HEROIN..........if I didn't know the hassle it brings with it I'd have picked up today...............we all speaks of it's evil...........where it takes us and where it puts us............poor Bunny Rocker is now suffering because of heroin and she never even did it...............parents suffer........kids.........loved ones.
What we don't talk about is the awesomeness of it............how right this very minute we'd have a bag and all the pain and hurt and ugliness of this world disappears..............of course until next time............and the cycle starts, but I have a respect for a drug that can at least take the searing pain away from someone...........I mean you break a limb it hurts........they give ya pain medicine...............too bad every fiber in your heart and head hirt and a pain so much more than physical pain but you're made to take it and shut up.
TELL ME WHY??????????????????????????
My own child............I mean now, finally what it took me this long to believe.
THAT IS THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! END OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My name is not mother................I don't own that title..........I could give a flip about a holiday....................we had a can of tuna fish................BUT my daughter was "home".........................I wouldn't leave my house knowing she'd be two blocks away.............I can't face that.............so I didn't.........I didn't leave my house.
WHY IN GOD'S GREAT GREEN EARTH WHY WOULD MY MOTHER TELL ME SHE SAW HER TODAY??????????????????????????????????
I told her do not freaking tell me..................EVER............ANYMORE..........and she tells me a few hours ago.
Oh, did she call my mom to meet her? NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom saw her waiting on the bus stop........................I'm sorry my mom saw her and didn't know it was her..................that's how fat she is she said..................HUGE........and she called out to my mom...............and they talked.
Didn't ask a word about me.................and frankly my mother got a hell of a nerve even bringing it up.................thanks alot..............going on how she's got a huge bag real heavy and my mom asked why she didn't at least have a ride to the subway.....................and she lied saying her grandparents car was broke.........LIAR................not that she owes my mom an explanation.......LIAR cause I saw the grandmom drive by when I hung wash today...............and my mom told her my brother was in the hospital?????
WHY>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>WHY????????????????WHY???????????
I'm just so done with this crap..............I don't deserve this........I don't deserve anything.
| QUOTE |
| I mean you break a limb it hurts........they give ya pain medicine...............too bad every fiber in your heart and head hirt and a pain so much more than physical pain but you're made to take it and shut up. |
Well see the medicine to fix you up is in you, you just aint found it yetdont give up ok the answers you need to find peace within this all are right there
Why do you keep doing this to yourself, do you know
And you dont deserve whatas I see it you deserve the best of everything and yet that doesnt mean that plain old life isnt just going to walk in with pain riding along, with a sadness that can be, this at times bullsh*t filled glory and be just what it is, life.it is what we make it that f*cks it all to hell most days.where our heads take the madness that isnt ours, just what we see in those around us, what we take in of their words, the look on their face, in their eyes
So she has you all in your head all over but see what I want to know if what is really bugging you, what you keep coming back to, what keeps you stuckand why you allow, and yes you do allow it all to drive you so crazy at times
This is what I feel, just me for what it is or isnt worth. She is her own person, and able to live how she wants, be how she wants, and it is ok, as it has to beand I know that makes no sense but she needs to be accepted for who she is right now.what becomes is up to her.and if she stays like this does it mean you cant love her, shouldnt love her, should hate her based on what you see in how she treats you, your mom, the whole worldwow this got really big didnt
So she is disrespectful, and so she is closed off and distant and pushy and ignorant, doesnt so called care, and at times looking a bit evilthat means nothing as she is and will always be just who she is and that is subject to change by her own rightsuch promise it all holds, always
You do know you did the best you could, right and life moved as it did for reasons that dont matter anymore as the past is overat some point you have to make peace with your life and move forward. This isnt contingent on anyone, and this isnt for or about anyone but you
I hope that you can find some sense in this all, and some peace of mind and let her go to learn by her actionspraying lots, even as I know you have some issues with the big guy, who by the way didnt bring any of this to your door and sadly I hate to say this but he wont be fixing any of this eitherall still up to you to get it fixed and you can no matter whatand in my head it doesnt have anything to do with your daughter and what she does or doesnt do
Wishes of a much better tomorrow for you,
Love,
Tina
Bryn, I really am at a loss as to what to say to you. I wish I had the gift of being able to put into words what I feel, the way so many of the members here do.
There is an old saying, "You can't put a 40 year old head on a child's body".
I think that sometimes we expect youngsters to know all the sacrifices that as parents and granparents we make for them. Of course they can't appreciate what they have always known as part of their life. It's just the way they have lived, and don't know any other way.
Your daughter has always been the center of your families love.
It's sad that she takes it all for granted, and can't realize the great blessings she has. It may take her a long time to work out her anger or whatever is eating her.
