Hello all, I'm a newbie...3 weeks sober:) I've already attened one AA meeting. Will be going to my second one tonight. I have been reading up on alcholism and how it is a disease. I did display symptoms of a middle stage alcholic (black-outs, inability to control the number of drinks, monster hangovers, finding excuses and reasons to drink "hey it's Arbor day lets go to the bar!") BUT my parents aren't alcholics...as far as I know. They are social drinkers.
Are one of your parents alcholics?
If mine are not then am I really an alcholic? Or am I just an alchol abuser?
Welcome, pql.
Genetics seems to play a part in SOME alcoholics' journeys, but there's no one CERTAIN way to be an alcoholic. Some are born into alcoholic relationships, some do it as a means of coping, some escaping, some just plain drink too damned much! :) Bottom line is this: If you can't stop drinking when you start, or can't stop thinking about starting when you're not drinking, you've probably got something going on. Going to AA is a good way to learn about the disease--just listen for similarities, not differences. Everyone gets there different ways--but one things for certain: Once a pickle, never a cucumber again!:)
The folks here are helpful and knowledgeable. Stick around, ask questions, and be honest with yourself and others. What have you got to lose?
Genetics seems to play a part in SOME alcoholics' journeys, but there's no one CERTAIN way to be an alcoholic. Some are born into alcoholic relationships, some do it as a means of coping, some escaping, some just plain drink too damned much! :) Bottom line is this: If you can't stop drinking when you start, or can't stop thinking about starting when you're not drinking, you've probably got something going on. Going to AA is a good way to learn about the disease--just listen for similarities, not differences. Everyone gets there different ways--but one things for certain: Once a pickle, never a cucumber again!:)
The folks here are helpful and knowledgeable. Stick around, ask questions, and be honest with yourself and others. What have you got to lose?
as far as I know I'm the only alcoholic as far as older relatives and parents are concerned...
my older brother is questionable and I have an alcoholic nephew
my older brother is questionable and I have an alcoholic nephew
Hi pql WELCOME. My name is Marie and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for 5 months and I hope you find this board as helpful as I do. The people on here has been a tremendous help and support to me. I can't praise it enough especially since where I live there isn't any AA groups or meetings. This board has been my lifeline to sanity and sobriety.I am however an AA member and go to a town at times for the program and I have a sponsor whom I keep in contact with daily thru the internet and phone. From my own experience if you question the fact if you are really an alcoholic or not chances are you are one. If you are powerless over the alcohol once you take that first drink (ei going to have just one or two and then drinking until your stash is gone or you pass out because you kept wanting more) if you are hiding it and sneaking drinks.If you are having blackouts.If you drink to feel the effects of it and you crave it.If you use alcohol to deal with problems and if you feel you have to lie about it and if you feel your freedom of choice is taken away when it comes to alcohol then yes I think you are one. It's a very thin line from abusing alcohol to becoming an alcoholic and one that is easily crossed before you know what is happening to you. Studies have shown that there is a genetic factor when it comes to alcoholism. Neither of my parents drank as a matter of fact they were both dead set against it. who knows maybe if they had drank they too would have been alcoholics they didn't so I will never know. However my uncle was an alcoholic and so is my nephew. My uncle is now dead and my nephew has been sober for 6 years. so yes it was in my family in that way.I am glad to see you post on this site if you think you need help. You are doing the right things. I hope you keep posting. Good luck to you take care.
Welcome, pql,
I'm with Skq, there are lots of roads heading South.
Take one heading North.
Let's see.....you've been gong to AA and you're coming here.....you obviously therefore feel you have a problem with alcohol...... and are looking for a reason that you aren't an alcoholic.....mmm....
Anyone else here done that?
It's the label nobody wants, but if you take a look at the winners over there in the Recovery Lounge you might actually end up thinking it's the best thing that could ever happen to you.
If you tell anyone that we might have to expel you.
I'm happy for you that you're thinking about your life and what you want from it BEFORE it became such a mess you couldn't possibly ask that question.
Only you can decide whether you want the label....but my advice is to think of it as a journey....which way do you want your life to go? Which way looks like it will being you peace, love and joy?
Martin
I'm with Skq, there are lots of roads heading South.
Take one heading North.
