Help, I have no idea where to start. This is NOT a Happy Mothers Day for me, on Thursday I learned my 25 daughter is a heroin user. Over the past three months I have notice very odd changes in her behavior and I confronted her. I out right asked her if she has been using drugs, But never was I thinking Heroin. Of course she denied using. I also started noticing money and objects missing from my home, she denied denied and denied. I started hiding things in places I thought no one would find, after seeing things had been ruffled through, I noticed more things missing. I woke her from her sleep at 5am on Thursday morning and confronted her, I told her I knew she had a problem of some sort and told her I want to get her help, she again denied. That afternoon she was arrested for drug use and paraphernalia. She is charged with 6 counts and many fines, which neither she or we, her parents have the means. She was released on her own recognizance. I brought her home, we fought and argued and cried and we had NO idea how to approach this. She told me she will withdraw, I told her I would lay with her, hold her, let her throw up on me, what ever it takes. She continually said she wants to die, she said she will kill herself before she ever went to jail. She was in her room telling me she was checking computer for recovery places, she manipulated me to leave room to get something from downstairs for her she went out her window and jumped from our roof which is about 20feet high.
We located her that evening held her physically and we called the police and asked them to take her to the hospital. When they arrived they said there is nothing they could do because she is over 18, and they did not hear her say she wants to harm herself.She left with two know drug users on Thursday evening. I went to the courts on Friday to get an EP to have her picked up and taken to a hospital for fear she was a harm to herself and others, she was picked up late Friday evening and taken to the hospital, but she passed a series of questions and was released because she is 25 and does not want help. I have her phone and was able to read messages and conversations she has had with friends, she keeps saying TOMORROW she will get help, Her tomorrow is NEVER Today.
HOW can we HELP her how can we Physically get her into treatment if we are constantly told she is over 18, we cant just stand by and let her kill herself slowly. She is a SMART, INTELLIGENT, EDUCATED, BEAUTIFUL young lady who is throwing her whole life away.
She is only one month away from her insurance running out, we need to get her help immediately. HOW CAN WE DO THIS?????????????????
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Your daughter does not want to go to jail because she will have a difficult time getting a fix there. Jail might be the only alternative at the moment. Jumping out of her window was a sign of how desperate she is. She is breaching her bail by using and not being at the address she says she is at-yours. "you have to be cruel to be kind". No mom wants to do this as we are our child protector and it seems counterintuitive but it will be a place for her to detox and that is what is needed....her behaviour got her to this place and the consequences are real, she needs to learn this. The people she is with are in the same boat as she is, jail will be their fate as well. These are not bad people, this is a bad drug and some of us can't control actions, cravings, this sickness. She will not be able to deal with this addiction alone but she will have to figure this out and commit to the process. Detoxing is the first step towards clarity. I used to be ashamed of the idea of my son having a criminal record and him having to carry around this stigma for the rest of his life but in the big picture it doesn't matter as much as him being alive and healthy and whole.....that is all of our goals for our children.
He is currently in jail for the first time and I will not post bail and it is breaking my heart but he was in really bad shape when they arrested him and experiencing what I believe to be cocaine psychosis. He is ranting and calling me an abuser etc while in jail, I work as a prison guard there! None of that matter now to me.....he is safe and detoxing and on this mothers day I miss my boy, I love my boy and I will be here for him. Take care of yourself and get some help for you to cope with this , go to al anon or narc anon because you will find that you are not alone. This problem will take us to the depths of sorrow but we are not alone and we can help each other through this. Keep coming back here to read what others here have to say. Learn about the struggles of both parents/partners and addicts and the coping skills will be learned. There is a site called The Addict's Mom that has helped me too. Explore this site as there is lots of information here. Take care because we all care.........
He is currently in jail for the first time and I will not post bail and it is breaking my heart but he was in really bad shape when they arrested him and experiencing what I believe to be cocaine psychosis. He is ranting and calling me an abuser etc while in jail, I work as a prison guard there! None of that matter now to me.....he is safe and detoxing and on this mothers day I miss my boy, I love my boy and I will be here for him. Take care of yourself and get some help for you to cope with this , go to al anon or narc anon because you will find that you are not alone. This problem will take us to the depths of sorrow but we are not alone and we can help each other through this. Keep coming back here to read what others here have to say. Learn about the struggles of both parents/partners and addicts and the coping skills will be learned. There is a site called The Addict's Mom that has helped me too. Explore this site as there is lots of information here. Take care because we all care.........