You love her, Bryn, if you didn't it wouldn't hurt so much.
You can't let this totally ruin your life, and set you at odds with your Mom, too.
She will come around in her own time. It may not be on your timetable. but it will happen.
You know she is still going to school, she is not going without, and she is
healthy. She hasn't grown up yet. she will.
What do you do for yourself, to take your mind off your daughter and all the other things going on in your life?
Nothing will be accomplished if you get sick. Please try to step back a little, and try to put a little perspective on things. Life has it's own way of taking care of things if we get out of the way.
Please don't think I'm not sympathetic to how you feel, I may not have found the right words to help, but I certainly don't mean to be harsh or unfeeling.
I want nothing but great things for you and for your daughter.
with love, rita
There is an old saying, "You can't put a 40 year old head on a child's body".
I think that sometimes we expect youngsters to know all the sacrifices that as parents and granparents we make for them. Of course they can't appreciate what they have always known as part of their life. It's just the way they have lived, and don't know any other way.
Your daughter has always been the center of your families love.
It's sad that she takes it all for granted, and can't realize the great blessings she has. It may take her a long time to work out her anger or whatever is eating her.
You love her, Bryn, if you didn't it wouldn't hurt so much.
You can't let this totally ruin your life, and set you at odds with your Mom, too.
She will come around in her own time. It may not be on your timetable. but it will happen.
You know she is still going to school, she is not going without, and she is
healthy. She hasn't grown up yet. she will.
What do you do for yourself, to take your mind off your daughter and all the other things going on in your life?
Nothing will be accomplished if you get sick. Please try to step back a little, and try to put a little perspective on things. Life has it's own way of taking care of things if we get out of the way.
Please don't think I'm not sympathetic to how you feel, I may not have found the right words to help, but I certainly don't mean to be harsh or unfeeling.
I want nothing but great things for you and for your daughter.
with love, rita
Bryn no time to read poast... just hope all is well and you, Jack, GYAC and all the other Amirecans had a great thanksgiving....
Bryn,
Wish I could be there to give you a hug. It won't fix it but hope it makes you feel a little bit better knowing you are being thought of.
Dawn
Wish I could be there to give you a hug. It won't fix it but hope it makes you feel a little bit better knowing you are being thought of.
Dawn
Bryn, sorry for your pain, you are hurting so much and it just isn't fair. Wish i could say something to help you but know that all the words in the world can't take away the pain you are feeling. Keep posting and getting it all out. Please stay strong xxxxxxx
Bryn
I cant imagine that she is only 2 blocks away and still refuses communication. That is such a hurtful thing to do. I guess she knows that you love her- beyond that I dont know what else you can do.
I sent my son text-messages & voice mails all week-end because he is 100,s of miles away & when I get answered I feel so much better.
So I imagine ,being ignored is so painful. Just keep the communication lines open, as much as it hurts at least she,ll know that no matter what -she still has a real home with real people who raised her with real love
Hell , Im making sure that my son ,although technically 21 is an adult knows that. -and- He knows that if things go wrong- he will always have a home with me.
Isnt it weird- I thought that our kids were supposed to look out for their parents as we got old/older.
I cant imagine that she is only 2 blocks away and still refuses communication. That is such a hurtful thing to do. I guess she knows that you love her- beyond that I dont know what else you can do.
I sent my son text-messages & voice mails all week-end because he is 100,s of miles away & when I get answered I feel so much better.
So I imagine ,being ignored is so painful. Just keep the communication lines open, as much as it hurts at least she,ll know that no matter what -she still has a real home with real people who raised her with real love
Hell , Im making sure that my son ,although technically 21 is an adult knows that. -and- He knows that if things go wrong- he will always have a home with me.
Isnt it weird- I thought that our kids were supposed to look out for their parents as we got old/older.
This is what happens when the other aspects of addiction aren't addressed.
WHen the addict still remains our focus.....and we haven't bothered to get help learning new coping skills to manage anxiety and depression-other than remembering how our dope made it all better.
You ask WHy? why? This is driving you crazy becuase you haven't let go of the addict and the outcome.It's that simple.None of us has control over anothers behavior.Period. If we've truly let it go we don't make ourseleves crazy about it.Time to let go for your own sanity.
Life throws us crap,using and non-using.It's how we see it and handle it that makes our lives manageable or despondent. When we are still unable to unmesh ourselves and see the drug romantically ----we can relapse.
And these red flags should send us running to get some pro help
.Someone who can teach us healthier coping skills and behaviors.It's always down to choices we have.We can sit and feel sorry for ourselves or learn how to handle these issues and re-gain some control and serenity.Yes,serenity for ourselves.When we really truly let go of others outcomes-it's achievable.
