid,you're not dumb,you're not unlovable and you're not alone.You are doing a lot of self pity but that's pretty normal.You feel like a victim right now but you've really taken a bold move so give yourself a break,The first step is realizing you are powerless over drugs and you're life is unmangeable.
Your choice for a partner was what it is,Lots of us made bad choices.My picker was broken.
You may not be able to taper.Do you know someone who will keep them for you and dole them out to you?If not,it might be time to flush what you have left.
Soon you will be in rehab and will not have to worry about it.If they are in your control then the obsession will be there.It's that simple.
Stick with this plan.You are on the road to freedom.
Your choice for a partner was what it is,Lots of us made bad choices.My picker was broken.
You may not be able to taper.Do you know someone who will keep them for you and dole them out to you?If not,it might be time to flush what you have left.
Soon you will be in rehab and will not have to worry about it.If they are in your control then the obsession will be there.It's that simple.
Stick with this plan.You are on the road to freedom.
I was suppose to leave in 2 days...I just found out they will not take me because I contracted MRSA within the last 12 months. Do these idiots know that EVERYONE in the united states etc...has MRSA....I can't help that because of my bone marrow disease that I am resistant...I contracted it just by visiting my friend in the hospital....
What do I do now....I AM terrified....
What do I do now....I AM terrified....
Find a new alternative. Do not give up! You cannot do that, because you don't want your life to continue this way, you must persevere. Call around, call all day, find a place that will take you. Look for out-patient suboxone/methadone treatment as an alternative. If you want to stop, someone will help you. Some hospitals have detox areas, look into that as well. Most of all, DON'T GIVE UP!