Let's see.....you've been gong to AA and you're coming here.....you obviously therefore feel you have a problem with alcohol...... and are looking for a reason that you aren't an alcoholic.....mmm....
Anyone else here done that?
It's the label nobody wants, but if you take a look at the winners over there in the Recovery Lounge you might actually end up thinking it's the best thing that could ever happen to you.
If you tell anyone that we might have to expel you.
I'm happy for you that you're thinking about your life and what you want from it BEFORE it became such a mess you couldn't possibly ask that question.
Only you can decide whether you want the label....but my advice is to think of it as a journey....which way do you want your life to go? Which way looks like it will being you peace, love and joy?
Martin
Gidday Pql
Congrads on 3 weeks and keep posting, keep going to the meetings and listen for the similarities that you will hear
My family has stepped on the bomb and been blown apart by addiction in many ways and i can sometimes think now that i have all these new morals and life skills maybe i did just abuse alcohol...mmmmm...yeah right, i am too scared to wake up from the test of that theory and i never want to listen to that side of my addictive thinking because for me it leads to insanity and death
Deep down you probably know already the answer to your question and there can be a fun life without alcohol, really fun and worth living:)
light and love Zac
Congrads on 3 weeks and keep posting, keep going to the meetings and listen for the similarities that you will hear
My family has stepped on the bomb and been blown apart by addiction in many ways and i can sometimes think now that i have all these new morals and life skills maybe i did just abuse alcohol...mmmmm...yeah right, i am too scared to wake up from the test of that theory and i never want to listen to that side of my addictive thinking because for me it leads to insanity and death
Deep down you probably know already the answer to your question and there can be a fun life without alcohol, really fun and worth living:)
light and love Zac
Thank you to those who replied. I hear what you are all are saying. Be honest with yourself. I am - really. For once in my life it is refreshing to be brutally honest. Here is MY story:
Got drunk for the first time when I was about 12 with a friend raiding my parents liquor cabinet. Spent my high school years (which I fricken HATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) looking for the next "kegger". Spent most of my college years looking for reasons to party - which we all now college is full of reasons and oppourtunities to drink!!! I successfully completed college with an elementary teaching degree. I have 15 years of successful teaching under my belt. I've been voted Teacher of the Year in 93 by my colleagues and have a masters in Ed Leadership. I have NEVER drank in the mornings - admit to going to work hungover in the past and have missed work due to some killer hangovers. Fast forward to me looking at 38, married for 8 years to a wonderful supportive man who is half Irish and form a family and culture of drinkers. When I met him in a pub in Cambrindge England 9years ago it was love at first site. I also didn't recognize that the alcholic in me celebrated that I had married into a culture of drinkers and my drinking behavior had been the norm all these years! Ironically it was my husband who first brought it to my attention about 3 years ago that I have a drinking problem. I ran it by my best friend (who's known me before I got married). So I've spent the past few years trying to control my drinking and unsusessfully tyring to stick to my "magic number" whenever I got out drinking - yes, I know classic alcholic in denial move. So after a night out drinking with some friends on May 17th and I became typically belligerent and irrational...because they wanted to go home - I wanted to stay out and keep partying. My husband confronted me the next morning and that is when my whole world collapesed in on me. I experienced the worst anxiety attack BUT I didn't immediatly grab a drink or cigrarette ( I quit smoking 5 months ago and do not plan to pick that life long habit up as I've noticed most AAs do!!). Instead I called my best friend crying and asked her if she thinks I have a drinking problem. She didnt' even pause, "yes." That was it. I called my therapsit and made an appointment for the next day. I've seeing this therapist on and off for the past 5 years for marital, career, and parent issues - all of which center around my anxiety and irrational fears. Which now I realize is a symptom of my alcholism. See I am doing my homework people!! I am currently reading "Under the Influence" That book has helped me to put all of this in prespective.
My therapist immediatly confirmed my diagnosis and told me my magic number is 0 and start to get some AA meetings under my belt. I also called up an oder girlfriend of mine who admitted she was an alcholic 2 years ago and she is still sober. She held my hand for my first meeting. I went to one on my own last Friday and plan to attend some other ones in my area this week. I am fortunate to live in a metroplitian/suburb area of FL and there are AA meeitngs EVERWHERE.
