After an argument on saturday morning, my husband and I haven't spoken until this afternoon. He just happened to be in the neighborhood. At my work. He says he was there to get itemized bills from the hospital, which he did. After a few minutes I heard those words, "I'm sorry". He was very pleasant and cordial and smiling. And of course I said, "I'm sorry too." I figured on Saturday that today he would be calm again. Maybe I am crazy, but it seems like every three days he cycles. Is this common for a casual smoker of crack/marijuana? I am not sure of what to do....Nothing changes.....I do love him very much! We have been together for 21 years. I feel like an emotional basketcase.
thanks for your insights
Every addict binges at different times. For example, usually my bf does crack every two weeks for 3 days, coincidently on pay days. Other times, when he actually had some extra money or something to pawn to the dealer, he would do crack every two or three days. So yes it is normal for an addict to have those cycles.
You say you've been married 21 years, when did he start smoking crack? My bf usually smokes weed when he doesn't do crack, but lately he's cut back a lot, and he has actually been clean from marijuana and crack for almost 3 weeks now. He has proven to stay clean for a month at a time and then he tends to relapse.
Theres nothing you can really do unfortunatly, except to help yourself because we can't really help an addict. Its devastating for us to watch the ones we love addicted but we really can't help. Alls you can do is detach, I'm sure you've read the posts on detachment...
I found out for sure 6 years ago. Now, i believe it was 18 years ago. I remember we walked to his friends apartment and he turned me on to freebasing. It was my first and last time to do it. We used occasionlly after that, but I had that fear of God and fear of the law. When I went back to college, I realized the drugs could ruin everything if I didn't stop. That's when I stopped getting high. It's been over 10 years for me. I guess that is why he sees me as judgemental. I don't mean to come across like that. I have grown. And I have changed. But he is like the commercial of the two guys when they say "Maryuana(sp) hasn't change me"..
enabler, from your earlier posts and the pain that you are sharing, you seem the perfect candidate for help through Al-Anon. there is really a lot of help in those meetings. as i recall you work in a hospital. there are probably meetings right near you. many in the medical professional have the same experience as you. you seem well versed in co-dependency. yes, trust in God, but you might consider some work that you can do to find help for yourself. sounds like your husband is not going to change any time soon, so give consideration to accepting the help of others to deal with what is going on with you. many would welcome the opportunity to work with you and i have a feeling you have a lot to share with them.
I'm glad you were smart enough to realize what drugs could do to you and stopped. I did the same thing. My bf wanted me to try crack when we first started dating but I said no way. I did try meth a couple of times and while I did that, he was doing his crack but then I looked at his life and my friends life and realized, I don't want to be like that. And I never touched it again.
Thank God we were able to make the smart choices. Has he even tried to get help for his addiction?
Have you decided what to do if he doesn't get help?
Thank God we were able to make the smart choices. Has he even tried to get help for his addiction?
Have you decided what to do if he doesn't get help?
I have embarrassed this poor man as much as anyone can bear. I have tried the courts, my church, my family knows, his family knows. He likes the drugs. This is the third time I have seperated in the past two years. The first time for a month, the second for six months, and this time I signed a year lease. He is already trying to tell me I need to come home. That the family needs me. My boys stayed with him.
Sounds to me like you've tried everything..he wants you back now, are you going to stick to staying away from him? Have you explained you won't go back until he gets some serious help?
My bf's brother was married, has two children with her, but his addiction drove them apart, and he never sees her or the children anymore. He loves his drugs too much and losing his family apparently wasn't enough for him to hit rock bottom. He decided he likes the drugs more than anything..
Anyways I need to get to bed, 5:30 am comes early..I will pray for you and your husband tonight and I hope things are better tomorrow. If you need to talk I am always here! Take care..
My bf's brother was married, has two children with her, but his addiction drove them apart, and he never sees her or the children anymore. He loves his drugs too much and losing his family apparently wasn't enough for him to hit rock bottom. He decided he likes the drugs more than anything..
Anyways I need to get to bed, 5:30 am comes early..I will pray for you and your husband tonight and I hope things are better tomorrow. If you need to talk I am always here! Take care..
I am trying to get in to see a counselor here in this little town. I know he will ask why and I will tell him it is to change me. (true) I am hoping that he will eventually go with me. I don't know if we have a support group here, but there should be one close. I am so co-dependent though. That is something I am trying to change. Our arguement on Saturday was me trying to set boundaries. It was so hard not to call all weekend. But, I went to the house tonight and found evidence of him using. That is why he came to talk to me being all nice.
What stinks is my boys know that he does drugs. But he is more fun and outgoing than I am. I am a boring homebody. I don't plan on going back until my lease is up. He says he will wait a few more months. I figure I have waited at least 6 years.
Enabler,
How are you today?
How old are your sons? What do they think of his drug use? I hope he doesn't use around them.
I know, I am co dependent too and thats what got me here. I'm glad you're going to stick to your guns and not move back but he needs to realize you're not going to just stay separated and he does nothing about his addiction and that you'll go back to that, only to have to go through this again!! Its a vicious cycle isn't it?
How are you today?
How old are your sons? What do they think of his drug use? I hope he doesn't use around them.
I know, I am co dependent too and thats what got me here. I'm glad you're going to stick to your guns and not move back but he needs to realize you're not going to just stay separated and he does nothing about his addiction and that you'll go back to that, only to have to go through this again!! Its a vicious cycle isn't it?
Gosh, it is hard to believe so many days have gone by. It is day three or four in his cycle and i didn't see him last night. i did see him tonight. I think if it weren't for the boys, I wouldn't bother.
Everything was tolerable, until dinner. I gave the both of the boys some of my food cuz I knew how much they like it. (The kitchen is still out of commission). He got upset. Something I wanted to do, thought I was being nice, and HE got upset with the boys. Then he got upset with me. He left the room, came back, and asked the boys to leave the room so he could talk to me. Yea he can talk alright, but he just can't think anymore. This little act of kindness that I wanted to share with my boys turned into a pouting. I left the room. He left the room. Me and the boys went back to the room and played a card game. We even invited him and he said he would be out in a minute.(mmmmm) Went to check again. He said he was going to bed. (8pm). I finished the game with the boys. I should have brought them back with me, except their older brother is coming home in the morning before going to his next command with the Navy. I want everything to be good before he goes.
Everything was tolerable, until dinner. I gave the both of the boys some of my food cuz I knew how much they like it. (The kitchen is still out of commission). He got upset. Something I wanted to do, thought I was being nice, and HE got upset with the boys. Then he got upset with me. He left the room, came back, and asked the boys to leave the room so he could talk to me. Yea he can talk alright, but he just can't think anymore. This little act of kindness that I wanted to share with my boys turned into a pouting. I left the room. He left the room. Me and the boys went back to the room and played a card game. We even invited him and he said he would be out in a minute.(mmmmm) Went to check again. He said he was going to bed. (8pm). I finished the game with the boys. I should have brought them back with me, except their older brother is coming home in the morning before going to his next command with the Navy. I want everything to be good before he goes.
By the way. My boys are fifteen, eighteen, and twenty-one
I'm a recovering addict i have sought recovery for almost a year now. within that time i have relasped twice, each time after five months of clean time I just celebrated 30 days again I have learned to apply my program of recovery daily, because addiction is such a cunning enemy of life I have learned to stay focused on my recovery. For those seeking a new way to enjoy life without drugs, I suggest that you found a 12 step program and sponsor to give oyurself a fighting chance at living your life clean ONE DAY AT A TIME. PEACE AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
DEMAURICE2003
DEMAURICE2003
