Helping The One You Love

Hi Everyone

My name is Lindsay and i am very new to this world until i came across a man who i fell in love with he has a addiction to the oxycotton and has had this issue for a long time. When i had met him he was on the road of doing well and had stop with the addiction but at this time he has got back on them. There is nothing harder then seeing the person you know has so much to offer to the world fall so hard and not see it for himself, its hard to go through all the lies when i know he not doing it to hurt me. If there is anyone out there that can give me advice on how to support him going through this that would be great we have planned that this is the week that i get him off this drug so if somone could edjicate me a little better on what i should do and how to handle it that would be great this is his last chance with me i have a daughter and i am a single mother and im praying he will finally see what i see in him, himself
HI Candy Cane,

Welcome. I know you are in a difficult situation and it is hard for me to advise - except to tell you what it is a little like from the other side. I have been addicted to narcotics a long time, with a lot of clean time in between. I too have been told I have had so much to offer. Until recently I have always been a working addict. I think I have done good, sometimes, at the same time I think I have been more of an addict that I let myself- or others (including my wife) realize. I know it is no consolation, but I was always way worse then I let on.

My wife has stuck by me. She only became aware of how bad things were when they got bad- usually that was when I was trying to quit. It is not easy. First the WD's (unless you are fortunate enough to get in a good detox place) then, depending on how long a person has been using and how old they are - there is the time to get your affect (mental stregth, will to do things, joy, etc) back. It is not an easy road - but as you can see by the number of people on this board who have gained their lives back, and are now happier without drugs then they ever were pre drug and during drug use, recovery is 100% possible.

Support is necessary - and your love certainly can be a key factor in saving him. At the same time, it will take a lot more than another person can offer. He needs a support system, NA - & or religion, therapy, etc.

You also have to be careful in your role, sometimes there is a fine line between being a source of strength and being an enabeler, and it is easy for the line to get blurred. You might want to check out Alanon, or whatever the drug version of that is. It has to do with spouses of addicts.

At the same time use your own good love and sense. There is no one way to recovery or to being a support person. Some of these places get a little bit dogmatic, so you must ultimately decide how best you can help him- but the more you learn, the more you can help.

I was talking to my counselor the other day, and I realized my wife can't and never will be able to truely understand the nature of my addiction. That is a good thing, for only another addict really understands this particular type of justification of insane behavior. That is probably why NA has such a succes rates, because it is recovered (they call it recovering) addicts helping addicts.

The best advice I could offer is NA for him, alanon or whatever for you. There are other options, but based on my experience methadone is not a good choice---it just kind of keeps a foot in the door.

I'm sure you will hear from Cowgirl and others who can offer good advice from both sides of the fence. I hope the best for you.

By the way, prayer sure does not hurt anything.

God Bless
QUOTE
...this is the week that i get him off this drug

You are in way over your head if either of you believe that YOU can get him off anything so powerful as oxycontin. For you to attempt this with no knowledge of the effects of the drug and withdrawal is dangerous and ill-advised. People here can offer some advice, but you have no idea what you are taking on...he will not sleep, he will vomit and have diarrhea, he will tremble and shake and beg for 'just one'...and this can go on for days, the sleeplessness for weeks. If you are going to go through with this make sure you have ibuprofen for pain, B vitamins, Omega3 fish oil capsules, juices and clear broths, and try to make sure he gets some physical activity every day.

But the best advice I can give you is this: get him professional help. Detoxing without medical supervision can be dangerous.

Peace ~ M&M
If he is getting his pills from a doctor that should be his first place to look in terms of stopping if he doesn't want to do that and has health insurance, well damn all he has to do is flip his insurance card over and call the mental health or substance abuse number on the back and they will do their best to get him help and if he doesn't have insurance well there are ways to get into detox without insurance...Because you have no idea what you are getting into.

My husband did this with his doctors blessing, although the doctor only knew the pill side not the heroin side and with meds to help...What happened, well it wasn't anything that I would call anywhere near what the doctor or even those here told me...So one important thing for you might be your ability to hand this off, meaning if you are dead set to help/watch him kick, then you better be able to dial 911 if it all goes bad.

No one can tell you what his wd will be like, a lot of that will depend on him... and my concern always is if he will be one who might start hallucinating ... yeah that was so much fun to watch ... not

I really can't find anything nice and pretty about this, if he makes it through and chances are not real good there, the physical while brutal is the easiest of parts...what will be his plan for the mental, his plan to give him the best chance of staying clean...

And I wonder how involved is he in this, does he even have a plan, or are you the making all the plans and seeking out all the answers of what might help, and what might make this a bit more tolerable....

Also, what is your plan, so that you don't become part of the problem and not the solution, because helping in any form usually tends to have the total opposite effect...and in many cases leaves those watching sick and tired, frustrated and angry...
I'm the last one in the world to suggest cold turkey, but it has been done, many times by many people. CT FROM BENZOS, ETC, can be deadly, but from narcotics it is simply hell. I definitely suggest weaning or a good medical detox, BUT;

If he has been using for any length of time , he knows where he is at and what to expect. THIS IS NOT HIS FIRST TIME AROUND THE BLOCK.

On the other hand, I have heard of someone having a heart attack from withdrawels. That is not the usual.

If the CT does not work out, there are other options , so don't give up. Someone said be ready to dial 911 if necessary. That is good advice.

CHECK OUT SOME OF THE OTHER HEADINGS ON THIS WEBSITE, LIKE find treatment and programs and resources.

I think you are an Angel and might be a key to getting him thru this- at the same time, use your good sense.