WHen the addict still remains our focus.....and we haven't bothered to get help learning new coping skills to manage anxiety and depression-other than remembering how our dope made it all better.
You ask WHy? why? This is driving you crazy becuase you haven't let go of the addict and the outcome.It's that simple.None of us has control over anothers behavior.Period. If we've truly let it go we don't make ourseleves crazy about it.Time to let go for your own sanity.
Life throws us crap,using and non-using.It's how we see it and handle it that makes our lives manageable or despondent. When we are still unable to unmesh ourselves and see the drug romantically ----we can relapse.
And these red flags should send us running to get some pro help
.Someone who can teach us healthier coping skills and behaviors.It's always down to choices we have.We can sit and feel sorry for ourselves or learn how to handle these issues and re-gain some control and serenity.Yes,serenity for ourselves.When we really truly let go of others outcomes-it's achievable.
Thanks, Jack..............thank you............we're going through it the same in a way, but like you said ya know you are getting answered.
Astrella with all due respect my daughter is not an addict.........I AM.......a recovering addict.............and I have been in therapy for quite awhile now.
I share this with my friends on here because we basically know about eachother and are familiar with our families.
I have a therapist and dear ones here to tell me to "Let it go" and don't drive myself crazy..........and although sometimes it's tough to hear I take much of their advice to heart..............I don't need somebody preaching to me, thanks.
Your kindness is appreciated...............or thoughtfullness or whatever it is......but to be honest and it's not just to my post.............you're pushy and preachy and it don't work...........I'm not saying my life is working.........I may have over three years clean.............and I am still working on me.
You don't know the circumstances that surround this and it's not about drugs........and this is what happens when somebody can't share to help people with a tad of compassion.................nobody listens to you.......which is sad cause you have so much to be helpful with and are knowledgable..
A little bit ot tact would help Astrella.............I ain't needing your condescending tone, thanks..............it must me be nice to know it all.......and if you were in my place.............have a child you raised for 17 years.......and this happened to you................I have no doubt you'd know exactly what to do and how to handle it because you just seem to know everything.
This is what happens when...........................you seem to say that alot.......one of these days something is going to come around and pop ya upside your noggin and I hope someone you seek help from doesn't coldly say "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN"..................my daughter isn't on drugs...............it may have been easier for me if she was........again thanks anyway...............preachy.
Astrella with all due respect my daughter is not an addict.........I AM.......a recovering addict.............and I have been in therapy for quite awhile now.
I share this with my friends on here because we basically know about eachother and are familiar with our families.
I have a therapist and dear ones here to tell me to "Let it go" and don't drive myself crazy..........and although sometimes it's tough to hear I take much of their advice to heart..............I don't need somebody preaching to me, thanks.
Your kindness is appreciated...............or thoughtfullness or whatever it is......but to be honest and it's not just to my post.............you're pushy and preachy and it don't work...........I'm not saying my life is working.........I may have over three years clean.............and I am still working on me.
You don't know the circumstances that surround this and it's not about drugs........and this is what happens when somebody can't share to help people with a tad of compassion.................nobody listens to you.......which is sad cause you have so much to be helpful with and are knowledgable..
A little bit ot tact would help Astrella.............I ain't needing your condescending tone, thanks..............it must me be nice to know it all.......and if you were in my place.............have a child you raised for 17 years.......and this happened to you................I have no doubt you'd know exactly what to do and how to handle it because you just seem to know everything.
This is what happens when...........................you seem to say that alot.......one of these days something is going to come around and pop ya upside your noggin and I hope someone you seek help from doesn't coldly say "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN"..................my daughter isn't on drugs...............it may have been easier for me if she was........again thanks anyway...............preachy.
It has happened to me.
And I have learned to deal with it.
I never claim to have all the answers.No one does.
I've been thru plenty of pain,and won't start comparing tragedies here.
I will say,along with the adult child issue,I lost my 1st husband to murder.
Tact. I think tact for you,is avoiding the real issue.I had to learn how to get emotionally unmeshed among many things.For me.And it takes honesty and work.Painful work.But it needs to be done.Pity-potting isn't a method I use to cope.
It's your life and call.You're happy being miserable-stay there.This is a public board.Don't expect everyone to see it the way you do-or respond in kind.Sometimes the things we need to hear are the things that piss us off.
And we need to ask ourselves why is that upsetting me so- a grain of truth perhaps..........
And I have learned to deal with it.
I never claim to have all the answers.No one does.
I've been thru plenty of pain,and won't start comparing tragedies here.