I have also been 'trolling' this board and your post are helpful. Your replies are alos very helpful.I look forward to reading your insights to this post.
sorry for any misspellnigs and grammar mistakes. I am in a hurry and wanted to get this one out ASAP. I have to rush off to work now.
thank you for reading this and I appreiate the honesty and support.
Got drunk for the first time when I was about 12 with a friend raiding my parents liquor cabinet. Spent my high school years (which I fricken HATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) looking for the next "kegger". Spent most of my college years looking for reasons to party - which we all now college is full of reasons and oppourtunities to drink!!! I successfully completed college with an elementary teaching degree. I have 15 years of successful teaching under my belt. I've been voted Teacher of the Year in 93 by my colleagues and have a masters in Ed Leadership. I have NEVER drank in the mornings - admit to going to work hungover in the past and have missed work due to some killer hangovers. Fast forward to me looking at 38, married for 8 years to a wonderful supportive man who is half Irish and form a family and culture of drinkers. When I met him in a pub in Cambrindge England 9years ago it was love at first site. I also didn't recognize that the alcholic in me celebrated that I had married into a culture of drinkers and my drinking behavior had been the norm all these years! Ironically it was my husband who first brought it to my attention about 3 years ago that I have a drinking problem. I ran it by my best friend (who's known me before I got married). So I've spent the past few years trying to control my drinking and unsusessfully tyring to stick to my "magic number" whenever I got out drinking - yes, I know classic alcholic in denial move. So after a night out drinking with some friends on May 17th and I became typically belligerent and irrational...because they wanted to go home - I wanted to stay out and keep partying. My husband confronted me the next morning and that is when my whole world collapesed in on me. I experienced the worst anxiety attack BUT I didn't immediatly grab a drink or cigrarette ( I quit smoking 5 months ago and do not plan to pick that life long habit up as I've noticed most AAs do!!). Instead I called my best friend crying and asked her if she thinks I have a drinking problem. She didnt' even pause, "yes." That was it. I called my therapsit and made an appointment for the next day. I've seeing this therapist on and off for the past 5 years for marital, career, and parent issues - all of which center around my anxiety and irrational fears. Which now I realize is a symptom of my alcholism. See I am doing my homework people!! I am currently reading "Under the Influence" That book has helped me to put all of this in prespective.
My therapist immediatly confirmed my diagnosis and told me my magic number is 0 and start to get some AA meetings under my belt. I also called up an oder girlfriend of mine who admitted she was an alcholic 2 years ago and she is still sober. She held my hand for my first meeting. I went to one on my own last Friday and plan to attend some other ones in my area this week. I am fortunate to live in a metroplitian/suburb area of FL and there are AA meeitngs EVERWHERE.
I have also been 'trolling' this board and your post are helpful. Your replies are alos very helpful.I look forward to reading your insights to this post.
sorry for any misspellnigs and grammar mistakes. I am in a hurry and wanted to get this one out ASAP. I have to rush off to work now.
thank you for reading this and I appreiate the honesty and support.
Welcome PQL....hope this message finds you well. Looking forward to getting to know you better.
Hi pql.I am glad to see you post again. I was wondering if you would. My family and friends knew I had a problem before I did. Alcoholism is a disease that tells you that you don't have a disease.My husband was telling me for years I had a problem. It was only went I started to fall way down the scale did I admit it myself. We might think it ourselves but admitting it is the key to recovery. It is very difficult to admit at first when we do that is the first step toward recovery. You are very fortunate that you live in a place where there are lots of meetings. That is something to be grateful for. I hope you don't go through too much withdrawal symptoms. If you do please remember that it will pass. Toward the end of my drinking I was drinking as early as 6 and 6am in the morning. NOT GOOD.When I quit,I had the shakes,nausea,vomiting,skin crawling,weird dreams and food tasted really strange almost like there were chemicals in it. I also had anxiety and insomia and the cravings were OH SO BAD. That is all behind me now. I have been sober for 5 months and I am beginning to enjoy my alcohol free life. It's a change for sure but one that is for the better. I have met a lady in AA who was a teacher and she has lost everything of value in her life because of her drinking. Her marriage,her home,her job.Her health is ruined because she has liver,pancreas and spleen damage. She has almost died but yet still can't stop drinking completely.It is so sad. We have to realize that our disease will never get better only worse if we don't stop drinking. The good thing about it is there IS A SOLUTION. and that is to NOT take that FIRST drink.Simple but effective. It will take strength and it will take courage but it CAN be done.The answer is within you. Dig deep enough in your soul and you will find the strength that you need,it will be there. I am NOT going to let a bottle of liquid run my life,kill my spirit ,kill my body ,steal my show and take away everything I hold dear. I am worth more than that and so are you. All we have to do is NOT TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK because when we do we are giving our power over to alcohol. I wish you good luck in your recovery and please keep posting. This board has been a lifeline for me and many days I have had to get the people on here pull me back in the boat. But the thing is we are here for each other and I can assure you when you need and want support and advice they will not let you down.Good luck to you and God bless pql and take care. Stay strong!