Dear Mom, I am so sorry for your pain....I can totally relate as my son was a herion addict for 10 years.....They are driven by the demon of addiction. They will lie steal rob cheat whatever it takes to obtain their next fix....I won't go on as I am sure you have experienced that...and it will only get worse...I don't know where you live but you can have her baker acted where they will hold for for 72 hours,but herion addiction is something that requires and needs long term rehabilitation. ...The insurance companies will be your constant enemy because although they collect huge premiums they are in the business of making money,so they want to give you minimal service....You have to be vigilant you have to become a crusader in fighting for her....so true they tie your hands with the 18 year old statement....I don't know if she is willing but with my son I was able to convince him to sign me a power of attorney so I did have input and I was his health care proxy...but he was willing to do that as I explained to him it allowed me to help him...but he was willing and he wanted to comply and he also wanted the help...she is an addict of course she is in denial and of course they will.always play the tomorrow card...it is the pattern of addiction....You have to safe guard all your valuables hide your checkbook anything that has a value attached to it. ...You need to educate yourself on this addiction ....it something doesn't make sense trust yourself and not allow her to play you...Right now she is the puppet and herion her puppetier....it will command her.....You have to fight for her don't take no for an answer not from the insurance companies the rehabs ...Your daughter has a diease because what she is doing by all means is not something she has control over.....I'm truly sorry I know all to well the extreme pain....sending my prayers your way....if you need to talk I'm here
hi ,
everything Kimmy and Christophers Mom tells you is very good advice, you must realise that no matter how much you want to fix your daughter you cannot - only she can make this decision- you can force her into rehab but it wont work unless she wants it- wants it really badly-
getting clean is the easy part- it's staying clean that is hard- it requires hard work - she needs to want to be clean more than she wants to get high- but it can be done- you can be there to support her- you can encourage her and help her- but you CANNOT MAKE HER WANT TO QUIT- sorry but that's the reality- whether she stays clean, is a choice she will have to make every day, hers alone to make --- addiction is a constant battle- do not underestimate it's power and the hold it has over your daughter - your daughter may well tell you what she thinks you want to hear ----- it's what we do, we manipulate people and situations to suit our need to use drugs, we will lie, cheat steal and do pretty much anything when we are in active addiction- addiction has no conscience - no morals - no sense of what is right and wrong- it is a totally selfish disease every decision we make is predicated on how it will affect our ability to obtain the drugs we use- sorry this sounds so harsh but you need to know what you are dealing with.
i truly hope your daughter makes the right choices, but you must also take care of you, be prepared to be let down -- hopefully you wont be ----- but it is a possibility ---- relapse is likely, though not inevitable in early recovery - hopefully your daughter is one of the few who gets it first time- the fact that she has not been using for that long will be in her favor ---- she may well remember how much better her life was before she started taking drugs- best of luck - keep reaching out for help and support-
everything Kimmy and Christophers Mom tells you is very good advice, you must realise that no matter how much you want to fix your daughter you cannot - only she can make this decision- you can force her into rehab but it wont work unless she wants it- wants it really badly-
getting clean is the easy part- it's staying clean that is hard- it requires hard work - she needs to want to be clean more than she wants to get high- but it can be done- you can be there to support her- you can encourage her and help her- but you CANNOT MAKE HER WANT TO QUIT- sorry but that's the reality- whether she stays clean, is a choice she will have to make every day, hers alone to make --- addiction is a constant battle- do not underestimate it's power and the hold it has over your daughter - your daughter may well tell you what she thinks you want to hear ----- it's what we do, we manipulate people and situations to suit our need to use drugs, we will lie, cheat steal and do pretty much anything when we are in active addiction- addiction has no conscience - no morals - no sense of what is right and wrong- it is a totally selfish disease every decision we make is predicated on how it will affect our ability to obtain the drugs we use- sorry this sounds so harsh but you need to know what you are dealing with.
i truly hope your daughter makes the right choices, but you must also take care of you, be prepared to be let down -- hopefully you wont be ----- but it is a possibility ---- relapse is likely, though not inevitable in early recovery - hopefully your daughter is one of the few who gets it first time- the fact that she has not been using for that long will be in her favor ---- she may well remember how much better her life was before she started taking drugs- best of luck - keep reaching out for help and support-