I will say,along with the adult child issue,I lost my 1st husband to murder.
Tact. I think tact for you,is avoiding the real issue.I had to learn how to get emotionally unmeshed among many things.For me.And it takes honesty and work.Painful work.But it needs to be done.Pity-potting isn't a method I use to cope.
It's your life and call.You're happy being miserable-stay there.This is a public board.Don't expect everyone to see it the way you do-or respond in kind.Sometimes the things we need to hear are the things that piss us off.
And we need to ask ourselves why is that upsetting me so- a grain of truth perhaps..........
"When the addict remains our focus"
"When we haven't learned new coping skills"
Astrella, you can't piss me off.............I ain't got it left in me.
You serve your purpose. Just get the facts straight before ya run your mouth.
I'm learning coping skills. I don't go jabbering I have almost four years clean. Why? Becuase I haven't grown fully, but I am trying.
You jumped in and presumed my daughter was the addict.
Free board. Free world. Agreed, I'm in one huge pity party. I'll give ya a big trophy and a medal if ya want since you've been through it and learned to deal with it.
You reign supreme. You rock. Please, just try to read all the posts first before ya jump in with your almighty wisdom. I'm very grateful to learn all I can, but just like perhaps the things we have to hear the most piss us off. Your words not mine. Sometimes we can hear them dealt in a way less obtrusive.
People like you are sometimes the reason addicts steer clear of NA and AA. You know it all. However I am very pleased it's all working for you and I mean that sincerely.
Next why don't you talk like a walking bumper sticker. That always helps as well. I appreciate your concern though. Learning every single day is what we are supposed to do, right? Ya think maybe you could take some advice and turn it down a little. You come off like one big, old bada*s. Always did. Alienating folks, Astrella don't help anyone and you sure have done it in the past. I'd love to send ya some big cyber hugz and teach ya how to maybe just not come off so hard a*s.
Here's your trophy and medal. You deserve them.
"When we haven't learned new coping skills"
Astrella, you can't piss me off.............I ain't got it left in me.
You serve your purpose. Just get the facts straight before ya run your mouth.
I'm learning coping skills. I don't go jabbering I have almost four years clean. Why? Becuase I haven't grown fully, but I am trying.
You jumped in and presumed my daughter was the addict.
Free board. Free world. Agreed, I'm in one huge pity party. I'll give ya a big trophy and a medal if ya want since you've been through it and learned to deal with it.
You reign supreme. You rock. Please, just try to read all the posts first before ya jump in with your almighty wisdom. I'm very grateful to learn all I can, but just like perhaps the things we have to hear the most piss us off. Your words not mine. Sometimes we can hear them dealt in a way less obtrusive.
People like you are sometimes the reason addicts steer clear of NA and AA. You know it all. However I am very pleased it's all working for you and I mean that sincerely.
Next why don't you talk like a walking bumper sticker. That always helps as well. I appreciate your concern though. Learning every single day is what we are supposed to do, right? Ya think maybe you could take some advice and turn it down a little. You come off like one big, old bada*s. Always did. Alienating folks, Astrella don't help anyone and you sure have done it in the past. I'd love to send ya some big cyber hugz and teach ya how to maybe just not come off so hard a*s.
Here's your trophy and medal. You deserve them.
Bryn: i am sorry things are so nasty with your daughter. I'll write you a proper long note later "when i get a free half hour". I remember the awful crap H caused me.....i still remember the bliss too and yes anyone who would deny that bliss is a LIER. I've been plotting in my head my next score since i quit "i'll be 3 years off in May" i've yet to learn new coping skills. I've drove by the block to score on just to be sure i could still do it if i choose. I AM PROUD you did not score and yeah it is a big whoop!!!. It's so easy to go back, H is the total screw the world drug. Once you have had it...IT is a big deal to not run back everytime you need to hide. I am very glad your dealing with the situation without numbing your sences. Don't let anyone dictate your recovery that is my #1 issue with """programs N.A/A.A""""". Everyone has the right to recover how they want. Who is anyone to tell anyone the proper way..the steps to go thru..life aint all laid out like that.
QUOTE:People like you are sometimes the reason addicts steer clear of NA and AA. You know it all. However I am very pleased it's all working for you and I mean that sincerely
reply: yes, i find meetings to be to much for me. YES I THINK IT'S AWSOME for those that it works for. Yet I find i don't need that kinda help.
QUOTE:People like you are sometimes the reason addicts steer clear of NA and AA. You know it all. However I am very pleased it's all working for you and I mean that sincerely
reply: yes, i find meetings to be to much for me. YES I THINK IT'S AWSOME for those that it works for. Yet I find i don't need that kinda help.