pql, thank you for sharing your story. You seem to be on the right track and I'm really pleased for you. I stopped drinking a few short weeks ago but got most of it out of my system at the end of last year. I've already felt incredible benefits; it's been like opening a door and seeing shadows flee the sunlight.
I can't believe the way alcohol crept up on me and stole my joy.
I can't believe life was EVER as good as this.
Martin
I can't believe the way alcohol crept up on me and stole my joy.
I can't believe life was EVER as good as this.
Martin
Thank you for the personal reply and for sharing Pirate. I already can see the benifits of this board since I am new to attending AA meetings. I want to attend 2-3 a week and find my "home meeting" place. When I walked into the one Friday night I felt like such an outsider. First I wanted prove myself..."it's Ok I'm one of you - see here's my white chip." I just felt eyes on me. Then I noticed how they all seemed to know each other; waves across the rooms, pats on the back as they passed each other. Im realizing that part of why I drink was to fit in...like most peole do that have social insecurities like me. So for know it is very reassuring to know that I can post here and feel like I belong:)
Thank you
So far any withdrwals that I have been experiecning have been some days were my energy is totally zapped. Which sucks because I am an 'on the go' girl. I like to be busy...especially when my mind is racing. Once I get my energy back then I'm non-stop. I organized my closet and jewlery last night and then I read till midnight. Sometimes I will get dizzy and my hands will shake a bit...but then that could be due to the immense amount of caffine I am ingesting on a daily baisis. Realized now that I need to cut back. I am also trying to stay tuned to my body and eat ...when I was drinking I would not eat some nights. I read in my book that is common for alcholics since they get calories from the booze. I realized that hunger leads to anxiety and irriibility which could eventually lead to me taking a drink. I am also an avid excerciser. I walk the dogs everyday and I am a long time Jazzerciser (yes, there are still those clases around and now we don't wear leg warmers.)
So I am just working on taking care of myself and taking my time. I am fortunate that school is out for now and i have these next couple weeks to work on ME before I teach summer school. We also don't have any kids of our own just furry ones so I don't have that added stress. We are a ChildFree couple I am workign hard to educate myself about the disease and take every meausre to prevent myself from every taking another drink.
I have hermited myself socially as well. I have told only my closests friends that I am an alcholic and they have all been super supporitve.
I do dread my fist time going out ........but that's in the future and all I have is today. Today I feel good and I didnt' drink:)
Thank you
So far any withdrwals that I have been experiecning have been some days were my energy is totally zapped. Which sucks because I am an 'on the go' girl. I like to be busy...especially when my mind is racing. Once I get my energy back then I'm non-stop. I organized my closet and jewlery last night and then I read till midnight. Sometimes I will get dizzy and my hands will shake a bit...but then that could be due to the immense amount of caffine I am ingesting on a daily baisis. Realized now that I need to cut back. I am also trying to stay tuned to my body and eat ...when I was drinking I would not eat some nights. I read in my book that is common for alcholics since they get calories from the booze. I realized that hunger leads to anxiety and irriibility which could eventually lead to me taking a drink. I am also an avid excerciser. I walk the dogs everyday and I am a long time Jazzerciser (yes, there are still those clases around and now we don't wear leg warmers.)
So I am just working on taking care of myself and taking my time. I am fortunate that school is out for now and i have these next couple weeks to work on ME before I teach summer school. We also don't have any kids of our own just furry ones so I don't have that added stress. We are a ChildFree couple I am workign hard to educate myself about the disease and take every meausre to prevent myself from every taking another drink.
I have hermited myself socially as well. I have told only my closests friends that I am an alcholic and they have all been super supporitve.
