Heroin

I recently asked a question about my boyfriend using heroin. I got some information, but it did not help much. I said that he was going to the methadone clinic, but he quit going last week. He said that he feels that he doesn't need the methadone anymore. Should I be concerned? He said that his daughter and I mean everything to him, and that he's never going to use again. I still have my suspicions. How do I ever get the thought out of my mind? I go to college during the evenings, and he keeps our daughter at home with him. I've told him that I will take our daughter and leave if I ever find out that he's using again? Am I being too hard on him, or unfair? I love this man dearly, but I don't want my daughter to be exposed to any of this. She's only 9 months old. He has overdosed in the past, and the paremedics had to shock him back to life. I just cannot imagine him doing this with our helpless daughter at home alone with him. I want to trust him that he's not going to use again,but just can't get the thought out of my mind. He says that I'm being ridiculous. Am I?
Help me out here. PLEASE
Hi Moondrops,

How long was your boyfriend on Meth for? Because it is not just something you jump off unless you are on an extremely low dose. He would be going through some sort of withdrawal, even mild withdrawal if he jumped off Meth. Unless, he is using. I'm sure that he loves you and your daughter and would never intentionally put your daughter in any danger, but it is hard to say, as I don't know you or your boyfriend, but it sounds like at least he is trying to do the right thing.

It is not worth putting yourself through the emotional s*** if you have doubts or are worried about you daughter's well being. Sometimes when we are looking through rose coloured glasses we don't want to see the truth. I'm sure you know deep down if he is using or not, I don't know how long you have been together but I'm sure you know the signs etc.

Anyway, I hope eveything works out for all of you.

Kyle
Thanks Kyle,
My boyfriend had been going to the meth clinic for about 8 months. Yet, he still says that he is not using. You're right, I do know the signs. We've been together for four years. Deep down in my heart I don't think that he is using right now, but I just can't get the thought out of my mind.

Thanks again!
It is impossible for a person to walk off a clinc after 8 months on meth and not experience SEVERE opioid withdrawl symptoms unless he has gone back to using street dope ......
hey moondrops,

I've got one fast, simple solution for you:

Chuck him into the car, drive him to the nearest medical clinic and watch him go for a "drug screening/test" If he has nothing to hide then your set, if he is hestitating to go and making excuses then you know that he IS hiding something, simple as that!

No point asking him if he's still on it, cause he'll just lie to you anyways. Arent you tired of feeling crazy? Take my advice and test him out, it the only way you'll know for sure.

Good luck.
xox violet
Hi Moondrops,
I read your post, I have not read the replies yet but I will as soon as I'm done with my reply. I am very sorry for your situation. You may NOT want to hear from me because I am on the "flip side" of your situation, so to speak, but for the same reason, you MAY want to hear my opionion. I'll explain that in a minute.

Here are my opinions.
1) You have to do what's right for your daughter. Period!
2) If you love him, he is lucky. If you love him enough to truly help him, then he is very lucky. You might want to explain to him that he is important to you but your daughter is defenseless and he is not. He has choices. If you can get him to submit to drug testing to prove he is clean, do it. Get him to do it once a month. You may in fact be helping him. Maybe give him enough time before the first test to get his s*** together. Sadly, it often takes addicts many tries to get clean and stay clean. The first time it took me 3 years before I stayed clean (11-1/2 years anyway).

WE (drug addicts) have good intentions, WE (ME), mean it when we say we will stop, but the desease will win everytime unless we totally give in to it. I don't mean use. What I mean by give in, is .. if we use drugs, the desease is in control, if we do not use (the first hit), then we still have a choice. We lose the choice once we take the hit. We can't easily stop. Once we are using the desease turns the most honset guy into a liar. I am so rediculously honest until it comes to my drug use ... then I lie.

Like I said, I was clean and sober for almost 12 years from Heroin and other assorted things. I got clean, got in shape, my career took off, I got maried and have a wonderful little 2 year old. I had a major back surgey that failed and have chronic pain and other problems. They put me on pain pills for a long time after the surgery. Over that 2-1/2 years my addiction has come back full force, I'm doing H again. My wife is filing divorce and we are seperated. I see my son on weekends, I take him to my place. I am on and off meth too, trying to get off the H, but when I'm tapered down pretty far, I jump back to the H (for maybe a week or 2), then I go back to the meth and try to detox from the H.

I am going through HELL. I feel sick when I think about what I am doing (to him). I love my son more than anything. I would die for him. no, REALLY, I would die for him. He loves me unbeleavably. When I bring him back to his mom on Sunday eve. just now, he cries and says, "daddy, daddy" and holds his arms out for me and I have to leave him. My wife wanted to involve the court concerning my drug use and custody. The court has "0" tollerence and absolutely no concern for the addict - only the child.

They will test my hair and know my drug history for the past 3 months. I will lose my kid. I am diing inside. I would die for him but I can't stop taking drugs for him. I think I've talked her into letting me take urine tests once a month and give her the reports rather than involve the court. I pray she accepts that. The urine tests will only show the last 1-3 weeks. I want to get clean now and start reporting to her in 3 or 4 weeks. I want to be clean. I want my kid, but I'm soooo afraid that I will fail to stay clean again. The kid NEEDS a clean and sober dad. Period! If I lose him, I will die inside.

Good luck,
- Daniel
Daniel,
Thank you so much for letting me know how it really is for you guys. You explained it like no other person has to me. Yes, he has agreed to be tested. My sister works in the lab at our local hospital, so she will be doing the tests for me. I hope that everything works out for you and your family. Your son obviously means the world and more to you. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep me posted on what is going on. I'll keep in touch.
Thanks again--so very, very much
I really agree with the testing thing. Testing totally helped me when I was going through a rough patch. I knew all I had to do was pass the next test, and my drugworker, bless her, came round to my flat every three days to test me. Seeing a negative result really gave me inspiration to carry on. I knew that if I failed the test, I'd failed myself. At the end of the day your boyfriend has to learrn to live without the meth some day, so at some point your gonna have to trust him. If in your heart of hearts you feel that you cannot trust him, and your daughter isn't as safe with him, as she is with you, then you're gonna have to let him go.

Best Wishes

Diff