Here I Am

Where do I start? I am hoping this is a step in the right direction. I pray that someone will respond to my need of help and advice. I have been addicted to vicidon for about 3 years now. I have about 25 pills left, about enough for 2 1/2 days. I keep telling myself I will just get one more bottle to help me wean myself off of them but its just a vicious cycle. I have no choice but to kick this addiction and get the monkey off my back. Not only do I realize the health issues I am putting myself at risk to develop and feel the mental dependance it has created in addition to the financial strain I have sercum to but I am tired of living this lie and being dependant. My husband doesn't have any idea and I would die if he found out, I mean after all I am the perfect wife and mother who can handle anything (yeah right). I have one friend who knows the "real me" but other than her I am alone. How do I began? How do I do this? I am sooo scared. I have been clean a few days hear and there (not by choice) and feel the physical withdraw symptoms. Why am I destroying everything I worked so hard to achieve? Please help me understand the road I hope to venture that leads to being clean and help me understand the process I am about to face. I cannot pick up that damn phone tomorrow!!! I have to get through the mental part before even attempting the physical which is quickly to follow. How?? Where do I start?
I'm not expert in addictions, I'm more of a lurker.
But I wanted to let you know that I think you are very brave taking the first
step. I will leave it to the others to help you with how to come of of the meds.
But I wanted to aknowledge you and say Good luck.
The people here are brilliant and they will help you along the way.
Take care of yourself.
Karen
down-

hi and welcome to the board- karen is right you are brave for admitting you have a problem-

i have been where you are- i still dont understand how i got into such a mess...now

if you have read through some post you can see that everyone is different and you will have to find the recovery that works for you

are you able to taper down to a lower dose for a bit and then go cold turkey??

there are alot of over the counter meds to ease the w/d symptoms

i would say the worst of the physical stuff will be over in about 4-5 days

stick around - there is alot of support here

how much are you now taking??

your friend,

adrienne
brit/ karen-
nice to meet you- wish you would post more and let us get to know you

love,

adrienne
I'm glad you are taking your first step. There are people here that have been in your shoes i.e.perfect mother and wife . . . Don't want to tell your husband or family. I've been exactly where you are! You need to tell your husband. Do you think he won't love you? Do you think he won't understand? You may be very surprised by his reaction. You will never know until you tell him . . . I did and he was so supportive. I don't know if that will be your husband, but you married him for better or worse . . . and this is worse. Tell me about him? Is he understanding? Will he judge you or are those your fears. You need to ask yourself that question. As addicts we caring around a lot of guilt and shame. Don't let that stop you from telling him.
Hey Didi, you have the same Birthday as me, only your alot younger !
I do post sometimes, mostly on the Heroin board. I am training to be an addictions therapist, so I get all the insight I can from the people here.
Take care of yourself.
Karen
I will be 32 in July and have 2 children 7 and 4, which is where my focus was before all of this, not that I don't care now but everything I do I have to have the pills. I take anywhere from 8-12 pills a day and feel energy to continue with all the things that I believe have to be done ( i am quite a perfectionist) not to mention the "normal" effect that I have to maintain. My husband started working 2nd shift 10 hour days when my second son was born which was a huge change in our lives from the 7-3 position he held before this. Meaning I am a single mom thru the week. It is hard. I don't quite understand why or how I got to where I am now all I know is I want out.
Thank you for talking to me, In regards to my husband. He and I began dating in junior high, we broke up for about 2 years in the college years then married in 95. He is loyal, hard working and an awesome dad. I can't bring myself to tell him, I feel like I have betrayed him somehow. I don't think he will have sympthy for me making such a stupid error in judgement that is not only illegal but costly. Maybe one day I will feel differently. I just wonder what I would do if I were in his shoes. I don't think he would divorce me but I think he would loose respect for me which would tear me apart.
karen- cool we have the same b- day--its hard to be an aries huh? i get in my way alot- i just turned 30- and it was hard for me to say goodbye to my 20's- especially since i wasted so much of them being high-

down- we have alot in common- i have 2 kids 8 and 4, except im single- i understand its hard with your husbands long hours, but at least you have a husband-- i would love to have a good one

i have never been prescribed any pain meds- i tried them and i went from there buying them from the same person for 4 years

i haver been clean for a little over 2 months and i cant remember feeling this good

there is alot of guilt involved with this disease- i hate that i took so much of myself away from my kids- but there is nothing i can do to get that time back-i can only work on now and today- im glad they werent grown before i finally got sick of myself

you can do this- you deserve a clean life-

love,
adrienne
Downandout,

Welcome to the Board. Admitting your addiction is a big first step and takes courage. I think most would advise you to detox under medical supervision if possible. However, I didn't, so all i can really share is my own experience. i was taking 20-30 norco 10s a day at the end, and it wasn't working anymore. I just kept needing more and more to achieve an ever-diminishing effect. I tapered to 6/day over 2 weeks, then flushed the remainder and went cold turkey. I experienced all the flu systems and didn't get a full night's sleep for a few weeks, but for me, the fear of withdrawal was worse than the reality. After getting clean (or during), I'd strongly recommend getting involved in a 12-step program. It's for fun and for free, and it may very well save your life. The mental part of this addiction is what proves the greatest challenge over time. Why not maximize your chances for success. Good luck to you and please keep posting. Glad you're here. None
hi this i must say when i did decide to stop taking the damn stuff after 31/2 yrs the 1st thing i did was ask my wife of 30yrs for her help and support she actually is the one who found this site for me which is great. also i have 2 grown daughters that i got the nerve up to tell and boy what support i get from them for they don't want dad on drugs. hope you stay with it and also hope that your husband will support you remind him for better or worse when you married good luck trm.