I do dread my fist time going out ........but that's in the future and all I have is today. Today I feel good and I didnt' drink:)
Hi pql I am glad to see that you are hanging in . Great stuff! I didn't do any socializing for a while after I gave up drinking. I have been to one party and a bbq since ,although I have been around alcohol. My first couple of months I avoided it totally because if I even saw it I wanted to have it at that time. Now I am easing myself in slowly but I don't party like I did at all. You will know when you are ready to be around it. I still avoid situations as much as I can where alcohol is running free. The times I have went out I came home early. It is great to wake up without a hangover and in my case it was great not to arrive at the party drunk lol.I think you will do fine,just dont rush yourself into anything. As we say it's baby steps one day at a time. God bless,take care and good luck.
Crikey, it's so slippery though isn't it.....I read your post pirate and started to think about the fact that Ijust didn't want to drink anymore and being around alcohol didn't bother me a bit....and ...well..I won't describe the feeling other than to say I could taste it and wanted it. And if it was here I might have told myself I was well past having a problem now because I haven't had a drink for ...what? three weeks?
Astonishing.
Just like that.
I have to keep coming here for a little bit longer....lol...because I really don't want to lose the technicolour HDReality I've found since stopping my proper drinking six months ago.
Thanks.
Keep posting pql, it's good to hear you're being so positive.
Astonishing.
Just like that.
I have to keep coming here for a little bit longer....lol...because I really don't want to lose the technicolour HDReality I've found since stopping my proper drinking six months ago.
Thanks.
Keep posting pql, it's good to hear you're being so positive.
I am feeling positive Martin. Obviously these past few weeks have been up and down...more ups than down fortunatly. I did have some mild anxiety when my husband and I went out to dinner Sunday...because my mind instantly thought "oh a martini would be lovely" as we walked into the restaurant. Then a sat looking at the bar and thought "it's going to be awhile before i can sit relaxed at a bar." My mind kept racing and I had a hard time focusing on my husband's converstation which irriated him and which in turn irriated me....Like I said I've just been really sheltering myself and staying away from my usual drinking haunts and opportunities.
So right now my big project while I spend a lot of time at home by myself is to pour through my diaries/journals starting from when I was 15. I want to witness my pattern of drinking, why I drink...where were the signs. I know to look back and think "this is what alchol has done to me and not what I did."
well off to my third meeting.
thank you again for the replies:)
So right now my big project while I spend a lot of time at home by myself is to pour through my diaries/journals starting from when I was 15. I want to witness my pattern of drinking, why I drink...where were the signs. I know to look back and think "this is what alchol has done to me and not what I did."
well off to my third meeting.
thank you again for the replies:)
I know why I drink....I love the way it makes me feel when I do it. Which, I realise now, was telling my self I wasn't good enough as I was....how could I think I was good enough if I wanted to feel like someone else so often? Ruinous to my sense of self-esteem, never mind any inappropriate behaviour that flowed from cutting loose.
As well as finding out why you drink is there any mileage in finding out when and why you don't want to? Things that you enjoy that don't involve alcohol? I don't know what it's like for you but it took me a little while to realise that it wasn't entirely extraterrestial behaviour to ask for mineral water in pubs and restaurants lol....and I dance much, much better sober....lol
As well as finding out why you drink is there any mileage in finding out when and why you don't want to? Things that you enjoy that don't involve alcohol? I don't know what it's like for you but it took me a little while to realise that it wasn't entirely extraterrestial behaviour to ask for mineral water in pubs and restaurants lol....and I dance much, much better sober....lol
Welcome to the board Pql. I'm glad you have chosen the road of recovery. That you have been honest with yourself. That you have family and friends to lean on. Ones that are also being honest with you. Please continue to stay on the road to recovery. You deserve to be reasonably happy in life, as we all do.
I loved Pirate's post to you. She is a warm and caring woman. I'm happy you have decided to go to AA. The unity is in the fellowship. The steps are a design for honest living. Keep posting your ESH that's experience, strength, and hope. I wish you the very best on your journey.
I loved Pirate's post to you. She is a warm and caring woman. I'm happy you have decided to go to AA. The unity is in the fellowship. The steps are a design for honest living. Keep posting your ESH that's experience, strength, and hope. I wish you the very best on your journey.
